Registry and Gift Forum

Honey Fund and Macys...thoughts?

Hello,

I think having an alternative registry and a store registry is a clever idea.  It gives guests two options for gift ideas.  My family appreciates how practical the honey fund is. My fiance's family is more traditional and likes the idea of registry with items like china and glassware.

Anyone else doing two types of registries or know someone who did?  How did it go?  Is anyone out there grossly opposed to this?  (I know some folks find the honey fund tacky.  My cousin did it and he and his wife are doctors - they just live in a tiny condo.)   But a honey fund and a store registry...yay or nay?
 
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Re: Honey Fund and Macys...thoughts?

  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers

    Hello,


    I think having an alternative registry and a store registry is a clever idea.  It gives guests two options for gift ideas.  My family appreciates how practical the honey fund is. My fiance's family is more traditional and likes the idea of registry with items like china and glassware.

    Anyone else doing two types of registries or know someone who did?  How did it go?  Is anyone out there grossly opposed to this?  (I know some folks find the honey fund tacky.  My cousin did it and he and his wife are doctors - they just live in a tiny condo.)   But a honey fund and a store registry...yay or nay?
     
    Honeyfunds are tacky, period. 

    Surely if your family thinks they're okay, they'd have no problem just gifting you cash if you didn't have a honeyfund, which would still get you money towards whatever without the fees, or the tacky.

    Seriously. So much tacky.
    image



    Anniversary
    [Deleted User]Chiwatkinshaleyk620
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    Hello,


    I think having an alternative registry and a store registry is a clever idea.  It gives guests two options for gift ideas.  My family appreciates how practical the honey fund is. My fiance's family is more traditional and likes the idea of registry with items like china and glassware.

    Anyone else doing two types of registries or know someone who did?  How did it go?  Is anyone out there grossly opposed to this?  (I know some folks find the honey fund tacky.  My cousin did it and he and his wife are doctors - they just live in a tiny condo.)   But a honey fund and a store registry...yay or nay?
     
    Count me as one of those "grossly opposed" people. It doesn't matter what your occupation is/space limitations. I'm not sure what being a doctor living in a tiny condo has to do with anything. If you have no space in your house, don't register. People will get the hint that you'd rather have money over boxed gifts. And if someone gives a boxed gift, chances are, they'd never give you money as a gift. 

    image
    OliveOilsMom
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    The Macy's registry sounds perfect, but go ahead and skip the honey fund.  Why would you want a third party taking away from an otherwise nice gift?  They take a cut of money from you or your guest.  So they are very deceiving. 

    Also, maybe Great Aunt Alice thinks its a great idea and goes and buys you a romantic dinner on the beach.  She thinks she did something so nice for you two!  But in reality you get a check minus 7% (or higher!) from the "cost" of the romantic dinner for two.  That's not very nice to do to Great Aunt Alice.

    [Deleted User]chibiyui
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Would you ask your family and friends to fund any other vacation you want to go on?  Because that is basically what you are doing when you have a honeyfund.  HM are just vacations and if you want to go on a vacation then you need to pay for it.  Now if one of your guests is kind enough to hand you a check and tells you to put it towards your HM, well that is great.  But to actually out right ask people to give you money for HM is disgustingly tacky.

    But a Macy's registry is a-okay!

    [Deleted User]
  • Is your family not capable of putting money/check in a card and just giving it to you. Seriously there is no need to set up some phony registry to deceive people into thinking they are actually buying you something.
    [Deleted User]Liatris2010
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Hello,


    I think having an alternative registry and a store registry is a clever idea.  It gives guests two options for gift ideas.  My family appreciates how practical the honey fund is. My fiance's family is more traditional and likes the idea of registry with items like china and glassware.

    Anyone else doing two types of registries or know someone who did?  How did it go?  Is anyone out there grossly opposed to this?  (I know some folks find the honey fund tacky.  My cousin did it and he and his wife are doctors - they just live in a tiny condo.)   But a honey fund and a store registry...yay or nay?
     
    Count me as one of those "grossly opposed" people. It doesn't matter what your occupation is/space limitations. I'm not sure what being a doctor living in a tiny condo has to do with anything. If you have no space in your house, don't register. People will get the hint that you'd rather have money over boxed gifts. And if someone gives a boxed gift, chances are, they'd never give you money as a gift. 
    I am also confused by this.  My son and his wife are both doctors and they did NOT do it.  How does occupation equate with this?
    ChiwatkinsOliveOilsMom
  • dcbride86dcbride86 Washington, DC member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer

    Honeyfunds suck, and I hate how popular they've become.

    I don't understand what your sister and brother in law's professions or condo size has to do with anything.  I'm a lawyer and my FI is a lobbyist and we live in a very tiny condo.  But we aren't having a honeyfund.  We have a fairly small registry, and people know cash is always a welcome gift.  And that way we don't have to pay a middle man 3-7% of the money gifted to us!

