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New Snowflakes

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Re: New Snowflakes

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    edited June 2015

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    charcoalandblushcharcoalandblush member
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    Omg I stopped using my local board because I was so annoyed with the SSs. They are totally fine with/promote gaps, PPDs, cash bars, etc.

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    ohmrs2014ohmrs2014 mod
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    There is a thread on my local board on Honeyfunds and how its the new thing so its ok to do.  Drives me nuts!
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    mikenbergermikenberger member
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    novella1186 said:
    WinstonsGirl said:
    Boo.  I'm already caught up on E, so nothing new for me.  :(   Must find other ways to entertain myself today.  
    There's a few lingering out on the month boards. My month board (May) had a whole big thread about how brides should just plan their own bachelorette party, it's not rude because they are "entitled" to said party. Another month board, I believe, had some promoting of gaps. 
    Well if you want a party and nobody will host you a party, you should throw your own. I mean, duh. Etiquette only applies so far. But if you tell someone "By all means, throw one yourself." is not telling someone to throw their own bachelorette party. 

    Words.

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    Chipmunk415Chipmunk415 member
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    I happily admit- I glanced at the thread about the couple with the courthouse wedding and the friend with issues about sending a gift about an hour after I got the call about my grandma. ...and I just about peed my pants laughing at magicink's gift suggestion image :-D
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    Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
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    ohmrs2014 said:
    There is a thread on my local board on Honeyfunds and how its the new thing so its ok to do.  Drives me nuts!
    Don't forget the "gaps are totally fine, you do you" thread!
    ~*~*~*~*~

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    ohmrs2014ohmrs2014 mod
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    Cookie Pusher said:
    ohmrs2014 said:
    There is a thread on my local board on Honeyfunds and how its the new thing so its ok to do.  Drives me nuts!
    Don't forget the "gaps are totally fine, you do you" thread!
    That one drove me insane as well!
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    edited June 2015

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    amelishaamelisha member
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    OMG the coffee one I just found. RAWR.

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    KahlylaKahlyla member
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    amelisha said:
    OMG the coffee one I just found. RAWR.
    Yes, I want to smack her hard. I'm just done with that one.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    edited June 2015

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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    pinkrevenge said:
    Be honest with me ladies?

    Do modern brides think a wedding is carte blanche to be the most terrible person you can humanly be to your loved ones? Are brides specifically shitting on their guests? They absolutely have to know that what they're doing is terrible, so ....
    I think it's all about role models. If you attend enough bad weddings, you either a) have carte blanche to repeat mistakes because everyone else did it, or b) you realize the weddings were bad and try to do everything to not make yours bad. 

    I definitely fell into category B, and think most regular Knotties have too.
    My best friend is a little out of whack with some etiquette (hello, gaps!), but she definitely has experienced wedding things she hates so gap aside, I think her wedding will turn out pretty awesome. 

    The fact it, it IS the couples' day and they CAN do whatever they want. They just may come out the other side with fewer friends and broken familiar relationships. 
    ________________________________


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    thespeshulestsnowflakethespeshulestsnowflake member
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    Kahlyla said:
    amelisha said:
    OMG the coffee one I just found. RAWR.
    Yes, I want to smack her hard. I'm just done with that one.
    That is just so much nonsense over fucking coffee to go with cake!
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    cupcait927cupcait927 member
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    AddieCake said:
    pinkrevenge said:
    Be honest with me ladies?

    Do modern brides think a wedding is carte blanche to be the most terrible person you can humanly be to your loved ones? Are brides specifically shitting on their guests? They absolutely have to know that what they're doing is terrible, so ....
    I agree too many people are looking for that perfect Pintrest wedding and get so caught up in the look that they forget the other things. I also think it has a lot to do with just a general entitlement in our society right now. My newsfeed is filled with GoFundMe type stuff for the most random shit. Vacations, birthday parties, to be able to move out of state, for example. What possesses people to think this is ok? My classroom is filled with students who think they should be able to turn work in when they get around to it and that they should receive an "A" just for completing it. It's everywhere. I, I, Me, Me. I deserve this. Give me this. I want this, so I should get it. It's ridiculous. I think if that attitude is so prevalent just in general, it stands to reason it would be so for their weddings, too. 
    Addie said what I was trying to say much better. There's so much concern about appearances as well as a huge entitlement issue.
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    KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
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    novella1186 said:
    cupcait927 said:
    pinkrevenge said:
    Be honest with me ladies?

    Do modern brides think a wedding is carte blanche to be the most terrible person you can humanly be to your loved ones? Are brides specifically shitting on their guests? They absolutely have to know that what they're doing is terrible, so ....
    I think brides today are WAY too in to Pinterest/movies/wedding blogs and having everything look perfect for pictures. They'd rather have perfect pictures rather than happy bridal parties, families and guests.
    It's not a universal trend. I'm a bride "today" (wedding is this May) and I let my bridal party pretty much wear whatever they want. I gave them a color palette and the rest, including accessories, was up to them. I cared quite a lot about their comfort and their budgets. 

