Birthday registry?

theycallmelinz

I saw on the Today show this morning that a new 'trend' is parents creating registries for their kids' birthdays. At first I was like HELL no! But then I thought maybe that could be helpful? I have no idea what my 1st cousin's 9 year old wants, but I'm invited to every birthday party she has. And if people are going to ask the kids' parents what they want anyway, why not point them to a list?

What do you guys think? Tacky or useful?

mikenberger

theycallmelinz said:

I saw on the Today show this morning that a new 'trend' is parents creating registries for their kids' birthdays. At first I was like HELL no! But then I thought maybe that could be helpful? I have no idea what my 1st cousin's 9 year old wants, but I'm invited to every birthday party she has. And if people are going to ask the kids' parents what they want anyway, why not point them to a list?

What do you guys think? Tacky or useful?

I suppose that will help with the threads on here that mention beast of a mothers making Facebook statuses with "X, Y and Z good job on getting my kid the exact same gift!" But I'd still side eye it. That's what gift receipts are for. Don't like it, take it back.

Besides, I can only imagine what a 10 yr old would put on their gift registry. Hell, I know I felt like a little kid with the scan gun, running around scanning whatever I could.

theycallmelinz

mikenberger said:

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I saw on the Today show this morning that a new 'trend' is parents creating registries for their kids' birthdays. At first I was like HELL no! But then I thought maybe that could be helpful? I have no idea what my 1st cousin's 9 year old wants, but I'm invited to every birthday party she has. And if people are going to ask the kids' parents what they want anyway, why not point them to a list?

What do you guys think? Tacky or useful?

I suppose that will help with the threads on here that mention beast of a mothers making Facebook statuses with "X, Y and Z good job on getting my kid the exact same gift!" But I'd still side eye it. That's what gift receipts are for. Don't like it, take it back.

Besides, I can only imagine what a 10 yr old would put on their gift registry. Hell, I know I felt like a little kid with the scan gun, running around scanning whatever I could.

This is true. I hadn't considered that lol

MyNameIsNot

I find that tacky as hell.

But I also think it's tacky to have huge birthday parties for your kid every year. Sure, a first birthday is a must, and maybe a few for "significant" birthdays. I don't understand why all of the parents' friends/relatives need to be invited every year. I think that the majority of kids' birthdays should be limited to the kids' friends, or at least limited to relatives who are close enough that they know what the kid wants.

ETA: Also, I'm not in love with the lesson you're teaching your kid with that.

blabla89

I roll my eyes hard when my little cousin goes and circles everything he wants for Christmas in the newspaper ads (although his mom insists it's "helpful"...so that Grandma knows what all she's expected to buy for him) and I feel pretty much the same about birthday registries. In my family we were raised to be appreciative of all the birthday gifts we received, even if it wasn't the toy we really wanted. My mother would never have dreamed of telling (or even suggesting) things for other people to buy for her children.

So it may not be a major etiquette faux pas, but I'd still side eye it.

mikenberger

MyNameIsNot said:

I find that tacky as hell.

But I also think it's tacky to have huge birthday parties for your kid every year. Sure, a first birthday is a must, and maybe a few for "significant" birthdays. I don't understand why all of the parents' friends/relatives need to be invited every year. I think that the majority of kids' birthdays should be limited to the kids' friends, or at least limited to relatives who are close enough that they know what the kid wants.

ETA: Also, I'm not in love with the lesson you're teaching your kid with that.

My cousin's kid's first birthday is at the end of the month and for the last two weeks "I have no idea what she wants for her birthday theme! She really likes Bubble Guppies, but I just don't know!"

She's ONE. You're overthinking this.

AprilH81

I'm a little torn.  I'm sure that gift registries for kids are not exactly etiquette approved but I personally don't mind them.

My sister does an Amazon list for her kids (4 and 2 year old twins) so we have some ideas of what they might like for Birthdays or Christmas.  Sometimes I use the list and sometimes I don't.  

theycallmelinz

mikenberger said:

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I find that tacky as hell.

But I also think it's tacky to have huge birthday parties for your kid every year. Sure, a first birthday is a must, and maybe a few for "significant" birthdays. I don't understand why all of the parents' friends/relatives need to be invited every year. I think that the majority of kids' birthdays should be limited to the kids' friends, or at least limited to relatives who are close enough that they know what the kid wants.

ETA: Also, I'm not in love with the lesson you're teaching your kid with that.

My cousin's kid's first birthday is at the end of the month and for the last two weeks "I have no idea what she wants for her birthday theme! She really likes Bubble Guppies, but I just don't know!"

She's ONE. You're overthinking this.

--------Why tf do my boxes keep disappearing? I'm glad to see TK took care of that with the relaunch....

