Wedding vent -- BM with too small dress update

crackktheskyy

So I posted last week about my bridesmaid who intentionally ordered a dress that was way too small.

She received it tonight and sent me a message. 

The zipper doesn't zip all the way (which is predictable because it's too small). I couldn't totally tell because it was hard to see, but it's definitely open enough that you couldn't pull the fabric at the top together to even clip. In the breast area, the zipper is wide open.

She asked my opinion so I told her that I thought the dress was lovely but it was too small. I'm not sure what else I should have said? She's keeping it and just said, "Oh, okay, well I just wanted to show you." And that was it. She hung up. She even said she knew it didn't fit. I'm not sure what she wanted me to say? If she had made the call about any other item of clothing that fit that way, I would have said the same thing.

Should I do anything? Do I say anything? Or do I just let her do her own thing, however crazy it may be. 

I don't want to say anything I wouldn't usually say. I know damn well that I'm feeling over emotional today. I learned this morning that my old boss (and a very good friend/role model in my life) passed away last night. I'm pretty down about it.

Help?

JennyColada

I mean, I'm not really sure what else there is for you to do in this situation. I'm guessing that she has enough class and fashion sense to not wear the dress on the day if it still doesn't fit properly. So hopefully she can lose the weight?

Personally, I'd be super stressed if my dress weren't fitting, so if you can just let it roll of your back I'm sure she'll talk herself into a Plan B.

crackktheskyy

JennyColada said:

I mean, I'm not really sure what else there is for you to do in this situation. I'm guessing that she has enough class and fashion sense to not wear the dress on the day if it still doesn't fit properly. So hopefully she can lose the weight?

Personally, I'd be super stressed if my dress weren't fitting, so if you can just let it roll of your back I'm sure she'll talk herself into a Plan B.

My guess is that if it doesn't fit the day of the wedding, she will then want to order something from RTR that's different from the rest of the dresses.

She's not even stressed. She made it clear that she liked it even though it didn't fit. I don't know how she wanted me to respond.

I'm so stressed today and I really wish she could have just ordered in the right size so that I didn't have to worry about it.

I probably just need to get some sleep and roll with the punches a bit more.

blabla89

First, I'm so sorry for your loss.

There really isn't anything for you to do about the BM. She'll figure it out, realize that buying the small size was a mistake and deal with it somehow. But it's not your issue to deal with, so don't worry too much about it.

crackktheskyy

blabla89 said:

First, I'm so sorry for your loss.

There really isn't anything for you to do about the BM. She'll figure it out, realize that buying the small size was a mistake and deal with it somehow. But it's not your issue to deal with, so don't worry too much about it.

Thanks, it's been a weird day. 

I'm kind of thinking this, too. This makes me feel a little more relief. She's been a long time friend but we've had our fair share of sisterly type fights. We logically approach situations very differently. TBH, if she doesn't order another dress soon she won't be able to get it because it's a special order size.

JennyColada

crackktheskyy said:

She's not even stressed. She made it clear that she liked it even though it didn't fit. I don't know how she wanted me to respond.

What? Ew. Is she normally so fashion-blind? I mean, I can't imagine purposefully wearing something that doesn't fit (especially if it cannot even zip up!).

kvruns

How long does she have to figure it out?

crackktheskyy

JennyColada said:

crackktheskyy said:

She's not even stressed. She made it clear that she liked it even though it didn't fit. I don't know how she wanted me to respond.

What? Ew. Is she normally so fashion-blind? I mean, I can't imagine purposefully wearing something that doesn't fit (especially if it cannot even zip up!).

If I'm being honest...sometimes. I just thought regardless of what she normally does, she would order something that fits for the wedding. She got measured professionally and everything.

I think I just need to let it all go. I have a ton of other things going on right now and don't have time to plan for the wedding as it is. If she ordered the dress in the right size and it didn't fit I would be way more sympathetic. I think it's the intentionally ordering it in the wrong size that really irks me.

