Would you bring a gift to this?

jenna8984

My high school friend had a daughter a year ago. I went to the baby shower, but then things just never worked out with our schedules so I have not seen her since/ not met the baby. We were really close up until then, we brought each other wedding dress shopping and everything (even though not bridesmaids).

She just texted me an invitation to the daughter's first birthday party and she said "no presents". I'm excited that I'm free that day and will finally get to see her. Now, I don't know what to do. I kind of feel like she said that just so it wouldn't come off as gift grabby "I haven't seen her in a year, I don't want her to think I'm only inviting her for a present" type of thing. But I'll probably feel awkward if everyone else shows up with gifts.

novella1186

I feel like it's just weird to say "no presents," especially for a little kid's birthday. Maybe she had the best intentions, but it's still weird. 

I would just bring something simple, like a small stuffed animal or a pop-up book. I'm the same way as you; I'd feel very awkward showing up to a thing like that empty-handed. 

cupcait927

I'd bring a gift, if only because babies are so much fun to shop for.

theartistformerlyknownas

Ehhhh... I feel like if I didn't want to bring a gift, I wouldn't attend the birthday party at all. I agree with Novella that she probably said it to avoid looking gift-grabby, but kids' birthday parties are (for better or for worse) definitely gift-giving occasions. 

erinlin25

Since she said "no presents" I would not feel obligated, but I would still bring something small--whether for baby or the parents.  Even a nice bottle of wine for mom and dad  would be nice. 

I have been to first birthdays where they said no presents and there usually are a portion who still do bring something.

alpacalunch

I would absolutely bring something, but something small. The kid is one, they won't notice much about it. 

If you're the only person with a gift, don't make a big deal out of it. If other people brought gifts, then you fit right in.

I also vote stuffed animal. 

daria24

In your shoes, I would choose an inexpensive but heart-felt gift, like your favorite children's book, a small stuffed animal of your favorite animal, a puzzle of something you really like etc. 

hellosweetie1015

Just FYI - my Target had the most adorable stuffed ninja last night. Also an adorable stuffed frog. 

[Deleted User]

I went to a 1st birthday party who also said no gifts, I just did a birthday card with a like $20 Target gift card inside

sarahufl

It is hard, bc it is always my instinct to bring gifts.

Once my sister had a kid, I realized why people say no gifts. She said no gifts for her daughter's first bday and they got TONS of crap. To add to the other tons of crap they already had. It was hard for me to NOT bring her something, so I gave her 10 bucks and my sister opened her a bank account to save any other money she may have gotten for her to use in the future.

badbnagdway

sarahufl said:

It is hard, bc it is always my instinct to bring gifts.

Once my sister had a kid, I realized why people say no gifts. She said no gifts for her daughter's first bday and they got TONS of crap. To add to the other tons of crap they already had. It was hard for me to NOT bring her something, so I gave her 10 bucks and my sister opened her a bank account to save any other money she may have gotten for her to use in the future.

Yes. I think if someone says "no presents" for a children's birthday party, they really do mean it, because kids often have a lot of toys and gifts already and don't need their 100th teddy bear. I know moms who say "no presents, but if you really want to bring something that bad, we are donating it to the toy drive for x-organization". 

I like the card with either cash or a gift card (or a savings bond?) in it if she said no gifts. 

Edit for words

JennyColada

I would bring a gift.

But I love buying gifts, especially for kids. I don't even care if she likes it. Shopping for the gift is more a gift for me than for the kid.

JennyColada

sarahufl said:

It is hard, bc it is always my instinct to bring gifts.

Once my sister had a kid, I realized why people say no gifts. She said no gifts for her daughter's first bday and they got TONS of crap. To add to the other tons of crap they already had. It was hard for me to NOT bring her something, so I gave her 10 bucks and my sister opened her a bank account to save any other money she may have gotten for her to use in the future.

This is a great idea, and I have a little story to tell about this.

When each grandchild was born, my grandma invested for each of us into 100 shares of a mutual fund. For years and years (I'm 31) this mutual fund has been reinvesting and growing without me even paying attention to me. I always knew it was there, and I got forms for my income taxes each year, but aside from that I never did anything with it.

