Odd Reception ideas.

tkuzon1024

My fiance and I aren't going ALL out for our wedding.  We've both decided that a wedding has NOTHING to do with marriage, and we don't see a point in having a big blow out party just to "please" our families, when our wedding is about US and NOT about them. ...EndRant.

I'd still really like so celebrate in some way with friends and family.  I only want a handful of people at the wedding ceremony, basically because you have to hike to it, so it'll be something incredibly small (not to mention it's going to be on a Wednesday).  So later in the week, on Friday or Saturday I'd like to throw a party.  Maybe rent space at a bar and have friends and family come, but make them pay for themselves?  (This will weed out all the jerks that are only coming for the party and not to celebrate our wedding)

Basically what I"m asking is, would it be rude to throw a "wedding reception" party at a bar? idk.  I'm trying to think outside the box here.

flantastic

tkuzon1024 said:

My fiance and I aren't going ALL out for our wedding.  We've both decided that a wedding has NOTHING to do with marriage, and we don't see a point in having a big blow out party just to "please" our families, when our wedding is about US and NOT about them. ...EndRant.

I'd still really like so celebrate in some way with friends and family.  I only want a handful of people at the wedding ceremony, basically because you have to hike to it, so it'll be something incredibly small (not to mention it's going to be on a Wednesday).  So later in the week, on Friday or Saturday I'd like to throw a party.  Maybe rent space at a bar and have friends and family come, but make them pay for themselves?  (This will weed out all the jerks that are only coming for the party and not to celebrate our wedding)

Basically what I"m asking is, would it be rude to throw a "wedding reception" party at a bar? idk.  I'm trying to think outside the box here.

As long as you're paying for all their food and beverage, it would not be rude.

I think you have an unnecessarily low opinion of most wedding guests, though. People usually do not take time out of their day and travel budget and possibly vacation time for a party if they do not actually care about the couple. Your "it's about US and not about THEM" attitude is dangerous because that typically is an excuse to be rude to your guests and treat them only as freeloaders. If you don't respect a person and don't think they care to see you get married, just don't invite them.

manateehugger

tkuzon1024 said:

My fiance and I aren't going ALL out for our wedding.  We've both decided that a wedding has NOTHING to do with marriage, and we don't see a point in having a big blow out party just to "please" our families, when our wedding is about US and NOT about them. ...EndRant.

I'd still really like so celebrate in some way with friends and family.  I only want a handful of people at the wedding ceremony, basically because you have to hike to it, so it'll be something incredibly small (not to mention it's going to be on a Wednesday).  So later in the week, on Friday or Saturday I'd like to throw a party.  Maybe rent space at a bar and have friends and family come, but make them pay for themselves?  (This will weed out all the jerks that are only coming for the party and not to celebrate our wedding)

Basically what I"m asking is, would it be rude to throw a "wedding reception" party at a bar? idk.  I'm trying to think outside the box here.

Dude, you can't be serious with the bolded. You expect people to come celebrate you, but call them jerks for attending a party you are hosting if they actually expect you to, you know, HOST?!

So a wedding is nothing more than a ceremony in which two people become married.If you would like your wedding to be a private ceremony (and I mean truly private - like 10-15 people or less), and then have a party later on to celebrate your new marriage, that's fine. Though, know you will hurt feelings and make your guests feel tiered, and I would probably never attend a random out of town party when I wasn't invited to the ceremony. The ceremony is the most important part, and the reason for the celebration.

HOWEVER, you cannot invite people to a party to celebrate your marriage and expect them to pay for it. That's rude as hell.

levioosa

You MUST properly host anyone who comes to celebrate and witness your ceremony.  If you hate your guests so much, then elope.  I don't know where all of these "freeloaders" are that you're seeing, but people typically spend just as much, if not more, to come witness a ceremony and celebrate with the B & G.  It also doesn't make sense to have a semi-private ceremony in the middle of the week only to throw the reception a few days later.  The reception immediately follows the ceremony as a thank you to your guests for attending. 

Throwing a reception in a bar is fine as long as you are paying for their food and drinks. 

jacques27

The people invited to your ceremony must be hosted immediately after the ceremony with some type of reception. 
Hosted = you pay. 
Immediately = directly following the ceremony (not later that night, not the next day, not several days later). 
Some type of reception = chairs to sit and food and drink appropriate to the time of day (cake and punch at a non-meal time, a meal of some sort otherwise - can also be dinner at a restaurant).

That is non-negotiable.  The purpose of the reception is to receive your guests for the first time as a married couple and thank your guests for coming to your ceremony.