I see this all the time from my FMIL who makes cakes for birthday parties. She's a genius and makes GORGEOUS cakes, and people will pay several hundreds of dollars for her cakes, but looking at them I'm thinking "Uhhh...that was an adult party with a kid who happened to have a birthday." Seriously, your 3 year old is not going to appreciate the hours of work my FMIL put into meticulously carving this princess castle from cake. 

Case in point:

This came complete with cookies, cake pops, and other small cakes made by FMIL. Well over $1000 for a ONE year old. 

ETA: Cake pic, and bc I'm totally bragging on FMIL's skills.

morewineplease

I saw this on Today too and I thought it sounded weird, if it is the kid running around adding things. If it is just the parent putting some ideas online to share a link instead of a list verbally to people that ask I am less weirded out. If it is just for people that request help for gift ideas I think it is better than saying this is what my child has registered to receive for this birthday. 

I will say that after repeatedly being asked by FI family what I want for Christmas this year I started a Amazon "wish list" to share with them. It was just easier to be able to add things that I wanted but had not purchase for myself as I found something and before i forgot about it. I know I am hard to shop for because if I want something I just get it normally, so it helped them. 

novella1186

Meh. I don't think it's the worst thing ever, since kids' birthday parties are pretty much gift-giving events. But I agree that it could be teaching the kid the wrong lesson. 

When I was a kid, my favorite presents were things I didn't even know existed, so I would have never been able to register for them. Like my aunt would find a really awesome kid science book. My cousin would give me the best stuffed animals (and sometimes they were her hand-me-downs which just made them even cooler in my mind), my grandma would find the best art supplies.... Registering would have ruined all of that. And taken the surprise out of it. And I think I probably would have grown up with the idea that birthdays are all about getting gifts, rather than being about getting together with close family and friends to have fun. 

So I dunno. Like I said, the registry idea is not the worst. But it's not the best either. 

plainjane0415

I'm cool with mom making an amazon wish list for the kid.  And if anyone asks, "hey what does bobby want for his birthday?" and pointing them to that said list.

I am not ok with mom giving free reign over the computer and letting the kid go crazy on amazon, toys r us or what have you, and then putting the info on an invitation, spreading the word etc. 

There's a right way to do this, and it be less side-eyeable.

blabla89

novella1186 said:

Meh. I don't think it's the worst thing ever, since kids' birthday parties are pretty much gift-giving events. But I agree that it could be teaching the kid the wrong lesson. 

When I was a kid, my favorite presents were things I didn't even know existed, so I would have never been able to register for them. Like my aunt would find a really awesome kid science book. My cousin would give me the best stuffed animals (and sometimes they were her hand-me-downs which just made them even cooler in my mind), my grandma would find the best art supplies.... Registering would have ruined all of that. And taken the surprise out of it. And I think I probably would have grown up with the idea that birthdays are all about getting gifts, rather than being about getting together with close family and friends to have fun. 

So I dunno. Like I said, the registry idea is not the worst. But it's not the best either. 

Agree with all of this. Especially the part about taking the surprise out of it.

As a kid, my mom always took me shopping to pick out gifts for my friends' birthday parties. That was part of the fun of it (even though it wasn't my birthday) and I think it taught some important lessons about giving gifts. That's something I assume I will do when I have kids, too. Ordering something online from a registry is convenient and all, but just not as much fun.

theartistformerlyknownas

I think I could only get on board with this if the kid didn't know about it. A friend of mine has a running Amazon wish list of things her kids have expressed interest in/things they need, so when her mom needs gift ideas she sends her there. It's not publicly shared though, and the kids aren't running around Toys R Bucks going "this, this, this, this, this!"

theycallmelinz

lolo883 said:

I think I could only get on board with this if the kid didn't know about it. A friend of mine has a running Amazon wish list of things her kids have expressed interest in/things they need, so when her mom needs gift ideas she sends her there. It's not publicly shared though, and the kids aren't running around Toys R Bucks going "this, this, this, this, this!"

Yeah that definitely projects the image of Veruca Salt running around demanding things. Someone GIF for me, my work computer sucks at that.

theartistformerlyknownas

theycallmelinz said:

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lolo883 said:

I think I could only get on board with this if the kid didn't know about it. A friend of mine has a running Amazon wish list of things her kids have expressed interest in/things they need, so when her mom needs gift ideas she sends her there. It's not publicly shared though, and the kids aren't running around Toys R Bucks going "this, this, this, this, this!"

Yeah that definitely projects the image of Veruca Salt running around demanding things. Someone GIF for me, my work computer sucks at that.

MyNameIsNot

mikenberger said:

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MyNameIsNot said:

I find that tacky as hell.