    [Deleted User]
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 2015
    The doctor example just goes to show that there are rude people in every industry. Although you would think that someone smart enough to be a doctor would be smart enough not to give away a percentage of gifts to some company for no reason. 

    Macy's is fine. Money registries are rude, no matter who you are or what you do for a living. Instead, couple it with a different store. Try Amazon if you want different types of things. 
  • edited March 2015
    Macy's registry sounds nice.

    Skip the Honeyfund. Even if your family doesn't think it's tacky, it doesn't make any sense to give you money through a third party. 

    Honeyfund skims money off the top of your cash gifts. So if a family member wants to give you $100, they can 1) write you a check or give you cash and you get $100; OR 2) give $100 to Honeyfund - HF keeps 7% and you get the leftovers. 

    I have to believe that people who think this is a good idea don't really understand the fees.
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  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    We did not register - anywhere. Everyone knows cash is always appropriate, appreciated and often preferred - literally everyone on earth knows this. =o) 
    Some people will want to get you a physical gift - these are not the people who use HM registries. The people who use HM registries are people who would give you a check, but instead think that you will receive the FULL amount they gift you. You you will ACTUALLY receive that massage, not a credit on your bill and if you decide you can get the massage or take the excursion. 

    But I have good news :) 
    For our wedding the gifts broke down like this: 75% cash or check, 20% gift cards and 5% physical gifts. 
    If you want money or don't need anything don't register. This is the best way to politely suggest folks give you money. I'm telling you from experience ;-) 
     A HM is not polite, sorry. There is nothing wrong with saying, when asked where you are registered, we are saving up for the honeymoon (or house or big screen TV or whatever it is you'd like to purchase). GL!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 2015
    lyndausvi said:

    Can some pro-HM fund person please explain how logging into a 3rd party website and give you credit card number is more convenient then writing a check and/or going to the bank to get cash?  Then on your side you have to wait for a few weeks after your event to get the money.  Which btw they are gaining interest, not you.


    Can some pro-HM fund person please explain to me how giving a 3rd party site 3-10% of your gift make economic sense?

    Just because it's new doesn't make it worth doing.  Just because I'm old doesn't mean I can't figure out that money is always an option.    

    True story  - my sister and brothers got married 20 years ago.   Guess what?  They got a lot of money as gifts.    My cousins have been married.... get this.... 37 years.  And you guessed it they also got money for gifts.      

    Giving money as a gift is hardly a new trend.   However, giving some random 3rd party a cut of your gifts is a new trend.    Must be nice to just give 7-10% of your gifts away.  

     It's no wonder people are bad with money.   

    Can
    some pro-HM fund person please explain how logging into a 3rd party
    website and give you credit card number is more convenient then writing a
    check and/or going to the bank to get cash?  Then
    on your side you have to wait for a few weeks after your event to get
    the money.  Which btw they are gaining interest, not you.

    Can some pro-HM fund person please explain to me how giving a 3rd party site 3-10% of your gift make economic sense?
    image
    I realize the question was rhetorical as there is NO logical explanation, but I just wanted to add a little dramatic flair.
    lyndausviesstee33photokittyohannabelle
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2015
    You know, there's a whole sticky post at the top of the registry forum specifically about honey funds. This idea is terrible and it's been discussed as being a terrible idea about 96,578 times.

    Your circumstances don't make it any different. There are literally no circumstances that make it a good idea. Ever.
    [Deleted User]
  • I am new here! Haha, you definitely got that right.  And I needed help in a pinch while making my website, so thanks for posting.  I don't think any of you are being rude, I am trying to imagine your keeping me from making a big mistake.  

    The doctor comment had nothing to do with their status...i'm surprised it was taken out of context that way.  They were both very established separately before getting married and they do have a tiny condo.  They are the only couple I know who did a honey-fund. So, I simply meant to emphasize that they didn't want to register for things since they were still living in a small space and coming together with a lot already.  In addition, my family understands the honey-fund since they did it first.  

    I didn't read the post on the honey-fund on the community board, but I will look for it. 


    MyNameIsNotBlue_Bird
  • Ok, I took at look through alternative registry posts and it seems like there are people on both sides.  Either people like it or hate it.  One person made a good point.  If you don't register than it is assumed you prefer no gift or cash.  Not registering could be seen as rude because the guests are left to assume you'd like cash.  


  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Ok, I took at look through alternative registry posts and it seems like there are people on both sides.  Either people like it or hate it.  One person made a good point.  If you don't register than it is assumed you prefer no gift or cash.  Not registering could be seen as rude because the guests are left to assume you'd like cash.  



    Or they could pick out something they thing you would like.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    [Deleted User]
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    Ok, I took at look through alternative registry posts and it seems like there are people on both sides.  Either people like it or hate it.  One person made a good point.  If you don't register than it is assumed you prefer no gift or cash.  Not registering could be seen as rude because the guests are left to assume you'd like cash.  



