What If We Got No Gift?

corrado2

Hi Everyone! Just Getting back into the swing after my recent wedding! It was great.  I have a question.  A couple of guests gave us no card or gift at all.  Do you think we should follow up?  One person was one of our two best men.  We think it's rude that no gift was given, but also want to make sure it wasn't lost.  Any ideas?

mightyoakes

I gave a gift card to my brother and his wife for their wedding and I am grateful they said something to me because it did get lost! For the best man, I'd have your husband just ask them, "We discovered a few gifts are missing and I was just checking with you..."

caseyandlizzie

Your guests are not obligated in any way to give you a wedding gift. Its nice if they do, but is not a requirement. Send them a TY note and graciously thank them for attending your wedding.

bmoruzzi

Yea I don't think there's any polite way to ask this.  People have a year to buy you a gift.

Judith233

Maybe they spent all the money they could afford traveling to your wedding, or in the case of your best man on the other expenses of being in a wedding party.  I think you should of at least gotten a card more so you know something wasn't lost. 

But you may not really know these people's financial situation, even if you know them really well.  People can be very good at hiding what they don't want others to know.  Maybe their electric bill is more important to them than buying you a toaster.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_got-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:290629fe-5120-4bed-972c-6de26bf79368Post:7d6f3025-2f41-4910-98a5-cd9c058d4937">What If We Got No Gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Everyone! Just Getting back into the swing after my recent wedding! It was great.  I have a question.  A couple of guests gave us no card or gift at all.  Do you think we should follow up?  One person was one of our two best men.  We think it's rude that no gift was given, but also want to make sure it wasn't lost.  Any ideas?
Posted by corrado2[/QUOTE]

You have to be kidding, right? A wedding gift is not required as it is not a gift giving event. And besides, I think people have up to a few months or so (etiquette wise) to send a gift.

Times are tough for a lot of people right now and you are going to go whining about not receiving a gift? If you ask them, you are just going to make them feel bad and make yourself look like an idiot.

Both of my husband's brothers were in our wedding and neither of them gave us a present. We were just happy they were there to stand up for us. And they did spend money on their tux. And we had several other family members who we knew were unable to afford a gift, but again, we were just happy they were able to share our special day with us.

crushme8602

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_got-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:290629fe-5120-4bed-972c-6de26bf79368Post:38605d56-2c22-43a0-8452-729d91970adb">Re: What If We Got No Gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]Your guests are not obligated in any way to give you a wedding gift. Its nice if they do, but is not a requirement. Send them a TY note and graciously thank them for attending your wedding.
Posted by caseyandlizzie[/QUOTE]

I agree with this, and this is what we did. We had about 8 people not give a gift - not even a card. It seems to me that if a person can't afford / isn't kind enough to even give a card (with nothing in it), they should not have made the choice to come to the wedding. The whole year to give a gift is really BS. We've gotten one gift since the wedding. Either way, still send them a thank you and just say something like it was nice to see you, hope you had a good time.

caseyandlizzie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_got-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:290629fe-5120-4bed-972c-6de26bf79368Post:49d5ac9f-2d55-4a26-addf-4a7dd1983bb2">Re: What If We Got No Gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What If We Got No Gift? : I agree with this, and this is what we did. We had about 8 people not give a gift - not even a card.<strong> It seems to me that if a person can't afford / isn't kind enough to even give a card (with nothing in it), they should not have made the choice to come to the wedding.</strong> The whole year to give a gift is really BS. We've gotten one gift since the wedding. Either way, still send them a thank you and just say something like it was nice to see you, hope you had a good time.
Posted by crushme8602[/QUOTE]

Really?? So you would rather your friends or family not have come to your wedding if they couldn't give you anything? Good to know how important they are to you.

We had quite a few people come without a gift or card, and I was just happy that they were there. It made my night that a few people I hadn't seen in a while came to celebrate with us. There have been times where I didn't have the money to buy gifts for friends for their weddings, and I know without a doubt that they were just happy that I was there.

corrado2

OK- I am not "whining" I am asking for advice. Considering I have followed the model that I try to be as generous as possible.

Considering we payed a considerable amount to travel to these people's weddings, my husband rented a tuxedo double the cost of the one we asked the groomsmen to buy for his wedding, and we gave them a significant gift for their shower and wedding.  Oh and also my husband payed for a weekend long bachelor party that the other guy requested- I just expected the courtesy of the returned favor, or at least a nice note. 

