Guests inviting other guests...and family drama

Knottie4896169

So I have been stressed over the fact that a few guests have assumed that they could just add guests of their own. Each additional person is $140 extra. My family has not been very supportive and I don't know if my dad will help cover the extra cost. His side of the family has been amazing and is willing to help out with the additional guest from their side in case my father won't. On my side I had a single friend who did not get a plus one assume that she is allowed a guest. There are other people confirmed to come that she will know. I am still waiting on responses, so I am just beyond stressed out about each additional person. Do I suck it up or should I say something? She doesn't even know yet who she is bringing!! Or should I just bring up that there will be other's that she will know? What if she ends up coming solo but she sent her RSVP with guest and I end up paying for that? I do want her there.. maybe I should just be patient  to see how many more guests I will have over what we already contracted for, but I am weeks away from the wedding...I know $140 doesn't seem like that much, but with all the wedding stuff I have had to take off more time from work and Im still in school, and the store I got my dress from totally got me on the alterations, so I had some unexpected expenses. I am talking about $700 of unexpected expenses.

On a separate issue my mom got married last May. I am happy for her and I like her husband and his family, but I don't know them. Apparently I offended his mother (I have only met her like 3 times), because they are not invited to the wedding. My fiancé has a huge family. We invited the minimum amount of people. I didn't have the funds to invite everyone I wanted to, I feel like he has no reason to be upset that his family is not invited. I don't really know them. How do I bring this up without being mean? Oh and to top it off, he is being cheap and he keeps complaining about all the cost involved with our destination wedding. I am my mother's only child!!! This is a special day for both of us and he is really starting to piss me off. My fiancé is about ready to tell him off. How do I handle this with minimum drama? I have tried to keep my cool... Is it just all the stress from being weeks away that is making me more sensitive? Am I overreacting? 

mikenberger

Knottie4896169 said:

So I have been stressed over the fact that a few guests have assumed that they could just add guests of their own. Each additional person is $140 extra. My family has not been very supportive and I don't know if my dad will help cover the extra cost. His side of the family has been amazing and is willing to help out with the additional guest from their side in case my father won't. On my side I had a single friend who did not get a plus one assume that she is allowed a guest. There are other people confirmed to come that she will know. I am still waiting on responses, so I am just beyond stressed out about each additional person. Do I suck it up or should I say something? She doesn't even know yet who she is bringing!! Or should I just bring up that there will be other's that she will know? What if she ends up coming solo but she sent her RSVP with guest and I end up paying for that? I do want her there.. maybe I should just be patient  to see how many more guests I will have over what we already contracted for, but I am weeks away from the wedding...I know $140 doesn't seem like that much, but with all the wedding stuff I have had to take off more time from work and Im still in school, and the store I got my dress from totally got me on the alterations, so I had some unexpected expenses. I am talking about $700 of unexpected expenses.

On a separate issue my mom got married last May. I am happy for her and I like her husband and his family, but I don't know them. Apparently I offended his mother (I have only met her like 3 times), because they are not invited to the wedding. My fiancé has a huge family. We invited the minimum amount of people. I didn't have the funds to invite everyone I wanted to, I feel like he has no reason to be upset that his family is not invited. I don't really know them. How do I bring this up without being mean? Oh and to top it off, he is being cheap and he keeps complaining about all the cost involved with our destination wedding. I am my mother's only child!!! This is a special day for both of us and he is really starting to piss me off. My fiancé is about ready to tell him off. How do I handle this with minimum drama? I have tried to keep my cool... Is it just all the stress from being weeks away that is making me more sensitive? Am I overreacting? 

If you have guests attempting to bring additional guests, politely call them and say "I'm sorry, there must've been a miscommunication. Your invite was just for you. I hope to see you there!" If they show up with said person, have someone run interference and let them know that there is no room or seat for them. It has nothing to do with money. It could be $15/pp and it's still rude. They are not invited. I'm assuming you invited SOs of your guests and these are friends or otherwise randoms.

