Dry wedding for budget reasons-- are we terrible?

andcallitlove

Hi everyone, I'm looking for some input about our current plan to have a dry wedding.  From what I've seen, people tend to be generally supportive of dry weddings that are alcohol-free because of religious or recovery reasons.  People support the couples' values in those cases... but I haven't seen much about opinions on couples who are doing it because of valuing frugality/moderation in lifestyle (and getting out of student debt) and just generally not being partiers.

My main question is, do you think in this situation that it's unreasonable to plan not to have alcohol for the reception?  Would you be offended if you went to a family member's wedding up to 4 hours away, and found that there was no alcohol?  Is is better to "warn" people, and if you think so, how would you do it?

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Here are some details if it matters to you:

Many guests (all family) are driving 2-4 hours to the wedding site; my fiance and I will be flying or driving 1000 miles to get there for their convenience, leaving our friends in our home state out of the picture.  (That's our choice to avoid asking 70 people to travel as far as we have to; and the 2-4 hour distance from our hometown is because our venue was a great price and we loved it).  I shared suggestions for area attractions to frame it as a mini-destination wedding and hope people get into that.  We are a relatively young, independent couple with student debt, and are paying for the wedding mainly on our own (shooting for under $5,ooo budget, about 10% of that coming from parents).  It's an afternoon wedding with a dinner reception (plated meals).  We'll have lawn games and a fire pit instead of a cocktail hour, and puzzles on the tables to entertain people.  Our families are not really dancers or big drinkers, but they do have wine with dinner at holiday gatherings.  Our venue is a bottle club and the charges add up fast just to pay to have someone open bottles we also pay for, plus tip.  We may do a champagne toast, but worry about the costs of anything more in terms of alcohol.

fwtx5815

It's perfectly fine to have a dry wedding, and your reasons don't need to be explained to guests (and they don't need to be "warned").

The only thing that would be unacceptable about YOU not paying for alcohol at your wedding is if you insisted on passing the costs along to your guests in the form of a cash bar. As long as you're providing food and drink appropriate for the time of day, everyone has a seat, and nobody has to open their wallets you're in the clear.

Just make sure that there are no unhosted gaps. The "cocktail hour" shouldn't be longer than 60-75 minutes.

Etf spelling

Lauderdale Pink

There is no reason in the world not to have a dry wedding and no reason in the world to feel the need to explain yourself.  Go enjoy your wedding and best of luck to you and FI

AddieCake

It's fine.

andcallitlove

Thanks Dallas, Lauderdale, and Addie.  I had momentarily considered the cash bar actually, so that it would be an option for those who really wanted it, but the overall feeling tends to be pretty negative.  Seems like it's better just not to do any drinks than paid drinks.

From the moment the ceremony ends to the formal opening of the reception hall (which technically won't ever be closed to guests at all) it will be an hour, so I think we're good on keeping things hosted and moving along pretty well.

jacques27

Perfectly fine (and kudos for realizing cash bar is not the way to go).  It needs no explanation at all.  And unless you all really like champagne, I would skip the toast.  Your experience might be different since it would be the only alcohol so maybe more would drink it - but every time I've seen a champagne toast, I've also seen a lot of mostly full champagne flutes lying around at the end of the night.

And for the wedding you're describing, I wouldn't find lack of alcohol unusual at all.  Pretty much the only time I expect alcohol (not in an "I demand it" way, but in an "I would find it unusual if it weren't there" way) is a formal evening wedding or the kind of wedding where the bride and groom want a raving dance party into the night and expect me to dance in front of others without a drink or two in me. It's not that it would even be required then and you couldn't have a dry wedding in that scenario, but most people would probably be a little disappointed and find it unusual - they'd get over it.

Jen4948

It's totally okay to have a dry wedding. You do not owe any of your guests alcohol-or a reason for why you're not providing it. You don't even owe them a heads-up. Anyone who complains about its absence is being rude.

slothiegal

I didn't even read your situation, to be perfectly honest.  Because a dry wedding is always acceptable and you are never required to explain your reasoning.  If anyone hounds you for your decision, THEY are the rude one.

Plan (and party) on!

rcher912

slothiegal said:

I didn't even read your situation, to be perfectly honest.  Because a dry wedding is always acceptable and you are never required to explain your reasoning.  If anyone hounds you for your decision, THEY are the rude one.

