Elopement or $25k Wedding? Help!

Knottie1427558956

So when I was a young naive thing, I fell in love with the perfect boy. After dating for sometime it was decided that we should get married.  This perfect boy took me to a ring shop and said pick 3 that you like.  (Ladies: I know this doesn't sound very romantic, but I have OCD, He knows better ). Later I found out that those little shiny things all cost in the thousands of thousands of dollars.  But I said hey, Its once in a lifetime right? Right….  So then magic happened, there were fireworks, ooh's and aahs' and I got engaged.  Now I'm beginning to plan a wedding.  When my FI and I began this journey we were at 50 people a small happy group of our friends and family.  Somehow 50 turned to 75 turned to 100 now I'm at almost 200 people and I'm thinking how am I supposed to feed 200 people?!?! I never thought $25,000 was considered budget wedding but the rose colored glasses have come off.  I have now for the first time ever in my life considered getting hitched on the road! What do you ladies/gents think? Is it really worth it? Have any of you gotten married at a Sandals? Did it completely ruin your wedding experience? Please I'd really like to know what answers you have or even tips to cut people or accommodate people.  Thank you in advance.

NOLABridesmaid

I'm curious how your guest count rose from 50 to 200. What does your gut tell you to do? I always say go with your gut. What does you FI want to do?

VarunaTT

FYI:  still sound like a naive young thing.

There is a whole lotta room between 200 guests and $25K wedding.  So, here's my advice:

cakemurderer

I don't think anyone can tell you what will work best for you since it's such a personal decision. My first wedding was at a courthouse with a small restaurant reception after. It felt like a splurge at $3.5k, which I now realize is nothing when it comes to a wedding! I wound up regretting not having a pretty dress, a bouquet, a cake, basically all of the traditional froo froo wedding stuff. But that's just me. Other people have done the same thing and have been perfectly happy.

This time around my FI and I are planning a real party with all of the trappings. I'm excited about the dress and the cake (I might have an unnatural fixation with cake). He's excited about getting to have a big party with his friends and family to celebrate our happy day. And both of us are, of course, very excited about getting hitched and spending the rest of our lives together. Since we're on a budget, we're limiting the guest list to 80-100, which is tough, but it helps us afford the wedding I want (dress, flowers, CAKE!) and the wedding he wants (big party with food and booze for all). We had to compromise on the guest list so we could both have the things we want. Ultimately, it's up to what you and your FI want. Ask him what his vision is and try to find a way to make both of you happy. 

There are all kinds of budget tips here on The Knot, from having a dry wedding to hosting a Sunday brunch reception, but I think the #1 best way to keep the price low is to be selective with your guest list. If that's not an option, try to be flexible about the time of year you get married (off season is sometimes cheaper), the day you get married (Friday or Sundays are often discounted), and look for ways to cut corners on things like invitations (print them yourself or look somewhere like Vistaprint for deals) and decor. Good luck with whatever you choose to do!

Knottie1427558956

Nola,

We had thought of our immediate family and close friends.  Then his mother wanted to add guests, my father wanted to add guests. We realized we had forgotten certain family members and all of our family members are married, from there the guests lists blew up!

MesmrEwe

IMO it sounds like you did what many couples do they think "oh 50-75 guests" then they do the real math.  At least you didn't book a site before having done the real guest count math!  (DH's cousin did this then ended up calling about half of the guest list to "uninvite" people when they had a reception room for 150 and 300 count guest list).. 

We had 400 attend and a final budget of around $18K.  Granted, a few things have changed slightly in price but it's not that much overall compared to what we've spent on other events recently multiplied by that many guests.  It's all in how you choose to use your pennies.  You can't afford the "Spend with reckless abandon" wedding, so you've got choices to make.  Many of the people you invite won't attend for one reason or another, however you've still got to plan "as if" until you have your RSVP's.  Eloping isn't going to save you money if you end up having a reception when you return.  As SIL put it they spent double of what it'd cost them to have just gotten married when they wanted at home.  They wouldn't have changed going to Jamaica or the reception when they got back, it's just something to consider when budgeting. 

I'd also be lying if I said that it's not normal at some point in the process to consider just running off with your absolute must attend guests (parents, GP, IL's and siblings).  But, you can always consider "Eloping at home" too for a destination within driving distance but that can make planning even trickier. If you can't figure out how to spread $25K over 200 guests, you need some budgeting and economics lessons.  That's an incredibly reasonable budget and you don't HAVE to spend all of it!  There are tons of ways to even have 200 guests for a $10K budget without looking cheap.  It's all in how you choose to have things.  DIY invites (if you go with the packs that you put through your printer) can save you hundreds, giving your vendors a budget to work with and flexibility will save you thousands in some cases, ordering your dresses online instead of a bridal store can also save you a TON as well (many sites allow for a small upcharge design to fit your body measurements).  Nickels and dimes add up to dollars, you don't need favors, or a monogrammed aisle runner, or for that matter pew bows, and unless you already own something, DIY doesn't necessarily equal money savings.  Be smart about your budget and stop stressing!