As far as your mothers husband is concerned, your mothers money is their money. And if your mom is giving you money, he kinda has a right to chime in. I understand being an adult and getting a step parent and that step parent attempting to parent. It is BEYOND annoying. It always made me want to revert back "you're not my real Dad!!" But alas, it's frowned upon by some now if your mom is not giving you any money and you're financing this wedding alone, he should keep his complaints to himself. With his family "Unfortunately, we couldn't invite everybody we wanted. As you know, this wedding is expensive! But I'd love to have a meal with your family when we get back and celebrate. What do you think?" Hopefully that will appease. And try to keep the wedding talk with him to a minimum. That'll end the confrontation on the issue.

levioosa

Knottie4896169 said:

So I have been stressed over the fact that a few guests have assumed that they could just add guests of their own. Each additional person is $140 extra. My family has not been very supportive and I don't know if my dad will help cover the extra cost. His side of the family has been amazing and is willing to help out with the additional guest from their side in case my father won't. On my side I had a single friend who did not get a plus one assume that she is allowed a guest. There are other people confirmed to come that she will know. I am still waiting on responses, so I am just beyond stressed out about each additional person. Do I suck it up or should I say something? She doesn't even know yet who she is bringing!! Or should I just bring up that there will be other's that she will know? What if she ends up coming solo but she sent her RSVP with guest and I end up paying for that? I do want her there.. maybe I should just be patient  to see how many more guests I will have over what we already contracted for, but I am weeks away from the wedding...I know $140 doesn't seem like that much, but with all the wedding stuff I have had to take off more time from work and Im still in school, and the store I got my dress from totally got me on the alterations, so I had some unexpected expenses. I am talking about $700 of unexpected expenses.

On a separate issue my mom got married last May. I am happy for her and I like her husband and his family, but I don't know them. Apparently I offended his mother (I have only met her like 3 times), because they are not invited to the wedding. My fiancé has a huge family. We invited the minimum amount of people. I didn't have the funds to invite everyone I wanted to, I feel like he has no reason to be upset that his family is not invited. I don't really know them. How do I bring this up without being mean? Oh and to top it off, he is being cheap and he keeps complaining about all the cost involved with our destination wedding. I am my mother's only child!!! This is a special day for both of us and he is really starting to piss me off. My fiancé is about ready to tell him off. How do I handle this with minimum drama? I have tried to keep my cool... Is it just all the stress from being weeks away that is making me more sensitive? Am I overreacting? 

As far as the extra guests are concerned, follow mikenberger's advice.  Call them up and let them know that the invitation was for X person only.

If your parents are paying, they get a say.  I do think your Mom's husband is being a little ridiculous, but I'm guessing it's a very established guilt trip from his mom that has finally made it's way down to you.  If your Mom isn't contributing and her husband brings it up again, simply say, "Unfortunately we weren't able to invite everyone we wanted," and then change the subject.  

DWs can be very expensive, but if you discussed it first with your VIPs and they gave you the green light, then he needs to stop complaining.  However, if you didn't check dates/destination with them, then you should expect the push-back for choosing a DW.  

Take a deep breath and then make a choice to let the stress go.  Your first issue can be easily fixed, and your second will just involve the use of boundaries and bean dip (changing the subject when he brings it up).  

wardamnwedding

In my humble opinion, and I am a groom to be, who is a few months before you in the wedding process.  I have had these very discussions with my fiancé.  

Short answer: "Oh, hell no!"

Long Answer:  Were your invitations specific about plus ones, names and reserved spots?  We aren't having children at our wedding (and it has been hellacious conversation after conversation, but we are firm in our resolve) and to make it known on several layers, we devised a plan.  One was to write the names of the parents only.  Not "and the blah, blah family".  Two is to put the number of spots reserved for their invitation specifically.  My fiancé found a cute little insert of some sort that had it, but wasn't IN YOUR FACE kind of thing.  I will elaborate if anybody needs.  

Your "friend" needs to get her $hit together.  My fiancé have already talked about this with some of the single people we are inviting.  We dated for a long time and feel that anybody who is in a long term committed relationship will get the plus one for that person if they want to bring them.  If that person is not coming with them, then they are coming alone.  NO SUBSTITUTIONS.    So this friend of yours who to me, obviously is frantically trolling around for a plus one because of insecurities just needs to be told no.  And if she decides that she's not coming, accept the loss and move on.  

This all boils down to how strongly you feel about it.  My fiancé and I are very firm about not having kids there and the people who are offended or can't find a babysitter, or whatever cannot come unless they figure it out.  NO EXCEPTIONS. 