I don't appreciate you telling me that I am whining about not receive a gift.  You don't know me and have no right to say that to me. 

corrado2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_got-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:290629fe-5120-4bed-972c-6de26bf79368Post:49d5ac9f-2d55-4a26-addf-4a7dd1983bb2">Re: What If We Got No Gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What If We Got No Gift? : I agree with this, and this is what we did. We had about 8 people not give a gift - not even a card. It seems to me that if a person can't afford / isn't kind enough to even give a card (with nothing in it), they should not have made the choice to come to the wedding. The whole year to give a gift is really BS. We've gotten one gift since the wedding. Either way, still send them a thank you and just say something like it was nice to see you, hope you had a good time.
Posted by crushme8602[/QUOTE]

Thank you- this is probably what we will do!

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_got-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:290629fe-5120-4bed-972c-6de26bf79368Post:49d5ac9f-2d55-4a26-addf-4a7dd1983bb2">Re: What If We Got No Gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What If We Got No Gift? : I agree with this, and this is what we did. <strong>We had about 8 people not give a gift - not even a card. It seems to me that if a person can't afford / isn't kind enough to even give a card (with nothing in it), they should not have made the choice to come to the wedding.</strong> The whole year to give a gift is really BS. We've gotten one gift since the wedding. Either way, still send them a thank you and just say something like it was nice to see you, hope you had a good time.
Posted by crushme8602[/QUOTE]

Wow. You sound like a brat.

A wedding is not a gift giving event.

janedoe1113a

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_got-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:290629fe-5120-4bed-972c-6de26bf79368Post:2571321f-8ebb-4007-8740-12bbf5de7d6e">Re: What If We Got No Gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]OK- I am not "whining" I am asking for advice. Considering I have followed the model that I try to be as generous as possible. Considering we payed a considerable amount to travel to these people's weddings, my husband rented a tuxedo double the cost of the one we asked the groomsmen to buy for his wedding, and we gave them a significant gift for their shower and wedding.  Oh and also my husband payed for a weekend long bachelor party that the other guy requested- I just expected the courtesy of the returned favor, or at least a nice note.  I don't appreciate you telling me that I am whining about not receive a gift.  You don't know me and have no right to say that to me. 
Posted by corrado2[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, but this shouldn't be tit for tat.  Just because you can afford to do all that, doesn't mean they can.  You don't know their financial situation. 

A gift is not a requirement.  Send a thank you card saying it was great to see them.  Don't mention the gift. 

leahstinson

 All people have different finanical situations. Maybe they just could not afford to do ANYTHING more. MAYBE, they are clueless to wedding giving and didn't know they HAD to buy you a gift.

I'd personally drop it and just be thankful they came. Yes, it'd be awesome to have another toaster (HA!) but in the end, it's not significant enough to confront them. 

StacyJenniges

I would say to send a thankyou note, one of the guests was in the wedding, so i would mention thank you for being in our wedding and making our day all the more special.  Leave it at that, and if the gift was forgotten or lost they may ask you if you received their gift since you did not mention it in the thank you.

PP are right when they say that you don't know their financial situation, some people can afford more than others. 

beckys67

I think you should send a thank you to them for sharing in your special day. If they gave you something and it was lost more than likely you will get a call. If not then you still thanked them.

JadziaDax

Gifts could have gotten lost so I think it's ok to be comfortable enough to ask really close friends/ wedding party members if a gift was given. We're not talking about distant family friends from out of state, we're talking about the person your husband chose to be the best man in his wedding- money shouldn't be a taboo topic among such close friends- but that is just my opinion.

tifanialyse

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_got-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:290629fe-5120-4bed-972c-6de26bf79368Post:7d6f3025-2f41-4910-98a5-cd9c058d4937">What If We Got No Gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Everyone! Just Getting back into the swing after my recent wedding! It was great.  I have a question.  A couple of guests gave us no card or gift at all.  Do you think we should follow up?  One person was one of our two best men.  <strong>We think it's rude that no gift was given</strong>, but also want to make sure it wasn't lost.  Any ideas?
Posted by corrado2[/QUOTE]

I think it's rude you think it's rude you received no gift.... seriously just because someone comes to your wedding doesn't mean thay HAVE to give you a gift. You should at least send them a thank you for coming to your wedding.
wow.....

koriginale11

yes, they can at the very least get you a card.  it can be an "empty" card, but even in rough times, hell people can make cards. 

sarah0632

I would be wondering where my gift was lol. I don't mean to sound like a brat but it would cross my mind. I would never say anything though, because that is bad etiquette. I also think the wedding party should be exempt from having to give gifts after everything they've done for your day. A card would be nice though.  I think many people don't consider the etiquette of weddings (unless planning one or have attended many).

alyssag721

I agree that at least a card should be given. It doesn't have to be an expensive gift but if I posted somewhere on here that I went to a nice wedding and didn't bother to get a gift or even a card I would be lectured up and down about how rude I was. 

