Assigned Seats vs. Open Seating

AmyBB2010

I am having trouble deciding on weather to have assigned tables for guests or to do open seating. I know how many people on these threads feel about open seating, but I think it fits my situation better than assigned tables. We are having a laid back, outdoors wedding with a buffet dinner. Both sides of our families have divorces throughout them. I have attempted to do assigned table seating charts and it stresses me out too much. I actually know that a lot of the guests will stand and eat (mostly the groomsmen, but we are also having corn hole during the reception) and we have some extra tables and seating areas if tables don't fill up. Just wanted some opinions if you all think open seating would be best for my situation. Thanks

[Deleted User]

I just posted about how awkward this was for me at a wedding this past summer.  I don't recommend it.  I'm not looking forward to doing a seating chart (and I don't even have many (any?) divorce issues to deal with), but I'd rather "torture" myself for a few days/weeks than make my guests uncomfortable.

I am firmly in the don't do it camp.

At most weddings I've been to, it kind of becomes open seating once dinner is over, any way, but for the dinner part, I think it's needed.  I hated walking into that room, knowing no one, having every seat taken, and having to go to 4 tables before I found a place to sit w/ a bunch of people I didn't know.

Maggie0829

OP, whenever you go to weddings are tables assigned or is it open seating?  I would go with whatever your crowd is most use to, not how casual your event is.  For example, I have never been to an open seating wedding reception.  I would actually be confused about where to sit and afraid that I was sitting at a table that I wasn't supposed to be sitting at.  

levioosa

I am also firmly in the assigned seating camp. 

AmyBB2010

Maggie0829 said:

OP, whenever you go to weddings are tables assigned or is it open seating?  I would go with whatever your crowd is most use to, not how casual your event is.  For example, I have never been to an open seating wedding reception.  I would actually be confused about where to sit and afraid that I was sitting at a table that I wasn't supposed to be sitting at.  

I have been to both an assigned seated and open seated weddings before. Another reason why I'm having a hard time deciding. The more laid back casual ones did open and the more formal ones with sit down dinners did assigned.

KatWAG

I am firmly against open seating. It helps to avoid the whole middle school lunch room situation that is bound to happen.

MGP

KatWAG said:

I am firmly against open seating. It helps to avoid the whole middle school lunch room situation that is bound to happen.

YES.  That is exactly what I call it.  It gives me anxiety just thinking about it.  There is nothing worse than trying to find somewhere to sit and not feel welcome at any table, especially if you are alone (been there, done that).  Better the anxiety be on the person making the seating chart than the guests.

I look at assigned seating like a flight on a plane, I may not love where I am sitting (in the back of the room, near a speaker, next to the wing, window seat, etc.) but I will deal with it for a couple hours, make small talk with the people around me, and be on my merry way.  I really don't think asking your guests to sit tight (quite literally) for one meal is too much to ask for.  There is plenty of opportunity for mingling, dancing, and whatnot before and after that.  IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE - wedding party and their SO's must be seated together no matter what.

I am 1000% always in the camp of assigned seating.  Also no one likes to walk around in heels looking for a seat with a plate of food either.

flantastic

KatWAG said:

I am firmly against open seating. It helps to avoid the whole middle school lunch room situation that is bound to happen.

This is why I think it will make it more awkward for your guests - if you truly have so many people who shouldn't sit together, someone's probably going to get stuck where the only open seat is with people they don't know or don't like.

This doesn't have to be an absurd chore. I just grouped people - friends from college, friends from grad school, friends from work, H's family, my family, H's family friends, my family friends... you get the picture. It really wasn't that hard to work out putting them together, and which groups might get along if we had to do a half table of college friends and grad school friends. With the latter 4 groups, I just sent names to my mom and MIL and said "arrange please into groups of 8-10, if you can" and that was super easy for them to do.

Jen4948

I've been to both types of events and seen the same thing as you: more casual events tend to have open seating and more formal ones tend to have assigned seating.

That said, I like assigned seating better for the following reasons:

1) Even if your wedding is casual and laid back, when seating is open, people tend to save seats for their friends and relatives.  If you don't know anyone else there or can't be sure that someone will save you a seat, then open seating feels like a school cafeteria where you have to go from table to table to look for an unclaimed seat.

2) You can seat people with people they already know, like their own friends or relatives, or people you think they might have common interests with, so that they will hopefully be more comfortable with.

3) You can seat people away from each other who are known to have bad blood between them.

4) You can make sure people with mobility, language, or other special needs are seated with their assistants or otherwise in places where their special needs can be most easily met.

PrettyGirlLost

This is a know tour crowd thing.

Most ppl will strongly proclaim how much they hate open seating, and that assigned seating removes that awkwardness of trying to find a seat or having to sit with people you dont know.

Well, I have been to several weddings where the assigned seating arrangements frankly sucked- we weren't seated with anyone else attending that we actually knew and it was tedious to try and make conversation for 1.5hrs. I would have preferred open seating.

We had open seating at our reception due to how the venue was set up, and it worked really well- many guests mentioned how cool it was. However, most of our guests were extroverts and were part of circles that intersected with other circles.

aliwis000

Until I was around college age the vast majority of weddings I went to were in VFW or Knights of Columbus halls all of which had probably been build in the 70's.

