Wedding Reception Forum

Strange Setup & Timeline Questions

FI and I met with the venue and caterer for the first time this week (YAY!) and started talking seriously about the timeline. Our venue is gorgeous and we love it, but it has kind of a unique layout. The dining area is going to be completely separate from the dancing area (two adjoined rooms, but separate nonetheless). There's a seating area in the dancing area, so those who aren't into dancing but want to be in there to hang out can do that.

Then the venue lady started throwing questions at me about the timeline, and with the two separate rooms, I had NO idea how to answer. She said that's fine for now (as the wedding is in Sept), because we have plenty of time, but to start thinking about it.

So can you ladies help me work through this in my head?

4PM - ceremony (same site as reception, just the church next door).
~4:45 - Cocktail hour begins (BP taking photos on the grounds) - Cocktail hour will be exclusively in the dancing room, light music from the DJ. High-top tables. The bar is also located in this room. 

~6:30PM? (I think) - Buffet dinner begins in the dining room - B&G will invite each table individually (only 90 guests) to the buffet. I don't love receiving lines and thought this would be a better and easier way for us to greet each guest personally.
~8:30? - Cake cutting in the room with the DJ/dancing

That's the easy stuff. The reception ends at 10PM.

We need to decide when & how to do the first dance, any toasts (if there are any? I'm not sure if anyone wants to. Is that something I should ask BP members about or wait until it's offered???), and introductions - all keeping in mind that guests can't just be shuffled from this room to that room and back to this room constantly.

Thanks, ladies! I know this is a little odd, but I also know that it can work!

Re: Strange Setup & Timeline Questions

  • NymeruNymeru member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited March 2015
    I'd say that the first thing you'd need to change is your cocktail hour--4:45-6:30 is MUCH too long.  If you need more time than that for photos, take as many as you can prior to the wedding.  You should really try your best to make that gap be no longer than an hour.  Plus, it makes you push everything out so late that at the end of the night, you only have maybe 1-1/12 hours for dancing, which is hardly anything, and believe me, after all the work and stress of everything, you'll want time to just enjoy everything. 

    While the idea of you having a personal role in the buffet announcements seems nice, you really should make sure that you eat as early on as possible.  If you wait until the last table goes because you're still greeting people, the majority of your guests will be done/almost done eating before you get food, and then will be waiting on you for the party to start.  My wedding was as big as yours, and it took at least 30 minutes for everyone to get through the buffet line.  If you eat first, you can make the rounds at the tables while people are eating instead.

    It's also important to minimize the amount of times you "interrupt" your guests.  If they are having to stop what they're doing (socializing, dancing, etc.) every 10 minutes for a spotlight event (first dance, toasts, cake cutting, etc.), the party feels disjointed and the flow of celebration stops.  It's also not fun for the guests if they have to sit around all night before they get to have fun.  One of the last weddings I went to had so many speeches and "spotlight dances" (one dance for every immediate family member and person in the bridal party), that they didn't open the dance floor to us until almost 9:30, and it was over at 10:00.  No fun at all.

    I'd suggest a timeline something more like this:

    4:00-4:45--ceremony

    4:45-5:45--cocktail hour

    5:45--entrance/introductions, first dance, possibly toast and speeches too. You really should do your first dance when you first come in because that way everyone is all in the same room still with the DJ, and you don't have to worry about guests not being able to see it because half of them are still trying to eat dinner in another room.

    6:00--buffet opens

    6:00-7:00--dinner  (toast and speeches could alternatively happen during this time once everyone has food so that you save time and have a captive audience with drinks at hand)

    7:00--cake cutting/first dance (if you don't want to start the reception with it)

    7:15-10:00--open the dance floor and the party starts for real!



    ETA: As for the speeches, keep them to a minimum.  If you ask the bridal party, they might feel obliged to do it because they don't want to disappoint you, and you'll wind up with a speech from each person.  Usually it's just the Best Man and MoH who give a speech traditionally. More than that can get excessive (and boring).
  • mlg78mlg78 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    That's way too long of a cocktail hour (it's supposed to be just that...an hour). At the end of cocktail hour we did our entrance and immediately did our first dance. After that we cut the cake so they were able to cut the cake while we were eating. The buffet dinner began and once everyone was seated we did the toasts as the BP was done eating by that point. It was so efficient this way and I really recommend it.
  • mlg78 said:

    That's way too long of a cocktail hour (it's supposed to be just that...an hour). At the end of cocktail hour we did our entrance and immediately did our first dance. After that we cut the cake so they were able to cut the cake while we were eating. The buffet dinner began and once everyone was seated we did the toasts as the BP was done eating by that point. It was so efficient this way and I really recommend it.

