Wedding Reception Forum

No Alcohol Reception?

So, I'm getting married in October and the reception is at our local park. You can have alcohol there, but it's an extra $50 to apply for and obtain the permit.
Here's the thing: Rich and I decided some time ago that we didn't want alcohol at the reception -- we don't want to pay for the alcohol permit and then buy alcohol on top of that, and we didn't want to deal with drunk relatives -- especially my dad who would be more likely to fist fight my mom if he drank. We had planned on just getting cans of soda and bottles of water, and whatnot, since it's not an crazy formal reception anyway (themed party with buffet dinner).
I mentioned the no alcohol thing to a friend who we're inviting, and he practically cringed about the idea, and then said that no one is going to have fun if they can't drink.
Whilst I know that it's our choice and it doesn't matter what this one guest thinks, I just wanted to ask; does anyone else have experience with this? Has anyone had or been to a no alcohol reception, and what was the overall attitude of the guests?
Personally, I think that people should be there to celebrate our marriage, and they shouldn't expect or need free alcohol for that, but this friend has me panicking a little...
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Re: No Alcohol Reception?

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited February 2015
    ferricfox said:
    So, I'm getting married in October and the reception is at our local park. You can have alcohol there, but it's an extra $50 to apply for and obtain the permit.
    Here's the thing: Rich and I decided some time ago that we didn't want alcohol at the reception -- we don't want to pay for the alcohol permit and then buy alcohol on top of that, and we didn't want to deal with drunk relatives -- especially my dad who would be more likely to fist fight my mom if he drank. We had planned on just getting cans of soda and bottles of water, and whatnot, since it's not an crazy formal reception anyway (themed party with buffet dinner).
    I mentioned the no alcohol thing to a friend who we're inviting, and he practically cringed about the idea, and then said that no one is going to have fun if they can't drink.
    Whilst I know that it's our choice and it doesn't matter what this one guest thinks, I just wanted to ask; does anyone else have experience with this? Has anyone had or been to a no alcohol reception, and what was the overall attitude of the guests?
    Personally, I think that people should be there to celebrate our marriage, and they shouldn't expect or need free alcohol for that, but this friend has me panicking a little...
    I've been to plenty of dry weddings. It's not that rare. As long as you have a good variety of n/a bevs, you're fine without the alcohol.

    Still, the bolding is a pretty crappy attitute. These are your guests, and their comfort is important. You are hosting them, and you should care that they have a good time. That doesn't mean you have to serve them whatever they want, but you also shouldn't totally disregard their feelings just because its your wedding.

    The fact that the event is going to be dry should factor in when you consider the type of event you're having. For example, most people who drink casually aren't likely to dance all night at a dry event. For a lot of groups, a dj and a dance floor would be wasted at a dry wedding. Likewise, people aren't going to stay for 4-5 hours like they would at a "wet" wedding, so you can plan for the whole thing to wrap up in 2-3 hours. You might also consider doing it at brunch or in the afternoon where alcohol is less common place. People will be less likely to miss it.

    Last advice? Don't tell people it's going to be dry. People will try to change your mind, or they'll just bring a flask.  
  • aliwis000aliwis000 member
    5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper First Comment
    edited February 2015

    You are spot on. You are under no obligation to provide and serve alcohol if you do not wish to. I have been to a ‘dry’ reception before, it was a Mormon wedding so we obviously did not attend the ceremony as we are not Mormon but we attended the reception.  I thought it was lovely that the bride and groom did have soft drinks with caffeine for their guests even though they did not have any;  however, if they would have preferred to just have juices and water that would have been just fine.

    All that matters is that you are hosting people properly and it sounds like you are. I see soda and water mentioned which is a great start. You might also consider tea and a type of juice for those who like to avoid soda. If guests are properly hosted and complain about not being given alcohol that is rude on them not you.

  • Your friend was rude for saying that, you can have a fun lovely wedding with no alcohol.  