    I also never thought of my wedding a My Special Day. I thought of it as my FI and I getting the opportunity to host the ultimate party with everyone we love, so my top priority was hosting everyone well, because that's what I do when I throw parties anyway. A reception is JUST a party. 

    And as for the ceremony, the only way that can go wrong is if somehow my FI and I end up not married. Crying babies, guests taking photos, someone besides the bride wearing white, someone wearing jeans, and whatever the hell other petty bullshit people worry about never even crossed my mind. 

    In summary, 
    Ceremony: Us legally united = success
    Reception: Guests being well hosted and enjoying themselves = success 

    But maybe I'm just weird. awesome.
    Fixed that for ya.
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    theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
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    pinkrevenge said:
    I don't know how to direct someone to them without causing a TOS violation, but have you checked some of the specialty boards? Some newbies have some ... interesting ideas about what they do and do not need to pay for vs what their guests NEED to have.

    Also, is it against TOS to tell you to check other reg's responses and follow the trail that way?
    @Liatris2010 clears it up a bit here: http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1039383/clarification-on-links-and-screenshots

    Basically no linking for purposes of harassment, like "if you think Knottie5473826546982 is being a bitch here, you should see what she said over there!" but just "hey there's some interesting conversation going on over in that direction" seems to be OK. You can call out topics, but not particular users.
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    falsarafalsara member
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    It really is baffling that SO many brides just don't care how their poor hosting can effect their guests.  If they really love their families and want them there than they should be willing to make them comfortable, even if it means that they don't get what they want.  

    I totally agree with Addie, it's one thing if you just don't know.  Its completley different when you know, and you just don't care. 

                                               

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    mikenbergermikenberger member
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    pinkrevenge said:
    Be honest with me ladies?

    Do modern brides think a wedding is carte blanche to be the most terrible person you can humanly be to your loved ones? Are brides specifically shitting on their guests? They absolutely have to know that what they're doing is terrible, so ....
    I have three friends getting married beside myself. I try VERY hard to reach etiquette and exceed etiquette standards. I did away with a gap that I had (didn't even realize it was bad!), upped my food and other little things.

    Bride #1- Is not inviting a SO of a mutual friend because she doesn't want to be friends with his friends (the bride). She thinks that this is perfectly acceptable. I've met this woman once and am inviting her and her SO (the mutual friend.) to my wedding. "If she wanted to be friends with us or at least be nice when we meet her, I'd invite her. But she's not. So he can decide if he wants to bring her. I'm not inviting her." She is also planning her own Thurs-Sun OOT bachelorette party. And is PISSED I'm not going (I am in her bridal party). She had a shower 10 months before the wedding. And has kicked out a bridesmaid and chose a dress outside of everybody's budget. She is demanding 5" heels and certain hairstyles as well.

    Bride #2 - Wedding is outdoors, burlap, lace, mason jars, cowboy boots. We will all be sitting on bales of hay as well. "The ceremony is short. Everybody will be fine. Or they can stand." Cash bar. "We can't afford alcohol. Sorry we don't make millions like you." (Where in the FUCK are my millions at?? Damnit.)

    Bride #3 - Inviting 350 people in a space that fits 280. Enough said.

    And every single one of them has uttered the words "It's my day and I'm paying for it. If they don't like it, they can leave."

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    ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
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    mikenberger said:
    pinkrevenge said:
    Be honest with me ladies?

    Do modern brides think a wedding is carte blanche to be the most terrible person you can humanly be to your loved ones? Are brides specifically shitting on their guests? They absolutely have to know that what they're doing is terrible, so ....
    I have three friends getting married beside myself. I try VERY hard to reach etiquette and exceed etiquette standards. I did away with a gap that I had (didn't even realize it was bad!), upped my food and other little things.

    Bride #1- Is not inviting a SO of a mutual friend because she doesn't want to be friends with his friends (the bride). She thinks that this is perfectly acceptable. I've met this woman once and am inviting her and her SO (the mutual friend.) to my wedding. "If she wanted to be friends with us or at least be nice when we meet her, I'd invite her. But she's not. So he can decide if he wants to bring her. I'm not inviting her." She is also planning her own Thurs-Sun OOT bachelorette party. And is PISSED I'm not going (I am in her bridal party). She had a shower 10 months before the wedding. And has kicked out a bridesmaid and chose a dress outside of everybody's budget. She is demanding 5" heels and certain hairstyles as well.