Heffalump

Do you have a budget?  Because this kind of reads like you want a wedding, decided what you want to have, and then discovered that it's too expensive.  Cart ---> horse.  If you haven't already, start with a budget and work from there.

And what the what at not knowing how much engagement rings cost?

Knottie1427558956

@Heffalump, I'm a very simple person. Between the type of work I do and the outside activities I do, I never really wear jewelry especially expensive jewelry.  The budget that we have right now is set at $25,000. I am extremely fastidious so I do know what I want to have, I just really wanted an outside opinion on if its really worth it.  Im a practical person and while I am lucky enough to be able to spend that kind of money on a wedding, It doesn't make it any easier for me to accept parting with it.   I will admit that when it came to weddings and engagement rings I really had no clue how expensive this stuff is.  While I want the pretty dress, the friends, the family and the like, in my mind it is smarter to put that towards a home or upgrading our current home.  

@Mesmrewe I would totally love to know how you were able to pull off 400 on $18k.  My FI and I have been looking and maybe its because we live in Southern California but the prices for everything are insane.  

*Barbie*

Friends of mine got married at a Sandals in Jamaica. Their families were a bit disappointed to not be invited (he is an only child, so it was a bigger deal from his side) - but they were determined to have the wedding they wanted. They a nice private sunset ceremony on the beach followed by dinner, and loved the whole thing. They wouldn't have changed anything about their wedding. They also refused to have a reception when they got home - they just weren't into the whole big party. 

lnixon8

Make a list of what your priorities are. Mine were: 1. being able to invite everyone I wanted (220 people- 40 being kids under 10) 2.food/open bar 3. photos.  My budget was 20k.

Don't just rely on companies TK suggests. I went that way for caterers, broke down and then started looking on my own: talking to my favorite restaurants, considering more casual menus (bbq/brunch will always be more economical than surf and turf). Look on facebook for photographers- doesn't have to be a photography student to get better prices than what is advertised here. If you go out to dance, talk to the djs playing at bars on the weekends and see what their rates are

I'm doing david's bridal bundle invites (shocked and super excited with how they came out for the $$).  I looked at brides against breast cancer for dresses, ended up getting one at DB for $100 less than I budgeted for (600). I'm order flowers through Sam's club. I'm doing my own centerpieces from ikea lanterns and oyster shells. Search fb for local wedding consignment /swaps groups (thats what I plan on doing with my ikea lanterns).

 Remember that if the venue you choose is already pretty you will have less to do/buy. For many people, simpler is more beautiful even if that means stepping away from pinterest and "themes".

Don't be afraid to cut non-essentials: programs, menu cards at each plate, chair covers/sashes, elaborate guestbooks/ "cute" signs/ entertainment (lawn games, board games, write advice to the happy couple), favors, photo booth, candy buffetts

MesmrEwe

Knottie99709482 said:

 I will admit that when it came to weddings and engagement rings I really had no clue how expensive this stuff is.  While I want the pretty dress, the friends, the family and the like, in my mind it is smarter to put that towards a home or upgrading our current home.  

@Mesmrewe I would totally love to know how you were able to pull off 400 on $18k.  My FI and I have been looking and maybe its because we live in Southern California but the prices for everything are insane.  

How we did it - first we found a reception site that was flexible in size since we knew there was potential for this to get gigantic in a hurry(we truly could have ended up with more than this).  But also, you've got to look beyond who advertises in the magazines or online and get creative.  Google "Meeting space for 200" in your specific area and you're going to come up with a different set of contacts, another possibility is a sound stage though you'd have to provide most everything yourselves.  Sometimes churches rent their parish hall/gathering space which is a huge money saver depending on where you're planning your ceremony.   Next, we shopped smart.  We worked with our vendors.  It's a different discussion to bring in $3000 cake pictures and have a $800 budget than it is to come to the baker with a $800-1000 budget and say "here are the details surrounding our wedding, let's design something to fit the budget?"  The same holds true for florists.  I've done this for events recently and ended up below my budget because I gave them flexibility.  You don't have to DIY to have an awesome event, you just have to be smart about it.  Let your vendors do some of the work for you.  Many caterers will include linen service for a small markup, and some outright include it so make sure you're factoring the what you get for the money because they may be slightly higher but that's one detail you don't have to hire another vendor for will save you a lot.  Many caterers around here include a basic centerpiece (candles and a mirror).  Same for chairs that your reception site provides with the tables.  No one truly cares what the chair looks like as long as it's sturdy enough to seat them and they're clean.  It's things like that which kept us within a budget.  That said, I also did a lot of DIY.  I purchased Christmas light packs at 90% markdown after Christmas, so had 40 packs of Christmas lights to decorate with for $.25 each goes a long way.  Instead of centerpieces, we used table cakes.  Instead of purchasing expensive toasting flutes, I went to Target and purchased glasses and added a little "bling" with craft supplies I already owned..