Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Skipping the parent dances?

Okay I am not great in front of people and even our first dance makes me nervous. I don't really see why we need to put ourselves on display, I think we should just have a party and celebrate after the wedding. I don't want to do the father-daughter dance because I find it weird. We are not that close. Also, it's not like we usually (or ever) dance together, but the fiancee wants me to do it. What are your thoughts? Will anyone even notice if I don't? I'll dance with my dad if he asks, but does everyone have to watch as we do??
KnotRiley

Re: Skipping the parent dances?

  • rcher912rcher912 Philadelphia member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    No one outside of mayyyybe your parents will notice.

    We're not doing parent dances. I might like a dance with my dad, because we're pretty close, but FI recently lost his mom and there's no way I'm calling any attention to that at the wedding, except for a small candle or something.

    It's good to have a first dance to "open the floor" or whatever and let people know it's OK to dance, but other than that, you're in the clear!
  • It's easy for my fiancé and me, because we're skipping everything beyond the first dance, but before we had decided on a non-traditional wedding (we're doing board games in lieu of a dance) we had decided against parent dances. I am not close to my dad and dancing with him would probably give me a panic attack (not to mention he thinks dancing is evil, but that's another conversation altogether!)
    But really, no. You do not have to have parent dances, if you do not wish to. It's also perfectly fine to dance with your respective parents at some point during the evening, without calling attention to those dances.

  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    You have no obligation to do a spotlight dance with your parents. You could always make sure to dance with your parents at some point in the night (while everyone else is dancing) so you have a moment with them. But again, that is your choice. 

  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Your fiance can dance with your Dad if it's that important to him. You are under no obligation to dance with anybody at your reception.

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    [Deleted User]
  • We aren't having any special dances because we also both don't like calling attention to ourselves (and I have two left feet). I'm sure when the dance floor is open I'll be dancing with my hubby, and if I spontaneously have a dance with my dad at some point during the night then that would also be nice. But I don't feel the need to spotlight it - I don't think it makes it any more meaningful.
  • If you and your fiance want to do the first dance and skip the parents dances just invite your bridal party and families up to the dance floor after your first dance. You could do a fun song for everyone to start the party and still give a nod to your family and bridal party. 

    If the bride/groom dance makes you nervous you could do the first dance with your bridal party since it takes some of the pressure of you two, but you still have that memory and photo opportunity. It could be a fun song too!
  • It isn't a necessity.  We didn't have parent dances.  We danced with our parents, but it wasn't a spotlight dance. 
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    We combined the parents dances and faced at the same time. I am not a fan of sitting through 10 - 15 mins of spotlight dances ~ boring. So after the photog got the pics, about 90 seconds, the dj faded the song out. We then opened the dance floor to everyone.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    FutureMsNguyen
  • Silverelf2015Silverelf2015 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited March 2015
    As I mentioned elsewhere, we're skipping a lot of the old dancing traditions as we're not big on dancing OR being the center of attention, and having options other than dancing to keep people entertained at the reception, though there will be a space and music for dancing for those who wish to dance. 

    I do have a daddy/daughter song picked though. We'll just kinda do our own thing with everyone else who wants to join along. It's an old hippie song (this song  - starts at 0.23) that we both love, as that's his music era and what I grew up with. We all didn't want anything too stodgy or sentimental, but still meaningful (and I might still cry lol), so we're just going to have fun. :) 

    I doubt my fiance will want to dance with his mother as he doesn't like a lot of formality and stuffy customs either. But if his mom wants to dance with him, I'll let them decide what they want to do about it. :)
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  • This is an area of the wedding where your fiance does not get a say. If it makes you uncomfortable in any way and is not something you want to do then HE should be supporting YOU.

  • I am so happy I saw this!
    My father passed, and so it would just be the groom and his mother. We figured that may seem weird, so we were planning to skip it.
  • My husband doesn't like being the center of attention either so to make him more comfortable we combined the father/daugther & mother/son dance to be done together during a short song.

    Only thing I might consider doing if I were in your position is telling your dad you won't be doing a spot light dance with him, not because you don't want to dance with him but because you don't like the idea of being the center of attention on the dance floor. But if you feel up for it, tell him you would love to share a dance with him at some point during the evening.

  • I am Latina and grew up dancing but my in-laws are Vietnamese and do not dance. So, I am skipping the parent dances. We will do Ill first dance but I am not a fan of long songs. It's not necessary for you to do the parent dances. I'm sure your fiance will understand.

    *If he insists you can save the parent dances for the last dance.
    image
    "If you really want something you don’t stop for anyone or anything  until you get it".
  • My dad and I are incredibly close. We are dancing right after my FI and I dance. My FI and FMIL on the other hand, do not want to have one. So, they won't. In fact when I asked him what he song he wanted when he and his mother danced, I took his response ("Baby Got Back") as a "that's not happening." He and his mother were on the same page. I still thought his response was hilarious.
  • Why not do a group dance with the whole wedding party and of course you do not have to do parent dances. Mine our in heaven so I won't be doing that kind of dance.
  • Even though this is an older post, I hope this can give the OP some confidence.  My dad is a very private, even shy person.  He actually asked me if we were going to have to do that since he had a sense of dread about being in the spotlight.

    We skipped parent dances and my wedding was still lovely.  No sweat.  Gave guests more time to party, drink, and socialize or dance instead of sitting captive in chairs for boring stuff.  If I had to guess, guests were happy the didn't have to watch a bunch of dances, toasts, garter toss, bouquet toss, cake cutting, games, etc.  We kept it really simple--brief toast from MOH, BM, and our first dance.  That's it.  We were both happy eating dessert at our seats and not doing all the traditional wedding fluff.  Even without all that, the wedding felt like it was over in 30 minutes!  So hard to talk to everyone, dance with everyone, etc. in one evening!
  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary

    I've never seen a ballroom wedding in Hong Kong without the father daughter dance. "]" data-sheets-userformat="[null,null,513,[null,0],null,null,null,null,null,null,null,null,0]">Dance with your father. If you're not close with your father, then this is the perfect time to change the situation. =) I've never seen a ballroom wedding in Hong Kong without the father daughter dance. 

    This is extremely  insensitive to the Bride's feelings. 

  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    2b2shay said:

    Why not do a group dance with the whole wedding party and of course you do not have to do parent dances. Mine our in heaven so I won't be doing that kind of dance.

    Please dear god no.  No wedding party dances.



  • I've never seen a ballroom wedding in Hong Kong without the father daughter dance. "]">Dance with your father. If you're not close with your father, then this is the perfect time to change the situation. =) I've never seen a ballroom wedding in Hong Kong without the father daughter dance. 



    Are you fucking serious? That is some arrogant, dismissive and downright bullshit "advice"

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    Jen4948
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I've never seen a ballroom wedding in Hong Kong without the father daughter dance. "]" data-sheets-userformat="[null,null,513,[null,0],null,null,null,null,null,null,null,null,0]">Dance with your father. If you're not close with your father, then this is the perfect time to change the situation. =) I've never seen a ballroom wedding in Hong Kong without the father daughter dance. 

    Nope. 


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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    I've never seen a ballroom wedding in Hong Kong without the father daughter dance. "]" data-sheets-userformat="[null,null,513,[null,0],null,null,null,null,null,null,null,null,0]">Dance with your father. If you're not close with your father, then this is the perfect time to change the situation. =) I've never seen a ballroom wedding in Hong Kong without the father daughter dance. 

    Clearly you did not read the thread if you would post this crap in response.
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