    Bride #2 - Wedding is outdoors, burlap, lace, mason jars, cowboy boots. We will all be sitting on bales of hay as well. "The ceremony is short. Everybody will be fine. Or they can stand." Cash bar. "We can't afford alcohol. Sorry we don't make millions like you." (Where in the FUCK are my millions at?? Damnit.)

    Bride #3 - Inviting 350 people in a space that fits 280. Enough said.

    And every single one of them has uttered the words "It's my day and I'm paying for it. If they don't like it, they can leave."
    UGHHHHHHGADKJLKJFSHFSFADH the bolded! 

    I get that wedding can be super duper expensive and there's a lot of pressure to do it "right" and, for me at least, just the amount of money spent is stressful. But you think things like that about things like the choice of flowers or groomsmen suit colors or processional song. Not anything that actually effects the guests directly.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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    NowIAmSypNowIAmSyp member
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    mikenberger said:
    pinkrevenge said:
    Be honest with me ladies?

    Do modern brides think a wedding is carte blanche to be the most terrible person you can humanly be to your loved ones? Are brides specifically shitting on their guests? They absolutely have to know that what they're doing is terrible, so ....
    I have three friends getting married beside myself. I try VERY hard to reach etiquette and exceed etiquette standards. I did away with a gap that I had (didn't even realize it was bad!), upped my food and other little things.

    Bride #1- Is not inviting a SO of a mutual friend because she doesn't want to be friends with his friends (the bride). She thinks that this is perfectly acceptable. I've met this woman once and am inviting her and her SO (the mutual friend.) to my wedding. "If she wanted to be friends with us or at least be nice when we meet her, I'd invite her. But she's not. So he can decide if he wants to bring her. I'm not inviting her." She is also planning her own Thurs-Sun OOT bachelorette party. And is PISSED I'm not going (I am in her bridal party). She had a shower 10 months before the wedding. And has kicked out a bridesmaid and chose a dress outside of everybody's budget. She is demanding 5" heels and certain hairstyles as well.

    Bride #2 - Wedding is outdoors, burlap, lace, mason jars, cowboy boots. We will all be sitting on bales of hay as well. "The ceremony is short. Everybody will be fine. Or they can stand." Cash bar. "We can't afford alcohol. Sorry we don't make millions like you." (Where in the FUCK are my millions at?? Damnit.)

    Bride #3 - Inviting 350 people in a space that fits 280. Enough said.

    And every single one of them has uttered the words "It's my day and I'm paying for it. If they don't like it, they can leave."
    My jaw literally dropped reading those...  ugh!  

    I swear, the "It's MY day" sentence makes me want to punch someone.  :)
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    flutteringinflflutteringinfl member
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    mikenberger said:
    pinkrevenge said:
    Be honest with me ladies?

    Do modern brides think a wedding is carte blanche to be the most terrible person you can humanly be to your loved ones? Are brides specifically shitting on their guests? They absolutely have to know that what they're doing is terrible, so ....
    I have three friends getting married beside myself. I try VERY hard to reach etiquette and exceed etiquette standards. I did away with a gap that I had (didn't even realize it was bad!), upped my food and other little things.

    Bride #1- Is not inviting a SO of a mutual friend because she doesn't want to be friends with his friends (the bride). She thinks that this is perfectly acceptable. I've met this woman once and am inviting her and her SO (the mutual friend.) to my wedding. "If she wanted to be friends with us or at least be nice when we meet her, I'd invite her. But she's not. So he can decide if he wants to bring her. I'm not inviting her." She is also planning her own Thurs-Sun OOT bachelorette party. And is PISSED I'm not going (I am in her bridal party). She had a shower 10 months before the wedding. And has kicked out a bridesmaid and chose a dress outside of everybody's budget. She is demanding 5" heels and certain hairstyles as well.

    Bride #2 - Wedding is outdoors, burlap, lace, mason jars, cowboy boots. We will all be sitting on bales of hay as well. "The ceremony is short. Everybody will be fine. Or they can stand." Cash bar. "We can't afford alcohol. Sorry we don't make millions like you." (Where in the FUCK are my millions at?? Damnit.)

    Bride #3 - Inviting 350 people in a space that fits 280. Enough said.

    And every single one of them has uttered the words "It's my day and I'm paying for it. If they don't like it, they can leave."
    Ugh. Someone in my month board just pulled the, "If they don't like it, they don't have to come!" card. I don't see how you can argue with that, because technically it's true, but it doesn't make it any less of a crappy thing to do.
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    thespeshulestsnowflakethespeshulestsnowflake member
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    flutteringinfl said:
    mikenberger said:
    pinkrevenge said:
    Be honest with me ladies?

    Do modern brides think a wedding is carte blanche to be the most terrible person you can humanly be to your loved ones? Are brides specifically shitting on their guests? They absolutely have to know that what they're doing is terrible, so ....
    I have three friends getting married beside myself. I try VERY hard to reach etiquette and exceed etiquette standards. I did away with a gap that I had (didn't even realize it was bad!), upped my food and other little things.

