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Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

MIL wore white

Hi!
Our wedding was just two/three days ago and we are so glad to be getting our lives back in order. We had so much fun and help from our friends & family, but being the homebodies we are we're glad to have our house back!

We've talked and decided that we have no regrets, everything went beautifully! I'm told our ceremony video turned out perfectly and I've got the first batch of pictures. There was no fighting amongst my family and I managed to realize that I was marrying my best friend and no one could ruin that.

I wanted to post this so that any women who might be worried their MIL might wear white or doing something else "horrible" would see it and I could tell them that you won't care.

When I saw her before the reception I was so angry, but I got distracted and by the time our reception had started I was just so happy and excited to dance with my husband all night that I didn't care anymore. She/they do it for attention - just don't give it to them.

We took pictures and she was in some of them, but I'd talked with our photographer/best man before the shoot and he made sure she wasn't in any of the ones I really wanted.

Just remember - it's your day, you're marrying the love of your life, and no one can take that away from you - it's what you make it.

 

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Re: MIL wore white

  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Sweet!
  • For Knotties who are not yet married, the MOG dress issue is supposed to be handled way before the wedding by the MOB.  See below:

    Q. What’s the dress-buying protocol for moms? Do you need to coordinate outfits with the mother of the bride?
    A. It’s customary for the mother of the bride to purchase her dress first. Her choice is meant to subtly dictate what the mother of the groom will wear and set the tone of the attire. This may seem a bit old-fashioned, but we suggest you at least have a conversation. Get a sense of what she’s wearing (length, color, style) before you buy your dress. Then you’re free to find something similar that you’ll feel comfortable wearing.

    Q. Does the mother of the bride usually call the mother of the groom after she buys her dress?
    A. If the bride’s family plans to uphold wedding etiquette, then yes, you should expect a phone call from the mother of the bride. This is presumably meant to prevent overdressing and clashing colors, and open a line of communication. If she doesn’t call, your son might subtly deliver the details your way.



    Read more: Mother of the Groom: Finding Your Dress Q&ATheKnot.com - http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/mother-of-the-bride/articles/mother-of-the-groom-attire.aspx#ixzz2G2oDWGIC
  • edited December 2012
    For anyone not already aware, Kristin's advice is hopelessly outdated and represents tradition, not etiquette.
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    doeydo
  • In Response to Re: MIL wore white:
    [QUOTE]For Knotties who are not yet married, the MOG dress issue is supposed to be handled way before the wedding by the MOB.  See below: Q. What’s the dress-buying protocol for moms? Do you need to coordinate outfits with the mother of the bride? A. It’s customary for the mother of the bride to purchase her dress first. Her choice is meant to subtly dictate what the mother of the groom will wear and set the tone of the attire. This may seem a bit old-fashioned, but we suggest you at least have a conversation. Get a sense of what she’s wearing (length, color, style) before you buy your dress. Then you’re free to find something similar that you’ll feel comfortable wearing. Q. Does the mother of the bride usually call the mother of the groom after she buys her dress? A. If the bride’s family plans to uphold wedding etiquette, then yes, you should expect a phone call from the mother of the bride. This is presumably meant to prevent overdressing and clashing colors, and open a line of communication. If she doesn’t call, your son might subtly deliver the details your way. Read more: Mother of the Groom: Finding Your Dress Q&ATheKnot.com - http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/mother-of-the-bride/articles/mother-of-the-groom-attire.aspx#ixzz2G2oDWGIC
    Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]



    This is just one of the many examples of bad advice from TK.
     
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    doeydo
  • Also, when she asked I told her what my mother was wearing & when she pressed further we explained it was a gothic-type wedding and that she couldn't go wrong with black. So we did cover it, but in the end some things are just out of your control and I'm really glad that we realized that.

    Aha, she just called and tried to start something about it. But no, not giving her the attention. To busy with Christmas dinner!
  • In Response to Re: MIL wore white:
    [QUOTE]Also, when she asked I told her what my mother was wearing & when she pressed further we explained it was a gothic-type wedding and that she couldn't go wrong with black. So we did cover it, but in the end some things are just out of your control and I'm really glad that we realized that. Aha, she just called and tried to start something about it. But no, not giving her the attention. To busy with Christmas dinner!
    Posted by TierchenGeist[/QUOTE]



    So you create 2 different screen names because......?
     