Now, onto your next drama.  I am well versed in the fractured family dilemma.  Except my family fractures have fractures that have fractures and so on.

So, very briefly, I have a father who has been married 4 times.  His first is my mother and his third was my step mother until 2 years ago.  They will both be there (mom and step mom).  He just got married a few months ago while traveling in Europe with his girlfriend. (three cheers, hip hip, wait... four cheers for the fourth wife?) I've met her and she is nice and I have nothing against her, but I just don't have time to get to know my new mother.  She will also be at my wedding.  (So, 3 outta 4 aint that bad) and I am now realizing that this isn't brief at all.    

You have NO obligation to invite his family and don't let anybody tell you otherwise.  And I would kindly ask your new step-father to not insert himself into your wedding affairs.  He is joined your family (you and your mother) when he married her, not the other way around.  Weddings are not a time to get to know your own family!  They are a time to get to know your fiancé's family.  

My disclaimer is this.  My fiancé and I have talked at length about some of your issues and are both on the same page, with the same passion for the follow through and are unwilling to back down.  The wedding day is for the BRIDE and GROOM.  You pick the people you want to surround yourself that day.  I am also not afraid of confrontation in the least bit.  I am not walking around puffing my chest or anything, but will address any issue candidly with any member of anybodys family at any time when needed.

******to any other commenters I DO NOT NEED ADVISE.  Please refrain from giving me your 2 cents.  Focus on the bride to be, in need, above******

wardamnwedding

AND... hilariously.  Have a step dad as well.  So yeah.  My side alone is 3 huge separate family lines and involves 5 parents of the groom.  

mikenberger

Knottie04592787 said:

******to any other commenters I DO NOT NEED ADVISE.  Please refrain from giving me your 2 cents.  Focus on the bride to be, in need, above******

arrrghmatey

Knottie04592787 said:

******to any other commenters I DO NOT NEED ADVISE.  Please refrain from giving me your 2 cents.  Focus on the bride to be, in need, above******

My ADVICE to you is do not dictate how people post here. You just don't do it.

OP, listen to mikenberger--it's pretty much covered there.

southernbelle0915

Knottie04592787 said:

AND... hilariously.  Have a step dad as well.  So yeah.  My side alone is 3 huge separate family lines and involves 5 parents of the groom.  

Translation: I'm going to say whatever I want but everyone else, shut the fuck up. I want to be able to post things and then control what people say.

Sorry, doesn't work that way here. Also, in case you can't tell, that attitude is not well received.

Carry on, all.

flantastic

Knottie04592787 said:

In my humble opinion, and I am a groom to be, who is a few months before you in the wedding process.  I have had these very discussions with my fiancé.  

Short answer: "Oh, hell no!"

Long Answer:  Were your invitations specific about plus ones, names and reserved spots?  We aren't having children at our wedding (and it has been hellacious conversation after conversation, but we are firm in our resolve) and to make it known on several layers, we devised a plan.  One was to write the names of the parents only.  Not "and the blah, blah family".  Two is to put the number of spots reserved for their invitation specifically.  My fiancé found a cute little insert of some sort that had it, but wasn't IN YOUR FACE kind of thing.  I will elaborate if anybody needs.  

Your "friend" needs to get her $hit together.  My fiancé have already talked about this with some of the single people we are inviting.  We dated for a long time and feel that anybody who is in a long term committed relationship will get the plus one for that person if they want to bring them.  If that person is not coming with them, then they are coming alone.  NO SUBSTITUTIONS.    So this friend of yours who to me, obviously is frantically trolling around for a plus one because of insecurities just needs to be told no.  And if she decides that she's not coming, accept the loss and move on.  

This all boils down to how strongly you feel about it.  My fiancé and I are very firm about not having kids there and the people who are offended or can't find a babysitter, or whatever cannot come unless they figure it out.  NO EXCEPTIONS. 

Now, onto your next drama.  I am well versed in the fractured family dilemma.  Except my family fractures have fractures that have fractures and so on.