Tables were the 3 each side folding ones with that white plastic table cover stuff over them. They were lined up in parallel lines in rows of 10 or more. Centerpieces consisted of  a mirror and maybe a floating candle in a small vase surrounded by confetti. Dinner was always brisket with all the sides and there were always, ALWAYS, dinner mints on the table (yum ).

This is not/was not in any way wrong. Food and drink were provided, there were never any gaps, always had good music and we, even as a kids, partied till late.

Now that I have set the scene. Can you guess if there were assigned anything? You are right, there were not. Now I will say there was always WAY more tables than guests. Remember these venues were used to hosting big country dances open to the public so seating was more than adequate.

Now the more formal a venue/wedding the more I see assigned tables being a good thing just because there is not an overflow of extra seats. I say assigned tables are good, assigned seats are a little too far and open seating is ok under certain circumstances.

Bottom Line: Know your crowd. Know your venue. Put yourself in your guests shoes and think about how you might feel. If any of these things hint at your to do assigned tables...go ahead and just do them.

esstee33

I would definitely prefer assigned tables, although I don't think assigned seats are necessary. Open seating gives me all sorts of anxiety I'd rather not have to deal with.

mrscomposer

We did open seating, but we set beyond our numbers so that people weren't forced to join a group if they didn't want to.  Of course, there was no one at our wedding who was truly single, so everyone had someone to sit with anyway.

Lauderdale Pink

For successful open seating, just make sure, as you seem to have done, that you have 3-4 extra full tables.  As long as people have a place to sit and eat, they will deal with who their table mates are.  The only trouble I have ever seen with open seating is when a couple is split up because there is one seat here and one seat there.

JoanE2012

PrettyGirlLost said:

This is a know tour crowd thing.

Most ppl will strongly proclaim how much they hate open seating, and that assigned seating removes that awkwardness of trying to find a seat or having to sit with people you dont know.

Well, I have been to several weddings where the assigned seating arrangements frankly sucked- we weren't seated with anyone else attending that we actually knew and it was tedious to try and make conversation for 1.5hrs. I would have preferred open seating.

We had open seating at our reception due to how the venue was set up, and it worked really well- many guests mentioned how cool it was. However, most of our guests were extroverts and were part of circles that intersected with other circles.

Ugggh, sorry to hear that!  That's a result of poor planning on behalf of the bride and groom.  They probably got stressed like the OP mentioned and just gave up and didn't put any effort into it.

OP - I'm firmly in the assigned tables camp.  But take the time and do it right so your guests don't end up like PrettyGirlLost.

slothiegal

esstee33 said:

I would definitely prefer assigned tables, although I don't think assigned seats are necessary. Open seating gives me all sorts of anxiety I'd rather not have to deal with.

Ugh same here.  I have flashbacks to the high school cafeteria.

Another vote for assigned tables (not necessarily seats).

southernbelle0915

If your reasoning for doing open seating is because making a seating chart stresses you out too much, then I don't think you have a good reason to do open seating.

Good reasons to do open seating would be if it's something typically done in your crowd and you are prepared to provide 10-15% extra tables and chairs - people leave spaces between themselves.

We did open seating and it was fine. But it's not atypical in my crowd and if any adults had flashbacks to middle school, they handled themselves well. It was a lot more expensive because of the bigger venue, more tables, more chairs, more centerpieces, more linens, etc...

AmyBB2010

Thank you for all of the advice!!!!!

badbnagdway

Agree with other posters, if you are having difficulty figuring out where your guests should sit, then you are someone really in need of a seating plan. By not doing it yourself, you are putting all the burden on your guests. That is unfair, you should try your best to make guests comfortable. 

I have a similar situation -- both FI and my parents are divorced. My parents are remarried, and actually, although I will have them at separate tables, they could sit and have dinner together and it wouldn't be the end of the word. FI's mom and step-mom, on the other hand, hate each other with a fiery passion. They will be at tables across the dance floor from each other. They also both know members of FI's dad's family (FI's dad passed away years ago), so if I had open seating, the family members would essentially have to choose sides in terms of sitting with FI's mom or step-mom. What an awful position to put guests in. It will be a pain to make a seating plan, but I would feel terrible not having one. 

MandyMost

I feel like the harder the seating chart is to do, the more assigned tables is necessary. If you have a lot of guests who don't get along, or who are uncomfortable around each other (due to divorces or whatever) then you should ensure that the reception will go smoothly by keeping them all apart. If it's open seating, what happens if they're all forced together because other people sat first? 

And what about your table? Will you  have an assigned table? If so, I think that's just weird to have some assigned tables, and some open seating. It's like having first-tier guests, and second-tier guests, which makes everyone uncomfortable. 

AnnoymouseBride124

Please have assigned seats! My fiancé and I went to a wedding this summer without them and we awkwardly were looking for seats when the BP was being announced. We ducked into two seats in the very back of the barn and did not know anyone at the table.

Jen4948

mrscomposer said:

We did open seating, but we set beyond our numbers so that people weren't forced to join a group if they didn't want to.  Of course, there was no one at our wedding who was truly single, so everyone had someone to sit with anyway.

Even couples have trouble finding places to sit together sometimes when there's open seating and everyone else is reserving seats for themselves and the people they know. Being in a couple doesn't guarantee that you'll get to sit with your partner or anyone else you know or like when seating is open.