Ceremony and Reception on different days

Knottie82769902

We want to have our ceremony on the coast and have the reception in town the next day. Would you as a guest think this is rude and inconvenient? We are inviting everyone to both and putting an option on the RSVP to only come to the reception, if they don't want to make the drive. We're not having anything afterwards at the coast, so it would just be for the 20-30 min ceremony. What are everyone's thoughts?

lyndausvi

Yes it's rude and inconvenient.  

Those who do make it to the ceremony deserve to be hosted directly afterwards.  They should not have to wait 24 hours later to be hosted.

On another note, talk about buzz kill.  They see this beautiful union and then have to wait 24 hours to celebrate?  It would be like seeing the first half of a Broadway play and then have to come back the next day for the second half.

No, just no.

mikenberger

Knottie82769902 said:

We want to have our ceremony on the coast and have the reception in town the next day. Would you as a guest think this is rude and inconvenient? We are inviting everyone to both and putting an option on the RSVP to only come to the reception, if they don't want to make the drive. We're not having anything afterwards at the coast, so it would just be for the 20-30 min ceremony. What are everyone's thoughts?

Rude. I want to see the ceremony and attend the reception on the same day. I don't wanna get dressed up, attend the ceremony. Go home like nothing happened. Then get dressed up again and go to your reception. The reception immediately follows the wedding because it's a thank you to your guests for coming and celebrating your wedding with you. Pulling it out over two days is no fun. And it's no fun for you. You're going to be a crazy person for TWO days. Not just one. I'm getting hives thinking about it. No thanks.

Couggal12

This is extremely rude. Your reception is a thank you to your guests for coming to your ceremony to witness your marriage. As a guest I would not be thrilled about having to give up two evenings and not even be properly hosted the first night. 

ETA: fixed some words

[Deleted User]

It's inconsiderate and kills the party atmosphere.   

JCbride2015

Yeah, that's very rude.  The reception is to thank your guests for attending your ceremony, so the reception must directly follow the ceremony.  I would be really annoyed by this as a guest and think you don't value my time.

What are your reasons for the events being on different days?  Can something give?  Is your ceremony space really special and not available where you want to have the reception?  I really think you should move something around.  The ladies here are great at brainstorming and problem-solving.

esstee33

I'd be super irritated, especially if I had to travel for the event, because that's going to be an extra day I'd have to pay to stay in that place so I can go to all your events. It's extremely inconsiderate to your guests. Why do you feel that you need to do them on different days? 

LD1970

I'd be annoyed enough to attend neither.

jacques27

Rude and inconvenient.  And what if someone is able to attend the ceremony and not the reception (which is their thank you for attending your ceremony)?

Either move your ceremony to "in town" or your reception to the coast and do it all the same day.  You get one day.  One.

Knottie82769902

We were originally going to have the ceremony and reception on the same day at the same place, but while thinking about it, it didn't seem like as much fun for us and seemed very overwhelming.

Jen4948

Knottie82769902 said:

We were originally going to have the ceremony and reception on the same day at the same place, but while thinking about it, it didn't seem like as much fun for us and seemed very overwhelming.

It might be overwhelming, but whether or not your guests are properly hosted is the important thing. "Properly hosted" means that hospitality has to be offered to your guests as soon as the ceremony is concluded, as a thank-you for taking the time and money out of their lives to attend the ceremony and get you gifts, without a gap between the ceremony and the reception, which is very rude. It's even ruder to make your guests wait at least 24 hours to be so thanked. Whether or not it's "as much fun for you" is irrelevant.

Knottie82769902

I appreciate everyone's advice, but I have to disagree that first and foremost it has to be a fun and enjoyable day for us.

Viczaesar

Knottie82769902 said:

I appreciate everyone's advice, but I have to disagree that first and foremost it has to be a fun and enjoyable day for us.

Not unless you're inviting nobody to your wedding.  If you're eloping, just the two of you, it can be first and foremost about you two and your enjoyment of the day.  If you invite other people, your responsibilities as host supercede your own comfort and fun, and their comfort comes first.  That's what it means to host something. 

Don't want the responsibilities of hosting?  Then don't invite guests, as I said.  Once you invite other people the day is no longer just about you.

downtondiva

Once you invite other people, whether the wedding is "fun and enjoyable" for you is no longer the only consideration, or even the most important one. What you have planned is going to be awkward and inconvenient for your guests, and I think you can expect a lot of declines if you do it this way. 