So, very briefly, I have a father who has been married 4 times.  His first is my mother and his third was my step mother until 2 years ago.  They will both be there (mom and step mom).  He just got married a few months ago while traveling in Europe with his girlfriend. (three cheers, hip hip, wait... four cheers for the fourth wife?) I've met her and she is nice and I have nothing against her, but I just don't have time to get to know my new mother.  She will also be at my wedding.  (So, 3 outta 4 aint that bad) and I am now realizing that this isn't brief at all.    

You have NO obligation to invite his family and don't let anybody tell you otherwise.  And I would kindly ask your new step-father to not insert himself into your wedding affairs.  He is joined your family (you and your mother) when he married her, not the other way around.  Weddings are not a time to get to know your own family!  They are a time to get to know your fiancé's family.  

My disclaimer is this.  My fiancé and I have talked at length about some of your issues and are both on the same page, with the same passion for the follow through and are unwilling to back down.  The wedding day is for the BRIDE and GROOM.  You pick the people you want to surround yourself that day.  I am also not afraid of confrontation in the least bit.  I am not walking around puffing my chest or anything, but will address any issue candidly with any member of anybodys family at any time when needed.

******to any other commenters I DO NOT NEED ADVISE.  Please refrain from giving me your 2 cents.  Focus on the bride to be, in need, above******

Since the bride-to-be above has already received all the advice I would give to her from other commenters, my advice to you is as follows:

1) Learn to spell "advice."

2) Be sure you're respecting all the relationships that your guests are in and invite them with their BF/GF, instead of taking it upon yourself to judge whether the relationship is sufficiently "long-term." You are right that you do not need to extend plus ones to truly single guests.

edit - oddly quoted twice

mikenberger

flantastic said:

Knottie04592787 said:

In my humble opinion, and I am a groom to be, who is a few months before you in the wedding process.  I have had these very discussions with my fiancé.  

Short answer: "Oh, hell no!"

Long Answer:  Were your invitations specific about plus ones, names and reserved spots?  We aren't having children at our wedding (and it has been hellacious conversation after conversation, but we are firm in our resolve) and to make it known on several layers, we devised a plan.  One was to write the names of the parents only.  Not "and the blah, blah family".  Two is to put the number of spots reserved for their invitation specifically.  My fiancé found a cute little insert of some sort that had it, but wasn't IN YOUR FACE kind of thing.  I will elaborate if anybody needs.  

Your "friend" needs to get her $hit together.  My fiancé have already talked about this with some of the single people we are inviting.  We dated for a long time and feel that anybody who is in a long term committed relationship will get the plus one for that person if they want to bring them.  If that person is not coming with them, then they are coming alone.  NO SUBSTITUTIONS.    So this friend of yours who to me, obviously is frantically trolling around for a plus one because of insecurities just needs to be told no.  And if she decides that she's not coming, accept the loss and move on.  

This all boils down to how strongly you feel about it.  My fiancé and I are very firm about not having kids there and the people who are offended or can't find a babysitter, or whatever cannot come unless they figure it out.  NO EXCEPTIONS. 

Now, onto your next drama.  I am well versed in the fractured family dilemma.  Except my family fractures have fractures that have fractures and so on.

So, very briefly, I have a father who has been married 4 times.  His first is my mother and his third was my step mother until 2 years ago.  They will both be there (mom and step mom).  He just got married a few months ago while traveling in Europe with his girlfriend. (three cheers, hip hip, wait... four cheers for the fourth wife?) I've met her and she is nice and I have nothing against her, but I just don't have time to get to know my new mother.  She will also be at my wedding.  (So, 3 outta 4 aint that bad) and I am now realizing that this isn't brief at all.    

You have NO obligation to invite his family and don't let anybody tell you otherwise.  And I would kindly ask your new step-father to not insert himself into your wedding affairs.  He is joined your family (you and your mother) when he married her, not the other way around.  Weddings are not a time to get to know your own family!  They are a time to get to know your fiancé's family.  

My disclaimer is this.  My fiancé and I have talked at length about some of your issues and are both on the same page, with the same passion for the follow through and are unwilling to back down.  The wedding day is for the BRIDE and GROOM.  You pick the people you want to surround yourself that day.  I am also not afraid of confrontation in the least bit.  I am not walking around puffing my chest or anything, but will address any issue candidly with any member of anybodys family at any time when needed.

