Etiquette and Bridal Party Issues

[Deleted User]

Sorry, I deleted my long-winded original post because it was too long.  Anyway, I was having issues with a bridesmaid communicating information about ordering her dress.   Her lack of communication was holding up the BM dress orders at the store.  The other girls were at risk of getting a rush charge because one person was basically ignoring my calls/texts.

We all know that we should never expect anyone's life to revolve around our weddings; however, at what point can a bridesmaid's lack of communication be considered rude or inconsiderate?     I have to admit, I'm a little upset that she isn't telling me what's going on.   I'm Ok with her making other arrangements, I would just like to know.   

banana468

I think you need to know the drop dead date for ordering a dress. Them tell the BM that she needs to order by that time or she'll have to pay rush charges.

mrscomposer

If someone else's lack of communication or action is costing ME money, I'm going to have an issue with that.

I second what banana says - find out the absolute last date the shop can put the order in without rush charges, and then tell them to do it on that date, whether this BM has put hers on the order or not.  Then let your BM know the same thing.  If she gets her act together, good - if not, she's on her own.

huskypuppy14

Can someone explain to me why all the bridesmaid dresses need to be ordered at the same time at the same place? 

For both my wedding and when I've been a bridesmaid, everyone ordered their dress on their own

I'd be pissed if I was the other bridesmaids, and would want my dress ordered. I'm not paying extra because someone else can't get their shit together.

msbride2015 said:

Sorry, I deleted my long-winded original post because it was too long.  Anyway, I was having issues with a bridesmaid communicating information about ordering her dress.   Her lack of communication was holding up the BM dress orders at the store.  The other girls were at risk of getting a rush charge because one person was basically ignoring my calls/texts.

We all know that we should never expect anyone's life to revolve around our weddings; however, at what point can a bridesmaid's lack of communication be considered rude or inconsiderate?     I have to admit, I'm a little upset that she isn't telling me what's going on.   I'm Ok with her making other arrangements, I would just like to know.   

[Deleted User]

  The dress shop explained that when an order comes in together, all the dresses are cut from the same cloth.  If you order a dress later, then it's possible it could be cut from a different batch of cloth.  Like any dyed fabric, shades can vary depending on the dye process.  It's possible the dress ordered at a different time could be darker or lighter than the others. 

The other girls aren't aware of this situation.  This is exactly why I'm upset with her; I don't want there to be issues with the other girl's dresses because it isn't their problem. In the event a rush charge was added, it would end up costing ME money because there is no way I could make my bridal party pay the extra cost.  It wasn't their fault. 

I wrote all the info in a text and she wrote back "OK"   I'm giving her until Friday and then I'm telling the dress shop to go ahead and place the order.   I'm not upset about her not getting the dress, I'm just upset that she can't even call and say, "Hey, I need more time to get the dress, but I want you to know I'm not blowing you off"     We can problem solve any issues, she just needs to let me know what's going on. 

huskypuppy14

msbride2015 said:

  The dress shop explained that when an order comes in together, all the dress are cut from the same cloth.  If you order a dress later, then it's possible it could be cut from a d different batch of cloth.  Like any dyed fabric, shades can vary depending on the dye process.  It's possible the dress ordered at a different time could be dark or lighter than the others. 

The other girls aren't aware of this situation.  This is exactly why I'm upset with her; I don't want there to be issues with the other girl's dresses because it isn't their problem. I am a very low-key bride and I am upset that her lack of communication could cause drama with the bridal party.  

I wrote all the info in a text and she wrote back "OK"   I'm giving her until Friday and then I'm telling the dress shop to go ahead and place the order.   I'm not upset about her not getting the dress, I'm just upset that she can't even call and say, "Hey, I need more time to get the dress, but I want you to know I'm not blowing you off" 

This isn't really true anymore. I think it's just a way for a salon to get all of the business. What color are your bridesmaid dresses? 

For lurkers: If a salon says this, tell them your bridesmaids will order them separately. There is really no reason for this. Oh yeah, all the dresses looked exactly the same in my wedding and my sister's wedding and they were all bought at different stores.

JCbride2015

I had exactly the same issue. I told the rogue bridesmaid the drop dead cut off date. Then I told the bridal salon to order for everyone else if they didn't hear from her. She called the salon at the last possible moment and made an appointment the following week. If she hadn't done that, the salon had my permission to order for the other women without her. After that point, she would be on her own.

The salon's reasons for ordering all together are probably bogus, but if it's their policy you just have to work with it. Give her the cutoff date and let her make her own decision. Don't hold up everyone else.

Dreamergirl8812

It's a sham, OP. I totally thought BM dresses all had to be ordered at the same millisecond or it would be obvious, and people at my wedding would wonder why the dresses didn't match. But it's just what shops tell us to try to get us to order 8 dresses, instead of 1 at a time.

When was the last time you went to Macy's and none of the dyes looked the same?

novella1186

I agree with PP. Give her the cut-off date and that's that. You can only do so much, and it's not really your responsibility to make her do what she's supposed to do. 

If this is unusual behavior for her, maybe reach out to her and make sure everything is ok. Maybe she's having financial trouble or going through something personal and just having a hard time in general. You never know. 

If she's always a procrastinator, though, then just don't worry about it. She can figure this out. 

flantastic

All my BMs ordered from different salons in different states. If there was a color difference, I didn't notice. They can computer-mix dyes now.

Ditto PP that you should tell her there will be rush charges after X date, and tell the salon to put in the other girls' order without her if need be.

MandyMost

msbride2015 said:

  The dress shop explained that when an order comes in together, all the dresses are cut from the same cloth.  If you order a dress later, then it's possible it could be cut from a different batch of cloth.  Like any dyed fabric, shades can vary depending on the dye process.  It's possible the dress ordered at a different time could be darker or lighter than the others. 

This was a totally valid reasoning back when bridal shops, as with all other types of shops, were local and everything was hand-made individually. Ever since computers were invented and chain stores popped up this is not valid. In fact, I'd think if you're ordering from a major retailer/designer/chain, that even if you order the dresses at the exact same second from the exact same store, the order is just going to a big warehouse somewhere and they're pulling what they have, dropping the order in with others so they can make multiple at a time, etc., and nothing is actually coming from same bolt of cloth.