Thank you cards for guests with no gift??

alisarmyers

Hey everyone,
We did not receive gifts from several people who attended our wedding, and a lot of the guests traveled to make it. I have heard from several people that the polite thing to do is to still send thank you notes to these guests. I keep going back and forth about it, especially for the guests that traveled. I want to thank them because it really meant a lot to me that they came, but I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable since they didn't give a gift.
What do you think? Send thank you notes to everyone? What about local guests who did not give a gift?

Any guidance is very appreciated!!!

redoryx

The reception was there to thank the guests for attending. The thank you cards are there for the gifts. There is no need to send thank you cards to guests just for coming.

[Deleted User]

Eh, I think it's a "know your crowd" kind of thing. Redoryx is right, and according to etiquette, that is the correct way to go about it. Also, sending thank you cards to individuals who didn't give gifts can look a bit gift-grabby. 

HOWEVER, I know I will still be sending them because my family consists of a bunch of gossipy old ladies who will expect a thank you card regardless and make it the topic of their next gab-fest if they didn't receive one (gift given or no gift given). I've seen this done before in my family.

If you think that your guests would be up in arms about not receiving a thank you note, I say send one anyways. 

MyNameIsNot

Did you speak to these people at the wedding and thank them for coming? If so, that was sufficient.

Like PP mentioned, some people can feel like a thank you when they didn't send a gift is pointing out the missing gift, or if the guest intended to give a gift later, they might then feel uncomfortable about sending the gift.

poodledoodleooo

Also - just pointing out - you can always write these folks a letter. You don't need to thank someone to share snail-mail correspondence. Just don't formally thank them, say stuff like "It was so great to see you", "we are so glad you were able to make it", "I can't wait to see you guys again," "I hope you are doing well."

amelisha

sjf2715 said:

Also - just pointing out - you can always write these folks a letter. You don't need to thank someone to share snail-mail correspondence. Just don't formally thank them, say stuff like "It was so great to see you", "we are so glad you were able to make it", "I can't wait to see you guys again," "I hope you are doing well."

This is what I would do. Or, hell, even a phone call. "Hi, [out-of-town-loved-ones.] I just wanted to call to say it was so wonderful to see you at our wedding. Thanks so much for coming all the way to [place]. It meant so much to me that you came and I wanted to make sure I told you so. Thanks again, and I hope [Husband] and I will get a chance to see you again soon!"

southernbelle0915

Thank you notes are for presents. Sending a "thanks for coming" thank you note can come off as pointing out that they didn't get you a gift. I know you wouldn't mean it like that, but many people view it that way.

As long as you thanked them - in person at the wedding - for coming (via receiving line or table visits) you're in the etiquette clear.