Wedding Party

Maid of Honor Dilemma

edited February 2015 in Wedding Party
I am recently engaged and planning a summer 2016 wedding. I had always planned on asking my cousin, who I have always been extremely close with, to be my MOH but before I could even approach the subject my younger sister (16 years old) and mom assumed my sister would be the MOH. I am very close with my sister but I hadn't planned on her being the MOH. Now it has turned into a big issue between my mom and I; I don't want to hurt my sister or make her feel like I don't value her as a member of the bridal party. I don't expect either to do much besides the bachelorette party/ speech/ marriage witness but I feel like the title would mean a lot to both. What do I do? Do I have two MOHs? Please help!

Re: Maid of Honor Dilemma

  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Totally okay to have two MOHs. I went to a wedding over the summer with two MOHs who were both the bride's sisters and they did a joint toast and it was really cute.

    I also want to echo mikenberger's comments... it's important that you know that just because someone is your MOH, it does not mean that they all of a sudden have special responsibilities to accomplish for your wedding. Same goes for your bridesmaids.
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    1) Your MOH has absolutely 0 planning/organizing/financial responsibilities for your wedding. The only thing a MOH needs to do is stand up at the ceremony and hold your bouquet. 

    2) It's a bit early to be asking WP now. Wait until about 9 months before the wedding.

    3) You can have 2 MOHs, 0 MOHs, or whatever MOH you want. The MOH should be your closest person, period. No DNA is required. If you decide you want them both, great. If you decide to only ask your cousin, tell your mom as soon as you ask her, and be sure to avoid saying anything that will imply that you've asked your sister or agreed that your sister will be MOH.
    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited February 2015
    1) Your MOH has absolutely 0 planning/organizing/financial responsibilities for your wedding. The only thing a MOH needs to do is stand up at the ceremony and hold your bouquet. 

    2) It's a bit early to be asking WP now. Wait until about 9 months before the wedding.

    3) You can have 2 MOHs, 0 MOHs, or whatever MOH you want. The MOH should be your closest person, period. No DNA is required. If you decide you want them both, great. If you decide to only ask your cousin, tell your mom as soon as you ask her, and be sure to avoid saying anything that will imply that you've asked your sister or agreed that your sister will be MOH.
    This. And I also have to emphasize that you put your foot down and speak up for yourself. Don't let your mother make decisions for you based on assumptions. I got pushed into decisions I didn't like or want because of my very controlling older sister, so I then had to go back and fix or re-do a lot of things, which included firing vendors and finding new ones. It was a huge mess. Set boundaries now so that you're not trying to go back and fix things later. 
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    [Deleted User]
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The only responsibility of a BM is to show up on time, sober, and in the dress on the day of the wedding.  Any other pre-wedding parties/help/etc. is a bonus.  Sides don't have to be even, and it is totally possible to have two MOHs.  Just ask whoever you are closest to.  Ditto everything @mikenberger said.  Boundaries are your friend.  Even if your Mom is paying, the one thing she absolutely does not get a say about is your WP.  That is for you and your FI to choose without anyone else's judgment or opinions. 


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    [Deleted User]
  • So you're really close with your sister but you'd rather ask your cousin so that she can plan parties, help with things and do things for you.... No wonder your mom is judging right now.

    The responsibilities of an MOH are the same as that of a BM - buy a dress and be on time to the wedding. Anyone can OFFER to throw you a party. Anyone can OFFER to help with wedding related stuff. But it's no ones responsibility or duty except yours and your FI's.
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    PrettyGirlLostlevioosa
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Ask them to both be MOH. 

    As PP's have said, MOHs and BMs all do the exact same thing during your ceremony.  Unless you are having a Catholic wedding, in which case the MOH will stand at the altar with you, and you can only have one MOH do that, not two.

    And honestly, no one else will even know they have the title MOH, unless you have programs at your ceremony.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ask them to both be MOH. 

    As PP's have said, MOHs and BMs all do the exact same thing during your ceremony.  Unless you are having a Catholic wedding, in which case the MOH will stand at the altar with you, and you can only have one MOH do that, not two.

    And honestly, no one else will even know they have the title MOH, unless you have programs at your ceremony.

    I had a Catholic wedding with 2 MOHs.  Both were allowed to stand with me during the vows.  Obviously, only one was able to sign the marriage license. 
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ask them to both be MOH. 

    As PP's have said, MOHs and BMs all do the exact same thing during your ceremony.  Unless you are having a Catholic wedding, in which case the MOH will stand at the altar with you, and you can only have one MOH do that, not two.

    And honestly, no one else will even know they have the title MOH, unless you have programs at your ceremony.

    I had a Catholic wedding with 2 MOHs.  Both were allowed to stand with me during the vows.  Obviously, only one was able to sign the marriage license. 
    Ditto. I think the "one-MOH" rule is a regular experience in certain dioceses and in old churches with not a lot of (accessible) sanctuary space.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer





    Ask them to both be MOH. 

    As PP's have said, MOHs and BMs all do the exact same thing during your ceremony.  Unless you are having a Catholic wedding, in which case the MOH will stand at the altar with you, and you can only have one MOH do that, not two.

    And honestly, no one else will even know they have the title MOH, unless you have programs at your ceremony.
    I had a Catholic wedding with 2 MOHs.  Both were allowed to stand with me during the vows.  Obviously, only one was able to sign the marriage license. 

    Ditto. I think the "one-MOH" rule is a regular experience in certain dioceses and in old churches with not a lot of (accessible) sanctuary space.

    We were only allowed to have one MOH/BM on the altar, and no one signed the marriage license with us. In fact, I don't even think we had to sign it. . .I can't remember. I know we had to give it to our priest the night of the rehearsal and then we never saw it again.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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