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  • I've been to dry weddings before, and they were very enjoyable weddings. I will say that they were all more casual, and day time weddings without dancing, so it was less noticeable that there wasn't alcohol.  If I was invited to a wedding at a park I wouldn't expect alcohol, since most of the parks i have been to don't allow alcohol, permit or not.  Your friend is rude. 
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  • What's the norm for your group?

    I come from a family of drinkers. Yeah some are alcoholics bit most just like a cocktail. They'd think I had 6 heads if we even went dry for DS's first birthday in August and I would toO..
  • ferricfox said:
    So, I'm getting married in October and the reception is at our local park. You can have alcohol there, but it's an extra $50 to apply for and obtain the permit.
    Here's the thing: Rich and I decided some time ago that we didn't want alcohol at the reception -- we don't want to pay for the alcohol permit and then buy alcohol on top of that, and we didn't want to deal with drunk relatives -- especially my dad who would be more likely to fist fight my mom if he drank. We had planned on just getting cans of soda and bottles of water, and whatnot, since it's not an crazy formal reception anyway (themed party with buffet dinner).
    I mentioned the no alcohol thing to a friend who we're inviting, and he practically cringed about the idea, and then said that no one is going to have fun if they can't drink.
    Whilst I know that it's our choice and it doesn't matter what this one guest thinks, I just wanted to ask; does anyone else have experience with this? Has anyone had or been to a no alcohol reception, and what was the overall attitude of the guests?
    Personally, I think that people should be there to celebrate our marriage, and they shouldn't expect or need free alcohol for that, but this friend has me panicking a little...
    You are correct--dry weddings are perfectly etiquette approved, as long as you are providing alternative (and free) drink choices (tea, lemonade, soda, etc).  I have been to dry weddings that were perfectly lovely.  We even danced, although we did probably leave a little earlier than we would have had alcohol been provided. 

    To the bolded:  while you are correct that the day is about celebrating the union between you and your FI, the reception is actually a thank you to your guests, so everything should be done to make them as comfortable as possible.  This includes having a contigency plan for rain (since you're in a park), providing a seat for everyone, and providing heaters if it is cold (you said it was in October?).  Finally, do you mean themed as in "Oh, we're decorating with ideas based off of this poem/movie/etc." or do you mean themed as in "We are requesting that all guests wear a super hero shirt to match our super hero theme?"  The theme should not be extended to your guests attire. 


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  • My fiance and I are dressing according to a theme, and decorating according to our theme. Theme specific attire is not required of our guests, but we have invited them to join in on the theme if they choose to do so.
    As far as comfort, we are actually doing the reception at an indoor location at the park, so there will be warmth, seats, etc for everyone.
  • That said, @banana468, our invited group is not much for drinking anyway, for the most part. In fact, we have one guest who is unable to drink because of a medical condition, and 
  • What is the theme?
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  • ferricfox said:

    That said, @banana468, our invited group is not much for drinking anyway, for the most part. In fact, we have one guest who is unable to drink because of a medical condition, and 

    That's fine. I know that alcohol isn't for all crowds.
  • This topic has come up a lot over the past year.  My opinion, if the bride and groom really don't want the booze, then it is their choice, their wedding. Plus, alcohol can really add a hit to the pricing.  If you want to "fancy" it up a bit, most stores like Walmart and Target are selling pretty spigot servers for punch and soft drinks.  Get a few non-alcohol punch recipes and use them.  The different colors of the punch are  really pretty and people really seem to enjoy them.  All that said, if you have people who really want to drink and word gets out about a dry reception, they will likely bring their own, so you will still have some of the behavior issues to deal with.
  • @artbyallie the theme is steampunk.
  • The last Baptist wedding I went to had the reception in the basement of the church.  No alcohol.  I admit, I didn't have as much fun or stay as late.  But, I was still just as happy for the couple and came to the reception for a little while.  It had plenty of other problems--it was a church pitch in--and some of the dishes were really atrocious.  One person had put American cheese--it still had the marks in it from the plastic, on a paper plate with saltines.  

