A list, B list, C list

Knottie38213341

Hi everyone:

How do you time the sending out of A-list invites, plus timing for RSVP by date so that you can send out the B-list and C-list invites? We have family back on the east coast and here on the west coast that we'd like to invite first, but suspect not all will be able to come. Limited space at the restaurant where we're having dinner after the ceremony, but still want to be able to invite other people when and if family decline.

Help!?

climbingsingle

You shouldn't be B listing and C listing your guests. That's extremely rude.

lyndausvi

We didn't have this problem since we didn't have a B or C list.

mikenberger

Knottie38213341 said:

Hi everyone:

How do you time the sending out of A-list invites, plus timing for RSVP by date so that you can send out the B-list and C-list invites? We have family back on the east coast and here on the west coast that we'd like to invite first, but suspect not all will be able to come. Limited space at the restaurant where we're having dinner after the ceremony, but still want to be able to invite other people when and if family decline.

Help!?

This is awful etiquette wise. Why would you blatantly tell your guests "I'm sending these invites out first and then I'll send out another batch of invites when I get rejections because only THEN we'll have room for you. And those last batch of invites... Yup. You're the third string for the invite line up. No offense!"

How would you feel if you weren't someone's first choice of invite and only were allowed to come to the reception after the first choice said they couldn't come?

lmcooper86

Don't do this. It's incredibly rude to B-list, let alone C-list.

You and your FI are going to have to sit down and make some tough decisions. Then send out one single batch of invitations to the people that you absolutely want to have at your wedding, knowing that some of them may not be able to attend. If you get declines, then you'll simply be having a smaller reception. Be happy about those people who can attend, and don't try to replace those who can't with second-tier invitations; it would be rude to both those who can't attend and to those that you didn't think were important enough to invite in the first place. 

mlg78

The timing is quite simple -- you don't freaking do it!  It's incredibly rude.  Either find a larger venue or edit your guest list.  You should never have booked a venue that could accommodate everyone.

MairePoppy

This isn't very nice to rank your guests like that. You pick a venue large enough to hold all the guests you'd like to invite and then you send your invitations out about 2 months before your wedding. If you'd like to increase your chances that your family members back east will attend your wedding, send out STD 6 to 12 months before the wedding.

 

flantastic

You send out A-list invites about 6-8 weeks before your wedding, and you send the B-list and C-list invites never, because your guests should not be interchangeable to you.

Jen4948

You invite all your guests at one time. You should never A-list, B-list, etc. any guest. If it turns out any guest can't make it, that's not an opportunity to invite someone else in their place. They'll figure out that they didn't make the cut for the original list, and there are few things more hurtful.

AddieCake

You send all the invitations about 8 weeks out. And then you have a margarita because you have completed the sending of all invitations.

Blue_Bird

To add on to what PPs have said, it will be a problem for you if you invite someone in an A Lister's place, fill your venue to capacity, and someone who originally declined comes back to say that he can make it after all. Will you say you gave away his spot? Please don't do this OP. Just invite those whom youreally ant there, and only what you can afford and your venue can hold.

JoanE2012

Please don't have B-lists and C-lists.  That's incredibly rude!  If not everyone can attend, then you simply have fewer guests in attendance. You don't get another chance to fill those slots.  Think about how it makes those feel who were not important enough to make the first cut but were good enough for sloppy seconds.

Knottie38213341

Woah- sorry, looks like I hit a nerve! Didn't mean to offend anyone. This is a smaller wedding, and already are pretty sure that many people won't be able to make it, so that was why I asked. I had actually read on a couple of wedding websites about A-lists and B-lists, if absolutely necessary. I will heed everyone's advice and just invite everyone at the same time. 

Thanks for your help!

JennyColada

Knottie38213341 said:

I had actually read on a couple of wedding websites about A-lists and B-lists, if absolutely necessary.

This is super common, which is why we're here to answer questions. Remember, a lot of wedding planning resources are for-profit, so they're less concerned with what's "right" and more concerned with what's popular i.e. What will earn them the highest profit.

manateehugger

Knottie38213341 said:

Woah- sorry, looks like I hit a nerve! Didn't mean to offend anyone. This is a smaller wedding, and already are pretty sure that many people won't be able to make it, so that was why I asked. I had actually read on a couple of wedding websites about A-lists and B-lists, if absolutely necessary. I will heed everyone's advice and just invite everyone at the same time. 

Thanks for your help!

Glad to hear it! Good thing to keep in mind is that wedding planning sites want you to dump as much money as possible into your wedding (meaning maxing out your guests among other things). So generally, their advice is designed to part you with your money.

Good luck!!

southernbelle0915

Knottie38213341 said:

Woah- sorry, looks like I hit a nerve! Didn't mean to offend anyone. This is a smaller wedding, and already are pretty sure that many people won't be able to make it, so that was why I asked. I had actually read on a couple of wedding websites about A-lists and B-lists, if absolutely necessary. I will heed everyone's advice and just invite everyone at the same time. 

Thanks for your help!

Good on you!

Yea, the wedding industry (and rude individuals) perpetuate this idea - the wedding industry because more people = more money; and individuals because more guests = more people/more gifts.

As a guest, it's sooo obvious when you get B-listed and it's always just like "REALLY?" Big eye roll. I definitely judge the couple and take a second look at my relationship with them. 

ohannabelle

Absolutely agree with previous posters.

And if people decline, you simply have a smaller guest list. You save money. 