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  • The reason I included the URL and a direct copy&paste was to show that this information was from a 2012-2013 website, not "hopelessly outdated."

    Now, I go to about three weddings a year here in the South because DH and I are both teachers and I work with two groups which are 50% women between the ages of 18 and 30.  And I don't know of ONE of those weddings in which the MOB did NOT call the MOG and talk about what to wear.

    So this might not happen in your very progressive, cosmopolitan, modern city where no one follows tradition and etiquette, but this happens all the time everywhere else...
    somedayhewillask
  • Kristin, I'm from a small Southern town, not a 'progressive city.' And yes, it's still outdated. TK's advice in general is just bad, and you should know that by now.
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    doeydo
  • My MIL asked what color my mom was wearing, and then asked again if the color she chose was okay. It was very nice of her to ask but she didn't have to. My step-MIL didn't ask. Now... My best friend's MOTHER wore a huge white gown to my BF's wedding... THAT didn't go over very well. And she looked ridiculous. Glad you didn't let it get to you and had a great day. Congrats!
    image
  • In Response to Re: MIL wore white:
    [QUOTE]The reason I included the URL and a direct copy&paste was to show that this information was from a 2012-2013 website, not "hopelessly outdated." Now, I go to about three weddings a year here in the South because DH and I are both teachers and I work with two groups which are 50% women between the ages of 18 and 30.  And I don't know of ONE of those weddings in which the MOB did NOT call the MOG and talk about what to wear. So this might not happen in your very progressive, cosmopolitan, modern city where no one follows tradition and etiquette, but this happens all the time everywhere else...
    Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

    But OP did not say that her MIL didn't know what OP's mom was wearing.  Maybe she knew the OP's mom would be wearing a long red dress, or a short black dress, or a purple pantsuit.  In any case, she wore a white dress.  I just don't see how the information you gave was relevant.
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  • In Response to Re: MIL wore white:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MIL wore white : So you create 2 different screen names because......?
    Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

    Probably because she used her real name in her first SN.  I was confused for a second too!
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  • Why would either mother want to compete with the bride? A bride will win everytime. Duh. LOL

    Glad you had a great time. Wishing you many years of wedded bliss.
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  • To be honest, I have never heard of this tradition/etiquette where the MOB contacts the MOG to discuss what they are wearing. I giggle a bit just thinking about them doing that! My Mom and MIL wore whatever they wanted and looked great.

    Vivandiere8
  • In Response to Re: MIL wore white:
    [QUOTE]The reason I included the URL and a direct copy&paste was to show that this information was from a 2012-2013 website, not "hopelessly outdated." Now, I go to about three weddings a year here in the South because DH and I are both teachers and I work with two groups which are 50% women between the ages of 18 and 30.  And I don't know of ONE of those weddings in which the MOB did NOT call the MOG and talk about what to wear. So this might not happen in your very progressive, cosmopolitan, modern city where no one follows tradition and etiquette, but this happens all the time everywhere else...
    Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

    Weird... I've never heard of that, either.  But the parents should ask the couple for advice on what to wear.  And above all, EVERYONE knows that you should never wear white, black or bright red to a wedding unless specifically asked to.
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  • AJuliaNJAJuliaNJ member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 2013
    I refuse to get involved in who wears what. My mom has pointed out several times that she gets to pick her dress first, but you know what, this wedding isn't about her and I doubt that even one person will care what she is wearing (unless, of course, if she wears a long white gown). If that is important to her, she can call the MOG herself and work that out.
  • My dress is ivory/oyster colored and my mother chose a light gold dress, my MIL chose a white dress. At first I was a little annoyed, but then I saw the dresses and they are both short and cute and I think it will actually be nice to have my mother and MIL compliment my dress. 

    If they had gone with long dresses or beading, I probably would have asked them to find something else.
  • mc123mc said:

    My dress is ivory/oyster colored and my mother chose a light gold dress, my MIL chose a white dress. At first I was a little annoyed, but then I saw the dresses and they are both short and cute and I think it will actually be nice to have my mother and MIL compliment my dress. 


    If they had gone with long dresses or beading, I probably would have asked them to find something else.
    Yes, I know this is a zombie thread.

    @mc123mc: you can't ask people to find out her dresses because you can't dress adults, including your Mother and FMIL.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    doeydo
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