    We stayed for a little bit, then went out to a real meal.  As it turns out, the wedding was a shitshow.  In addition to the terrible food and lack of cocktails, the 19-year old bride, who was a virgin, was traumatized because her new hubby had tried to fingerbang her in between the ceremony and reception.  So she was crying and hanging onto her dad, and refusing to go to the hotel when they were ready to go.  I kid you not.

    All of that was not the fault of lack of alcohol.  But it probably would have seemed more entertaining after a few drinks.

    If you want more of a late night party vibe, it'll be harder without alcohol.  But if you have a nice, well-hosted event with plenty of food and non-alcoholic refreshments, and some nice dessert--cupcakes, pies, cake--people will still have fun.  You can also move the party to your favorite bar afterwards if you'd like for a drinking after party.
  • ferricfox said:
    @artbyallie the theme is steampunk.
    Oh my.  I just had to google this.  Yeah.....as a guest.....I will not be participating in any form or dressing up.  For a wedding, I'm a huge of just keeping the theme "wedding".

    But back to your OP.  No alcohol is fine.  You're paying, as long as you host your guests properly (ie beverages of some sort), you are good.
  • Your friend was rude for "cringing" at the idea of a dry wedding. His statement that "no one is going to have fun if they can't drink" makes me think you should send him this website:

    *********************************************************************************

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  • As long as there is a nice variety of beverages, I'd be happy. Not going to lie, when I got to your wedding and found out there is no booze, I would be a little bummed, but that's just because I like a nice cocktail when out. But as long as the food is good and the music is good, I will still have a great time at your reception. To me if I have alcohol or not doesn't make a difference. Hey, with no booze then I don't have to worry about whose driving home.
  • The last Baptist wedding I went to had the reception in the basement of the church.  No alcohol.  I admit, I didn't have as much fun or stay as late.  But, I was still just as happy for the couple and came to the reception for a little while.  It had plenty of other problems--it was a church pitch in--and some of the dishes were really atrocious.  One person had put American cheese--it still had the marks in it from the plastic, on a paper plate with saltines.  

    We stayed for a little bit, then went out to a real meal.  As it turns out, the wedding was a shitshow.  In addition to the terrible food and lack of cocktails, the 19-year old bride, who was a virgin, was traumatized because her new hubby had tried to fingerbang her in between the ceremony and reception.  So she was crying and hanging onto her dad, and refusing to go to the hotel when they were ready to go.  I kid you not.

    All of that was not the fault of lack of alcohol.  But it probably would have seemed more entertaining after a few drinks.

    If you want more of a late night party vibe, it'll be harder without alcohol.  But if you have a nice, well-hosted event with plenty of food and non-alcoholic refreshments, and some nice dessert--cupcakes, pies, cake--people will still have fun.  You can also move the party to your favorite bar afterwards if you'd like for a drinking after party.
    image

    Not to thread-jack, but what is the story with that one?
  • JoanE2012 said:
    ferricfox said:
    @artbyallie the theme is steampunk.
    Oh my.  I just had to google this.  Yeah.....as a guest.....I will not be participating in any form or dressing up.  For a wedding, I'm a huge of just keeping the theme "wedding".

    But back to your OP.  No alcohol is fine.  You're paying, as long as you host your guests properly (ie beverages of some sort), you are good.
    I will say I'd actually kind of expect alcohol at a steampunk wedding, but I've only been to one steampunk-ish party and they had two spiked beverages (a punch and a lemonade) in dispensers so that is my only experience.

    I am generally into costumes etc. but I hatehatehate steampunk. Also, that's not the kind of costume one can just throw together or just wear an accent piece or two to get the vibe (unlike, for example, a speakeasy theme). Please do not make any mention whatsoever of costumes on your invitations.
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  • atlastmrsgatlastmrsg member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited February 2015


    They were an interesting couple.  He was a Baptist youth minister.  He "found Jesus," so even though he had slept with women in high school and earlier in college, he said he was starting over and waiting.  She was from a conservative family.  So they waited.  But leading up to the wedding, he was pretty open about that he was dying of sexual frustration and was going to bang her like crazy that night.  Once they were married, he was ready to get a piece immediately.  She was totally traumatized.  
    But I guess things have a way of working out!  They seem happily married now and she's perpetually pregnant.