    Bride #1- Is not inviting a SO of a mutual friend because she doesn't want to be friends with his friends (the bride). She thinks that this is perfectly acceptable. I've met this woman once and am inviting her and her SO (the mutual friend.) to my wedding. "If she wanted to be friends with us or at least be nice when we meet her, I'd invite her. But she's not. So he can decide if he wants to bring her. I'm not inviting her." She is also planning her own Thurs-Sun OOT bachelorette party. And is PISSED I'm not going (I am in her bridal party). She had a shower 10 months before the wedding. And has kicked out a bridesmaid and chose a dress outside of everybody's budget. She is demanding 5" heels and certain hairstyles as well.

    Bride #2 - Wedding is outdoors, burlap, lace, mason jars, cowboy boots. We will all be sitting on bales of hay as well. "The ceremony is short. Everybody will be fine. Or they can stand." Cash bar. "We can't afford alcohol. Sorry we don't make millions like you." (Where in the FUCK are my millions at?? Damnit.)

    Bride #3 - Inviting 350 people in a space that fits 280. Enough said.

    And every single one of them has uttered the words "It's my day and I'm paying for it. If they don't like it, they can leave."
    Ugh. Someone in my month board just pulled the, "If they don't like it, they don't have to come!" card. I don't see how you can argue with that, because technically it's true, but it doesn't make it any less of a crappy thing to do.
    That and then they complain when people RSVP no or have the audacity to leave early because of poor hosting.
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    levioosalevioosa member
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    pinkrevenge said:
    Be honest with me ladies?

    Do modern brides think a wedding is carte blanche to be the most terrible person you can humanly be to your loved ones? Are brides specifically shitting on their guests? They absolutely have to know that what they're doing is terrible, so ....
    I think people just get caught up in the "It's MY DAY" mentality, and they forget that "MY DAY" leaves lasting impressions on those they supposedly love. 

    My BFF has been pulling the MY DAY card, and I've been trying to steer her away from her terrible decisions.  It finally came to a head a few weeks ago when she told me I was being negative about her wedding and she didn't want to share anything with me anymore.  I told her I was genuinely trying to help.  She's been saying that her huge wedding is because they "have" to invite her FI's business investors...but she wants to invite 250 people when there are only 125 chairs available to her DW (just one blunder out of...like, all the possible etiquette fails you could ever make).  I finally straight up told her that she was going to make a huge ass of herself in front of her family, friends, and business investors, and that all of her etiquette blunders were going to cost her way more than the wedding itself ever would.  She was pretty upset with me for about a day, but at least I got the point across that following etiquette does affect the way people view you.  Whether or not she decides to follow it is a totally different story. I've said my peace, and if she wants help figuring it out, I'm here. I just couldn't sit idly by and watch her damage her future business and personal relationships anymore.  I had to at least make her consider the possibility that what she is doing is horrifically rude. 


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    amelishaamelisha member
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    Personally, this stuff makes me crazy because it is NOT YOUR DAY, really. It's a party you're throwing to thank people for watching you get married. It's not a party for you, it's for your guests, if I'm understanding this correctly. So you should be treating them well like you would any other time you throw a party for someone, if I'm getting this right in my head.

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    AuroraRose41AuroraRose41 member
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    pinkrevenge said:
    Be honest with me ladies?

    Do modern brides think a wedding is carte blanche to be the most terrible person you can humanly be to your loved ones? Are brides specifically shitting on their guests? They absolutely have to know that what they're doing is terrible, so ....
    I think most have the ME ME ME attitude that others have commented on. I tried to guide a friend on proper etiquette, and we had a major falling out over it. I am close with the groom and even he has had trouble getting her to compromise. She prioritized having pretty pictures over food and drink, and he is not happy about it. I actually don't think she realizes just how bad some of these things will be for her guests. I think she hasn't actually sat down and thought about how it would come off, or how she would feel if she were the guest in that situation. 

    One of my best friends asked me questions yesterday about our wedding, and I was shocked that she thought some of these things were normal. She wasn't assuming that her SO (of 3+ years and talking about engagement/marriage!) would be invited, and then when I told her of course he would be, she assumed that they wouldn't be sitting together because she would be at the head table. This is how friends of hers have done it at their weddings, so she thought ours would be the same. I was shocked and told her that I would never do that to her and her SO! I also told her I haven't decided on any seating arrangements yet (haven't even picked out everyone in the wedding party yet for good reason!) but she will be with her SO no matter what. 

    As a 90's baby, I want to apologize for the sense of entitlement that many in my generation seem to have. I don't understand it, and agree 100% with making sure everyone attending is comfortable and well hosted. 

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