You really only need your A list, anyway. If anybody was B or C, it obviously wasn't that crucial that they be there in the first place. Or they'd have been A listed.

Knottie53295474

I agree with the above postings, but should you only invite as many people as your venues can hold? Or do you invite a few more expecting that some will be unable to attend? My mom wants to send out 125 invitations (mostly to family out on the coasts) and the venue we want can only seat 80 for the ceremony.

Viczaesar

Knottie53295474 said:

I agree with the above postings, but should you only invite as many people as your venues can hold? Or do you invite a few more expecting that some will be unable to attend? My mom wants to send out 125 invitations (mostly to family out on the coasts) and the venue we want can only seat 80 for the ceremony.

You should absolutely never invite more guests than your venue can hold.  100% attendance can and does happen.  If you can only seat 80 at your ceremony you can only invite 80 to your wedding.

Jen4948

Knottie53295474 said:

I agree with the above postings, but should you only invite as many people as your venues can hold? Or do you invite a few more expecting that some will be unable to attend? My mom wants to send out 125 invitations (mostly to family out on the coasts) and the venue we want can only seat 80 for the ceremony.

When it comes to capacity, you need to take not only invited guests onto account, but also yourselves, your officiant and his/her SO, your family members and their SOs, and your vendors, like your photographers, musicians/DJ, MC if any, and any other vendors. So your guest list should be the code maximum minus all these persons.

AddieCake

Never over-invite. It's just not worth the risk.

flantastic

Knottie53295474 said:

I agree with the above postings, but should you only invite as many people as your venues can hold? Or do you invite a few more expecting that some will be unable to attend? My mom wants to send out 125 invitations (mostly to family out on the coasts) and the venue we want can only seat 80 for the ceremony.

Oh gosh. 125 invitations =/= 125 people. I guarantee you that is at least 160 guests (probably more like 250), plus yourselves, vendors, etc. that others have mentioned. You should only invite 80 people, period... that's probably going to be more like 35-40 invitations. You definitely cannot count on 70% declines.

Why did you choose a venue before figuring out your guest list?

julieanne912

flantastic said:

show previous quotes

Knottie53295474 said:

I agree with the above postings, but should you only invite as many people as your venues can hold? Or do you invite a few more expecting that some will be unable to attend? My mom wants to send out 125 invitations (mostly to family out on the coasts) and the venue we want can only seat 80 for the ceremony.

Oh gosh. 125 invitations =/= 125 people. I guarantee you that is at least 160 guests (probably more like 250), plus yourselves, vendors, etc. that others have mentioned. You should only invite 80 people, period... that's probably going to be more like 35-40 invitations. You definitely cannot count on 70% declines.

Why did you choose a venue before figuring out your guest list?

Uh yeah, my guest list is 198 people... that's 110 invitations, and a lot of mine are going to families with multiple people (remember kids count as a person too).  Our venues max is 198 so while we know we won't get 100% attendance (over half are out of state and it's after school starts up), we're looking at at least 150 or even 175.  I don't know how you could get that many people down to 80. You need to invite maybe 90, tops tops tops.

Viczaesar

julieanne912 said:

show previous quotes

flantastic said:

Knottie53295474 said:

I agree with the above postings, but should you only invite as many people as your venues can hold? Or do you invite a few more expecting that some will be unable to attend? My mom wants to send out 125 invitations (mostly to family out on the coasts) and the venue we want can only seat 80 for the ceremony.

Oh gosh. 125 invitations =/= 125 people. I guarantee you that is at least 160 guests (probably more like 250), plus yourselves, vendors, etc. that others have mentioned. You should only invite 80 people, period... that's probably going to be more like 35-40 invitations. You definitely cannot count on 70% declines.

Why did you choose a venue before figuring out your guest list?

Uh yeah, my guest list is 198 people... that's 110 invitations, and a lot of mine are going to families with multiple people (remember kids count as a person too).  Our venues max is 198 so while we know we won't get 100% attendance (over half are out of state and it's after school starts up), we're looking at at least 150 or even 175.  I don't know how you could get that many people down to 80. You need to invite maybe 90, tops tops tops.

No, 80 tops tops tops.

Knottie53295474

We haven't decided on the venue, but we're looking at having about 80 guests and we found a venue for 80 guests that we love. The wedding isn't for another year and a half at least, we're mostly just trying to decide on things early so when we're ready to set dates and putting down deposits we can.

fwtx5815

Knottie53295474 said:

I agree with the above postings, but should you only invite as many people as your venues can hold? Or do you invite a few more expecting that some will be unable to attend? My mom wants to send out 125 invitations (mostly to family out on the coasts) and the venue we want can only seat 80 for the ceremony.

Knottie53295474 said:

We haven't decided on the venue, but we're looking at having about 80 guests and we found a venue for 80 guests that we love. The wedding isn't for another year and a half at least, we're mostly just trying to decide on things early so when we're ready to set dates and putting down deposits we can.

Is your mom contributing to the wedding cost? If she isn't, she doesn't get to decide the guest list. If she does help to pay, then her wishes for a larger guest list will need to be taken into consideration. If you haven't accepted any money yet then you and your FI should think about whether you want total control of the list and subsequently the venue.

You need to be able to plan for 100% attendance. Also take into consideration that some places will say they can hold 200 people, when that means you would have to move dinner tables to set up the dance floor and you'd be packing guests in like sardines with 10 people per table.