Now, if you want to ALSO host a celebration of marriage party inviting the people who attended your wedding and additional people who were not invited to the wedding, that's ok, too.  It's also ok to have it at a bar or restaurant.  But as host, all of the same rules apply - you have chairs and food and drink appropriate to the time of day and you pay.  You wouldn't throw a dinner party at your house and then tell people they have to pay you $15 to eat dinner.  A wedding reception or a celebration of marriage party is basically just a bigger dinner party.  You getting married doesn't make it ok to charge people to celebrate your event with you.


However, your post really does seem like you're protesting too much - like you're out to prove something about your relationship or cover up your own insecurity by becoming excessively aggressive on the opposite spectrum to overcompensate.  You seem to think very poorly of your friends and family or you seem to think that putting up money to celebrate you is how someone demonstrates their worthiness of love.  Because otherwise what is the need for "weeding out jerks" when the guest list would consist of people you are handpicking to invite to celebrate with you?  There will only be jerks there if you choose to invite jerks.  So, don't invite jerks and pay for your own party or just don't have the party if you really think that poorly of your friends and family. 

AddieCake

Host something the day of for those who attend. Have fun at the bar celebrating later in the week. Get a better attitude about this.

climbingsingle

Nice attitude. Why not just elope then?

Dreamergirl8812

JoanE2012

tkuzon1024 said:

My fiance and I aren't going ALL out for our wedding.  We've both decided that a wedding has NOTHING to do with marriage, and we don't see a point in having a big blow out party just to "please" our families, when our wedding is about US and NOT about them. ...EndRant.

I'd still really like so celebrate in some way with friends and family.  I only want a handful of people at the wedding ceremony, basically because you have to hike to it, so it'll be something incredibly small (not to mention it's going to be on a Wednesday).  So later in the week, on Friday or Saturday I'd like to throw a party.  Maybe rent space at a bar and have friends and family come, but make them pay for themselves?  (This will weed out all the jerks that are only coming for the party and not to celebrate our wedding)

Basically what I"m asking is, would it be rude to throw a "wedding reception" party at a bar? idk.  I'm trying to think outside the box here.

I hope your guests at the ceremony are aware they have to hike to the location.  And I sure hope you are hosting them properly by providing a meal afterwards.

As for the party that weekend, no, you cannot invite people and then tell them ot pay for themselves.  That's incredibly rude.  Skip the party if you don't want to host.

slothiegal

Elope and spare everyone your nasty attitude.

ElcaB

Throwing a "yay, we got married" party at a bar post-wedding is perfectly fine. Asking guests to pay for themselves at said party is not. 

MandyMost

ElcaB said:

Throwing a "yay, we got married" party at a bar post-wedding is perfectly fine. Asking guests to pay for themselves at said party is not. 

The only possible way I can see around this is to tell people (NOT with any kind of actual invitation, but via verbal, text, etc.) that you're planning to go out an celebrate your newly married status on Saturday night at X bar. And tell them you'd love it if they happen to be out and about and can stop by and say hello. 

abl13

I would just take your guests to a restaurant (you pay, doesn't have to be expensive) immediately after your wedding and call it a day.

redoryx

tkuzon1024 said:

My fiance and I aren't going ALL out for our wedding.  We've both decided that a wedding has NOTHING to do with marriage, and we don't see a point in having a big blow out party just to "please" our families, when our wedding is about US and NOT about them. ...EndRant.

I'd still really like so celebrate in some way with friends and family.  I only want a handful of people at the wedding ceremony, basically because you have to hike to it, so it'll be something incredibly small (not to mention it's going to be on a Wednesday).  So later in the week, on Friday or Saturday I'd like to throw a party.  Maybe rent space at a bar and have friends and family come, but make them pay for themselves?  (This will weed out all the jerks that are only coming for the party and not to celebrate our wedding)

Basically what I"m asking is, would it be rude to throw a "wedding reception" party at a bar? idk.  I'm trying to think outside the box here.

Reception at a bar? Not rude.

Making your guests pay for themselves? Rude.

You're not trying to think outside the box, you're trying to not have to host your guests which is rude as hell. If this is the attitude you have towards your friends and family, just elope FFS

jenna8984

tkuzon1024 said:

 

 Maybe rent space at a bar and have friends and family come, but make them pay for themselves?  (This will weed out all the jerks that are only coming for the party and not to celebrate our wedding)

 

Bahahahaha this can't be real. You have to be fucking with me. I'm going to my friend's wedding next month not because I love her and am so happy for her, but because I totally want that free chicken dinner!!

flutteringinfl

jenna8984 said:

tkuzon1024 said:

 

 Maybe rent space at a bar and have friends and family come, but make them pay for themselves?  (This will weed out all the jerks that are only coming for the party and not to celebrate our wedding)

 

Bahahahaha this can't be real. You have to be fucking with me. I'm going to my friend's wedding next month not because I love her and am so happy for her, but because I totally want that free chicken dinner!!