But I also think it's tacky to have huge birthday parties for your kid every year. Sure, a first birthday is a must, and maybe a few for "significant" birthdays. I don't understand why all of the parents' friends/relatives need to be invited every year. I think that the majority of kids' birthdays should be limited to the kids' friends, or at least limited to relatives who are close enough that they know what the kid wants.

ETA: Also, I'm not in love with the lesson you're teaching your kid with that.

My cousin's kid's first birthday is at the end of the month and for the last two weeks "I have no idea what she wants for her birthday theme! She really likes Bubble Guppies, but I just don't know!"

She's ONE. You're overthinking this.

Exactly. I'm helping my sister plan her kid's first birthday party this spring. He likes applesauce and long naps. He seriously does not give a shit about the party theme.

He's not even clued in enough to care that there will be cake. Babies seriously don't care.

mikenberger

MyNameIsNot said:

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mikenberger said:

MyNameIsNot said:

I find that tacky as hell.

But I also think it's tacky to have huge birthday parties for your kid every year. Sure, a first birthday is a must, and maybe a few for "significant" birthdays. I don't understand why all of the parents' friends/relatives need to be invited every year. I think that the majority of kids' birthdays should be limited to the kids' friends, or at least limited to relatives who are close enough that they know what the kid wants.

ETA: Also, I'm not in love with the lesson you're teaching your kid with that.

My cousin's kid's first birthday is at the end of the month and for the last two weeks "I have no idea what she wants for her birthday theme! She really likes Bubble Guppies, but I just don't know!"

She's ONE. You're overthinking this.

Exactly. I'm helping my sister plan her kid's first birthday party this spring. He likes applesauce and long naps. He seriously does not give a shit about the party theme.

He's not even clued in enough to care that there will be cake. Babies seriously don't care.

He may give a shit, but it's not about his birthday party. My nephew screamed through his ENTIRE first birthday party. I felt awful for him, but he was over tired, over stimulated and my SIL was a crazy person trying to get these "perfect" photos. She actually ended up having a do-over photoshoot with just her family in the photos (because they condone this behavior) so she could get the best 1st birthday photos. I called her out on it, because I noticed my nephew was wearing clothes that he wasn't wearing at the party in these cake shots and she insisted, and to this day STILL insists, those photos were taken the day of the party. Crazy pants.

OliveOilsMom

I typically ask moms what their kid might need, so if Jr is growing out of his pjs faster than she can buy them, great!  I think a hidden Amazon wish list or Google Doc that could be provided with examples of what is needed, if asked, is a good idea.  But I can see how this can get out of hand quick, if the kid has any say in what goes on there.  There is a difference between saying the kid likes Batman stuff and the kid saying he wants the power wheel replica of the Batmobile.

katiekessler123

 I honestly think  it's obnoxious.  As a teacher, I can see just how spoiled the youth of America are today. I adore my students, but it's simply a truth of today's society.  Five of my twenty-one third graders have iPhones.  Seventeen of them have personal iPads (not family iPads mind you, but personal iPads). 

theartistformerlyknownas

OliveOilsMom said:

I typically ask moms what their kid might need, so if Jr is growing out of his pjs faster than she can buy them, great!  I think a hidden Amazon wish list or Google Doc that could be provided with examples of what is needed, if asked, is a good idea.  But I can see how this can get out of hand quick, if the kid has any say in what goes on there.  There is a difference between saying the kid likes Batman stuff and the kid saying he wants the power wheel replica of the Batmobile.

...which is ALWAYS.

I always give pajamas. I generally do 1 toy, 2 books, and PJs for my nieces and nephews.

theycallmelinz

katiekessler123 said:

 I honestly think  it's obnoxious.  As a teacher, I can see just how spoiled the youth of America are today. I adore my students, but it's simply a truth of today's society.  Five of my twenty-one third graders have iPhones.  Seventeen of them have personal iPads (not family iPads mind you, but personal iPads). 

See this just BLOWS my mind! In what world does a 3rd grader need an iPhone? Maybe I'm just going to be the asshole parent but I didn't have a phone until I could drive alone and needed to call my parents for something. I understand that times are different and we use our phones for much more than phone calls, and that's how we are social today, so maybe when my kid is 13-14. But 9?! That's outrageous. 

mikenberger

katiekessler123 said:

 I honestly think  it's obnoxious.  As a teacher, I can see just how spoiled the youth of America are today. I adore my students, but it's simply a truth of today's society.  Five of my twenty-one third graders have iPhones.  Seventeen of them have personal iPads (not family iPads mind you, but personal iPads). 