Plan (and party) on!

QFT.

I just wanted to come in and answer "nope". Have fun!

andcallitlove

Thanks to all who have added since my last post!  I definitely expected this to be more controversial, but am grateful for all of you speaking up to let me know this isn't such a bad plan!

And Jaques, I know what you're talking about with champagne going to waste.  We'd probably do very small amounts of champagne, just enough for one toast-and-sip (probably a couple ounces each).  And that's just once we calculate what the costs will come to, if we are okay with the amount.

manateehugger

Dry weddings are totally fine.

Honestly, though, I would not do a champagne toast if you aren't going to be able to have it around for the entire night.

drunkenwitch

I have some friends that had a dry wedding because of budget. They plenty to eat, lots of non alcoholic drink choices and a lovely reception. They hosted what they could afford and cut booze so they could invite mire friends and family. Nothing wrong with that all.

STARMOON44

Totally fine. I wouldn't do a champagne toast though. Rubs me the wrong way a bit if the only alcohol you have is there for the purpose of toasting you.

andcallitlove

Hm, okay, thanks for the feedback on the toast.  I guess I thought people would "miss" that, but maybe it's fine to just cut it given we're avoiding other drinks.  I was worried about cutting too many traditional things for fear of miffing people's expectations.  I think I've been a little too concerned about that all along.

jacques27

andcallitlove said:

Hm, okay, thanks for the feedback on the toast.  I guess I thought people would "miss" that, but maybe it's fine to just cut it given we're avoiding other drinks.  I was worried about cutting too many traditional things for fear of miffing people's expectations.  I think I've been a little too concerned about that all along.

Truthfully, I've only seen a champagne toast at maybe 10% of the weddings I've been to and those have been formal evening weddings with wait-staff who come around to pass the champagne flutes.  I honestly don't think it's that "traditional" except in movie and television weddings unless you run with a pretty formal crowd.  I wouldn't miss it.  I really doubt your family will.  There's no reason people can't toast you with whatever beverage they have in their hand if they really want to do a toast.

ETA:  I take that back about only formal evening weddings.  We did a champagne toast at a family wedding - a small (12 people) casual affair at the house of the groom's daughter in the early afternoon.  The groom's side is a bit more affluent than our side and planned the entire wedding and wanted it, and our side doesn't really drink.  So half toasted with sparkling lemonade and even though it only came to about one bottle of champagne, there were still half full glasses lying around when all was said and done.

AddieCake

We had only mimosas for alcohol and wine for a toast. I am betting half or more didn't even toast with the wine, and we could have saved money and not had it.

downtondiva

You don't have to serve alcohol and you don't have to explain why. As long as you have plenty of other beverages and food for everyone, you're fine.

[Deleted User]

andcallitlove said:

Hm, okay, thanks for the feedback on the toast.  I guess I thought people would "miss" that, but maybe it's fine to just cut it given we're avoiding other drinks.  I was worried about cutting too many traditional things for fear of miffing people's expectations.  I think I've been a little too concerned about that all along.

No, I'd be more bummed to only have a tiny sip of champagne than to not have any alcohol at all.  I'll toast you with orange juice or water, but only giving me the tiniest sip of champagne is just teasing me.

JennyColada

I would be a little bummed out to be divvied out a single glass of champagne and nlt be able to have more. If rather not have it at all.

Sparkling Italian sodas would keep me happy!

badbnagdway

I agree with others that money spent on a champagne toast is probably wasted. Anytime you hand everyone the same drink you risk that some will not actually drink it. Plus, it does seem a bit like a tease to have only one alcoholic drink all night. I think you're better going completely dry. Maybe look at Martinelli's or other sparkling ciders if you want to want something bubbly. 

Dreamergirl8812

adk19 said:

andcallitlove said:

Hm, okay, thanks for the feedback on the toast.  I guess I thought people would "miss" that, but maybe it's fine to just cut it given we're avoiding other drinks.  I was worried about cutting too many traditional things for fear of miffing people's expectations.  I think I've been a little too concerned about that all along.

No, I'd be more bummed to only have a tiny sip of champagne than to not have any alcohol at all.  I'll toast you with orange juice or water, but only giving me the tiniest sip of champagne is just teasing me.

^^^ This exactly. I can go a few hours without drinking, but giving me some and then taking it away is just cruel!