Hi everyone. To begin this request for advice, I want you to know I have stayed out of this issue and I realize we have made some mistakes so please don't advise me that we shouldn't have asked our wedding party so early since the past is in the past.
Here's the issue. We are having a wedding party of 12 people for our October wedding. We asked our wedding party shortly after we got engaged. (Mistake - I know. I wish he would have held off on his, but I wasn't with him when he did it.) We recently found out one of the groomsmen has started using heroin, something that contributed to the death of FI's childhood best friend (the groomsman was also very good friends with the friend who died). I am extremely uncomfortable with the idea of someone using such hard and addictive drugs even being invited to the wedding because I saw it change FI's bff's personality so severely and those wounds have not healed in the 3 years since his death. I have resigned myself to the fact that I cannot un-invite him to the wedding, but both FI and I agree that we really cannot support this. I have expressed my concern about his drug addiction and my FI made the decision he does not want him in the wedding party and has subsequently asked someone else without letting the first groomsman know. (Also a mistake, but I wasn't there when the original groomsman was asked or the new one. FI told me he wish he would have invited the one he asked later originally in hindsight.)
At what point should I get involved in this as he is taking awhile to figure all of this out? And before we go down this rabbit hole, I know that when you remove someone from the wedding party it severs a friendship; to be honest, if he continues using he won't even be the same person anymore so he is ok with that friendship going by the wayside. He is taking his time dealing with this as it is a huge deal and I'm sure if we had years before the wedding he would get to it eventually. Unfortunately this has to be resolved before October. So back to my question, at what point should I start pushing this conversation and has anyone had a similar experience? I am not going to be the one to have the conversation with his friend, but FI needs some reminders here and there since he ADHD and forgets things frequently/doesn't really want to have the difficult conversation with someone he does care about after what happened to his bff.