Is it silly to have an engagement party if we have a short engagement?????

tania1024

My fiance and I got engaged about 3 weeks ago and plan on getting married in October of this year. Our families want to throw us an engagement party but the problem is our schedule. We are both professional ballroom dancers and our schedules are so crazy we wouldn't be able to actually have a party until mid May!Would it be silly to still have the party at that point? (only 5 months before the actual wedding)???

artbyallie

I would think it a little odd to be invited to an engagement party four months after the actual engagement, but it's not actually against etiquette since they're offering to throw it. Provided, of course, that they are only inviting people who will also be invited to the wedding.

Maggie0829

I think engagement parties are silly.  I just don't understand the point of them.

But for your question I think it would silly/odd that you are having an engagement party 4 months after you got engaged and only 5 months before your wedding.  IMO, the time has come and gone for an engagement party.

climbingsingle

Personally, I'd skip having it. 

flantastic

The only purpose to an engagement party that I can understand is as a means to have the two families meet one another. Otherwise, I don't get the point. That same purpose can also be accomplished by just inviting them over and not labeling it an engagement party, which is what I would do if it has to happen 4 months into your engagement.

levioosa

I'd probably skip it.  It's not so much that you're having a short engagement, but that the party would be months after you are already engaged.  If you do have one, just remember that everyone who is invited to the party must also be invited to the wedding.

Lauderdale Pink

I disagree with all of the above.  If you, FI, and families want to have the party, then go for it.  There is no "statute of limitations" on celebrating a joyous occasion.  If you want to give people the opportunity to come together, wish you well, and enjoy an evening, then enjoy the moment.

bananasplit472001

Lauderdale Pink said:

I disagree with all of the above.  If you, FI, and families want to have the party, then go for it.  There is no "statute of limitations" on celebrating a joyous occasion.  If you want to give people the opportunity to come together, wish you well, and enjoy an evening, then enjoy the moment.

I second this one.  The point of the engagement party is to congratulate the couple and have both families meet.  If your parents want to host it then I would not say no.  May and October are far enough apart where that would not seem strange to me.  I don't know anyone who planned an engagement party immediately after they got engaged.  Parties take time to plan.

Maggie0829

bananasplit472001 said:

I disagree with all of the above.  If you, FI, and families want to have the party, then go for it.  There is no "statute of limitations" on celebrating a joyous occasion.  If you want to give people the opportunity to come together, wish you well, and enjoy an evening, then enjoy the moment.

I second this one.  The point of the engagement party is to congratulate the couple and have both families meet.  If your parents want to host it then I would not say no.  May and October are far enough apart where that would not seem strange to me.  I don't know anyone who planned an engagement party immediately after they got engaged.  Parties take time to plan.

You do realize that the bolded can still happen even if a party doesn't right?  A simple "hey lets get the parents together for dinner" would be so much easier.

Not everything with weddings has to be labeled or this big elaborate thing.

And for the last bolded, simple parties don't take very long to plan.  Someone could get engaged and an engagement party could be planned for the following weekend if someone so chooses.

bananasplit472001

Maggie0829 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

I disagree with all of the above.  If you, FI, and families want to have the party, then go for it.  There is no "statute of limitations" on celebrating a joyous occasion.  If you want to give people the opportunity to come together, wish you well, and enjoy an evening, then enjoy the moment.

I second this one.  The point of the engagement party is to congratulate the couple and have both families meet.  If your parents want to host it then I would not say no.  May and October are far enough apart where that would not seem strange to me.  I don't know anyone who planned an engagement party immediately after they got engaged.  Parties take time to plan.

You do realize that the bolded can still happen even if a party doesn't right?  A simple "hey lets get the parents together for dinner" would be so much easier.

Not everything with weddings has to be labeled or this big elaborate thing.

And for the last bolded, simple parties don't take very long to plan.  Someone could get engaged and an engagement party could be planned for the following weekend if someone so chooses.

ok. I gave her an opinion that if her parents want to host her a party then they can.  They want to give her a party regardless of the fact that people can congratulate the couple without one.  You do not know that her parents want a simple or elaborate party so I was simply stating that parties, in general, take time to plan.  I never stated the amount of time just that time and effort is needed.  Even if it is just picking up the phone and calling a restaurant time and effort is still needed to pick out a guest list, time and food.  I give some serious kudos to those that can rally a group of both families together in a weeks time to come celebrate.  People have lives so it would be unlikely that guests would just be able to come to a party with little notice...