JennyColada

Maybe you should have her over for wine and a marathon of some quality TV.

And by "quality TV" I mean:

crackktheskyy

kvruns said:

How long does she have to figure it out?

How long until the wedding? 4 months.

How long to special order the dress in the right size? It sounded like if she had to have it in the right size, the store originally wanted to order it last week. I would say if she goes through the store like originally planned, she would really have to do it this week for them to guarentee it wll come in on time for alterations.

crackktheskyy

JennyColada said:

Maybe you should have her over for wine and a marathon of some quality TV.

And by "quality TV" I mean:

Seriously, thank you. This made me laugh out loud! I really need that today!

wrigleyville

Clinton would be flipping his shit right now.

Even if she loses weight, there's no guarantee she'll lose it in the areas where the dress is tight. I always lose weight in my upper body first, so I'll drop, like, three shirt sizes but only one size in jeans.

I really hope she orders the proper dress.

theartistformerlyknownas

Let her deal with it. If she tries to deal by renting a different dress, she will look lovely from the pews.

I'm sorry about your boss/friend.

crackktheskyy

wrigleyville said:

Clinton would be flipping his shit right now.

Even if she loses weight, there's no guarantee she'll lose it in the areas where the dress is tight. I always lose weight in my upper body first, so I'll drop, like, three shirt sizes but only one size in jeans.

I really hope she orders the proper dress.

Yes, exactly. Like, I CANNOT for the life of me lose weight in my bust.

lolo883 said:

Let her deal with it. If she tries to deal by renting a different dress, she will look lovely from the pews. I'm sorry about your boss/friend.

Thanks, today has felt really surreal.

I agree, though I think she would flip out and cause more drama than it's worth. Ugh. I can just see her now saying, "what do you mean I have to sit in the pews just because I'm wearing a different dress?!" 

Y'all are right though. I've just got to sit back and let her make her own choices and deal with it as they come. I think that might keep me more sane, too. 

luckya23

Sure, mismatched dresses are a thing right now, but it doesn't seem like it is YOUR thing, so why on earth would she think that would work out just fine to wear whatever??

crackktheskyy

luckya23 said:

Sure, mismatched dresses are a thing right now, but it doesn't seem like it is YOUR thing, so why on earth would she think that would work out just fine to wear whatever??

While in the grand scheme of life problems having one bridesmaid in a dress that doesn't match the others probably isn't a big deal, it still irks me because she picked the dress. She loved the dress! I just don't understand. The other dresses aren't all identical, but they are all by the same designer and in the same length, color, and fabric so there's some continuity. All of the girls loved the dresses because they could wear what they felt comfortable in (strapless, low cut, high neckline, one shoulder, whatever) and still look really formal and put together. If she was in something different, it would stand out for sure. I would never order a dress too small for someone's wedding.

I think I need to take my FI up on that glass of wine and bubble bath. Gosh, he really is the best!

rcher912

I am so, so sorry to hear about your friend/boss.

Hang up the BM thing for a few days (at least), just deal with your own crap for now - there's clearly enough of it. 

As PPs have advised here and elsewhere, she'll figure it out or she won't. You even tried to help out by politely telling her the dress looked too small. You really cannot do anything more. 

Wine and a bath sounds perfect. Feel better!

crackktheskyy

rcher912 said:

I am so, so sorry to hear about your friend/boss.

Hang up the BM thing for a few days (at least), just deal with your own crap for now - there's clearly enough of it. 

As PPs have advised here and elsewhere, she'll figure it out or she won't. You even tried to help out by politely telling her the dress looked too small. You really cannot do anything more. 

Wine and a bath sounds perfect. Feel better!

Thanks so much. You are all so supportive and sweet.

Wine? Check. 30 Rock marathon with FI? Check. Practicing some self care? Check.