******to any other commenters I DO NOT NEED ADVISE.  Please refrain from giving me your 2 cents.  Focus on the bride to be, in need, above******

Since the bride-to-be above has already received all the advice I would give to her from other commenters, my advice to you is as follows:

1) Learn to spell "advice."

2) Be sure you're respecting all the relationships that your guests are in and invite them with their BF/GF, instead of taking it upon yourself to judge whether the relationship is sufficiently "long-term." You are right that you do not need to extend plus ones to truly single guests.

edit - oddly quoted twice

Now placing bets on "On the insert, did they mention NO KIDS." 

levioosa

Knottie04592787 said:

In my humble opinion, and I am a groom to be, who is a few months before you in the wedding process.  I have had these very discussions with my fiancé.  

Short answer: "Oh, hell no!"

Long Answer:  Were your invitations specific about plus ones, names and reserved spots?  We aren't having children at our wedding (and it has been hellacious conversation after conversation, but we are firm in our resolve) and to make it known on several layers, we devised a plan.  One was to write the names of the parents only.  Not "and the blah, blah family".  Two is to put the number of spots reserved for their invitation specifically.  My fiancé found a cute little insert of some sort that had it, but wasn't IN YOUR FACE kind of thing.  I will elaborate if anybody needs.  

Your "friend" needs to get her $hit together.  My fiancé have already talked about this with some of the single people we are inviting.  We dated for a long time and feel that anybody who is in a long term committed relationship will get the plus one for that person if they want to bring them.  If that person is not coming with them, then they are coming alone.  NO SUBSTITUTIONS.    So this friend of yours who to me, obviously is frantically trolling around for a plus one because of insecurities just needs to be told no.  And if she decides that she's not coming, accept the loss and move on.  

This all boils down to how strongly you feel about it.  My fiancé and I are very firm about not having kids there and the people who are offended or can't find a babysitter, or whatever cannot come unless they figure it out.  NO EXCEPTIONS. 

Now, onto your next drama.  I am well versed in the fractured family dilemma.  Except my family fractures have fractures that have fractures and so on.

So, very briefly, I have a father who has been married 4 times.  His first is my mother and his third was my step mother until 2 years ago.  They will both be there (mom and step mom).  He just got married a few months ago while traveling in Europe with his girlfriend. (three cheers, hip hip, wait... four cheers for the fourth wife?) I've met her and she is nice and I have nothing against her, but I just don't have time to get to know my new mother.  She will also be at my wedding.  (So, 3 outta 4 aint that bad) and I am now realizing that this isn't brief at all.    

You have NO obligation to invite his family and don't let anybody tell you otherwise.  And I would kindly ask your new step-father to not insert himself into your wedding affairs.  He is joined your family (you and your mother) when he married her, not the other way around.  Weddings are not a time to get to know your own family!  They are a time to get to know your fiancé's family.  

My disclaimer is this.  My fiancé and I have talked at length about some of your issues and are both on the same page, with the same passion for the follow through and are unwilling to back down.  The wedding day is for the BRIDE and GROOM.  You pick the people you want to surround yourself that day.  I am also not afraid of confrontation in the least bit.  I am not walking around puffing my chest or anything, but will address any issue candidly with any member of anybodys family at any time when needed.

******to any other commenters I DO NOT NEED ADVISE.  Please refrain from giving me your 2 cents.  Focus on the bride to be, in need, above******

Yeah..... I was almost okay with this post until the bolded.  This is an open forum, and I'll comment on whatever strikes my fancy.

So, deal with my two cents.

1) Your invitation plan sounds good for making it clear on who is invited.  Just make sure you are not actually putting "No kids" on it.  That is rude. 

2) You don't get to determine what a "long term" relationship is.  If the people in question consider themselves to be in a relationship, they get invited together.  It is so presumptuous to ask people to celebrate your day of love without the person they care for/love. It's downright insulting. 

3) The wedding ceremony is for the B & G, however, the reception is a thank you to your guests for attending, and their comfort is of utmost importance.  If you want it to be all about you, then you should elope. 

