How did you politely tell your guests "adults only"?

monsansa

My FH and I are having our reception at a relatively small venue. It seats 150, and that is how many adult guests we are inviting. It was really hard to narrow the guest list down, but in the end the best solution was to make it 18+ which meant cutting younger cousins and friends' kids. We want to get the word out that we don't have extra space for surprise guests and also let the families know that we have some trustworthy babysitters lined up if they will need childcare during the reception.

For those of you who did adults-only, how did you tell your guests? What worked? What didn't go over well?

flantastic

monsansa said:

My FH and I are having our reception at a relatively small venue. It seats 150, and that is how many adult guests we are inviting. It was really hard to narrow the guest list down, but in the end the best solution was to make it 18+ which meant cutting younger cousins and friends' kids. We want to get the word out that we don't have extra space for surprise guests and also let the families know that we have some trustworthy babysitters lined up if they will need childcare during the reception.

For those of you who did adults-only, how did you tell your guests? What worked? What didn't go over well?

You don't say anything about it and trust that your guests know what it means when their invite comes addressed to Mr. & Mrs. or whoever and says nothing about the kids. If they complain, you say, "Oh, we determined we could only accommodate you and SO - hope you can still come!" If they are rude enough to bring "surprise guests," you (or preferably your venue coordinator) can say "Oh, I'm so sorry, but since Susie and Jack weren't on the invite, we don't have a seat or meal provided for them."

In my experience, no one uses the provided childcare because they didn't vet it themselves. They don't trust you to say it's "trustworthy." Don't even worry about this. They will find their own childcare, or if they can't they won't come.

bethsmiles

When you send out invitations only address them to those who are invited. And it helps to include something like "2 seats are reserved in your honor"

Unfortunately, some people can't take a hint so you might get some RSVPs back with kids included, in which case you just call the parents and say "I'm sorry for the misunderstanding but we can only accommodate you and Joe and the wedding. We can't wait to see you there."

ETA: Do not write "adults only" anywhere - not on the invitations and not on your wedding website.

redoryx

You never tell people who is *not* invited, you only tell them who *is* invited. So when you send out invitations, only address it to the exact people you are inviting, like, say, just the parents. Then make it clear on the RSVP card that you've reserved seats only for them, like 2 seats have been reserved for you.

If anyone tries to RSVP their children, just call them and politely explain there must have been a misunderstanding, only So-and-So and So-and-So are invited and you hope to see them there.

southernbelle0915

monsansa said:

My FH and I are having our reception at a relatively small venue. It seats 150, and that is how many adult guests we are inviting. It was really hard to narrow the guest list down, but in the end the best solution was to make it 18+ which meant cutting younger cousins and friends' kids. We want to get the word out that we don't have extra space for surprise guests and also let the families know that we have some trustworthy babysitters lined up if they will need childcare during the reception.

For those of you who did adults-only, how did you tell your guests? What worked? What didn't go over well?

I had an adult only wedding.

The way to do this is:

1) Just address invites to who IS invited. Do not include "and family" or children's names on the invitations

2) Don't put "adults only" or "no kids" on anything - it's against etiquette to say who is NOT invited.

3) It helps to word response cards in a way where you know if someone tries to add someone. For example:

     - "___ seats have been reserved in your honor"

     - "___ # attending

        ___ decline with regret"

     - "Please put each guest's initials by their menu choice"

That way, if anyone adds people, you can follow up and say "I'm sorry for any confusion, the invitation was only for you and your husband/wife/SO. Hope you can still make it. Please let me know."

novella1186

What flantastic said. Another tactic people use is to put on the reply card "we have 2 seats reserved in your honor" or something like that, so if the family has 4 kids, they will clearly see that they don't get to bring the kids (ideally). No matter what, sometimes people just don't get the hint. 

If someone RSVPs and includes their children, you'll just have to give them a call and say "I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, we are only able to accommodate you and your spouse" (much like flantastic said). 