Thanks for letting me vent, everyone!

blabla89

Just curious, how small is the dress? Does it have any seam allowance to be let out in case your BM doesn't lose the weight and can't get the right size? I'm not sure what material the dress is made of, but the seamstress doing my wedding dress was able to take some fabric from an inconspicuous place and add it around the zipper to make my dress zip. So there may be hope, even if she doesn't order her size in time.

levioosa

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Even though it's frustrating, I think you should try to let it go.  Hopefully she figures out that she needs to change it in time.  

doeydo

blabla89 said:

Just curious, how small is the dress? Does it have any seam allowance to be let out in case your BM doesn't lose the weight and can't get the right size? I'm not sure what material the dress is made of, but the seamstress doing my wedding dress was able to take some fabric from an inconspicuous place and add it around the zipper to make my dress zip. So there may be hope, even if she doesn't order her size in time.

This is a good point.  Or maybe a corset back could be added or something?  

KatieinBkln

She was probably looking for you to solve the problem for her. Tough titties! If she brings it up again you could just say "Oh, I'm sure you'll figure it out." Always put it back on her; this is definitely not your problem.

I'm sorry about your friend.

novella1186

doeydo said:

blabla89 said:

Just curious, how small is the dress? Does it have any seam allowance to be let out in case your BM doesn't lose the weight and can't get the right size? I'm not sure what material the dress is made of, but the seamstress doing my wedding dress was able to take some fabric from an inconspicuous place and add it around the zipper to make my dress zip. So there may be hope, even if she doesn't order her size in time.

This is a good point.  Or maybe a corset back could be added or something?  

This is what I was going to say. In high school, my best friend couldn't afford a dress from one of our formal dances, so I offered her one of my dresses from a past dance. She was a few sizes bigger than me, so my mom-- who has a ton of sewing experience-- removed the zipper from the back and added a corset back instead to get some extra space. You couldn't tell that the dress wasn't meant to be that way, it fit her, it looked great on her, and she loved it.

So in some cases, that can definitely work.

But I agree that you should take a few days and not worry about this. It was really silly of her to purposely order in the wrong size, but you already know this. She caused this problem, let her worry about it.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

charlieyankee03

So sorry for your loss.

If she's not able to lose weight in time or reorder the dress in her proper size, but the dress stays up without zipping all the way, could she wear a cardigan over it to hide the back? It's not the best solution but it's something.

OliveOilsMom

KatieinBkln said:

She was probably looking for you to solve the problem for her. Tough titties! If she brings it up again you could just say "Oh, I'm sure you'll figure it out." Always put it back on her; this is definitely not your problem. I'm sorry about your friend.

I like this approach.  I would just add something along the lines making it known she needs to wear this dress (or one of the others in the designer/fabric/color guidelines you gave).  This isn't your problem to try and fix.  She mad the decision to order the dress so small.

"Oh, I'm sure you'll figure it out. You have all the guidelines for the dress, so I know that you will be able to make this work."  

crackktheskyy

blabla89 said:

Just curious, how small is the dress? Does it have any seam allowance to be let out in case your BM doesn't lose the weight and can't get the right size? I'm not sure what material the dress is made of, but the seamstress doing my wedding dress was able to take some fabric from an inconspicuous place and add it around the zipper to make my dress zip. So there may be hope, even if she doesn't order her size in time.

It didn't look like there was much seam allowance. The dress is chiffon and long, so maybe they could take some fabric off the bottom? That could be a possibility.

levioosa said:

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Even though it's frustrating, I think you should try to let it go.  Hopefully she figures out that she needs to change it in time.  

Thanks so much, I'm doing my best to keep my mind off of that. I'm actually really swamped with work so I'm trying to do a ton of work over the next two days and maybe have some time to just relax with my FI and watch a comedy or something tonight! 

doeydo said:

blabla89 said:

Just curious, how small is the dress? Does it have any seam allowance to be let out in case your BM doesn't lose the weight and can't get the right size? I'm not sure what material the dress is made of, but the seamstress doing my wedding dress was able to take some fabric from an inconspicuous place and add it around the zipper to make my dress zip. So there may be hope, even if she doesn't order her size in time.