Maggie0829

bananasplit472001 said:

Maggie0829 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

I disagree with all of the above.  If you, FI, and families want to have the party, then go for it.  There is no "statute of limitations" on celebrating a joyous occasion.  If you want to give people the opportunity to come together, wish you well, and enjoy an evening, then enjoy the moment.

I second this one.  The point of the engagement party is to congratulate the couple and have both families meet.  If your parents want to host it then I would not say no.  May and October are far enough apart where that would not seem strange to me.  I don't know anyone who planned an engagement party immediately after they got engaged.  Parties take time to plan.

You do realize that the bolded can still happen even if a party doesn't right?  A simple "hey lets get the parents together for dinner" would be so much easier.

Not everything with weddings has to be labeled or this big elaborate thing.

And for the last bolded, simple parties don't take very long to plan.  Someone could get engaged and an engagement party could be planned for the following weekend if someone so chooses.

ok. I gave her an opinion that if her parents want to host her a party then they can.  They want to give her a party regardless of the fact that people can congratulate the couple without one.  You do not know that her parents want a simple or elaborate party so I was simply stating that parties, in general, take time to plan.  I never stated the amount of time just that time and effort is needed.  Even if it is just picking up the phone and calling a restaurant time and effort is still needed to pick out a guest list, time and food.  I give some serious kudos to those that can rally a group of both families together in a weeks time to come celebrate.  People have lives so it would be unlikely that guests would just be able to come to a party with little notice...

I realize you gave her your opinion.  And I responded to your post with my feelings on what you said aka my opinion.  So just chillax.

bananasplit472001

Maggie0829 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Maggie0829 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

I disagree with all of the above.  If you, FI, and families want to have the party, then go for it.  There is no "statute of limitations" on celebrating a joyous occasion.  If you want to give people the opportunity to come together, wish you well, and enjoy an evening, then enjoy the moment.

I second this one.  The point of the engagement party is to congratulate the couple and have both families meet.  If your parents want to host it then I would not say no.  May and October are far enough apart where that would not seem strange to me.  I don't know anyone who planned an engagement party immediately after they got engaged.  Parties take time to plan.

You do realize that the bolded can still happen even if a party doesn't right?  A simple "hey lets get the parents together for dinner" would be so much easier.

Not everything with weddings has to be labeled or this big elaborate thing.

And for the last bolded, simple parties don't take very long to plan.  Someone could get engaged and an engagement party could be planned for the following weekend if someone so chooses.

ok. I gave her an opinion that if her parents want to host her a party then they can.  They want to give her a party regardless of the fact that people can congratulate the couple without one.  You do not know that her parents want a simple or elaborate party so I was simply stating that parties, in general, take time to plan.  I never stated the amount of time just that time and effort is needed.  Even if it is just picking up the phone and calling a restaurant time and effort is still needed to pick out a guest list, time and food.  I give some serious kudos to those that can rally a group of both families together in a weeks time to come celebrate.  People have lives so it would be unlikely that guests would just be able to come to a party with little notice...

I realize you gave her your opinion.  And I responded to your post with my feelings on what you said aka my opinion.  So just chillax.

And i'm just giving my feelings on what you said aka my opinion.  

Maggie0829

bananasplit472001 said:

Maggie0829 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Maggie0829 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

I disagree with all of the above.  If you, FI, and families want to have the party, then go for it.  There is no "statute of limitations" on celebrating a joyous occasion.  If you want to give people the opportunity to come together, wish you well, and enjoy an evening, then enjoy the moment.

I second this one.  The point of the engagement party is to congratulate the couple and have both families meet.  If your parents want to host it then I would not say no.  May and October are far enough apart where that would not seem strange to me.  I don't know anyone who planned an engagement party immediately after they got engaged.  Parties take time to plan.

You do realize that the bolded can still happen even if a party doesn't right?  A simple "hey lets get the parents together for dinner" would be so much easier.

