Am I wrong?

mimsy9

 Hey guys, this is my first discussion post so I hope I get this right This might be a bit long so I apologize but I really need to get this off my chest...

*back story*My aunty has been married for 6 years now living her own life. She is an identical twin with my mother. My mother got married first and she disagreed with her getting married (I'm still unsure why but the family have all said that she was jealous, she was bitch faced for the whole wedding, people were going up to her asking if she was alright and she replied to them very nastily... fast forward now I'm engaged and in love and all that good stuff.

My fiance asked my mother if he could marry me and she gladly said yes! This was a month before he proposed. I was on the phone to my mum and she told my aunty about him proposing, while I was on the phone to her according to my mum she gave a digusted look and then said "Well I'm sorry if im not jumping for joy". o.O, anyway thats not the issue, so because she said that I said to myself well I'm definately not telling you when he proposes since you seem so damn happy!! He proposed and I announce it on facebook, a few hours later I say you know what maybe I should tell my aunty let me be the better person, when I tell my aunt she texts me back saying a cousin of ours already told her...so I said well I am telling you now...and you wasnt that happy before when mum told you...she ends the conversation saying "Its fine you think your a big woman so you can do whatever you want" Because of this my fiance does not want her at the wedding, neither do I. My mum said that its up to me but I should be prepared for her tantrum and her rants to everyone, plus back talking about me...I really do want my aunt at my wedding because I love her so much but what she said was hurtful and quite frankly disgusted me. I dont know if I should invite her or not.....I'm 20 and my fiances 24, we both have stable jobs and are already supporting ourselves and we live alone. No one is helping us pay for the wedding.

novella1186

Oh man... this is a tough situation and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. I have a sister who has a tendency to say really nasty, hurtful things, and completely flew off the handle at my engagement party, screaming cuss words and terrible names at me, and never even bothered to explain why she was so upset. So I get it. 

And based on my experience, I would advise you to keep things cordial between you and your aunt but also keep as much distance as possible. If you want to invite her to your wedding then do it, but do not include her in wedding plans (don't discuss things with her, don't invite her to go dress shopping, don't ask for her opinion on things, etc) because it just opens the door for her to be nasty and hurtful. 

Be prepared-- if you invite her-- for her to act like an asshole on your wedding day too. And be prepared to just smile and graciously say something kind, then move away from her. (such as, "I'm sorry you feel that my flowers are ugly, but I'm so glad you were able to attend!" and then walk away from her). 

There's nothing you can do to change a very negative, hurtful person. All you can do is protect yourself and try to handle that person in the best way possible, which sometimes means avoiding them entirely. 

Best of luck to you. 

theartistformerlyknownas

mimsy9 said:

 Hey guys, this is my first discussion post so I hope I get this right This might be a bit long so I apologize but I really need to get this off my chest...

*back story*My aunty has been married for 6 years now living her own life. She is an identical twin with my mother. My mother got married first and she disagreed with her getting married (I'm still unsure why but the family have all said that she was jealous, she was bitch faced for the whole wedding, people were going up to her asking if she was alright and she replied to them very nastily... fast forward now I'm engaged and in love and all that good stuff.

My fiance asked my mother if he could marry me and she gladly said yes! This was a month before he proposed. I was on the phone to my mum and she told my aunty about him proposing, while I was on the phone to her according to my mum she gave a digusted look and then said "Well I'm sorry if im not jumping for joy". o.O, anyway thats not the issue, so because she said that I said to myself well I'm definately not telling you when he proposes since you seem so damn happy!! He proposed and I announce it on facebook, a few hours later I say you know what maybe I should tell my aunty let me be the better person, when I tell my aunt she texts me back saying a cousin of ours already told her...so I said well I am telling you now...and you wasnt that happy before when mum told you...she ends the conversation saying "Its fine you think your a big woman so you can do whatever you want" Because of this my fiance does not want her at the wedding, neither do I. My mum said that its up to me but I should be prepared for her tantrum and her rants to everyone, plus back talking about me...I really do want my aunt at my wedding because I love her so much but what she said was hurtful and quite frankly disgusted me. I dont know if I should invite her or not.....I'm 20 and my fiances 24, we both have stable jobs and are already supporting ourselves and we live alone. No one is helping us pay for the wedding.

This was really hard to follow but... seriously, this woman has a history of being snide and catty, and you're surprised that she's snide and catty about your engagement? What she said was rude, yes, but I honestly don't think this is THAT horrible of an offense to warrant not being invited. Just let it roll off because you know she's snide and catty and don't let it bother you.

