UGH unnecessary drama with kids meals

dcbride86

I am having a few kids at the wedding (all family), and the venue gave us about 5 options for kids meals, but all kids need to get the same thing.  I thought it would be nice to ask the parents if there was anything the kids hated or was allergic to, or whatever - so I could get something they would all love.  This is somehow turning into a "well my Jonny only likes chikden nuggets" or "my Suzie only like mac and cheese".  What do I do?  I know I backed myself into the corner, but I swear I just did it because I was trying to be polite!  I figured most would say the kids like all the food, or maybe they don't like 1 option.  Now I feel like I'll be the bad guy to some of the parents no matter what I order

My FSIL said her kids will eat anything, but the other 2 sets of parents are just making this damn near impossible.  Any advice?

sarahufl

Allergies and preferences are not the same thing. You need to provide them with something to eat, but you can't cater to their every whim.

IMO, kids need to eat more than just mac and cheese, so why not start today?

dcbride86

sarahufl said:

Allergies and preferences are not the same thing. You need to provide them with something to eat, but you can't cater to their every whim.

IMO, kids need to eat more than just mac and cheese, so why not start today?

Thanks.  I think the problem is that I told them all the 5 potential options, in case 1 kid was allergic to or absolutely hated 1 of the options.  Becusue is Johhny hates chicken nuggets, and all the other kids like cheeseburger sliders, whats the big deal?  But it's turned into "my kid ONLY likes X", instead of a normla request.  I just don't want to be seen as the bad guy because one or two kids doesn't want the main course.

 

I'm not even going to tell them about the appetizer or desert options.  I will just choose that for them to avoid this mess happening again

KatieinBkln

I'd just pick something. Kids who "only" eat chicken nuggets suddenly find their palettes expanding when they don't have the option.

dcbride86

KatieinBkln said:

I'd just pick something. Kids who "only" eat chicken nuggets suddenly find their palettes expanding when they don't have the option.

So should I pick something that NONE of them "only" eat?  I'm worried the parents will think I'm playing favorites or something

KatieinBkln

dcbride86 said:

KatieinBkln said:

I'd just pick something. Kids who "only" eat chicken nuggets suddenly find their palettes expanding when they don't have the option.

So should I pick something that NONE of them "only" eat?  I'm worried the parents will think I'm playing favorites or something

I mean, I guess you could. I would pick the one that I'd be most likely to want to pick off their uneaten plates, personally. But I am a selfish Bridezilla, muahahaha!

dcbride86

KatieinBkln said:

dcbride86 said:

KatieinBkln said:

I'd just pick something. Kids who "only" eat chicken nuggets suddenly find their palettes expanding when they don't have the option.

So should I pick something that NONE of them "only" eat?  I'm worried the parents will think I'm playing favorites or something

I mean, I guess you could. I would pick the one that I'd be most likely to want to pick off their uneaten plates, personally. But I am a selfish Bridezilla, muahahaha!

hahaha I totally want to do that, too.  I do love me some mac and cheese...

novella1186

As long as none of the kids have food allergies or intolerance (as in, like, lactose intolerance, not that they refuse to tolerate foods other than nuggets) just pick something and call it a day. 

What sides come with the food? The only kid option with my caterer is nuggets with mac&cheese and green beans. So if Timmy only eats nuggets and Suzie only eats mac&cheese, fine. Leave half your food on your plate or share or whatever. But the kids can also eat the "adult" food if they don't like the kid option. So it's pretty much "you get this 1 option or you eat the adult food." 

Can you do that? "The kids meal is X. If they won't eat that, they can eat the regular meal." Seriously, you are not a restaurant. You're just trying to be nice but I feel like these people were given an inch and are taking a mile. So you just gotta make your own decision and then stick to it. If they don't like it, that's just tough luck. You can say something like "I'm sorry, I needed to accommodate every child, not just yours." 

lyndausvi

Wow, your heart was in the right place, but it's you are under NO obligation to give every kid the ideal meal.