Not everything with weddings has to be labeled or this big elaborate thing.

And for the last bolded, simple parties don't take very long to plan.  Someone could get engaged and an engagement party could be planned for the following weekend if someone so chooses.

ok. I gave her an opinion that if her parents want to host her a party then they can.  They want to give her a party regardless of the fact that people can congratulate the couple without one.  You do not know that her parents want a simple or elaborate party so I was simply stating that parties, in general, take time to plan.  I never stated the amount of time just that time and effort is needed.  Even if it is just picking up the phone and calling a restaurant time and effort is still needed to pick out a guest list, time and food.  I give some serious kudos to those that can rally a group of both families together in a weeks time to come celebrate.  People have lives so it would be unlikely that guests would just be able to come to a party with little notice...

I realize you gave her your opinion.  And I responded to your post with my feelings on what you said aka my opinion.  So just chillax.

And i'm just giving my feelings on what you said aka my opinion.  

Again, I realize that.  You just seemed very worked up on your previous post.

bananasplit472001

Maggie0829 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Maggie0829 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Maggie0829 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

I disagree with all of the above.  If you, FI, and families want to have the party, then go for it.  There is no "statute of limitations" on celebrating a joyous occasion.  If you want to give people the opportunity to come together, wish you well, and enjoy an evening, then enjoy the moment.

I second this one.  The point of the engagement party is to congratulate the couple and have both families meet.  If your parents want to host it then I would not say no.  May and October are far enough apart where that would not seem strange to me.  I don't know anyone who planned an engagement party immediately after they got engaged.  Parties take time to plan.

You do realize that the bolded can still happen even if a party doesn't right?  A simple "hey lets get the parents together for dinner" would be so much easier.

Not everything with weddings has to be labeled or this big elaborate thing.

And for the last bolded, simple parties don't take very long to plan.  Someone could get engaged and an engagement party could be planned for the following weekend if someone so chooses.

ok. I gave her an opinion that if her parents want to host her a party then they can.  They want to give her a party regardless of the fact that people can congratulate the couple without one.  You do not know that her parents want a simple or elaborate party so I was simply stating that parties, in general, take time to plan.  I never stated the amount of time just that time and effort is needed.  Even if it is just picking up the phone and calling a restaurant time and effort is still needed to pick out a guest list, time and food.  I give some serious kudos to those that can rally a group of both families together in a weeks time to come celebrate.  People have lives so it would be unlikely that guests would just be able to come to a party with little notice...

I realize you gave her your opinion.  And I responded to your post with my feelings on what you said aka my opinion.  So just chillax.

And i'm just giving my feelings on what you said aka my opinion.  

Again, I realize that.  You just seemed very worked up on your previous post.

OK.

CMGragain

When I was a bride in 1976, nobody I knew had engagement parties.  They were only for the extremely wealthy people.  I look on them as a frill.  My daughter didn't have one.

Maggie0829

And because I now think that this thread needs some fun...Friday dance party!!

fwtx5815

IMO The fact that it would be in May seems to not really matter at all. If you're hung up on the perception of it being 'late' in the engagement, don't call it an engagement party. I don't think you need an excuse to throw a party. There's never a bad time for cake and champagne.

But honestly, who gives a shit? If etiquette is followed, people are hosted properly, and no mention of gifts is made, that's all that matters.
I don't get why some people have such strong (negative) feelings about:
1. Engagement parties in general (nobody is being put out by being invited to a PARTY, come the fuck on. If you're busy, decline the invite like you would every other damn social event)
2. The timeline of engagement parties and insisting that they happen within an arbitrary timeline. My own e-party happened within three months of the proposal but for real, fuck a timeline.

klk111415

Just go out to dinner with your immediate families to celebrate together.  Soon enough you will probably be having a bridal shower and bachelorette party and with only what 7-8 months left before the wedding, you will be seeing everyone soon enough for the other parties and the wedding.

Lauderdale Pink

dallasbetch said:

IMO The fact that it would be in May seems to not really matter at all. If you're hung up on the perception of it being 'late' in the engagement, don't call it an engagement party. I don't think you need an excuse to throw a party. There's never a bad time for cake and champagne.