KatieinBkln

 Hey guys, this is my first discussion post so I hope I get this right This might be a bit long so I apologize but I really need to get this off my chest...

*back story*My aunty has been married for 6 years now living her own life. She is an identical twin with my mother. My mother got married first and she disagreed with her getting married (I'm still unsure why but the family have all said that she was jealous, she was bitch faced for the whole wedding, people were going up to her asking if she was alright and she replied to them very nastily... fast forward now I'm engaged and in love and all that good stuff.

My fiance asked my mother if he could marry me and she gladly said yes! This was a month before he proposed. I was on the phone to my mum and she told my aunty about him proposing, while I was on the phone to her according to my mum she gave a digusted look and then said "Well I'm sorry if im not jumping for joy". o.O, anyway thats not the issue, so because she said that I said to myself well I'm definately not telling you when he proposes since you seem so damn happy!! He proposed and I announce it on facebook, a few hours later I say you know what maybe I should tell my aunty let me be the better person, when I tell my aunt she texts me back saying a cousin of ours already told her...so I said well I am telling you now...and you wasnt that happy before when mum told you...she ends the conversation saying "Its fine you think your a big woman so you can do whatever you want" Because of this my fiance does not want her at the wedding, neither do I. My mum said that its up to me but I should be prepared for her tantrum and her rants to everyone, plus back talking about me...I really do want my aunt at my wedding because I love her so much but what she said was hurtful and quite frankly disgusted me. I dont know if I should invite her or not.....I'm 20 and my fiances 24, we both have stable jobs and are already supporting ourselves and we live alone. No one is helping us pay for the wedding.

First, congratulations on your engagement!

Second, see the bolded? Congratulations again! That means you and your FI have 100% say over your entire wedding. Hooray!

As far as all the drama between your mom and her sister, and between Aunty and (apparently) literally everyone else in her life? It doesn't concern you, and frankly your mother should know by now how to say "Sis, knock it off. If you can't be happy, you can at least be silent."

Your mother is probably trying to be kind to you by preparing you for Aunty's inevitable tantrums, but I will let you in on a little secret: People like your Aunty will throw tantrums no matter what anyone else does. You could not make her happy if you tried. So? Don't try. Do your own thing, plan your own wedding, and do not invite her. If I were you, I wouldn't be inviting her to anything, since she sounds like a nightmare, but that is up to your discretion.

If anyone tells you that she's talking shit, smile, thank them for letting you know, and change the subject. If SHE calls you up/comes over to talk shit, let her know that you appreciate her input and you'll keep it in mind (a lie, but who cares?), then change the subject. If the subject won't stay changed, leave! And tell them why: "I've tried to change the subject a few times and it looks like you aren't ready to change it. I'm going to go--see you later!"

Nothing anyone else does HAS to affect you. You certainly don't have to invite someone nasty to your wedding, even if she is blood. The best way to remove yourself from tantrum throwers is to ignore them and merrily carry on doing whatever it was you planned in the first place. 

bethsmiles

I think you need to be the one to decided this, not your FI. If you want your aunt there invite her, if you don't then don't invite her. There isn't a right or wrong answer to this, especially since no one else is paying.

Personally, if any of my relatives behaved that way I wouldn't have problem cutting them off the guest list. She can throw all the fits she wants but when you treat people poorly I don't know what you expect. 

Maggie0829

lolo883 said:

mimsy9 said:

 Hey guys, this is my first discussion post so I hope I get this right This might be a bit long so I apologize but I really need to get this off my chest...

*back story*My aunty has been married for 6 years now living her own life. She is an identical twin with my mother. My mother got married first and she disagreed with her getting married (I'm still unsure why but the family have all said that she was jealous, she was bitch faced for the whole wedding, people were going up to her asking if she was alright and she replied to them very nastily... fast forward now I'm engaged and in love and all that good stuff.