If you're afraid of being "overwhelmed," have a smaller, less formal reception the same day as the ceremony that will feel manageable to you. If that's what you are worried about, there are plenty of other, better solutions.

ETA: clarity

LD1970

It's not overwhelming, it's normal. And there's a reason it's what's normal.

And my one-day wedding was awesome & a blast... for us & our guests.

mikenberger

Knottie82769902 said:

I appreciate everyone's advice, but I have to disagree that first and foremost it has to be a fun and enjoyable day for us.

Then why did you come here and ask this question if you were just going to inconvenience your guests because you want it to be a fun and enjoyable day for you and you ONLY? If you only care about the comfort of yourselves, you should elope. Then you only have to worry about you and your groom. Your "day" stops being your day when you invite others to share in it. 

And you are being rude by stretching this out over two days, unless it's your religious custom. Then, nobody would bat an eye. You're doing this because you want to be selfish with your day. Which is not going to fly. 

Why don't you ask your friends: "We'd like to have our wedding and reception over two days because I don't want to be overwhelmed planning a wedding and reception all in one day. And really, the day is supposed to be fun and enjoyable for me first. What do you think?" You let us know how that goes. And before you say anything! "Our friends and family love us, they'd just want us to be happy." Know that people talk. And people will talk about you behind your back about this. A lot of people will pretend to be okay with it, but aren't. 

Jen4948

Knottie82769902 said:

I appreciate everyone's advice, but I have to disagree that first and foremost it has to be a fun and enjoyable day for us.

So elope. If you want to invite anyone else, their needs have to take priority over your need for fun and enjoyment. If you don't want to give them that priority, the only polite way you can get away with that is to invite no one at all.

climbingsingle

Knottie82769902 said:

We were originally going to have the ceremony and reception on the same day at the same place, but while thinking about it, it didn't seem like as much fun for us and seemed very overwhelming.

First, your guests' comfort and needs should be at the top of your list. I personally don't understand why doing all of this in one day wouldn't be fun for you. I've now thrown two weddings, and did both in the same day. And it was fun and great. 

This is inconsiderate to your guests. If you're dead set on doing this, you need to still host the people that are coming to the ceremony, even if that means just cake and punch. And then that shouldn't be during a meal time. But I really think you should reconsider. 

banana468

Knottie82769902 said:

I appreciate everyone's advice, but I have to disagree that first and foremost it has to be a fun and enjoyable day for us.

It's possible to do both.   You just need to plan well.

If it isn't possible for you to have the reception on the same day that you get married then the unfortunate consequence is that you don't get to have guests either.   

Amazingly, tons of couples out there are able to make this work.

Maggie0829

I don't see how separating the ceremony and reception to two different days is going to make things less overwhelming.

And sorry not sorry but your super special day should not take up my entire weekend.  Yes, as a guest, I am happy for you and excited that you are getting married.  But I still have a life and your wedding is just not that important for me to give up an entire weekend for it because you are too overwhelmed to have it all on one day.

thespeshulestsnowflake

Knottie82769902 said:

I appreciate everyone's advice, but I have to disagree that first and foremost it has to be a fun and enjoyable day for us.

Do not invite people, then you have nothing to worry about.

dcbride86

Knottie82769902 said:

I appreciate everyone's advice, but I have to disagree that first and foremost it has to be a fun and enjoyable day for us.

You're right that it should be a fun and enjoyable DAY for you.  Day - singular.  You get one.  And first and foremost, the reception needs to be fun and enjoyable for your guests.  The reception is a thank you to your guests.  You don't thank them by making it inconvenient

lovegood90

If hosting your guests properly is too "overwhelming" for you, then you don't get to have guests. They are not there just to bask in your glory- they are people who are your friends and family, and they need to be thanked and hosted properly (AKA on the same day as your ceremony!) for taking the time to witness your ceremony. If you're not willing to do this then you really don't have the right to any guests- elope.

thisismynickname2

JCbride2015 said:

What are your reasons for the events being on different days?  Can something give?  Is your ceremony space really special and not available where you want to have the reception?  I really think you should move something around.  The ladies here are great at brainstorming and problem-solving.

Agree with this. OP, let us know what's up. We're here to help!

I thought wedding planning was going to be overwhelming too. I had a 6-6:30pm ceremony, with cocktail hour and a sit-down dinner immediately following, then dancing till midnight. I had an all-inclusive venue that made things super easy and low stress. I didn't even have to start getting ready until after lunch. 