    So you'd rather them gift you $100 and then the site takes 7% and you get the remaining monies? Totally not rude either.

    image
    [Deleted User]
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2015

    Ok, I took at look through alternative registry posts and it seems like there are people on both sides.  Either people like it or hate it.  One person made a good point.  If you don't register than it is assumed you prefer no gift or cash.  Not registering could be seen as rude because the guests are left to assume you'd like cash.  
    It's not rude to not have a registry because you're simply not asking for anything (and gifts should never be expected anyway). If you attended a wedding where the couple wasn't registered, would you think it was rude that they weren't asking their guests for anything? Probably not. I literally do not know one person who would be offended by the lack of a registry. What an outrageous leap in logic. 

    It IS rude to have a registry asking for your guests for cash.

    I will never understand why people (not necessarily you unless you're still bent on doing this) insist on registering for cash and taking a 7% cut in their gifts. It will never make sense to me. Ever. 


    This, exactly, and especially the bolded. I can't fathom anyone being offended that a couple chose not to register. It's totally ridiculous. 

    And I will also never, ever understand someone being like "Well, my guests are probably smart enough to know that they can just write us a check or give us actual cash, but why not make them go through this company that will take 7% of it as a fee? That seems like a good idea." 
    [Deleted User]
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    If you don't want a lot of stuff, just don't register for a lot of stuff. We registered at one store for things we really wanted to upgrade. There was a grand total of 35 items (tiny compared to most registries I've seen). 
    We got many of those upgrades and everyone else gave us cash. Works out nicely. 
    ________________________________


    [Deleted User]
  • To anyone who is opposed to the alternative registry this fact won't matter...the 7% off the top doesn't appear to be the case.  It looks like there are several options on the site and one of them does require a fee from the bride and groom, but allows guests to contribute funds without any penalty.  The downside for the bride and groom is there is a fee.

    Of course, asking for a gift is crazy rude - that's a given.  I am still on unsure about the honey fund...so for now I am exploring all the options.   I can actually see where a lot of you are coming from, I may not be jumping on the bash wagon, but trust me I can see why this can seem tacky.  I would actually be confused by a couple who didn't register.  It's guide to your taste and needs.  I would aways bring or give a gift, that's just me, and I really appreciate registries.  
  • What about an Amazon registry if you don't really like the department store stuff? We had an amazon registry where we registered for stuff we couldn't get at Macy's - like our backpacking tent. 

    A honeyfund registry isn't helpful because it's just saying "I want cash". Well no shit. Everyone knows cash is a good gift because everyone wants it. When in doubt, people give money. It's not that hard.

    "No no, I don't want money - just pick out something random from Home Goods and don't include a gift receipt". Said no one ever.
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    [Deleted User]esstee33
  • Yes!  Amazon, smart idea.  
  • What about an Amazon registry if you don't really like the department store stuff? We had an amazon registry where we registered for stuff we couldn't get at Macy's - like our backpacking tent. 


    A honeyfund registry isn't helpful because it's just saying "I want cash". Well no shit. Everyone knows cash is a good gift because everyone wants it. When in doubt, people give money. It's not that hard.

    "No no, I don't want money - just pick out something random from Home Goods and don't include a gift receipt". Said no one ever.
    Truth. So funny.  
  • I just got invited to my cousin's wedding.  I really like this kid even though he was way younger and we don't really know each other all that well.  He proposed in December and they're getting married in May.  I googled them for a wedding website or registry.  There isn't one.  I'll be writing him and his new wife a check for $200 and possibly shipping a game of Settlers of Catan from amazon to their RSVP address.  Boxed gift I know he'll like AND cash!!!  No crappy honeyfund required to get a pretty awesome wedding gift, if I do say so myself.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    To anyone who is opposed to the alternative registry this fact won't matter...the 7% off the top doesn't appear to be the case.  It looks like there are several options on the site and one of them does require a fee from the bride and groom, but allows guests to contribute funds without any penalty.  The downside for the bride and groom is there is a fee.


    Of course, asking for a gift is crazy rude - that's a given.  I am still on unsure about the honey fund...so for now I am exploring all the options.   I can actually see where a lot of you are coming from, I may not be jumping on the bash wagon, but trust me I can see why this can seem tacky.  I would actually be confused by a couple who didn't register.  It's guide to your taste and needs.  I would aways bring or give a gift, that's just me, and I really appreciate registries.  
    There's always a fee one way or the other. It doesn't matter if it's tacked on to what the guest wants to give or if it's taken from the couple off the back end.  One way or the other, you get less than what the guest gives.

    HF is not a non-profit. They aren't going to do this unless they're getting a cut of your gifts. 

    It's interesting that you'd be surprised by no registry. We'll be attending 3 weddings this spring. Only one couple registered, and it's a pretty small registry at Target. All 3 couples will be getting cash from me. 
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