But honestly, who gives a shit? If etiquette is followed, people are hosted properly, and no mention of gifts is made, that's all that matters.
I don't get why some people have such strong (negative) feelings about:
1. Engagement parties in general (nobody is being put out by being invited to a PARTY, come the fuck on. If you're busy, decline the invite like you would every other damn social event)
2. The timeline of engagement parties and insisting that they happen within an arbitrary timeline. My own e-party happened within three months of the proposal but for real, fuck a timeline.

Amen to the BOLDED

MGP

Here's my two cents:

Engagement parties are a little outdated in my opinion, but there is no harm if it's offered and properly hosted.  It's not a summons and as @dallasbetch said there is never a bad time for cake and champagne.  I actually went to an engagement party last weekend, probably the first "formal" one I have ever been to.  There were fun people to hang out with and food catered by a famous chef so yeah I was there with bells on.

HOWEVER

Personally I think it's odd to formally "celebrate" something that happened several months ago.  The initial energy is gone.  You wouldn't celebrate your birthday or a promotion 6 to 18 months after it happened and I look at an engagement the same way.  If you truly can't schedule something until further along down the line, just cut back on the formality or at least expect people to be a little less excited because they have probably already seen your ring, talked wedding with you, etc.

Additionally you will get a slight eye roll from me if you pack all of your pre wedding events in a small time frame, especially if you are a poor planner like my friend who was engaged for over a year and then suddenly went into wedding planning mode and got pissed off at me for not attending her engagement party, shower, destination bachelorette, and wedding all within a 6 month period (and all out of town trips for me).  But I digress.

Bottom line is - engagement parties are never necessary but just like other pre wedding events just make sure it's properly hosted, all invitees are invited to the big day, and don't freak out if people can't make it.

fwtx5815

Personally I think it's odd to formally "celebrate" something that happened several months ago.  The initial energy is gone. 

I can sort of see this, but I think an engagement is slightly different because an engagement is only for a specific period of time (whereas with a promotion, you'll still have that job several years down the road.)

It may be overkill for some couples who want ALL the parties thrown in their honor and plan to have a short engagement like @MGP 's friend.  It's not that I think everyone should accept offers for engagement parties, but it worked well for us because we have a ten-month engagement, are not having showers, bach parties, or a formal rehearsal dinner. It'll only be the e-party and wedding day when it's all said and done. 2 of my BMs and one GM couldn't make it to the engagement party and we were 1000% cool with it because we know they have their own stuff going on.

fwtx5815

These comparisons to yearly events like birthdays and 4th of July are not very good, because they do happen every year. If you missed the chance to throw a badass Halloween party, you can do it the next year.

Engagements are hopefully a one-time occurrence.

Apples and oranges.

fwtx5815

That still is not the same because, like I said above, an engagement is for a specific period of time - begins with a proposal and ends with the wedding. Once someone has graduated from high school or college, they will forever be a graduate.

I'm curious if OP is having other pre-wedding parties thrown for her. If so, I'd skip the e-party because May-October is not that long if she is having other shindigs throughout.

Maggie0829

dallasbetch said:

That still is not the same because, like I said above, an engagement is for a specific period of time - begins with a proposal and ends with the wedding. Once someone has graduated from high school or college, they will forever be a graduate.

I'm curious if OP is having other pre-wedding parties thrown for her. If so, I'd skip the e-party because May-October is not that long if she is having other shindigs throughout.

Yes an engagement is a finite thing.  But the engagement party is to celebrate the accepted proposal.  To celebrate something MONTHS after the fact is just down right dumb.  If I got invited to an engagement party 6 months after the actual proposal took place and 4-5 months before the wedding I would think that the couple was crazy.  The time for you to celebrate your proposal was 5 months ago, not now.  Now is the time to celebrate your upcoming wedding with showers and bach parties.

lovemesomemonster

I guess I'm not really getting why it's a big deal to have an engagement party 4 months after a person gets engaged? In my mind, the people that would be invited would be your close friends and family, and who doesn't like an excuse to get together? It's a party, I'm not sure why all of this pre-wedding stuff has to come with timelines and rules, to me it's just an excuse to get together with some awesome people I may not see as much as I like at other times! You're still engaged right? Yep, so you go ahead and celebrate that! I'm with you @dallasbetch, not sure why there is such a stigma on here around timelines and what's "asking too much of people", if I invite you to a gathering of friends and family and you don't want to come, great! That's fine! But if you ask me I'm looking forward to having that extra little excuse to fly to my home town more and see people I wish I could see more!