My fiance asked my mother if he could marry me and she gladly said yes! This was a month before he proposed. I was on the phone to my mum and she told my aunty about him proposing, while I was on the phone to her according to my mum she gave a digusted look and then said "Well I'm sorry if im not jumping for joy". o.O, anyway thats not the issue, so because she said that I said to myself well I'm definately not telling you when he proposes since you seem so damn happy!! He proposed and I announce it on facebook, a few hours later I say you know what maybe I should tell my aunty let me be the better person, when I tell my aunt she texts me back saying a cousin of ours already told her...so I said well I am telling you now...and you wasnt that happy before when mum told you...she ends the conversation saying "Its fine you think your a big woman so you can do whatever you want" Because of this my fiance does not want her at the wedding, neither do I. My mum said that its up to me but I should be prepared for her tantrum and her rants to everyone, plus back talking about me...I really do want my aunt at my wedding because I love her so much but what she said was hurtful and quite frankly disgusted me. I dont know if I should invite her or not.....I'm 20 and my fiances 24, we both have stable jobs and are already supporting ourselves and we live alone. No one is helping us pay for the wedding.

This was really hard to follow but... seriously, this woman has a history of being snide and catty, and you're surprised that she's snide and catty about your engagement? What she said was rude, yes, but I honestly don't think this is THAT horrible of an offense to warrant not being invited. Just let it roll off because you know she's snide and catty and don't let it bother you.

All of this.

Couggal12

I'm confused reading this.  Is there some other reason your aunt isn't happy that you're engaged? Or is she just dramatic/rude about things in general?

Honestly, if I were you this wouldn't be a reason for me not to invite her. She would have to do a lot worse things and I wouldn't let her behavior get to me or make me feel bad. However, if you're fine with not inviting her then don't invite her. Sounds like there will be some backlash from that and if you can live with that then I think you know what to do. 

larrygaga

I say invite her, and be the bigger person. Ignore every bitchy thing she does and pretend like it doesn't bother you. It only makes her look bad! I can't begin to understand the relationship you have with her, but if she can't be happy for you during this exciting time in your life, she isn't a very supportive and loving person in your life. 

My FMIL did a 180 when we got engaged and is a huge manipulative bitch now, and I am just very polite but we don't include her in our life much anymore. It feels like a huge weight is lifted off my chest. She was so abusive to me to the point where I had a ton of anxiety and began to have health problems. I blocked every form of communication with her for several months, and FI had to have many talks with her. She turned sweet again when she realized how easy it was for us to drop her like a ton of bricks. Now that we are including her in our lives again she is slowly starting on her spiral of manipulation. As soon as she says something to me, we are going block her again. We will continue to do it until she either blows it for good or stays sweet. Long story short- don't let mean people think they can get away with it. 

Congrats!

ashley8918

I mean, it's pretty clear that your aunt is just kind of a bitch in general. Just ignore her shit and move on.

photokitty

When is your wedding? I would ignore her and wait until it's time to send out the invites before deciding to invite her or not. A lot can change in a few months, let alone a year, depending on when you plan to get married.

Just don't send her a STD if you send them, if you send a STD you must send an invite.

Best wishes on your engagement

climbingsingle

It sounds like she's a pretty miserable person. But honestly, I think you should be the bigger person and invite her. 

STARMOON44

You love her? Invite her. Done.

I don't really see anything wrong with her responding "yeah your cousins told me already" to be honest. You decided not to tell her before putting it on Facebook, that's what happens.

mimsy9

Couggal12 said:

I'm confused reading this.  Is there some other reason your aunt isn't happy that you're engaged? Or is she just dramatic/rude about things in general?

Honestly, if I were you this wouldn't be a reason for me not to invite her. She would have to do a lot worse things and I wouldn't let her behavior get to me or make me feel bad. However, if you're fine with not inviting her then don't invite her. Sounds like there will be some backlash from that and if you can live with that then I think you know what to do. 

Hey sorry if I wasn't being clear, I have no idea if theres a reason why shes not happy about me being engaged, she is dramatic/rude about things in general but I dont see why should would act that way since im her "only" niece as she says..but I will follow your advice and try not to let her behaviour get to me. Thank you.

MyNameIsNot

Couggal12 said:

I'm confused reading this.  Is there some other reason your aunt isn't happy that you're engaged? Or is she just dramatic/rude about things in general?

Honestly, if I were you this wouldn't be a reason for me not to invite her. She would have to do a lot worse things and I wouldn't let her behavior get to me or make me feel bad. However, if you're fine with not inviting her then don't invite her. Sounds like there will be some backlash from that and if you can live with that then I think you know what to do. 

Based on the "big woman" comment and OP's inclusion of her age, I'm guessing that it's an age thing. 

Whatever, just ignore her OP. Also, ask your mom not to repeat those conversations to you. Her comments can't hurt you if you don't know about them. Take some space and let it go. Wait until you need to send out invitations to make the decision. She might grow up, or she might get worse. Only time will tell.