Inviting Co-workers?

sarahmarie2015

I'm getting married in a couple of months and we're getting ready to send out invites (we sent out save-the-dates awhile ago). I'm starting to second guess myself about the decisions we made about my co-workers.

I work for a small, family-owned company where everyone works from home and many of us work in many different locations (but I have met everyone in person). When I used to live in the same city as my direct boss, she and her dad (our CEO) became like a second family for me. In fact, her daughter is one of my flower girls! Due to these reasons, I invited my direct boss, her father and our other co-owner.

For the rest of my co-workers (about 8 other people), I chose not to invite them since I don't socialize with them outside of work. There are two that I am closer with and would probably socialize with them if we lived in the same place. One got married last year and invited me and everyone else in the company to her wedding. I did not attend since it required travel for us.

We are tight on space as it is but I'm feeling guilty about not inviting these two co-workers. And if I invited them, I would feel like I needed to invite everyone in the company.

Did I do the right thing in just inviting the 3 upper level bosses that I am closest to?!

I don't think anyone has been offended and I do not talk about the wedding with co-workers unless asked - even then I keep the discussion short.

Maggie0829

Yes, I think you did the right thing.  Weddings are not tit for tat so just because she invited you to hers does not mean you have to invite her to yours.  So don't second guess yourself here.

mikenberger

sarahmarie2015 said:

I'm getting married in a couple of months and we're getting ready to send out invites (we sent out save-the-dates awhile ago). I'm starting to second guess myself about the decisions we made about my co-workers.

I work for a small, family-owned company where everyone works from home and many of us work in many different locations (but I have met everyone in person). When I used to live in the same city as my direct boss, she and her dad (our CEO) became like a second family for me. In fact, her daughter is one of my flower girls! Due to these reasons, I invited my direct boss, her father and our other co-owner.

For the rest of my co-workers (about 8 other people), I chose not to invite them since I don't socialize with them outside of work. There are two that I am closer with and would probably socialize with them if we lived in the same place. One got married last year and invited me and everyone else in the company to her wedding. I did not attend since it required travel for us.

We are tight on space as it is but I'm feeling guilty about not inviting these two co-workers. And if I invited them, I would feel like I needed to invite everyone in the company.

Did I do the right thing in just inviting the 3 upper level bosses that I am closest to?!

I don't think anyone has been offended and I do not talk about the wedding with co-workers unless asked - even then I keep the discussion short.

I'm confused. You mentioned "(about 8 other people), I chose not to invite them..."

and then that you didn't invite 2 co-workers. Did you not invite 8 people or 2 people?

Personally, if you didn't send them save the dates and you're not handing out invites at work, directly in front of these people, I wouldn't see the harm in not inviting them. It might make things awkward at work, but the workplace isn't a place for wedding talk. I think you're alright with this.

arrrghmatey

sarahmarie2015 said:

I'm getting married in a couple of months and we're getting ready to send out invites (we sent out save-the-dates awhile ago). I'm starting to second guess myself about the decisions we made about my co-workers.

I work for a small, family-owned company where everyone works from home and many of us work in many different locations (but I have met everyone in person). When I used to live in the same city as my direct boss, she and her dad (our CEO) became like a second family for me. In fact, her daughter is one of my flower girls! Due to these reasons, I invited my direct boss, her father and our other co-owner.

For the rest of my co-workers (about 8 other people), I chose not to invite them since I don't socialize with them outside of work. There are two that I am closer with and would probably socialize with them if we lived in the same place. One got married last year and invited me and everyone else in the company to her wedding. I did not attend since it required travel for us.

We are tight on space as it is but I'm feeling guilty about not inviting these two co-workers. And if I invited them, I would feel like I needed to invite everyone in the company.

Did I do the right thing in just inviting the 3 upper level bosses that I am closest to?!

I don't think anyone has been offended and I do not talk about the wedding with co-workers unless asked - even then I keep the discussion short.

You certainly do not need to invite these co-workers, especially if you do not have a relationship with them outside of the workplace. If you are on a tight budget, only invite those people who you would miss if they were not at your wedding. Continue to not discuss your wedding in their presence. If any of your co-workers (rudely) ask about being invited to your wedding, simply reply, "I'm sorry, but our guest list has been finalized for some time."

Edit: words.

sarahmarie2015

I didn't invite 8 but I meant that about 2 of those 8 are people that I feel closer to at work. I know that's confusing!

sarahmarie2015

Thanks everyone! I feel much better! I like the "not tit for tat" comment. I'll have to keep remembering that.

And no, no invitations will be passed out in person.

SP29

Agreed- weddings are not tit for tat. 

IMO, co-workers shouldn't be invited as co-workers, but as friends (I suppose unless you're having a 300 person guest list). What I mean by that is, if that co-worker isn't someone you consider to be a friend, someone whom you would hang out with outside of work, then I would not invite them.

Since you say your boss and family became a second family, I think it is very appropriate to invite these people. Don't feel guilty about the rest. 

tcnoble

I'm a teacher so I am social with a lot of our staff members - I invited three total because they are people that I socialize with OUTSIDE of work. Everyone else, we are friendly because we spend a lot of time together... but we aren't making plans on the weekends together. Ditto PP who said don't invite them as "co-workers" but as friends.

mrscomposer

When we were working on our guest list, I was working in an office that was affiliated with two other offices in our area.  All three offices worked together on a daily basis, and my partner worked out of a different office than I did.

However, when it came time for inviting, I ONLY invited the people who worked in my same office, because these were the people I hung out with outside of work.  It didn't matter to me that I saw my partner every shift (he was a jerk, anyway).

There's no reason why you have to invite everyone.

climbingsingle

I think you're fine. I personally didn't invite anyone I didn't have an outside of work friendship with.