When I worked for a cell phone company I once sold a smartphone to a set of parents that had every intention of giving it to their THREE YEAR OLD. Yup. Can't see how that one will come to bite you on the ass. 

themuffinman16

I usually ask parents what size their kids are in, and what toys they are into, unless I have a pretty good idea, myself.  If they have too many people to correspond with, chances are, this birthday is a clusterfuck, and they invited too many people to witness keeping their child alive for another year. (Please excuse me, fresh batch of bitchy hormones, today).  Otherwise, they always have the age range intended for the child on the side of the package.  Paired with a gift receipt, how could you possibly go wrong... unless you are up against the gem of a mother I had to deal with, this past week. Lol

amelisha

I'm on board with the Amazon wishlist as well that parents point people to IF THEY ASK. It's convenient and for me, childless and not really up on what kids are into, it's helpful to know wtf some of these kids toys actually are and which ones of the 3000 on the shelf at Toys R Us are the right ones.

But I usually just buy kids books. Yeah, I'm that person.

plainjane0415

amelisha said:

I'm on board with the Amazon wishlist as well that parents point people to IF THEY ASK. It's convenient and for me, childless and not really up on what kids are into, it's helpful to know wtf some of these kids toys actually are and which ones of the 3000 on the shelf at Toys R Us are the right ones.

But I usually just buy kids books. Yeah, I'm that person.

THIS. As I've stated in previous posts of mine, I'm COMPLETELY CLUELESS when it comes to kids.  If there was an amazon wish list I could utilize, I'd be all about it.  I just have a big problem if you announce to me that your kid is registered at amazon, toys r us and build a bear.

NO.

larrygaga

I personally feel weird and tacky making a wedding registry so I can't imagine for a birthday for a kid!

southernbelle0915

I dunno.... I think birthdays in general are getting a little out of control for kids.

I'm not trying to sound like I had a we-walked-uphill-both-ways childhood, but my birthday parties were like 10 people at a public park. If the weather sucked, we were in my basement. The most popular gifts were Barbies, movies, games, and whatever the hot toy was. Pretty low pressure.

If I had a registry it would have been Nintendo, a skip it, some Polly pockets, and marble tracks.

I think people way over-think, over-invite and over-celebrate these days. Its just a birthday, it'll be around next year.

lyndausvi

I don't think kids are mature enough to handle a gift registry.   I would fear they wouldn't understand this is a wishlist and not an absolute.   I would imagine some of them think what is on the list they WILL get and not really understand why they didn't get something.

   They might even have a fit if they got something off registry. Look at some of the reactions we see by couples over off registry gifts.  Can you imagine a child?

julieanne912

As another fellow clueless about kids person, I would appreciate some kind of idea about what the kid would like.  A couple Christmases ago, I got FI's stepsister's kid a cute little teapot toy thing. After opening, his stepsister said "Oh, she got one of those from so-and-so too!".  I mean, a bit rude on her end, but also annoying for me because I spent a lot of time trying to pick out that stupid teapot.  It's even harder when the kids get a bit older and are boys, and you don't want to spend more than about $20-25.  FI's nephews are 7 and 12.  The 7 year old is easy, especially cause he pretty much always likes any kind of art supplies (I dread the day when that stops, it's been my go-to for 3 years now).  The older one is really hard.  This past Christmas we got him a sports team t-shirt, which I know is a super lame gift, but we really had no idea what to do.

ETA:  His sister is no help either when I ask her for ideas, she says "whatever your heart leads you to".  WTF.

theartistformerlyknownas

julieanne912 said:

As another fellow clueless about kids person, I would appreciate some kind of idea about what the kid would like.  A couple Christmases ago, I got FI's stepsister's kid a cute little teapot toy thing. After opening, his stepsister said "Oh, she got one of those from so-and-so too!".  I mean, a bit rude on her end, but also annoying for me because I spent a lot of time trying to pick out that stupid teapot.  It's even harder when the kids get a bit older and are boys, and you don't want to spend more than about $20-25.  FI's nephews are 7 and 12.  The 7 year old is easy, especially cause he pretty much always likes any kind of art supplies (I dread the day when that stops, it's been my go-to for 3 years now).  The older one is really hard.  This past Christmas we got him a sports team t-shirt, which I know is a super lame gift, but we really had no idea what to do.

ETA:  His sister is no help either when I ask her for ideas, she says "whatever your heart leads you to".  WTF.

LOL what kinda bullshit is that? Just tell me if Ninja Turtles are still cool, lady.

VulgarGirl

lolo883 said:

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julieanne912 said:

ETA:  His sister is no help either when I ask her for ideas, she says "whatever your heart leads you to".  WTF.

LOL what kinda bullshit is that? Just tell me if Ninja Turtles are still cool, lady.

Just FYI, no one should tell someone like me, something like that. Your kid is getting finger paints, glitter, and a bead kit. Welcome to hell bitch.