    Unfortunately the ex I attended that wedding with--groom's friend--and I did not work out.  :-/


  • They were an interesting couple.  He was a Baptist youth minister.  He "found Jesus," so even though he had slept with women in high school and earlier in college, he said he was starting over and waiting.  She was from a conservative family.  So they waited.  But leading up to the wedding, he was pretty open about that he was dying of sexual frustration and was going to bang her like crazy that night.  Once they were married, he was ready to get a piece immediately.  She was totally traumatized.  
    But I guess things have a way of working out!  They seem happily married now and she's perpetually pregnant.

    Unfortunately the ex I attended that wedding with--groom's friend--and I did not work out.  :-/
    That's just horrible.

    I remember how nervous I was the first time I was with a guy and we fooled around past kissing. I can't imagine combining the nerves of my wedding day with the nerves over what's going to happen that night and then have my husband pounce me while I'm all dressed up. 

    I feel so awful for her. I'm sure she would have rather been prepared instead of ravished like some animal at the zoo. That's not something you pull on a virgin.

  • JoanE2012 said:
    ferricfox said:
    @artbyallie the theme is steampunk.
    Oh my.  I just had to google this.  Yeah.....as a guest.....I will not be participating in any form or dressing up.  For a wedding, I'm a huge of just keeping the theme "wedding".

    But back to your OP.  No alcohol is fine.  You're paying, as long as you host your guests properly (ie beverages of some sort), you are good.
    I'd be up for this, actually.  I've been to so many "vanilla" weddings now, I'm kinda ready for something a bit more unconventional.

    Plus, I have a pretty sweet steampunky, Victorian Hussar costume already ;-)

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."




  • They were an interesting couple.  He was a Baptist youth minister.  He "found Jesus," so even though he had slept with women in high school and earlier in college, he said he was starting over and waiting.  She was from a conservative family.  So they waited.  But leading up to the wedding, he was pretty open about that he was dying of sexual frustration and was going to bang her like crazy that night.  Once they were married, he was ready to get a piece immediately.  She was totally traumatized.  
    But I guess things have a way of working out!  They seem happily married now and she's perpetually pregnant.

    Unfortunately the ex I attended that wedding with--groom's friend--and I did not work out.  :-/
    Eew.  Just gross.  What a shitty 1st experience that must have been.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."



  • JoanE2012 said:
    ferricfox said:
    @artbyallie the theme is steampunk.
    Oh my.  I just had to google this.  Yeah.....as a guest.....I will not be participating in any form or dressing up.  For a wedding, I'm a huge of just keeping the theme "wedding".

    But back to your OP.  No alcohol is fine.  You're paying, as long as you host your guests properly (ie beverages of some sort), you are good.
    I'd be up for this, actually.  I've been to so many "vanilla" weddings now, I'm kinda ready for something a bit more unconventional.

    Plus, I have a pretty sweet steampunky, Victorian Hussar costume already ;-)
    Which is fine if, say, you notice the invitations are steampunk and ask if it's cool for you to wear a costume. Not fine if she says anything about attire on them in the first place. Even suggesting costumes are welcome is pressure to wear one.
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  • My fiance and I are opting for a dry reception as well. We are not much for drinking, want to prevent drunken speeches, and keep costs down. If someone says they can't have fun without alcohol, then they really need to grow up. Sounds like that "friend" is just there for the free booze. I hope he was just joking.

    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • I just googled "WTF is steampunk?" and one of the top results was good ol' TK:

    http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/203179/wtf-is-steampunk



    Anniversary
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  • I know what it is! :) 

    I love steampunk, but I don't know if I'd want to put work/money into a costume for a wedding. Even if people buy stuff from places like Clockwork Couture, the expenses can rack up.
  • edited June 2015
  • I know what it is (we go to a Sci-fi/fantasy con every year) and I just dislike steampunk. Mostly because it acts like it's making Victorian/Edwardian stuff all high-tech and I'm like, 'But they had electricity and that's more efficient than steam... science, you're doing it WRONG.'
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