Well since DH and I are married, we are looking into consolidating our investment stuff so I pulled up the investment information: $44,000.

WHAT THE FUCK?! RIGHT ON RETIREMENT!

So yea, starting an investment for a child when they are uber young = great idea!

sarahufl

JennyColada said:

sarahufl said:

It is hard, bc it is always my instinct to bring gifts.

Once my sister had a kid, I realized why people say no gifts. She said no gifts for her daughter's first bday and they got TONS of crap. To add to the other tons of crap they already had. It was hard for me to NOT bring her something, so I gave her 10 bucks and my sister opened her a bank account to save any other money she may have gotten for her to use in the future.

This is a great idea, and I have a little story to tell about this.

When each grandchild was born, my grandma invested for each of us into 100 shares of a mutual fund. For years and years (I'm 31) this mutual fund has been reinvesting and growing without me even paying attention to me. I always knew it was there, and I got forms for my income taxes each year, but aside from that I never did anything with it.

Well since DH and I are married, we are looking into consolidating our investment stuff so I pulled up the investment information: $44,000.

WHAT THE FUCK?! RIGHT ON RETIREMENT!

So yea, starting an investment for a child when they are uber young = great idea!

My parents invested $500 in my name when I was a kid. Last year, they handed me $15,000. I had no idea they ever made the investment.

I like the idea of my niece having her own money. My sister is good at putting every dollar that someone gives her into an account. She is not quite 2 and already has almost $200. Once she is old enough to know what it is, my sister will let her choose how to spend the money.

It is better than ANOTHER toy she will grow tired of in 3 days.

That said, I CANNOT resist funny onesies that say "I love my aunt". But my sister says there are never too many of those

lovegood90

daria24 said:

In your shoes, I would choose an inexpensive but heart-felt gift, like your favorite children's book, a small stuffed animal of your favorite animal, a puzzle of something you really like etc. 

Agree with this!

buttercup1958

I would bring a gift or do the investment idea with along with a book! This thread reminds me of the Curb Your Enthusiasm episoide where Larry goes to Ben Stiller's birthday better and doesn't bring a gift but everyone else does.  

plainjane0415

buttercup1958 said:

I would bring a gift or do the investment idea with along with a book! This thread reminds me of the Curb Your Enthusiasm episoide where Larry goes to Ben Stiller's birthday better and doesn't bring a gift but everyone else does.  

THIS.  I feel torn on this situation because, I get it, I totally understand why moms would not want ANOTHER stuffed animal for their child, but then, who wants to be the jackass that shows up to a kids party with no gift.  I feel like it's one of those weird understood rule things.. idk..

Edited:  Grammar

theartistformerlyknownas

I feel like if the mom really wants so badly not to get gifts, she shouldn't be inviting all these people to a birthday party.

MairePoppy

I'd believe the parents don't want gifts. The baby probably has more clothes, toys, stuffed animals than she can ever use. That's what it was like when my kids were babies.  But we still wanted to celebrate this important milestone. Just go meet the baby and eat some cake. The guests who bring stuff won't notice that you didn't.

If you really want to bring something -  a gift card for Shutterfly or the mall photographer might be appreciated.

kvruns

My friend always says no presents for the kid party but I still bring a small something (and so does everyone else who goes). It seems weird to show up to a kid party without something even though they have a gazillion toys

lyndausvi

I wouldn't.  The kid is 1.  Their favorite thing to play with is the wrapping paper.

If there are 30 people there then all the sudden they have 15+ gifts.     That is a lot.

An older kid I would though.

jenna8984

Thanks guys!! I think I'll probably just throw a few bucks in a card since you make good points about too many toys and crap in their house.

Kahlyla

We've never said "no gifts" for our kids' birthdays (because, as we can all see, it has the potential to stress people out and make them uncomfortable) but yeah, they don't really don't need ANY more stuff. We just keep the guest list small and encourage them to pass on their older things whenever we can.

That being said, my kids can never have too many books. I don't count books as "stuff", so to me, that or cash/gift card would be a great choice!