    This is exactly what my daughters' did at their weddings.  I agree that your cocktail hour is way way too long and you need to do your pics prior to the ceremony.  If you are really stuck on not seeing each other prior to the wedding do everything but pics that have the 2 of you in them together.

    While it is a sweet gesture to go table to table to release them for  the buffet I encourage you not to.  Your ONLY chance to sit down and eat is when you get your food first and you are eating while everyone else is going to the buffet.  After that, you will be busy all night and your guests will be coming up to you to chat.  Please rethink this idea or you won't even get the few minutes at dinner to unwind and eat.
  • rcher912rcher912 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited March 2015
    That's way too long of a cocktail hour (it's supposed to be just that...an hour). At the end of cocktail hour we did our entrance and immediately did our first dance. After that we cut the cake so they were able to cut the cake while we were eating. The buffet dinner began and once everyone was seated we did the toasts as the BP was done eating by that point. It was so efficient this way and I really recommend it.
    This is exactly what my daughters' did at their weddings.  I agree that your cocktail hour is way way too long and you need to do your pics prior to the ceremony.  If you are really stuck on not seeing each other prior to the wedding do everything but pics that have the 2 of you in them together.

    While it is a sweet gesture to go table to table to release them for  the buffet I encourage you not to.  Your ONLY chance to sit down and eat is when you get your food first and you are eating while everyone else is going to the buffet.  After that, you will be busy all night and your guests will be coming up to you to chat.  Please rethink this idea or you won't even get the few minutes at dinner to unwind and eat.


    Just a note: the cocktail hour is really just an hour - I promise. I put the buffet at 6:30 so that we had time for anything in between (toasts or first dance, intros, etc). I promise no real gap!!! (ETA: plus time for people to find their seats/tables in the second room)

    To the bolded: that's the plan for pictures.  All the BM and GM pictures will be before the ceremony, while the BP ones and a few family photos will be during the cocktail hour
  • So last question:

    Is it ok to have the first dance take place after dinner? I know it'll be a little awkward to do introductions without the dance, but is it ok?
  • rcher912 said:

    So last question:


    Is it ok to have the first dance take place after dinner? I know it'll be a little awkward to do introductions without the dance, but is it ok?
    We did our first dance after dinner. I like it MUCH better this way. It just seems so weird to me to have a first dance....and then the dancing be done for a while for dinner.  I'd suggest:

    4-4:45 ceremony (are you having a religious ceremony? Many ceremonies last only 20-30 min. 45 min is pretty long. You could also do a receiving line out of the church if you want to).
    4:45: guests arrive at cocktail hour in the dancing room, bride and groom take pictures. If bride and groom are done early, they join the cocktail hour, or spend the time alone and/or freshening up.
    5:45: guests begin moving to be seated in the dinner room. 
    6pm: bride and groom are announced into the dinner room, followed immediately by a toast
    6:05pm: tables start to be called for the buffet; bride and groom eat quick, and then do table visits. If there are more toasts, they could be done after everyone has their food, but before the bride and groom start table vistis.
    7:30pm: guests are invited into the dancing room for the cake cutting and first dance. 
    7:35pm: cake cutting, then first dance, in the dancing room. immediately following the first dance (or any spotlight dances, if they're being done, immediately after the first dance) the dance floor is opened up to dancing. This has the added bonus of all the guests being in the dancing room for a reason (the cake cutting and first dance) when the dancing starts. They can decide to stay, or head back to their tables.
  • Ooo, interesting idea to have the first dance and cake cutting together - the spotlight dance will give the catering people time to actually cut the cake so those who want some get some quickly without crowding the table. 

    And yes, we're having a Catholic ceremony. It won't be a full Mass, but I do expect it to take a solid 30-45 minutes with all the readings and things.

    Thanks so much for the advice!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards