Bridal Shower Gifts

Srhack

I would like some feedback in regards to having a shower thrown for me where guests are notified that if they plan to give a gift, gift cards would be appreciated rather than actual gifts. My shower and the wedding are taking place in a different state then where i currently live. I have started a registry, but then got to thinking about registering only for gift cards. The reason being that I live in a small apartment and we may/may not be moving this year. While I understand that i can have items shipped to my home, the biggest factor is that I don't have any extra space to store gifts that I may receive. I have read many posts from others saying that to suggest guests give gift cards over presents is rude and tacky, and others saying not to have a shower at all. 1. This is the easiest thing for me to accept given the circumstances. I am in no way trying to be rude or implying what people pick out for me wouldn't be good enough. Its primarily a space issue and 2. My mom and sister are adamant on throwing me a shower. I appreciate thoughts on this.

poodledoodleooo

Showers are gift giving events. Boxed gifts. If you do not wish to receive boxed gifts at this shower due to transport and/or storage issues, you really should decline the shower. If the host insists on hosting some sort of pre-wedding gathering and you would like to have one in this location, consider having a bridal luncheon, tea or other party that is not typically a gift-giving event.

Specifying that you would like to only receive gift cards, or any certain gift (especially including cash), is incredibly rude.

ShesSoCold

Srhack said:

I would like some feedback in regards to having a shower thrown for me where guests are notified that if they plan to give a gift, gift cards would be appreciated rather than actual gifts. My shower and the wedding are taking place in a different state then where i currently live. I have started a registry, but then got to thinking about registering only for gift cards. The reason being that I live in a small apartment and we may/may not be moving this year. While I understand that i can have items shipped to my home, the biggest factor is that I don't have any extra space to store gifts that I may receive. I have read many posts from others saying that to suggest guests give gift cards over presents is rude and tacky, and others saying not to have a shower at all. 1. This is the easiest thing for me to accept given the circumstances. I am in no way trying to be rude or implying what people pick out for me wouldn't be good enough. Its primarily a space issue and 2. My mom and sister are adamant on throwing me a shower. I appreciate thoughts on this.

If you don't want actual boxed gifts, you need to be adamant that you do not want a shower. 

antoto

I just imagined a shower where everyone sits around the bride and watches her open gift cards.

"Oh and here I got 100 dollar gift card from Susy, and a 75 dollar gift card from Jessica..."

Oh sweet jesus......

flantastic

You cannot both have a shower and yet not have the consequences of having a shower, which is boxed gifts to ship and store. If you want the boxed gifts, have the shower. If you cannot handle boxed gifts at this time, you cannot have a shower. Sorry, mom and sister.

ETA: PP's suggestion of a bridal tea, etc. is good. MIL wanted to throw me a shower and I tried to steer her that direction because I didn't really know most of the guests she'd invite (FI's family friends) and didn't feel super comfortable accepting gifts from them, but didn't mind sitting around with hors d'ouvres and getting to know them.

antoto

Just as perspective - you can still totally have a shower even if you are moving/living in an apartment.  My sister had a shower and then moved to Thailand for a year.  She kept her gifts at our family's houses and in storage and now that she is back she still lives in a (very well appointed) apartment.  Someday she will probably buy a house and she will have all these wonderful, thoughtful gifts to help fill it forever.

delujm0

My shower was a 8 hour drive or a flight from where i currently live (in a small condo) and yet i somehow still received boxed gifts!  What?????

 

First of all, most poeple were intelligent enough to realize that if they were getting me something large, like a set of cookware or luggage, it would be best to have it shipped directly to my home state.  Second of all, if people are kind enough to open their purses and buy me a gift, i'm going to accept it gratefully and find a way to get it home myself.  In our case, we just left the gifst in my in-laws' basement and the next time we decided to drive up there rather than fly we just brought everything home with us.  You could also have it shipped to you.  Some brides will return the items in the shower state and re-buy them in their home state, but that seems a little questionable to me personally.  but there are ways to make this work.

 

showers are for boxed gifts, period. you don't want boxed gifts, you don't have a shower.  and don't use the "we have everything we need/we have no room" excuse.  We lived in a one bedroom condo for 8 years together before we got married, and yet we still found plenty of items that we could register for upgrades to.  i'm sure you could do the same thing.  i mean are you going to want more/nicer/newer housewares when you move out of that apartment and into a house some day?  if so, this is literally the only time in your life that it would be reasonable to expect other people to buy it for you.  you should either take advantage of that or decline the shower al together.

levioosa

Asking for cash or gift cards is incredibly rude, and is definitely not appropriate at a shower.  The whole point of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts.  If you truly have no place to store the gifts, decline the shower. 

It is also rude to state "Cash Gifts Only" on your invitations.  Registry information is never included with invitations.

mlg78

Your could always return the gifts wherever your shower is and then re-purchase them when you get back home.  It's not ideal...  But honestly, you don't need new sheets? A new set of pots & pans? New towels?  If you don't have space for a lot of stuff, don't invite a lot of ladies to the shower!