@flantastic, i think that "advise" is the British way of spelling?  I could be wrong though. 

flantastic

@levioosa - I'm pretty sure in both American and British English, "advise" is the verb form and "advice" is the noun. I had to look it up to be sure, though, so thanks for calling me out on the American-centric thing.

levioosa

flantastic said:

@levioosa - I'm pretty sure in both American and British English, "advise" is the verb form and "advice" is the noun. I had to look it up to be sure, though, so thanks for calling me out on the American-centric thing.

I couldn't remember either.  I know there are a few words that use the s in place of the c and I couldn't remember if that was one of them.  It's been awhile since I was reading mainly British literature, so I'm a little out of practice in recognizing it.  But, if it's wrong, then:

IrishPirate60

To the OP: since you're the groom, your intended bride is your fiancée. /end nitpicking mode.

wardamnwedding

Man did I stir up the hornets nest there and do exactly what I intended not to do.  Yeah, I've got a fire in me and I know its's because I am at the apex of wedding planning drama right now.  So more ADVICE wouldn't have been well received.  I will make sure I take all of your criticisms under ADVISEMENT and act accordingly.  Like I said before, I don't mind confrontation, but I don't mind admitting when I'm wrong.  So, to all of the people I have offended, I do apologize and will make sure I

1.  Have more sleep before posting anything.

2.  Make sure it's better thought out and EDITED next time.

AND to the original questioner.  My apologies for hijacking your thread.

mikenberger

Knottie04592787 said:

Man did I stir up the hornets nest there and do exactly what I intended not to do.  Yeah, I've got a fire in me and I know its's because I am at the apex of wedding planning drama right now.  So more ADVICE wouldn't have been well received.  I will make sure I take all of your criticisms under ADVISEMENT and act accordingly.  Like I said before, I don't mind confrontation, but I don't mind admitting when I'm wrong.  So, to all of the people I have offended, I do apologize and will make sure I

1.  Have more sleep before posting anything.

2.  Make sure it's better thought out and EDITED next time.

AND to the original questioner.  My apologies for hijacking your thread.

lol you tend to back down pretty quickly don't you? I mean, for not minding confrontation, you backtracked pretty quickly. And a hornet's nest? This is pretty tame in comparison to actual hornets.

I saw no harm as I completely disregarded your commentary about not wanting advice

wardamnwedding

Hilariously enough some of your comments have piqued my interest.  So the hijacking continues I guess.  Is writing ADULTS ONLY RECEPTION, not in all caps or in bold rude to write on an invitation?  

And honestly we do and plan on having respect for everybody we are inviting and the relationships they are in.  

Look at that!  I did need some other opinions.  Oh what a nights sleep does for the mind.  

mikenberger

Knottie04592787 said:

Hilariously enough some of your comments have piqued my interest.  So the hijacking continues I guess.  Is writing ADULTS ONLY RECEPTION, not in all caps or in bold rude to write on an invitation?  

And honestly we do and plan on having respect for everybody we are inviting and the relationships they are in.  

Look at that!  I did need some other opinions.  Oh what a nights sleep does for the mind.  

Totally rude. What's an invitation for? INVITING PEOPLE. So why would you invite people but then tell them who's not invited? Nope. No thanks.

Ways to not invite children:

- Address the envelope to the parents ONLY. "Mr and Mrs Smith"

- Inner envelope: Mark and Mary Smith

- RSVP Card: 2 seats have been reserved in your honor. Happily Accept or Regretfully Decline

This gets across, without punching someone in the mouth - you cannot bring your child. Or your mother. Or your dog. If they try to RSVP more than their seat #, "I'm sorry, there must've been a miscommunication. The invite was for you and Mary. I hope to see you there!"

You do not:

- Put no children ANYWHERE. Website, invite, koozie, save the date, programs, menus... 

- If you have a cut off age (Say 10) and Mark and Mary have a 12yr old and an 8yr old, you cannot invite the 12yr old without the 8yr old. It's an all or none thing. You cannot split up children.

- If someone is truly single, it is up to you to give them a +1. If someone has been dating someone and you are aware of this person's existence as the original someone (friend/wedding guest) calls this person their SO, you must invite that person. Now if that person/SO cannot come, it's up to you to discuss and decide whether to extend them a +1. You cannot deem what is a "long term committed relationship". Judgement free zone. 

C'mon. I've got opinions all day long and no work to do.

