Divorced Parents are DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!

CheezayBoxGurl

My parents went through a super messy divorce about 2 years ago now and my mother is still holding a grudge, she thinks my dad cheated on her with his now girlfriend, who i have a good relationship with. (It's way more involved and deeper than that but this is the simple version) Now my wedding is quickly approaching and im finding that its more stressful because she doesn't want the gf to attend the bridal shower and insists that i have two because she wants no part of her being there and refuses to contribute if she is there. My dad's family is very small only his gf and 2 sisters so its clearly ridiculous to have another shower for 3 people! I feel like it would be childish to stoop to her level to not invite the gf who i like and want there but i'm sick of the arguing and drama and I feel if I cave on this she is going to push for more and more as time goes on. Please any advise on this situation!!! TIA

loveislouder

If your Mom can't keep her shit together for 6 hours during a party that's meant to celebrate for you, she shouldn't go to the bridal shower. My parents are going through a divorce right now, and I have told both of them if they can't keep their shit together, they'll be asked to leave.

MesmrEwe

If she can't make it through the bridal shower how is she suppose to make it through the wedding?  Really, she needs the "hold your stuff together even though I can understand you being entirely PO'd and not want to be around the person that turned your life upside down even though she and I get along". 

Now, if your Mom is hosting the shower and she doesn't want your Dad's GF invited, that's where the line is for that and she's well within her rights to not invite her as the hostess.  If two showers is an issue, it's all in your attitude, I've been to showers with only four of us attending (including the guest of honor) and had one of the best times. 

mikenberger

Yeah, I agree with the PPs. If she's not hosting the shower, she can't dictate the guest list. And if she can't set aside her animosity for the sake of a party celebrating her daughter, she's the issue here. Not having the girlfriend there. She needs to be an adult. This ain't high school.

Heffalump

Just invite everyone, and your mom can decide whether she can suck it up or if she has to sit this one out.  Hopefully the former.

FWIW, my dad had an affair, divorced my mom, and a few years before my wedding, married the other woman.  She and my mother were both invited to the shower, and because she is a grownup and loves me, my mother was never anything but gracious the entire time.

I did find out afterward, over a couple of glasses of wine, that my dad's wife was telling everyone that my brother and I were like her very own children to her and my mother wanted to punch her in the face, but I had no idea at the time.  If your mom can't keep it together for a few hours, then it's ultimately her loss, and you can't make her nut up.

CheezayBoxGurl

Thanks for the advise! She is choosing the shower with my soon to be mother in law and bridesmaids, but I have made sure that it won't be at her house so she can't use that as a reason. It's just so frustrating that she can't seem to put it aside for me for a few hours