What are the options given to you by your caterer?

cupcait927

KatieinBkln said:

I'd just pick something. Kids who "only" eat chicken nuggets suddenly find their palettes expanding when they don't have the option.

^^ This. Little story - We had two options for kids meals at our reception - mac and cheese or chicken fingers. My 5 year old nephew went with mac and cheese. Well, it was fancy mac and cheese and he was only used to Kraft boxed mac and cheese. He told me that he wasn't going to eat it because it was white and not yellow. Half an hour later he came to see me after he finished eating and had clearly enjoyed his dinner by the amount of cheese he had on his face and clothes. I was a little sad because I REALLY wanted to try some of his mac and cheese. He also ate some of my sister's chicken and vegetables as well. I would just pick one option that none of the kids are allergic to and give it no more thought.

sarahufl

It was nice of you to go to the parents, but they are being ridiculous now.

You should say- "Yikes! It looks like we can only pick one, so I went with X. Hopefully Johnny will be ok with those- we are so excited to celebrate with your family"

I don't cater to nonsense or kids who are so picky they can't eat real food with real people.

hellosweetie1015

Yeah... I think your problem was asking if there was anything they hated. 

At this point, I'd say, "Aunt Bea, I'm sorry if there was a misunderstanding, but all I need to know is if there is something Opie cannot eat, or if he is likely to start chucking his sliders across the room at me and shrieking for chicken nuggets. Unfortunately, aside from those extreme circumstances, I will be choosing the dish that I think will be most likely to please everyone."

ETA: I think you should ask simply for allergies as far as the app/dessert options. Because peanuts are apparently popular in desserts. Stupid people putting perfectly good nuts in perfectly good desserts and ruining them both. 

KatieinBkln

hellosweetie1015 said:

Yeah... I think your problem was asking if there was anything they hated. 

At this point, I'd say, "Aunt Bea, I'm sorry if there was a misunderstanding, but all I need to know is if there is something Opie cannot eat, or if he is likely to start chucking his sliders across the room at me and shrieking for chicken nuggets. Unfortunately, aside from those extreme circumstances, I will be choosing the dish that I think will be most likely to please everyone."

ETA: I think you should ask simply for allergies as far as the app/dessert options. Because peanuts are apparently popular in desserts. Stupid people putting perfectly good nuts in perfectly good desserts and ruining them both. 

More like "stupid immune systems rejecting perfectly good nuts" AMIRITE? (Sorry. A life without nuts is no life at all--peeps with allergies have my sympathy).

dcbride86

novella1186 said:

As long as none of the kids have food allergies or intolerance (as in, like, lactose intolerance, not that they refuse to tolerate foods other than nuggets) just pick something and call it a day. 

What sides come with the food? The only kid option with my caterer is nuggets with mac&cheese and green beans. So if Timmy only eats nuggets and Suzie only eats mac&cheese, fine. Leave half your food on your plate or share or whatever. But the kids can also eat the "adult" food if they don't like the kid option. So it's pretty much "you get this 1 option or you eat the adult food." 

Can you do that? "The kids meal is X. If they won't eat that, they can eat the regular meal." Seriously, you are not a restaurant. You're just trying to be nice but I feel like these people were given an inch and are taking a mile. So you just gotta make your own decision and then stick to it. If they don't like it, that's just tough luck. You can say something like "I'm sorry, I needed to accommodate every child, not just yours." 

Yes, they could eat the adult meal, but they all want the kids meal.  Each kids meal comes with veggies, a salad or appetizer and a desert.

Thanks for the advice!  I know you're right, it's just hard because I just want to accommodate everyone and make sure all my guests have fun

dcbride86

lyndausvi said:

Wow, your heart was in the right place, but it's you are under NO obligation to give every kid the ideal meal.

What are the options given to you by your caterer?