fwtx5815

Maggie0829 said:

Yes an engagement is a finite thing.  But the engagement party is to celebrate the accepted proposal.  To celebrate something MONTHS after the fact is just down right dumb.  If I got invited to an engagement party 6 months after the actual proposal took place and 4-5 months before the wedding I would think that the couple was crazy.  The time for you to celebrate your proposal was 5 months ago, not now.  Now is the time to celebrate your upcoming wedding with showers and bach parties.

I would think you're crazy for thinking the couple is crazy. But that's neither here nor there.

To the second bolded - Not everyone has one or both of those types of parties while they're engaged. Those are the times where I think an engagement party is A-OK pretty much whenever. But yes if it's a short engagement with filled with bach parties and showers, I'd would say skip it. I wouldn't think someone is weird for having one, I would just hope that they'd adjust their expectations of who can attend what parties.

And as far as the timeliness and the idea that nobody would want to celebrate it months later, I only saw my parents and 1 of my close friends before my engagement party. So it's not like we socialized with tons of people and then wanted a party just for the heck of it.

Idk I just think this is something that people want to put a rule on and the reasoning behind the rule doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I probably at one point have advocated for a 3-month or less rule here on TK but I never stopped to think about why it should matter.

Maggie0829

dallasbetch said:

Maggie0829 said:

Yes an engagement is a finite thing.  But the engagement party is to celebrate the accepted proposal.  To celebrate something MONTHS after the fact is just down right dumb.  If I got invited to an engagement party 6 months after the actual proposal took place and 4-5 months before the wedding I would think that the couple was crazy.  The time for you to celebrate your proposal was 5 months ago, not now.  Now is the time to celebrate your upcoming wedding with showers and bach parties.

I would think you're crazy for thinking the couple is crazy. But that's neither here nor there.

To the second bolded - Not everyone has one or both of those types of parties while they're engaged. Those are the times where I think an engagement party is A-OK pretty much whenever. But yes if it's a short engagement with filled with bach parties and showers, I'd would say skip it. I wouldn't think someone is weird for having one, I would just hope that they'd adjust their expectations of who can attend what parties.

And as far as the timeliness and the idea that nobody would want to celebrate it months later, I only saw my parents and 1 of my close friends before my engagement party. So it's not like we socialized with tons of people and then wanted a party just for the heck of it.

Idk I just think this is something that people want to put a rule on and the reasoning behind the rule doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I probably at one point have advocated for a 3-month or less rule here on TK but I never stopped to think about why it should matter.

I'm sorry but I think celebrating something long after that thing already occurred (whether it be a graduation, a birthday, an engagement, a new baby, a new job, a new hair or a new outfit...whatever it may be) just makes that person look like a AW.

And yes, I understand that not everyone gets a bridal shower or a bach party.   But just because they aren't thrown them doesn't make it, in my eyes, okay to have an engagement party in their place.

I turned 30 this past year.  Me being 30 is finite, just like an engagement.  But I would not in a million years go out a celebrate my birthday now, 6 months, after I turned 30.  Why?  Because I would look silly.  Just because I may have thought turning 30 was a big deal (actually I didn't, but lets just say I did for this example) doesn't mean I should expect everyone else around me to be just as excited about it long after my birthday occurred.  Same goes for an engagement.  When you first get engaged everyone is excited for you, but IMO, once you set a wedding date then people get more excited about your wedding and your engagement just doesn't seem quite as huge as it did when it first happened.

Now if the couple wants to celebrate their engagement, just the two of them, every day up until their wedding then go ahead.  But to ask family and friends to celebrate something months after it happened is just AWish.

lovemesomemonster

@maggie0829 I think you are taking all of this a little too literally. Her parents want to throw them an engagement party and their schedules don't allow it until a later date. Why in the world is it such a big deal to ask people to come have fun at a party with other people any month of the year? If a friend of mine called up and said "hey, I'm throwing a hump day party but it's on Friday" my first thoughts wouldn't be "Oh, I'm so over the excitement of Wednesday by Friday so that is ridiculous and I'm not going". I would probably be thinking, "great! Sounds like a good time!" Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I'm not saying that you aren't, but you just seem very passionate about it not being OK to ask friends and family to come celebrate something with you if it's not within the "acceptable" timeline. It's a party, celebrating the fact that they are engaged, they aren't asking friends and family to come build a house for them, they are asking them to enjoy a fun day with them.

flantastic

I think it's silly to call it an engagement party, then. If the parents want to throw a party, great. If the parents want to throw a party for the purpose of meeting the other family, great. Why call it an engagement party when the reasonable period for celebrating the proposal itself has passed? Just throw a party, but don't try to force making it "about" something.

fwtx5815

Maggie0829 said:

dallasbetch said:

Maggie0829 said:

Yes an engagement is a finite thing.  But the engagement party is to celebrate the accepted proposal.  To celebrate something MONTHS after the fact is just down right dumb.  If I got invited to an engagement party 6 months after the actual proposal took place and 4-5 months before the wedding I would think that the couple was crazy.  The time for you to celebrate your proposal was 5 months ago, not now.  Now is the time to celebrate your upcoming wedding with showers and bach parties.

I would think you're crazy for thinking the couple is crazy. But that's neither here nor there.

To the second bolded - Not everyone has one or both of those types of parties while they're engaged. Those are the times where I think an engagement party is A-OK pretty much whenever. But yes if it's a short engagement with filled with bach parties and showers, I'd would say skip it. I wouldn't think someone is weird for having one, I would just hope that they'd adjust their expectations of who can attend what parties.

And as far as the timeliness and the idea that nobody would want to celebrate it months later, I only saw my parents and 1 of my close friends before my engagement party. So it's not like we socialized with tons of people and then wanted a party just for the heck of it.

Idk I just think this is something that people want to put a rule on and the reasoning behind the rule doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I probably at one point have advocated for a 3-month or less rule here on TK but I never stopped to think about why it should matter.

I'm sorry but I think celebrating something long after that thing already occurred (whether it be a graduation, a birthday, an engagement, a new baby, a new job, a new hair or a new outfit...whatever it may be) just makes that person look like a AW.

And yes, I understand that not everyone gets a bridal shower or a bach party.   But just because they aren't thrown them doesn't make it, in my eyes, okay to have an engagement party in their place.

I turned 30 this past year.  Me being 30 is finite, just like an engagement.  But I would not in a million years go out a celebrate my birthday now, 6 months, after I turned 30.  Why?  Because I would look silly.  Just because I may have thought turning 30 was a big deal (actually I didn't, but lets just say I did for this example) doesn't mean I should expect everyone else around me to be just as excited about it long after my birthday occurred.  Same goes for an engagement.  When you first get engaged everyone is excited for you, but IMO, once you set a wedding date then people get more excited about your wedding and your engagement just doesn't seem quite as huge as it did when it first happened.

Now if the couple wants to celebrate their engagement, just the two of them, every day up until their wedding then go ahead.  But to ask family and friends to celebrate something months after it happened is just AWish.

Aside from the facts that getting engaged to someone is completing different than turning another year older, and people do actually delay their bday celebrations sometimes, yeah I totally get what you're saying. Yep.

MGP

flantastic said:

I think it's silly to call it an engagement party, then. If the parents want to throw a party, great. If the parents want to throw a party for the purpose of meeting the other family, great. Why call it an engagement party when the reasonable period for celebrating the proposal itself has passed? Just throw a party, but don't try to force making it "about" something.

There is obviously some disagreement in this discussion about what a "reasonable" is considered. "Reasonable" to me is:

not reacting with "didn't they get engaged, like, a long time ago?" when I open the invitation

being pressured to go to the shower a month or two after the engagement party, then the bachelorette a month or two after that, then the wedding a month or two after that

feeling like I have to fake my enthusiasm because my initial excitement faded away months ago *** please note I will be genuinely happy for you, just not jumping up and down and shrieking like its the first time I heard the news ***

Others may disagree and that is fine.