ETA: There are plenty of threads on these topics -- so feel free to continue the hijacking to a more appropriate thread. Most of them are on the etiquette board.

levioosa

Knottie04592787 said:

Hilariously enough some of your comments have piqued my interest.  So the hijacking continues I guess.  Is writing ADULTS ONLY RECEPTION, not in all caps or in bold rude to write on an invitation?  

And honestly we do and plan on having respect for everybody we are inviting and the relationships they are in.  

Look at that!  I did need some other opinions.  Oh what a nights sleep does for the mind.  

Do not write "Adults Only Reception."  It is always rude to point out who is not invited to an event. 

Everything @Mikenberger said. Having a child-free wedding is completely within your rights, and is still etiquette approved.  However, how you accomplish the goal of having a child-free wedding matters. 

You can find out a lot of info on the Etiquette board here that will help you treat your guests graciously and create a kick ass wedding.  Check it out!  And kudos for taking our advice!  You should change your username to something more personalized so we can discern you from the million other knottienumbers who stop by.

southernbelle0915

Knottie04592787 said:

Hilariously enough some of your comments have piqued my interest.  So the hijacking continues I guess.  Is writing ADULTS ONLY RECEPTION, not in all caps or in bold rude to write on an invitation?  

And honestly we do and plan on having respect for everybody we are inviting and the relationships they are in.  

Look at that!  I did need some other opinions.  Oh what a nights sleep does for the mind.  

Yes it is. We had an adult only wedding. The etiquette approved way to do this is to just address invites to the parents (e.g. Mr. and Mrs. Smith). If you're worried people won't "get it", phrase your RSVPs so its obvious:

"2 seats have been reserved in your honor......"
"___ of 2 attending..."
"Please write each guest's initials by their menu choice..."
"___ number attending"

If they RSVP with people other than those invited, you just follow up and clarify. They're the rude ones for adding uninvited guests to an RSVP, so it shouldn't be any more awkward than reminding someone to remove their dog shit covered shoes before coming into your house. KWIM?

Knottie4896169

Thank you for everyone that responded on my original post.

 So if I politely clarify that she did not have a plus one nobody would think I am tacky or rude, right?

For all the guests we invited , we included spouses and significant others but for truly single guests, which there were very few since it is mostly family, we did not give a plus one to them. 

We made it pretty clear by they way we addressed the outside and inside envelopes. 

As far as the family drama goes...

My dad is going through a divorce and he is just bitter about the idea of marriage.But he told me to give him a specific amount, which I did and he agreed to it, yet he is still giving me a guilt trip over it. My mom just got married last May and couldn't afford to help me out, which is fine. But this is the only wedding I ever want to have, and I have tried to do it the most cost effective way while still keeping it classy. I do not want to look back and regret that I picked a ghetto venue just so my guests could get a cheap hotel. Is that wrong of me? I mean does anyone think $110 per night is really that much to pay when it is your daughters wedding? 

My mom and stepdad are not contributing in any way!!! He is complaining about the fact that we chose an area that is more expensive and I was accused of not thinking about the fact that my guests would incur a lot of costs to come to this wedding. Im her only daughter, I honestly don't think he should say a peep about this at all. And he is stressing my mom because he is telling her to pay for all the expenses involved with travel etc to make it to my wedding... Im really upset and not sure how to handle his attitude. I don't want to cause any more drama between him and my mom. I know there is a lot of drama between her and his family, so now that they all know they are not invited its even worse...Should I even be dealing with this at all? 

southernbelle0915

Knottie4896169 said:

Thank you for everyone that responded on my original post.

 So if I politely clarify that she did not have a plus one nobody would think I am tacky or rude, right?

For all the guests we invited , we included spouses and significant others but for truly single guests, which there were very few since it is mostly family, we did not give a plus one to them. 

We made it pretty clear by they way we addressed the outside and inside envelopes. 

As far as the family drama goes...

My dad is going through a divorce and he is just bitter about the idea of marriage.But he told me to give him a specific amount, which I did and he agreed to it, yet he is still giving me a guilt trip over it. My mom just got married last May and couldn't afford to help me out, which is fine. But this is the only wedding I ever want to have, and I have tried to do it the most cost effective way while still keeping it classy. I do not want to look back and regret that I picked a ghetto venue just so my guests could get a cheap hotel. Is that wrong of me? I mean does anyone think $110 per night is really that much to pay when it is your daughters wedding? 