If I couldn't afford a gift I would at least offer my time (like to take care of a pet during the HM, or help move, or cook them some nice meals to have for after the wedding business... just something!)

CassieeK

I think it would be impolite and awkward to say anything to them about it.

blush64

Don't say anything. Even if a gift was lost it's better not to ask than have that awkward conversation where you mention some were lost and they mention they didn't get one so it wasn't lost.

It's not really rude for them to not get you a gift but it is really rude for you to ask about not receiving a gift.

My opinion, don't ask, don't bring it up. Let it go.

EDIT to clarify and add.

tayylor65

Do people of the wedding party even give gifts?  I haven't even thought about it but I wouldn't think they would since they're apart of the wedding and have paid for their attire/given their time for a rehearsal and whatever else they all planned...unless they have a husband/wife and kids attending as well, then I would think they may bring a gift.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_got-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:290629fe-5120-4bed-972c-6de26bf79368Post:ccac063b-35c4-40ed-a34f-3211f4517669">Re: What If We Got No Gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]Do people of the wedding party even give gifts?  I haven't even thought about it but I wouldn't think they would since they're apart of the wedding and have paid for their attire/given their time for a rehearsal and whatever else they all planned...unless they have a husband/wife and kids attending as well, then I would think they may bring a gift.
Posted by tayylor65[/QUOTE]

I think it just depends. I have never actually been in a wedding as most of our friends aren't married yet. Most of my BM's gave us either a gift or a card with money in it. Usually you give or buy what you can afford. If you can't afford a gift b/c you are in a wedding, then hopefully the bride & groom will understand and be adults about it. Being in a wedding can be very expensive.

Beads921

Just drop it. Send them a nice note thanking them for coming to your wedding, and saying how glad you are that they were there to spend the day with you. Simple as that. 

(Oh, and as for the discussion PPs are having, I always thought the WP gave gifts, but I guess I'd never really given it any thought either. Just like everyone else, if they can't afford it or don't want to, it wouldn't be required.)

halij52002

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_got-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:290629fe-5120-4bed-972c-6de26bf79368Post:b59b8826-ea01-45d1-b879-bc931a25996a">Re: What If We Got No Gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]yes, they can at the very least get you a card.  it can be an "empty" card, but even in rough times, hell people can make cards. 
Posted by koriginale11[/QUOTE]

Ha ha ha!! I totally agree!

jemmini6

Send them a thank you note that reflects how grateful you were for their attendence and participation in your wedding.  Perhaps if they did give a gift and it was lost, they'll notice that you didn't mention a gift in your thank you card and they'll bring it up to you.  But to ask them "where is our gift" is so beyond rude and tacky.  Weddings are not tit for tat and you sound like a complete brat for thinking they are "rude" for not getting you a gift.

kkdgirl

Proper etiquette says, you only need to bring a gift to a bridal shower and not to the wedding. 

I don't think you should push the gift thing. 

We had a few people who came to our wedding with no gift. I was just so happy they came to share our special day. 

We had a friend who couldn't come to the wedding call about 2 months later to ask if we ever received their card. Because the check wasnt cashed. It turns out it was lost in the mail. 

Thank the best man for being such a large part of your day! 

mattycam

I would leave it alone.  I had a few people not give us anything either but they were still able to attend our wedding and they will still receive a thank you card.

LowerEastSiiide

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_got-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:290629fe-5120-4bed-972c-6de26bf79368Post:fd96c1eb-89c4-40eb-9006-cc8bc632e783">Re: What If We Got No Gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What If We Got No Gift? : Wow. You sound like a brat. A wedding is not a gift giving event.
Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>What world are you living in? A wedding IS a gift giving event. I would be terribly embarrassed to go to a wedding and not give a proper gift. So embarrassing for a grown adult. </div>

crushme8602

caseyandlizzie and MissySue20 -
Yes, if someone does not have the decency to bring a CARD - a $1.99 card saying congratulations - then that makes me question their overall general human common sense capabilities.