Anyone here not have a bachelorette?

nyiri89

From the outset (my wedding is 3/27/15) I told my sister (who is my moh) to please not plan a bachelorette party for me. I'm pretty introverted (she is the exact opposite) and do not have many close friends that I would want there.

I found out about a month ago that she went ahead and planned one anyway. And she invited some of her own friends to it (2 people - not a lot but still). I calmly spoke with my sister about it. I told her I thought we had an understanding that I just wouldn't have a party. She told me I was ungrateful and didn't deserve a party anyway.

Basically I feel terrible about her canceling on people like that. I would have liked to chance to speak to the invitees as to why there wouldn't be one. My sister talks about it often enough that I'm questioning my judgment and if I should go along with one anyway? Or should I stick I my guns and forgo it altogether?

Thanks for your thoughts ladies!

AddieCake

If you don't want one, you should not go along with one just so she can have a party. She can go out any time with her friends. It doesn't have to include you.

Lauderdale Pink

Bachelorette parties are not from my generation, so I really don't get the concept anyway.  I also don't get the need for a Bachelor party for that matter.  I could go out drinking with my friends pretty much whenever I wanted and not go if I didn't.  My daughter has gone to quite a few and generally does not seem to enjoy them, I hear the same from my DIL.  Bottom line, if you don't want the party then don't have it.  You will, however, need to speak with your friends and let them know what has happened in case they already made plans and/or spent money.  Your sister does sound like she has some growing up to do.

southernbelle0915

eb1916 said:

From the outset (my wedding is 3/27/15) I told my sister (who is my moh) to please not plan a bachelorette party for me. I'm pretty introverted (she is the exact opposite) and do not have many close friends that I would want there. I found out about a month ago that she went ahead and planned one anyway. And she invited some of her own friends to it (2 people - not a lot but still). I calmly spoke with my sister about it. I told her I thought we had an understanding that I just wouldn't have a party. She told me I was ungrateful and didn't deserve a party anyway. Basically I feel terrible about her canceling on people like that. I would have liked to chance to speak to the invitees as to why there wouldn't be one. My sister talks about it often enough that I'm questioning my judgment and if I should go along with one anyway? Or should I stick I my guns and forgo it altogether? Thanks for your thoughts ladies!

No. You shouldn't go along with it anyway. You were clear that you didn't want one and she planned one anyway, with her friends no less. It seems like she wants an excuse for a party and is using your wedding as an excuse. Stick to your guns here if you don't want one.

She sounds young and immature. You're not "ungrateful" - you're a clear communicator and she just didn't listen. Her fault, not yours. Don't let her make you feel guilty.

NowIamMrsKlein

I told my mother and SIL (MOH) that I didn't want a party. I am not a crowd person and probably haven't been to a club under my own free will (went for a couple other bachelorette) for at least 8 years.

They called the other day to set a date for my shower and party for in the summer. (I live 8 hours away so they needed to know if I could come down that weekend). I re-iterated that Im not super into that part of the wedding planning and that I appreciated that they wanted to host something for me but that I was concerned that they were going to put time and effort into something I really didn't want.

They simply told me that they know what I do and do not like and to 'not to worry about it, not all parties have to be at a club'



So my advice is maybe to talk to her and find out what they had planned? It doesn't have to be a big drinkfest, club party to be your bachelor party! Sounds like mine is going to be something simple like dinner and bowling or dinner and pedi's with just a couple friends.

rcher912

I'm an introvert, too, and I hate huge parties, so my MOH and I just talked about maybe going to dinner and a movie.

I can definitely understand being uncomfortable, especially if she's inviting people you don't (or barely) even know. That would make me super uncomfortable. You can definitely decline.

lovesclimbing

I feel that is very inappropriate of your sister.  I am the MOH in an upcoming wedding, and the bride told me she did not want a bachelorette.  I would never DREAM of going ahead and planning one for her after she specifically said she didn't want one.

That's crossing a line. I would stick to your guns.

downtondiva

It's not your fault that your sister didn't listen to your wishes in the first place. Don't reward her behavior by going along with what she wants to do. 

For what it's worth, I don't want or expect to have a bachelorette party myself. Not wanting a party isn't ungrateful. It's a matter of knowing yourself and what you're comfortable with.