before I met my husband-to-be his mother would not speak to him because of some accusations his ex-girlfriend made about her boyfriend!
fast forward seven years later we announce our engagement, send her an invite and get a letter in the mail from her stating she is not so sure about beginning a relationship with him again since she believes she cannot trust him.
we decide to include her as best we can anyway. she owned a floral shop for many years and we reply to her letter requesting her to be in charge of the flowers if she wishes. we also ask if we can call her on the phone, have lunch etc.
her response is no. no phone calls, no flowers, nothing. she says she will not help him since she feels that helping him out with rent, moving, raising him, all the money she ever spent on him was a waste, enabled him etc. very hurtful things for a son to hear. she might not even come to our wedding. fine, we say, have it your way.
fast forward again three months. she writes us a letter asking what we have done with the flowers for our wedding. we tell her (nicely) too little to late already ordered and paid for. she wants us to cancel that order. again and again we tell her we cannot do that. my dad paid for it. I'm not doing that to him! finally we tell her she can make the center pieces and help with the food. my fiancé is reluctant to let her do anything that has to do with money. he doesn't want to hear about it after the wedding. it hurt him too much to hear about it in those letters. but, she says ok. we have lunch and talk about it. we all agree, everything is fine, we are excited.
one week later. we see one of our mutual friends and she says his mother had contacted her to say she is in charge of all the paper products. what??? I guess she had made this decision on her own. she doesn't even know that we have already purchased half the stuff! she doesn't even know how many guests are coming! she should have talked to us! she doesn't even let us call her on the phone! how are we supposed to communicate about all of this?? my fiancé doesn't want her to pay such a large expense since he knows she will hold it over his head (like she did in all her nasty letters).
the worst part is our mutual friend got dragged into all of this and she is a little old lady who doesn't understand why his mother and him are not just getting along! now this really put a damper on all the wedding plans!
how do I deal with this madness????