My mom and stepdad are not contributing in any way!!! He is complaining about the fact that we chose an area that is more expensive and I was accused of not thinking about the fact that my guests would incur a lot of costs to come to this wedding. Im her only daughter, I honestly don't think he should say a peep about this at all. And he is stressing my mom because he is telling her to pay for all the expenses involved with travel etc to make it to my wedding... Im really upset and not sure how to handle his attitude. I don't want to cause any more drama between him and my mom. I know there is a lot of drama between her and his family, so now that they all know they are not invited its even worse...Should I even be dealing with this at all? 

Holy crap, slow your role and breathe...

1) No, it is not rude or tacky of you to follow up with truly single guest to whom you did not grant a plus one and say, "I'm sorry for any confusion but the invitation was only for you. We cannot accommodate additional guests. Hope to see you there!"

2) Neither of your parents owe you anything for this wedding. It's YOUR wedding and you should pay for it. If your dad is making you feel guilty about spending his money, give it back.

3) Since your mom isn't contributing, she gets exactly zero say in anything. If she and your step dad are hard up for cash, they can choose to stay somewhere else. They're adults - let them figure it out. Don't borrow trouble. Change the subject or tune them out when they bitch about it. Some people just like to complain. They have two choices: accept the invitation or decline the invitation.

Knottie4896169

I never said they owed me anything!! We are paying for some of the wedding as well. I wish I could give back his money, but I don't have it. I never forced him to pay for anything. He asked me for an amount and he agreed, but he is throwing it in my face now. I came here to see if anyone had similar experiences and how they handled it. Im trying not to lash out at anyone in my family like a Bridezilla, so I just wanted to see if anyone else thought about my situation the same way as I did and just came for some advice. I do appreciate the feedback, I just wanted to see how other brides are doing. Some people that have never planned a wedding just don't understand some of the things that come up during the planning process. 

Knottie4896169

 

mikenberger

Knottie4896169 said:

I never said they owed me anything!! We are paying for some of the wedding as well. I wish I could give back his money, but I don't have it. I never forced him to pay for anything. He asked me for an amount and he agreed, but he is throwing it in my face now. I came here to see if anyone had similar experiences and how they handled it. Im trying not to lash out at anyone in my family like a Bridezilla, so I just wanted to see if anyone else thought about my situation the same way as I did and just came for some advice. I do appreciate the feedback, I just wanted to see how other brides are doing. Some people that have never planned a wedding just don't understand some of the things that come up during the planning process. 

Wow. You really need to take it down a few notches. Xanax and a bottle of wine? Yoga? Sex? Something. 

There are a lot of us that have had money given to us for our weddings and a lot of us are paying for it ourselves. I am a bride that has been gifted most of my money. We're paying for our honeymoon, but the rest of it is divided equally through my Dad/Mom/His Parents. Mostly, they are hands off and don't care about details. My mom had an issue with the food, I changed it. It's THEIR money. It stopped becoming "All the things that me and my FI want" to "This isn't my money. I should ask for input." With my Dad, he's a guy that likes to say "Remember that time when I did... for you?" I thought about that very carefully before accepting his money. We had a heart to heart, "What do you want to see at our wedding, Dad?" "A dance floor, lots of beer, great music and everybody having fun." Boom, done. 

If you have people that are not involved in the wedding with the financial side, don't involve them in it. If they try to involve themselves "We've already decided we're going with X. The subject is already closed." And change the subject. If they have money invested, you have to deal with them. While you might not have twisted their arm for money or whatever, you have their money. People get weird when money is involved. If you don't want his input, give the money back. It's really just that simple. We can help you with all kinds of ways to cut corners on budget (while staying within etiquette). That's the advice you're going to find here. And if you can't give the money back - at least stop the money train if you can and don't allow him to put in any more cash. And navigate the waters with him as best as you can: keep things to a minimum. Keep him informed, but no more than he needs to know. 

ETA: I NEVER made a decision, though, that my FI and I couldn't pay for ourselves should issues arise with our parents. NEVER PLAN OUTSIDE YOUR OWN WALLET.