Inviting Pastor and spouse to reception

futuremrshp

This was a topic this time last year and to be honest, it didn't look like it was resolved, so that's why I'm asking again (sorry!).

Based on the etiquette I've seen, you should invite your pastor to the reception, which we are planning on doing.  However, we didn't grow up with her or anything.  We're going to have 3 pre-marital sessions with her and the like, we've already met her twice and she's super nice, but that's the extent of our relationship with her thus far.   Should we still invite her to the reception?

Just curious as to other's experiences.

AlexisA01

It's up to you but I will treat them like any other vendor. Maybe other knotties can help. 

futuremrshp said:

This was a topic this time last year and to be honest, it didn't look like it was resolved, so that's why I'm asking again (sorry!).

Based on the etiquette I've seen, you should invite your pastor to the reception, which we are planning on doing.  However, we didn't grow up with her or anything.  We're going to have 3 pre-marital sessions with her and the like, we've already met her twice and she's super nice, but that's the extent of our relationship with her thus far.   Should we still invite her to the reception?

Just curious as to other's experiences.

mlg78

Yes, you invite the pastor to the reception.  I wouldn't treat them as just any ole vendor though.  They were kind of the most key person in marrying you two.  Your pastor may decline but yes, I do think you need to invite them.

beachyone15

We didn't know our pastor very well, but invited him (and his wife and child). They didn't end up attending but I think it's a nice gesture to invite the person who's going to marry you.

Edited to say, we also invited them to the rehearsal dinner.

flantastic

Many pastors (granted, they're all priests) in my experience have been invited and expressed appreciation for the gesture but said they can't make it to the reception. I don't think it would ever hurt to invite them.

To me, the difference between vendor or not is whether you've had any contact with them prior to wedding stuff - so even if you don't speak to her regularly, if she's the pastor of your regular church I would say invite. If she's just someone you researched, I wouldn't.

ETA they're still a vendor, in a sense, of course.

thisismynickname2

We did invite our officiant and wife to stay for dinner, and they did. Our ceremony and reception were in the same place.  We sat them with family that we thought they might click with and everything went well.

You have to feed your DJ and your photographer(s), so why not also feed the officiant? 

Definitely offer. They don't have to take you up on the offer. 

Edit: grammar

futuremrshp

I agree with everyone --- I was going to err on the side of caution anyway but just wanted to triple check with the experts! 

Jen4948

Yeah, I'd say the officiant differs from other vendors in that they and their SOs should be invited to the reception.

chloe97

Sorry to hijack this thread- but I just wanted to verify does this also apply to a non-denominational officiant? We met with him once and are just finalizing the contract with him. We are paying him over $1000 and his services include premarital counseling. Should I sent the invitation to his office or ask him for his home address (seems weird). Should I ask if he is in a relationship and get his SOs name during our sessions?

JennyColada

We had a non-denom officiant who we paid like a vendor. We invited her and her partner to our RD (as we did our coordinator), but not to the reception. We invited them, as well, to enjoy our pre-ceremony cocktail hour (obviously, since they were working so we wanted them to enjoy themselves as well).

Partly it was because we had such a small reception (just 5 guests) and it would have increased our cost dramatically.

She declined the invite to our RD, but did stop by to say hello.

aliwis000

We are hiring an officiant from a service our wedding
planner recommended. She has happened to work with this officiant before and
was glad when we chose him, after interviewing others, because she trusts him
and says he is very professional.

We met him once in December for the initial interview and
the next time we will see him will be the rehearsal. All ceremony planning will
occur via email. No marriage prep, no socializing, just business.

We had originally planned to have the wedding in a church
and then of course the priest would have been invited because the relationship
would have been completely different. However, now that it is kinda just some
random person we were not sure. So it helped greatly when during our first
meeting he out right said, "You are hiring me to do a job. I do not attend
the RD or reception."

Made it kinda easy. And in this case I get it. The man does
75 weddings a year, most of which he knows nobody at. I would think he, and his
wife, would stop going to the weddings really fast.

minttobemrsb

We are inviting our preacher and his wife, but they would have been invited even if he wasn't officiating our ceremony-family friends & he married fiance's parents.

For you, I would go ahead and invite her and her SO (if it's in your budget to add a couple more people). Especially since without her there would be no wedding

Jen4948

chloe97 said:

Sorry to hijack this thread- but I just wanted to verify does this also apply to a non-denominational officiant? We met with him once and are just finalizing the contract with him. We are paying him over $1000 and his services include premarital counseling. Should I sent the invitation to his office or ask him for his home address (seems weird). Should I ask if he is in a relationship and get his SOs name during our sessions?

Well, if you're being married by a judge or someone you're not going to have an ongoing relationship with, then I think you can treat that person like any other vendor.

A religious officiant, especially if you're getting married in their house of worship, is IMO kind of on the border between vendor and guest. Even if you don't have any other relationship with him/her, it just doesn't seem right not to invite them to the reception as guests.

MyNameIsNot

All of the etiquette guides I've read say to invite the officiant. I wonder if this is based in the tradition that the officiant would be someone's religious leader.

photokitty

If you have no relationship with he officiant outside of the vendor contract of the wedding you do not have to invite them to the reception. Most people opt to invite them, but if you are paying them a fee for their time and service then you don't have to invite them.

It would be offensive to not invite an officiant where you regularly attend church, but that is bc you have  an existing relationship.

ETA - do your parents have a relationship with or attend church regularly at her church? if so I would invite her. If you found this church and hired her to do the wedding and are not members then I still say you don't have to invite her.

LtPowers

I concur - a hired officiant, with whom your relationship is strictly business, is treated no differently from any other vendor (and like other vendors, it's nice to offer them a meal, but it doesn't have to be the same meal your guests are getting). A religious officiant, or a friend doing you a favor, is a different story -- even if they're receiving some sort of compensation for their work. They should be invited to the reception.

SP29

We invited our officiant and his wife to our RD and the reception. He declined the reception, but he and his wife did come to the RD.

Our officiant is a distant friend to my grandparents, so there is a connection there, though I am unlikely to see him again.