Jewish Weddings

Interfaith Wedding, Parents standing with us??..

Okay, so I apologize now if this is long..

I am not religious at all, my parents really arent either, but we are of Jewish faith. My brother had a barmitzvah after 6 months of in home courses and it wasnt even in a temple, (it was to make my grandparents happy) - just to get a sense of where we are with our religion.

My FI is catholic - his parents practice, he does not. 

In order to keep all the parents happy we have decided to get married by a Rabbi and a Minister (ex Priest, he decided he wanted to get married and have a family). When meeting with both of them we were excited about it and happy that it would make our families happy. 

Now my parents (both Jewish and both paying for the wedding) tell me, that in the Jewish religion and in their wedding, 30 years ago - the parents stand up there with you - and your bridal party and that they expect that to happen with my wedding with mine and my FI's parents.... 

I have never been to a Jewish wedding, so I have never seen this, but my FI and I both feel that they should BOTH walk me down the isle and then sit in the front row. What do I do here? My FI's parents feel uncomfortable that my parents are insisting on this, my parents are saying after everything they are doing for the wedding the least we can do is have them up there - I am not saying I am ungrateful, my parents are gift, they are two of my absolute best friends, but my FI, myself and his parents do not feel comfortable with this. 

I asked the Rabbi if families do this in mixed ceremonies and he said not often at all. I also talked to my aunt and uncle who are extremely reglious and they said that their parents DID NOT stand up there, but they paid for their own wedding, and because I am not I do not have much of a say?

Is this true? I do not want to come off as snotty and ungreatful, so I am sorry if this post does. I love love love my parents to death, I just dont want them breathing down my neck on my wedding day.

Re: Interfaith Wedding, Parents standing with us??..

  • amt6amt6 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Traditionally, Jewish parents will stand under the Chuppah with their children. I am also having an interfaith wedding and my fiancé and I decided that we do not want our parents under the chuppah with us. We want our parents to watch and enjoy, like everyone else. You would have thought that I told my mother she was no longer invited, the way she reacted! Either way, we have decided against our parents standing with us.
  • amt6 how did you handle your mom? Everytime I bring it up my mom throws a hissyfit about how I am not respecting tradition, but it is not a fully jewish wedding, and it is not what my FI and I want... 

    But i dont want to make her completely miserable either. 
  • It's a difficult position to be in.  I can tell you, as a parent, you dream of the day you get to walk your child down the aisle and stand under the chuppah with them.  In a wedding where you have one set of parents who want to do this and the other who don't, it's really a tough decision.  You're just going to have to make a decision and go with it.  I don't say this to make you feel bad, but, it is going to make your parents sad if you choose not to have them stand there, but, at the end of the day, you have to make a decision that works for everyone.

    I've seen it done both ways at interfaith weddings.  Perhaps you can compromise.  Both sets of parents walk their children down the aisle and stand under the chuppah for a short time.  The Rabbi could acknowledge the importance and joy of having your parents as part of your wedding, and then both sets could sit down. 
    The Knot lost my info, but, I've been married since 6/19/05!
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  • I'm sort of in the same boat. I'm Jewish, FI is not, and we're not very religious either. My mom has said the she and my father would like to stand up with us. I protested, she got upset, I thought it wasn't worth to argue with her. What we have decided with my FI parents, his father is the best man, so he will be up at the alter with us. And in regards to his Mom, he's planning on asking her to walk him down the aisle and give her the option if she would like to stand up with us or not. I do like LMRM_NJ's suggestion, might have to think about that one. 
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