No matter what, do not put "adults only" or "no children allowed" or anything like that on your invites or wedding website. 

annathy03

On the invitations, only write the names of those invited. If you think your guests won't pick up on that, my RSVP cards looked something like this (with me hand writing in the names of the invited guests):

Mr John Smith     ___Steak ___Fish  ___Veg  ___Regrets

Mrs Jane Smith   ___Steak ___Fish   ___Veg ___Regrets

This was a little more work, but assured me that 1) I wouldn't get 10 cards that said Mr. Smith (numbering and tracking the cards doesn't seem like less work to me) and 2) If some of your guests are a little E-clueless "we've reserved X seats in your honor" can make some people think they can bring their kid instead of their SO.

monsansa

Thanks for the tips on the response cards! Great ideas.

Sounds like the trick is to just deal with misunderstandings if/when they arise. Makes sense!

flantastic

annathy03 said:

On the invitations, only write the names of those invited. If you think your guests won't pick up on that, my RSVP cards looked something like this (with me hand writing in the names of the invited guests):

Mr John Smith     ___Steak ___Fish  ___Veg  ___Regrets

Mrs Jane Smith   ___Steak ___Fish   ___Veg ___Regrets

This was a little more work, but assured me that 1) I wouldn't get 10 cards that said Mr. Smith (numbering and tracking the cards doesn't seem like less work to me) and 2) If some of your guests are a little E-clueless "we've reserved X seats in your honor" can make some people think they can bring their kid instead of their SO.

This is somewhat OT, but my favorite idea from these boards that I used for my wedding was to number the cards, and I haven't seen it on the boards in a while. I had a purple border on the RSVP side of the postcard, and used a blue pen to number them in the bottom corner of the border. You could only see it if you were looking for it. It was like a fun little secret code for me. Of course, no one made their names unclear, so I didn't have to use it, but I loved that it was there.

I stayed away from the "2 seats reserved" because I didn't particularly want people thinking their invites were transferable. I know some people don't really care about that. If you're really worried about people being confused, the names written out like above would be my preferred way to go - it takes care of forgetful guests who don't write their full name and makes clear exactly who is invited.

However - we didn't invite any of our cousins under 18, didn't write in names on the RSVP, didn't have "X seats reserved," and there were no misunderstandings in the reply cards about adding children.

delujm0

Just stepping in here with a warning...

 

Make sure that if you intend to have a dance floor, a visible cake table, buffet tables, bars, etc that the 150 maximum number at your reception venue will allow for those things.  Most times, the maximum occupancy means "how many people we can jam into the room at seated rounds, with no extra space."  For that reason, it's usually better to only invite 80% of the maximum occupancy for your venue, to make sure you have room for everything that you want.

 

To answer your actual question: we just sent invitations to the people that were invited.  No one even questioned it.  I will say that you will need to make sure that the 18+ cutoff doesn't break up any family units.  For example, if you have an aunt and uncle and two cousins aged 18 and 16, it would be pretty questionable to invite everyone but the 16 year old.

zitiqueen

I'd also like to know if you're breaking up families with the +18 rule.

monsansa

Good call. We have talked to the coordinator about the number of guests and the floor plan they provided has the cake table, dance floor, etc. plus all the tables and chairs for 150.

Fortunately we don't have any situations with siblings above and below 18 that would break up families like that. (I can see how that would get messy!) Most of the kids are under 10, and I think the oldest is 12 or 13.

Knottie87702627

You never SAY it on the invite or anything like that you adress the invites to Mr. Bob Smith and Mrs. Jill Smith. That's it, if it does not say "and family" or the kids names then they are not invited. You then inform your mum, his mum and your bridal party that if anyone asks, it's no kids. It's simple. Now, it's possible for someone to make their own decision to bring their child without tell you. Just like it's easy for someone to not RSVP and show up anyway. IF this happens, just roll with it. Good Luck!