This is a good point.  Or maybe a corset back could be added or something?  

This is a good thought, but the back of the dress would look really silly with a corset. It's like a billowy v-neck back. I guess it would be better to look silly than to not zip at all though!

KatieinBkln said:

She was probably looking for you to solve the problem for her. Tough titties! If she brings it up again you could just say "Oh, I'm sure you'll figure it out." Always put it back on her; this is definitely not your problem. I'm sorry about your friend.

Thank you so much.

I'm honestly not sure what she was looking for. She didn't even show me the back of the dress until I specifically asked her to. She had just shown me the front and said, "Look! Isn't it pretty!?" and I was like "yes, definitely, how does it fit in the back?" and she said, "oh, well it doesn't zip all the way, but I think it will be fine." 

novella1186 said:

doeydo said:

blabla89 said:

Just curious, how small is the dress? Does it have any seam allowance to be let out in case your BM doesn't lose the weight and can't get the right size? I'm not sure what material the dress is made of, but the seamstress doing my wedding dress was able to take some fabric from an inconspicuous place and add it around the zipper to make my dress zip. So there may be hope, even if she doesn't order her size in time.

This is a good point.  Or maybe a corset back could be added or something?  

This is what I was going to say. In high school, my best friend couldn't afford a dress from one of our formal dances, so I offered her one of my dresses from a past dance. She was a few sizes bigger than me, so my mom-- who has a ton of sewing experience-- removed the zipper from the back and added a corset back instead to get some extra space. You couldn't tell that the dress wasn't meant to be that way, it fit her, it looked great on her, and she loved it.

So in some cases, that can definitely work.

But I agree that you should take a few days and not worry about this. It was really silly of her to purposely order in the wrong size, but you already know this. She caused this problem, let her worry about it.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thanks very much.

I think the corset would look silly with the dress (billowy v-neck back) but I guess it's better than nothing. My mom who has known this friend for many years thinks she might just be trying to get a rise out of me and told me to ignore her. My mom she can be dramatic and often causes problems for herself and to not let it get to me. Mom usually knows best.

charlieyankee03 said:

So sorry for your loss.

If she's not able to lose weight in time or reorder the dress in her proper size, but the dress stays up without zipping all the way, could she wear a cardigan over it to hide the back? It's not the best solution but it's something.

Thanks very much. That's a possibility but the wedding is in the dead of the summer and a cardigan would likely be quite warm. The wedding is also very formal, and the cardigan would likely not go with the overall formality of the dress. It's a good idea, though. Maybe she could find a dressy bolero!

OliveOilsMom said:

KatieinBkln said:

She was probably looking for you to solve the problem for her. Tough titties! If she brings it up again you could just say "Oh, I'm sure you'll figure it out." Always put it back on her; this is definitely not your problem. I'm sorry about your friend.

I like this approach.  I would just add something along the lines making it known she needs to wear this dress (or one of the others in the designer/fabric/color guidelines you gave).  This isn't your problem to try and fix.  She mad the decision to order the dress so small.

"Oh, I'm sure you'll figure it out. You have all the guidelines for the dress, so I know that you will be able to make this work."  

This is what I'm thinking, too. She hasn't spoken to me yet about what the tailor said, so I can't even worry right now. I feel like we're just in a state of limbo!

crackktheskyy

Just wanted to thank each and every one of you for your support. This thread actually made me feel much better and it's just nice to be able to vent.

BM in question texted me today, but only to not-so-subtly brag about her Valentine's Day gifts, with photos.

I resisted all temptations to say, "That's nice, so how did your appointment with the seamstress go?"

I think tonight will call for more wine, more time with my FI, a few good movies, and silencing my cell phone.

It's snowing like crazy, so I think after I do some work to alleviate some of my own stress, it might even be fun to cuddle up under a blanket and drink some hot chocolate! Yum!

novella1186

It sounds like your mom might be onto something. Either way, this chick created her own problem, so she can be the one to worry about fixing it. I'm glad you're feeling better!