How to ask a girl to be a groomsman?

Knottie1424457446

I've scoured the sites and there is a lot of advice and fun ideas for brides asking girls to be bridesmaids and ways for grooms to ask guys to be groomsmen but what if my close friend is a girl? Then HOW is the best way for inviting her to be a groomsman without making her feel uncomfortable if she wants to say no. I feel I wouldn't ask her in the same way I would my other guy friends. Do I make a special, more "girly" invitation? Ideas anyone?

climbingsingle

Just ask. "I'd like to you to stand up with me in my wedding." It really can be as simple as that. There doesn't need to be a grand gesture or a card. When I asked my MOH, I took her out to dinner and asked. That's it. 

Maggie0829

Knottie35843821 said:

I've scoured the sites and there is a lot of advice and fun ideas for brides asking girls to be bridesmaids and ways for grooms to ask guys to be groomsmen but what if my close friend is a girl? Then HOW is the best way for inviting her to be a groomsman without making her feel uncomfortable if she wants to say no. I feel I wouldn't ask her in the same way I would my other guy friends. Do I make a special, more "girly" invitation? Ideas anyone?

I would skip any type of invitation or Pinterest-esque idea period.  Those are what make people feel pressured into saying yes.  If you want to ask a friend to be in your wedding party, regardless of gender, you just ask.  "Hey Susie, your friendship means the world to me and I was wondering if you would consider standing up with me at my wedding?"

ashley8918

Just ask her.

justsie

I asked one of my best friends to stand on my side, I wanted to give him the option of standing on my FIs side just in case he wasn't comfortable. I took him to lunch and asked him, and he was 100% fine with it, he's even stood as a bridesman before, so it wasn't anything new to him. 

As PPs have said, just ask. No fanfare, it leaves them less pressure to feel like they have to say one way or another.

levioosa

Just ask her 8-9 months out from the wedding.  It doesn't have to have any fanfare.  Just be direct and sincere. 

southernbelle0915

You wouldn't ask a woman to be a groomsMAN. You'd ask her to be a groomsWOMAN. And you don't have to use that wording anyway. Titles aren't really important anyway.

"I'd be honored if you'd stand up on my side at the wedding." Boom. Done. 

theartistformerlyknownas

southernbelle0915 said:

You wouldn't ask a woman to be a groomsMAN. You'd ask her to be a groomsWOMAN. And you don't have to use that wording anyway. Titles aren't really important anyway.

"I'd be honored if you'd stand up on my side at the wedding." Boom. Done. 

Yes please don't ask your female friend to be a man. That's a pretty tall order.

"I'd love for you to stand up with me at my wedding" is all that's required for anyone. Her title would just be groomswoman.

Knottie1424457446

Ahh yes, thank you! I noticed my error after I posted but it's important to get groomswoman correct. So, basically everyone just thinks I should just ask. That's great to hear and easy to do. Now, I just have to sell the bride on it. Haha wish me luck. Thank you!

Maggie0829

Knottie35843821 said:

Ahh yes, thank you! I noticed my error after I posted but it's important to get groomswoman correct. So, basically everyone just thinks I should just ask. That's great to hear and easy to do. Now, I just have to sell the bride on it. Haha wish me luck. Thank you!

Your bride has zero say over who you ask to be in your wedding party.  So you shouldn't have to sell her on anything.

msuprincess04

If you want to avoid groomsman/woman labeling thing, you can all all of your party attendants. We did this as my brother stood on my side, and DH's good female friend stood on his.

ashley8918

Maggie0829 said:

show previous quotes

Knottie35843821 said:

Ahh yes, thank you! I noticed my error after I posted but it's important to get groomswoman correct. So, basically everyone just thinks I should just ask. That's great to hear and easy to do. Now, I just have to sell the bride on it. Haha wish me luck. Thank you!

Your bride has zero say over who you ask to be in your wedding party.  So you shouldn't have to sell her on anything.

BUT BUT It's the BRIDE'S SPESHUL DAY! /sarc

(AGAIN, THIS IS SARCASM, for my humorless friends)

thisismynickname2

My husband had a woman stand up for him. I was thrilled because she's awesome. He picked up the phone and just asked her. In the program, I lumped everyone in alphabetical order under "Wedding Party." 

VulgarGirl

I'd suggest buying her a drink first. 

But that's my advice for everything in life. Need help moving? Buy them a drink. Wanna hit on someone? Buy them a drink. Purposing? Drink. Basically buy everyone a drink. 

southernbelle0915

Knottie35843821 said:

Ahh yes, thank you! I noticed my error after I posted but it's important to get groomswoman correct. So, basically everyone just thinks I should just ask. That's great to hear and easy to do. Now, I just have to sell the bride on it. Haha wish me luck. Thank you!

Ultimately, it's your call. Not her's. She doesn't get to say who's important to you and you don't get to say who's important to her. 

Mixed gender bridal parties are pretty common these days.

artbyallie

MagicInk said:

I'd suggest buying her a drink first. 

But that's my advice for everything in life. Need help moving? Buy them a drink. Wanna hit on someone? Buy them a drink. Purposing? Drink. Basically buy everyone a drink. 

I like the way you think. Can I buy you a drink?

Dreamergirl8812

MagicInk said:

I'd suggest buying her a drink first. 

But that's my advice for everything in life. Need help moving? Buy them a drink. Wanna hit on someone? Buy them a drink. Purposing? Drink. Basically buy everyone a drink. 

Me thinks you need more coffee this fine Tuesday morning.

amarie688

I was a "groomsmaid" in a wedding and the groom literally just asked me... And followed it with "you'll still wear a dress" haha not that it mattered, I would have worn a tux if they asked me to!

VulgarGirl

Dreamergirl8812 said:

show previous quotes

MagicInk said:

I'd suggest buying her a drink first. 

But that's my advice for everything in life. Need help moving? Buy them a drink. Wanna hit on someone? Buy them a drink. Purposing? Drink. Basically buy everyone a drink. 

Me thinks you need more coffee this fine Tuesday morning.

Purrrposing. It's when you ask someone to get a cat with you. 

flantastic

Knottie35843821 said:

Ahh yes, thank you! I noticed my error after I posted but it's important to get groomswoman correct. So, basically everyone just thinks I should just ask. That's great to hear and easy to do. Now, I just have to sell the bride on it. Haha wish me luck. Thank you!

I was just talking to a male friend a couple days ago, and he joked about how I unfortunately didn't make the cut to be a groomsman. I'm not sure what his intention was. Either he thought this was a good joke because of course I couldn't stand up on his side because I'm a woman and that's not how weddings work, or it's possible that he might have brought it up (I've helped him work through a LOT of shit) and his FI nixed the idea of mixed-gender sides or just of me in particular.

I think he was trying to convey that I was important to him and he would have asked me if he could, but it just ended up stinging because same-gendered sides don't matter and his FI doesn't have any say in his side of the wedding party. If your own FI is concerned about aesthetics, that shouldn't matter as much as the people you care about; if she's jealous of the woman, you've got a different issue which needs to be addressed. Just ask the woman.