NWR: Coworker told he has a week to live...

AuroraRose41

I mentioned this in a comment over on NEY, but wanted advice on proper etiquette concerning this situation. 

FI and I work at the same company, but on different teams. FI came to my office this afternoon holding back tears. He told me that a coworker of ours that FI considered a mentor went to the hospital last night with stomach pain and was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The doctors told him he has a week to live. FI was almost inconsolable. I hugged him and mentioned something about sending a card or flowers or something in the moment of sadness. 

But then as I thought about it more, I'm not even sure what we should do. I can't think of any type of wording in a card that would make the coworker feel better. "Get well soon" seems wrong, because he probably won't get well, and a note about it being a pleasure to work with you and get to know you also seems wrong, because it seems like we are saying "It was nice knowing you while it lasted". With flowers, I think you normally do send a card too (also, would that be weird to send?). I know it would make FI feel better to at least do something to show him that we are thinking of him, but I am at a loss. 

Any ideas would be extremely appreciated. Also, FUCK CANCER. 

aurianna

Well that's awful!

Ummm... "We're thinking of you, always." ?

If both he and you are religious something like "You are in our prayers," is always nice.

Or you could just attach a card to the candy/flowers/whatever with "With all our thoughts, care and respect, *name*"

Ugh. How horrible.

mlg78

I spent about ten years volunteering for the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network after my dad died of pancreatic cancer. It's a beast like no other. My heart goes out to this guy and the two of you. I think companionship is what he might want the most. If your FI isn't that close with him then there are many "cope" kind of cards. Hallmark also has some appropriate for terminal cancer as well.

theartistformerlyknownas

I would go with "you're in our thoughts" or "you're in our prayers."

AuroraRose41

Thank you all. I don't know why I couldn't think of "you're in our thoughts and prayers" in the moment. I guess I just didn't want to send anything that could possibly offend him during such a difficult time, and with so many thoughts going through my head I am sure that I wasn't thinking clearly. 

@mlg78 thank you for the suggestions on the cards. I did not know that those existed, and will most definitely look into them asap. I'm sorry to hear about your father, but that's wonderful that you volunteered for that organization. I think I will be donating to that one or a similar organization after seeing this happen. 

artbyallie

We lost my Papaw to pancreatic cancer in November. He had been diagnosed in October. It's a fast-moving, vicious son of a bitch.

Do you know if coworker is married/has a family? I would recommend restaurant gift cards or food over flowers and sympathy cards.

southernbelle0915

I'm so sorry. Does he have family that's in town and/or visiting him? If so, I would just send the flowers and a card. Maybe one of those books with photography from national parks or something...something pleasant and distracting.

"Dear coworker, Wishing you strength and peace. We're keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. -Aurora & FI"

If he doesn't have any family, it might mean a lot to him if you visit.

dcbride86

I have no advice for you, but just want to say how very sorry I am.  And I wholeheartedly agree with you - FUCK CANCER.  I'm so sick of it. 

Again, I'm so sorry for you and FI, and of course, your coworker.  You're all in my thoughts.

SP29

Sorry to hear- another one for FUCK CANCER.

If you send flowers and a card, I think a simple "Thinking of you" or "You are in our thoughts and prayers" would be appropriate. 

larrygaga

I suggest a thinking of you card along with some candy or flowers. I mean who wouldn't want candy when they are dying? Provided they are able to eat. 

AuroraRose41

Thank you all. Just an update: FI went with a group of his coworkers to see him yesterday. FI invited me along but I was dealing with a work emergency and I couldn't get it taken care of in time. As I said, FI knew him much better than I did, so i just told FI to tell him that many others were thinking about him too. 

FI told me that he did not look well at all and couldn't keep anything down, and didn't look like he had much time left. From the sound of it, it will be surprising if he makes it through the weekend. He was happy that so many of his close coworkers went to visit though, and very humbled that so many were thinking of him. FI and I think that was probably the best thing to do, and now he should be with his family and loved ones. We will donate to an organization dedicated to researching a cure, and I might bake/cook something for family members of his in the next few weeks. 

climbingsingle

I'm so sorry. The person I considered my mentor passed away last summer and it was very hard. I think you've already gotten some great suggestions. A nice card saying you're thinking of him and flowers and or food are good.