Mac and cheese

Chicken tenders and fries

Grilled cheese and fries

Cheeseburger sliders and fries

 

And I'm thinking of giving them a salad to start and the cookies and milk to end.  I think the ice cream sundaes sound awesome but way too messy, and selfishly, I don't want chocolate sauce all over my dress when I go to their table and say hello

dcbride86

hellosweetie1015 said:

Yeah... I think your problem was asking if there was anything they hated. 

At this point, I'd say, "Aunt Bea, I'm sorry if there was a misunderstanding, but all I need to know is if there is something Opie cannot eat, or if he is likely to start chucking his sliders across the room at me and shrieking for chicken nuggets. Unfortunately, aside from those extreme circumstances, I will be choosing the dish that I think will be most likely to please everyone."

ETA: I think you should ask simply for allergies as far as the app/dessert options. Because peanuts are apparently popular in desserts. Stupid people putting perfectly good nuts in perfectly good desserts and ruining them both. 

I asked about allergies as well.  No food allergies for any of the kids!  Yay!  But I think the kids meals are nut-free anyway, because apparently nuts are like anthrax these days when you deal with kids

dcbride86

sarahufl said:

It was nice of you to go to the parents, but they are being ridiculous now.

You should say- "Yikes! It looks like we can only pick one, so I went with X. Hopefully Johnny will be ok with those- we are so excited to celebrate with your family"

I don't cater to nonsense or kids who are so picky they can't eat real food with real people.

Thanks.  Ugh, I just thought I was being nice.  I didn't realize how crazy parents got when it simply comes to feeding their child

kvruns

pick the meal that you think will match  most of the kids preferences (if you are able to pick a majority based on responses) and call it a day.

Kids and food make no sense anyway.  My niece (5.5 years old) will be all excited to order something, let's say chicken fingers, meal arrives and suddenly "my belly hurts" or she will eat 1 French fry and half bite of chicken and call it a day.  So while today she may only eat chicken fingers, 2 weeks from now they may be the grossest food to her and she wont eat it anyway. Now when dessert comes around magically she is feeling better and hungry again so I wouldn't stress too much on the main course since it sounds like there will be additional things (appetizer/salad, dessert, mom/dads plate) to make sure they don't waste away to nothing for the evening.

banana468

dcbride86 said:

sarahufl said:

It was nice of you to go to the parents, but they are being ridiculous now.

You should say- "Yikes! It looks like we can only pick one, so I went with X. Hopefully Johnny will be ok with those- we are so excited to celebrate with your family"

I don't cater to nonsense or kids who are so picky they can't eat real food with real people.

Thanks.  Ugh, I just thought I was being nice.  I didn't realize how crazy parents got when it simply comes to feeding their child


You just need to be matter of fact that they can't dictate the choices and they may not understand that.

As a parent of a picky eater, I really sympathize with them. I'll tell DD she doesn't have a choice but it doesn't stop the temper tantrum or slowness. Seriously. Last night it took her an hour and a half to eat about 1/3 of a chicken thigh and she only had 3 bites of rice. I'm tired of catering to her desire to eat only noodles too but I wouldn't want to pick a family wedding as the time to throw a 40 lb child into her father's arms as I mouth "Tell her to knock this the fuck off or we will all leave and she won't have mac and cheese and chicken nuggets until she's old enough to vote. " And I've even done the "don't eat it then go to bed hungry" route with her and that just gets me a kid who pukes from an empty tummy.

Sorry, that was too much of a personal rant. Just tell the parents that you can only choose X or Y but not everyone can order like it's a restaurant. And if that's the day the kids eat cake for dinner they'll deal.

wandajune6

We did a buffet and gave the kids the same food as the adults. There were 12 kids but only 4 under the age of 5 so we figured it was safe. We were thanked for this because it made things easier for parents- they could just git them the items they knew they would eat.

