Mom doesn't want to be involved in wedding/showers.

LoMarissa1125

Hi ,

I am recently engaged (New Years Day). My mom is very excited for me to get married and LOVES my fiance. However she seems a bit overwhelmed with planning things like showers having any sort of attention on her. I understand why because she doesn't like planning parties in general, and is overweight and doesn't want to find a mother of the bride dress because she is self conscious. How can I include my mother more or make her feel more comfortable for the wedding day?

Maggie0829

Knottie54456121 said:

Hi ,

I am recently engaged (New Years Day). My mom is very excited for me to get married and LOVES my fiance. However she seems a bit overwhelmed with planning things like showers having any sort of attention on her. I understand why because she doesn't like planning parties in general, and is overweight and doesn't want to find a mother of the bride dress because she is self conscious. How can I include my mother more or make her feel more comfortable for the wedding day?

Your Mom should only be involved with things that she is comfortable with.  There is no requirement that states she has to plan you a shower.  In fact, if no one volunteers to throw you a shower then you just don't get one.

As for her dress, she has plenty of time to shop and find one that she feels beautiful in.  I would suggest to not just look at dresses that are labeled "mother of the bride."  Typically those dresses are incredibly frumpy and old looking.

As for how you include your Mom you just share your wedding ideas with her (as long as she wants to hear about it) and ask for her opinions (if you want them) and that is really it.  It will be up to her to decide how involved she wants to get.  Just don't push her to do anything that she isn't comfortable with.

The main thing is that she is excited and happy for you.  That is a lot more then some brides get.

southernbelle0915

Your mom is not obligated to throw you a shower. And, in some circles, people side-eye the MOB throwing a shower (not my circle, but more traditional ones). So that takes care of that... just tell her she doesn't need to and you aren't expecting her to throw one. 

MOBs do not have any "rules" for what they wear. They are adults and can dress themselves. So please just let her pick whatever she wants - don't try to dictate style or color or length or anything else. Leave the door wide open so that she feels she can pick whatever she wants.

Ideas for including her might be in "behind the scenes" stuff - like sending her inspiration pictures of color palettes, flowers, or cakes, or invitations. Just asking for her opinion might help her feel involved. Ask her if she wants to come dress shopping with you. Offer to go dress shopping with her. All of those things get her involved without putting her in the spotlight or making her feel uncomfortable.

MobKaz

LoMarissa1125 said:

Hi ,

I am recently engaged (New Years Day). My mom is very excited for me to get married and LOVES my fiance. However she seems a bit overwhelmed with planning things like showers having any sort of attention on her. I understand why because she doesn't like planning parties in general, and is overweight and doesn't want to find a mother of the bride dress because she is self conscious. How can I include my mother more or make her feel more comfortable for the wedding day?

I can empathize.  I dreaded looking for a MOB dress.  I am not overweight, but I am self conscious in other ways.  I do not own a dress.  I hate the way I look in them.  What does your mom typically wear that makes her feel comfortable and good?  I really preferred to wear a pretty pant suit or pant/top combination to my daughter's wedding.  She was fine with whatever I chose.  If your mom is more comfortable wearing something along those lines, let her know that is an option.  She may feel more comfortable wearing something with a jacket.