AddieCake

Blech.

mlg78

AddieCake said:

Blech.

Does this replace your usual "WTF"?

SP29

Agreed, the purpose of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts. It is never polite to state what kind of a gift you should receive.

If your mom and sister are so gung-ho to throw a party, have a bridal tea or luncheon.

I got married in my hometown, which is not where I currently live. My MOH (who lives in hometown) threw me a bridal tea (I also wasn't crazy about getting boxed gifts) in my hometown. I had a registry in general. Everyone still came with a "gift" (most of them gave me cash)- not that it was required, or expected. One guest gave me a "certificate" that she would mail me a gift off my registry when I returned home. 

huskypuppy14

If your mom and sister are so adamant about throwing you a shower, than you should tell them they need to store your gifts for you. There problem solved.

My sister was married almost 3 years ago, her wedding presents are still in her old closet at our parent's house. My mom joked whenever she needed a gift for something, she was just going to go in the closet and take something.

My husband and I lived in a one bedroom apartment, though we bought a house right before our wedding. My shower gifts sat in the living room for 2 months and the large stuff was stored at my inlaws until we moved into our house. 

Whatever you decide to do, you can't register for gift cards.

MandyMost

huskypuppy14 said:

If your mom and sister are so adamant about throwing you a shower, than you should tell them they need to store your gifts for you. There problem solved.

My sister was married almost 3 years ago, her wedding presents are still in her old closet at our parent's house. My mom joked whenever she needed a gift for something, she was just going to go in the closet and take something.

My husband and I lived in a one bedroom apartment, though we bought a house right before our wedding. My shower gifts sat in the living room for 2 months and the large stuff was stored at my inlaws until we moved into our house. 

Whatever you decide to do, you can't register for gift cards.

This. Have you talked to your mom or sister about storing your gifts for you for a year? Likely not everything, since some things will upgrades (i.e. pots and pans, where you throw away/donate your old pots and pans). My in-laws are storing a whole set of dishes for us, indefinitely (likely a couple years) until we move. We just don't have the space for it, nevermind the space for a big dinner party, right now. 

novella1186

It sounds like you already know it's rude/unacceptable to ask for gift cards, but you want to find validation to do it anyway because of your circumstances. Everyone has their own set of circumstances. That doesn't change the rules. 

We're currently renting a very tiny house with 0 storage space. I registered for things like bed linens, pillows, new bath towels, new dishes; stuff that we currently have but that is in bad shape or literally falling apart. Those things will all go to Goodwill when we get the new things, so no additional space is going to be taken up. 

You can register for the things you need, and will currently use, and can currently logically fit into your living space (or store some of it for the time being if you really need to). Or don't register at all and don't have a shower. It's that simple. 

bananasplit472001

Since bridal showers are solely gift giving events it would be tacky for guests to show up without one.  It would also be tacky for you to request cash or giftcards.  Your best bet is to not have a shower and therefore not receive any gifts.  You can't have it both ways I still do not understand why people think it is ok to outright ask for money regardless of their personal situations.

Junebug2015

novella1186 said:

It sounds like you already know it's rude/unacceptable to ask for gift cards, but you want to find validation to do it anyway because of your circumstances. Everyone has their own set of circumstances. That doesn't change the rules. 

We're currently renting a very tiny house with 0 storage space. I registered for things like bed linens, pillows, new bath towels, new dishes; stuff that we currently have but that is in bad shape or literally falling apart. Those things will all go to Goodwill when we get the new things, so no additional space is going to be taken up. 

You can register for the things you need, and will currently use, and can currently logically fit into your living space (or store some of it for the time being if you really need to). Or don't register at all and don't have a shower. It's that simple. 

Agree with this. Register strategically for items that don't take up a lot of space or will replace things you already have. If you don't have room to store it, ask your mom or sister. Worst case scenario, you may have to return a large, unstoreable gift for store credit (which you can avoid by simply not registering for large gifts).

abl13

PPs have covered it but I wanted to add that the gifts we received for our shower/wedding are very sentimental to us now. You can't buy that yourself with gift cards.

aurianna

OP,

I'm glad you came here. The fact that you asked the question means you probably knew deep down that asking for a shower like that isn't right.

As one PP suggested, a Bridal Tea or Luncheon is a great solution.
The people that want to throw you a shower can still host an event honoring you, but it won't be a gift giving event.

Another option... just register for really small stuff (physically). Stuff that's easy to stack/pack and isn't awkward or fragile. Sheets. Towels. Shower curtain. Table cloths. Apron. Place mats. Silverware. Napkin rings. Cutting boards. Cookie sheets.... and register for storage boxes and such. You could probably pack up the majority of your presents in a fairly small foot print.
That solution isn't fool proof. Some people would still go off registry and get you larger items. But surely you can find space for a few things?

You can also be honest with the people offering to throw you a shower. Say you just don't have room for a lot of presents right now and maybe they'll offer you a basement or a closet for a while.