There were 2 kids (my BIL's 2 kids) who are super-picky eaters. The parents knew that nothing would work for them so they fed them just before the wedding. While they got plates at dinner, they basically just hit the dance floor while everyone else ate. Their parents knew they would have a fit so got ahead of it.

STARMOON44

Call the venue and pay extra so they can all have what they want. To me you presented this really confusingly. I can see how they took this as "select your favorite" because that's how menu choices ordinarily work. Or pick whatever you think will be most popular.

novella1186

I would just go with the majority. Like if 3 kids want mac&cheese and 1 wants chicken, go with the mac&cheese. 

Again, if the parents have an issue, just say "We could only choose 1 option and I had to accommodate every kid." The parents need to face the fact that their kid is not the center of the universe (not that they think this, but they've gotta understand that ALL the kids need to eat and ALL the kids have a different preference, so it is what it is)

That's really nice of you to be so concerned, but I'm sure they'll have a good time regardless. Especially when dessert time rolls around. No worries! 

hellosweetie1015

dcbride86 said:

hellosweetie1015 said:

Yeah... I think your problem was asking if there was anything they hated. 

At this point, I'd say, "Aunt Bea, I'm sorry if there was a misunderstanding, but all I need to know is if there is something Opie cannot eat, or if he is likely to start chucking his sliders across the room at me and shrieking for chicken nuggets. Unfortunately, aside from those extreme circumstances, I will be choosing the dish that I think will be most likely to please everyone."

ETA: I think you should ask simply for allergies as far as the app/dessert options. Because peanuts are apparently popular in desserts. Stupid people putting perfectly good nuts in perfectly good desserts and ruining them both. 

I asked about allergies as well.  No food allergies for any of the kids!  Yay!  But I think the kids meals are nut-free anyway, because apparently nuts are like anthrax these days when you deal with kids

No, I know you did. I just mean that it shouldn't really have gone any further than allergies. And since there's no allergies, then I'd just pick one. Because frankly, picky kids are used to either eating crap they don't like or not eating. I was a picky kid. After my middle sister was born, my mom gave up trying to cater to my food whims (because three kids under the age of 7 is kind of a handful) and taught me how to make peanut butter sandwiches and oatmeal instead of scrambling herself.

@katieinbkln SO RIGHT. I don't know what I'd do if I suddenly had a peanut allergy. But I just mean putting perfectly good nuts in a perfectly good dessert and making the whole thing gross. Keep your nuts outta my ice cream!!! >:(

southernbelle0915

Just pick the option that best fits the responses you got. What else are you going to do? You can only have one kids' meal choice. I don't even have a kid yet, and I'm already over things like "Jr. won't eat anything except chicken nuggets from McDonald's with the breading removed by hand." Oh really, he won't? Well it sounds like Jr. will be hungry.

You could consider doing "favors" at each kid's place with animal crackers and an pack of fruit snacks (yes, I went there). That way, if they hate everything, they still have snacks so they aren't all hangry at your reception. Also, I like your salad/cookies & milk idea.

Maggie0829

If no one said any of the choices would be problematic in regards to allergies then I would just pick the one that is the favorite of the majority.  If anyone asks why they didn't get to pick the meal for their kid, just tell them that you are sorry for the confusion but you are only allowed to pick one entree for the kids and were just presenting them with the options because you wanted to make sure of any allergy issues.

lyndausvi

I would ask your venue if you can have an option of both chicken tenders and fries or Mac-n-cheese.  

If they will only do 1 option then I would ask if they could do chicken tenders with a side of mac-n-cheese instead of fries.

No it's not necessary to offer a choice, but I'm a big fan of choices if your are able to give them one.  It's the same way I always tell people to give options for adult meals.   Just because they are a kid I do not think they do not deserve a choice.  But that does mean the chef has to become a short order cook and accommodate every request.  

You just say "these are the options.  Pick one" and more on.

dcbride86

STARMOON44 said:

Call the venue and pay extra so they can all have what they want. To me you presented this really confusingly. I can see how they took this as "select your favorite" because that's how menu choices ordinarily work. Or pick whatever you think will be most popular.