I would have starved to death, but thank goodness for that wedding invitation! I can't wait to spend my day watching someone I care about get married, buy them a gift, and potentially pay for a hotel room, clothes, and travel so I can freeload off their caterers!

MGP

So what you are telling us is that you want to weed out the freeloading jerks by having people pay for their own meals. So the non-jerks that show up still have to pay for their meals? Where is the fairness in that?

This is not just an odd Idea, it it is a very, very rude idea. Just elope and spare your guests from your terrible attitude.

[Deleted User]

You can have a party wherever you like, but like PP said, to ask guests to pay for their own food & drinks is rude. It's one thing to say, hey we're going to be at xzy on Saturday to celebrate, if anyone wants to hang out, then come on up. If I saw an invite that like say via text or email, then I would expect to pay my own way and also not expect to get you a gift. However, if I got an invite saying "join us at xyz at 7:00PM on 06/01/15 to celebrate our marriage" I would expect you to be hosting the event and to provide some sort of food/beverages. Think of it this way, would you invite people to your house for a party & not have some food & beverges available for them? What's the difference if you're at a resturant or bar?

I get wanting to cut out the freeloaders, the best way to do that is, don't invite them. You know from your friends which people are free loaders & which people are your true friends. Just invite your true friends and leave it at that. Or just do a text/email to your friends with the "Hey, we'll be at XYZ after 7:00 PM to have a few drinks to celebrate our marriage that took place on xx/xx/xxx, if anyone wants to come & hang out with us, please feel free to come up & join us"/

AddieCake

MandyMost said:

ElcaB said:

Throwing a "yay, we got married" party at a bar post-wedding is perfectly fine. Asking guests to pay for themselves at said party is not. 

The only possible way I can see around this is to tell people (NOT with any kind of actual invitation, but via verbal, text, etc.) that you're planning to go out an celebrate your newly married status on Saturday night at X bar. And tell them you'd love it if they happen to be out and about and can stop by and say hello. 

This. 

PrettyGirlLost

tkuzon1024 said:

My fiance and I aren't going ALL out for our wedding.  We've both decided that a wedding has NOTHING to do with marriage, and we don't see a point in having a big blow out party just to "please" our families, when our wedding is about US and NOT about them. ...EndRant.  Um. . . there can be no marriage unless there's a wedding, so a wedding has EVERYTHING to do with a marriage.  I think you are confusing the terms wedding and reception.  And the point of the reception actually kinda is to please your family- you host a reception for everyone who attended and publicly supported your wedding in order to thank them for their support.  The wedding ceremony is about YOU, but the reception is about your Guests.

I'd still really like so celebrate in some way with friends and family.  I only want a handful of people at the wedding ceremony, basically because you have to hike to it, so it'll be something incredibly small (not to mention it's going to be on a Wednesday).  So later in the week, on Friday or Saturday I'd like to throw a party.  Maybe rent space at a bar and have friends and family come, but make them pay for themselves?  1st, it's incredibly rude to host, or as you said throw, a party, any type of party, and then make your guests pay for anything.  This is rude if this is a dinner party at your house, and it's rude if this is a party at a bar.  2nd, as a guest I'd feel pretty insulted that I wasn't invited to your actual wedding ceremony. .. which is the meaningful part of a wedding day.  (This will weed out all the jerks that are only coming for the party and not to celebrate our wedding)  Wow, what a great attitude.  But actually, your logic is flawed.  This plan will actually select for those jerks.  Because the people who actually would have wanted to celebrate your wedding ceremony, well they are likely to be offended that they weren't invited to the actual wedding and they might choose to skip this bar party.

Basically what I"m asking is, would it be rude to throw a "wedding reception" party at a bar? idk.  I'm trying to think outside the box here.

Yes, it would be rude to throw a wedding reception at a bar and then refuse not to pay for any food or drinks for the people you are inviting.

Your attitude towards your family and friends seems bizarre too. . . maybe you should just elope.

MyNameIsNot

Your easiest solution is to just elope. If you're so scared that people who care about you would take advantage of you, you're better off not inviting them.

If you do invite a few people, take them out to lunch/dinner after the ceremony on Wednesday. But be a decent human being about it and pick up the bill. 

Skip the catastrophe the following weekend. If you don't care enough to host them, don't throw a party for these people.

[Deleted User]

LondonLisa

Simply solution to your problem of wedding out people: if you don't want "jerks" at your celebration, don't invite them (as long as they are not SOs). Now you are free to actually host your guests properly by paying for them. 

"My wedding was great, but I really regret not having more jerks there!" -No one ever

sophhabobopha

chibiyui