Are stock-the-bar showers rude?

charcoalandblush

Related to another thread I just saw...

A group of my BMs offered to throw DF and I a co-ed stock the bar shower, we accepted, we picked a date, and they've started planning. It had never occurred to me that stock-the-bar showers would be considered rude until I saw it mentioned in another thread. Are they against etiquette? What should I do if I've already accepted the shower and my BMs have already started making arrangements?

To clarify: Where I grew up and where I live now, stock-the-bar showers are not to stock the bar at the wedding reception. Our venue would not allow that even if we wanted to bring our own alcohol. They're to stock the couple's bar at home with alcohol, mixers, and bar "tools" and supplies (shakers, wine glasses, etc.). I've been invited to several showers like this, as well as a "kitchen shower" (most guests brought kitchen items from the registry) and it never occurred to me that themed showers would be rude.

mikenberger

I would think not. People host themed showers and have mentioned them on the site here without any issue. Sometimes, it does limit the gifts though (there's only so many ice containers one can own!) But I wouldn't view them as tacky. Personally, I think a stock the bar party sounds like a blast.

Now, I had a friend attempt to throw me a Stock the Bar party but it was for my reception! We can bring in our own liquor/alcohol and this would be a huge, extreme no no. No different than a potluck repception.

charcoalandblush

mikenberger said:

I would think not. People host themed showers and have mentioned them on the site here without any issue. Sometimes, it does limit the gifts though (there's only so many ice containers one can own!) But I wouldn't view them as tacky. Personally, I think a stock the bar party sounds like a blast.

Now, I had a friend attempt to throw me a Stock the Bar party but it was for my reception! We can bring in our own liquor/alcohol and this would be a huge, extreme no no. No different than a potluck repception.

Right. To me, this is the functional equivalent of a cash bar (since your guests are the same as your wedding guests anyway).

climbingsingle

Honestly, this wouldn't bother me at all and I'd happily bring along some alcohol. Only if it was to stock the bar at the reception would it bother me. 

southernbelle0915

Where I come from "stock the bar" type showers just mean that the couple registered for alcohol themed gifts and that most people bring a bottle of booze. Like "stock the bar" as in their personal, home bar. It has nothing to do with the wedding. I never side eye these. 

I don't see them any differently than a "bed time and bath time" themed baby shower or similar - obviously they want bed time and bath time themed gifts. Fine. Cool.

But I know where some people come from, "stock the bar" interpreted as the guests stocking the bar for the actual wedding reception. That's tacky as fuck and akin to a Jack&Jill where the guests are basically paying towards their own thank you party. 

lovegood90

I think as long as you just make it a "bar-themed" shower, and not a "stock the bar" shower so that people don't get confused and think they are helping pay for your reception, you're fine. I personally don't see a bar theme as any different than a lingerie themed shower, as an example.

charcoalandblush

lovegood90 said:

I think as long as you just make it a "bar-themed" shower, and not a "stock the bar" shower so that people don't get confused and think they are helping pay for your reception, you're fine. I personally don't see a bar theme as any different than a lingerie themed shower, as an example.

This is definitely something I'll check for if they show me the invitations before ordering them (like wording making it clear that it's for our own personal bar). My MOH showed me the invitations for the one she's throwing me before she ordered. If they do the same, I can just say "I don't think DH's friends have ever been to a shower like this, could you maybe clarify the title/add a line explaining what it is?" so that no one gets the wrong impression.

AddieCake

This doesn't bother me at all. It's no different than a recipe shower, entertainment shower, cleaner shower, or any other themed shower where the gifts are supposed to be a certain kind of thing. It's only rude if it's to stock the reception. 

floridabride44

I think a stock the bar shower sounds fun! As long as it's for the couple's bar at home and not their wedding, as PPs have said.

I'd rather buy someone a nice bottle of booze than a toaster or something boring.

poodledoodleooo

I don't think it's rude, but I don't really like themed showers - just because I want to be able to bring a gift of my choosing, rather than be limited to, say alcohol or kitchen items, or bath items.

fwtx5815

sjf2715 said:

I don't think it's rude, but I don't really like themed showers - just because I want to be able to bring a gift of my choosing, rather than be limited to, say alcohol or kitchen items, or bath items.

Same. I don't think its polite to tell people what type of gift someone should buy, other than what their registry indicates.

For instance, if a couple ONLY registers for kitchen items, okay cool. But if they have big registries across different categories and have showers thrown for them that say guests should only bring a certain type of gift, not okay IMO.