Did I?  My exact text was: "Hey ___!  I received a list of potential child's meals for the wedding.  Of course, they're also welcome to eat one of the "adult" dinners.  I can only choose one child's meal to serve to all the kids, so I want to check if [CHILD] has any allergies, or if there's a food on the list that he absolutely hates or makes him sick"  Then I sent the list of options given to me by the venue

Is that confusing?  I'm not trying to be defensive, I'm genuinely asking

dcbride86

southernbelle0915 said:

Just pick the option that best fits the responses you got. What else are you going to do? You can only have one kids' meal choice. I don't even have a kid yet, and I'm already over things like "Jr. won't eat anything except chicken nuggets from McDonald's with the breading removed by hand." Oh really, he won't? Well it sounds like Jr. will be hungry.

You could consider doing "favors" at each kid's place with animal crackers and an pack of fruit snacks (yes, I went there). That way, if they hate everything, they still have snacks so they aren't all hangry at your reception. Also, I like your salad/cookies & milk idea.

That's a great idea!!  thank you!  I'll definitely put those at their seats!

novella1186

dcbride86 said:

STARMOON44 said:

Call the venue and pay extra so they can all have what they want. To me you presented this really confusingly. I can see how they took this as "select your favorite" because that's how menu choices ordinarily work. Or pick whatever you think will be most popular.

Did I?  My exact text was: "Hey ___!  I received a list of potential child's meals for the wedding.  Of course, they're also welcome to eat one of the "adult" dinners.  I can only choose one child's meal to serve to all the kids, so I want to check if [CHILD] has any allergies, or if there's a food on the list that he absolutely hates or makes him sick"  Then I sent the list of options given to me by the venue

Is that confusing?  I'm not trying to be defensive, I'm genuinely asking

To me it seems pretty clear, but sometimes people only hear/read what they want to. They might have read that as "pick your favorite!" 

I think it would have been easier if you had simply said, "Hey, does kid have any food allergies, or any particular food issues the caterer should be aware of?" 

Then the answer is either yes or no. 

But that's ok, you were just trying to be nice. Have you ever read the book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie"? The author probably had real-life inspiration lol  

sarahufl

dcbride86 said:

STARMOON44 said:

Call the venue and pay extra so they can all have what they want. To me you presented this really confusingly. I can see how they took this as "select your favorite" because that's how menu choices ordinarily work. Or pick whatever you think will be most popular.

Did I?  My exact text was: "Hey ___!  I received a list of potential child's meals for the wedding.  Of course, they're also welcome to eat one of the "adult" dinners.  I can only choose one child's meal to serve to all the kids, so I want to check if [CHILD] has any allergies, or if there's a food on the list that he absolutely hates or makes him sick"  Then I sent the list of options given to me by the venue

Is that confusing?  I'm not trying to be defensive, I'm genuinely asking

Not remotely confusing.

KatieinBkln

sarahufl said:

dcbride86 said:

STARMOON44 said:

Call the venue and pay extra so they can all have what they want. To me you presented this really confusingly. I can see how they took this as "select your favorite" because that's how menu choices ordinarily work. Or pick whatever you think will be most popular.

Did I?  My exact text was: "Hey ___!  I received a list of potential child's meals for the wedding.  Of course, they're also welcome to eat one of the "adult" dinners.  I can only choose one child's meal to serve to all the kids, so I want to check if [CHILD] has any allergies, or if there's a food on the list that he absolutely hates or makes him sick"  Then I sent the list of options given to me by the venue

Is that confusing?  I'm not trying to be defensive, I'm genuinely asking

Not remotely confusing.

I think it's more "confusing"--i.e., the parents have plausible deniability to say they were confused because "She asked us if they hate anything!" But they have to know that "Timmy is so picky, it has to be the nuggets" is pure bullshit.