This doesn't have to be a huge overwhelming event. We can help! Let us know what's up. 

redoryx

Knottie82769902 said:

I appreciate everyone's advice, but I have to disagree that first and foremost it has to be a fun and enjoyable day for us.

The ceremony is for you and your FI. The reception is for your guests. You want to separate the two events because it's not convenient or fun for YOU? What about THEM? These are the people taking time out of their day to come and visit, possibly taking time off work to travel, probably spending money on you for a gift...

If you want to worry about, and only worry about, you and your FI then elope. Seriously. Or only invite like 10 people and have a small dinner after. But you still need to host something immediately after your ceremony. The minute you start inviting other people it stops being just about you.

climbingsingle

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

Knottie82769902 said:

I appreciate everyone's advice, but I have to disagree that first and foremost it has to be a fun and enjoyable day for us.

Do not invite people, then you have nothing to worry about.

This. Don't invite anyone then. 

Also, why did you bother posting here? It seems like you just wanted everyone to agree with you, instead of actually giving you opinions. 

bizzy592

I know that this might seem like the best solution to you, but when it comes down to it, it's rude and an inconvenience for your guests. Anyone coming in from out of town will need to pay for an extra night in a hotel. Guests who have nonstandard schedules may need to take an extra day off work (for example, for people who work in medical professions and the restaurant world, taking off a full weekend may be difficult). 

My suggestion would be to have a welcome dinner or cocktail party on the coast the first night, and then have your ceremony the following day at a closer point to your reception (or even at your reception venue).

edited for pre-coffee language choices

MyNameIsNot

Could you elaborate about why you think having the ceremony and reception together would be overwhelming? Like PP said, the posters here are really good about brainstorming and helping you come up with solutions to problems. But if you don't present the problem, no one can help you.

arrrghmatey

Wow. It is incredibly rude to host your event over two days. You may think it is the best solution or you, but for your guests? This means they have to give up their whole weekend, possibly find babysitters for their kids for two days (if there are any kids in the picture), take more time off of work, etc. 

Here's a newsflash: weddings are often overwhelming for just about everybody. But people pull them off all the time. In one day. And have a blast. It can be done. If you are that concerned about being overwhelmed on your wedding day, then consider having a Day-Of Coordinator. The bottom line is that you SHOULD NOT split your ceremony and reception up into two separate days for the consideration of your guests.

Edit: words suck.

banana468

Am I the only one that would be overwhelmed by this concept??   Let's throw etiquette out the window (clutch your pearls!) for a minute:  Do you wear the dress both days?   Do you have your hair done for both days?  Do you get your makeup done for both days?   How about tux rentals?   How long would your DH keep the tux?   Who wears attire?   Do you have a WP?   Do they wear their attire two days in a row?   What will you wear for your meals you eat on your real wedding day?   What if you get white wine on your wedding dress?   What if you get crap on your DH's tux shirt?   How about the parents?   Different outfits for both days?   Same for both?? 

Then the next day, do you get a second photographer for the reception?   Do you get a photographer for the wedding day?   

Not to mention, what do the guests after the ceremony?   Do you walk away and just say, "Dueces!    See you tomorrow!"?    

Maggie0829

banana468 said:

Am I the only one that would be overwhelmed by this concept??   Let's throw etiquette out the window (clutch your pearls!) for a minute:  Do you wear the dress both days?   Do you have your hair done for both days?  Do you get your makeup done for both days?   How about tux rentals?   How long would your DH keep the tux?   Who wears attire?   Do you have a WP?   Do they wear their attire two days in a row?   What will you wear for your meals you eat on your real wedding day?   What if you get white wine on your wedding dress?   What if you get crap on your DH's tux shirt?   How about the parents?   Different outfits for both days?   Same for both?? 

Then the next day, do you get a second photographer for the reception?   Do you get a photographer for the wedding day?   

Not to mention, what do the guests after the ceremony?   Do you walk away and just say, "Dueces!    See you tomorrow!"?    

I was thinking the same thing.  Separating this into two days seems more overwhelming then just having it all on one day for all the reasons listed.

Also, the day after my wedding I was still really happy and excited, but I did not have the same high as I did right after the ceremony was over with.  When the ceremony was over with I was all "lets party!"  The next day I was all, "lets go on our HM!"