Flower Girl Shoes - I'm Irritated

JellyBean52513

MandyMost said:

People always have a right to ask, and you always have a right to say no. I don't think she did anything wrong by asking if you could get gold instead, and I don't think it's at all wrong of you to say no. 

Honestly, if the bride came on these boards and said "The flower girls look great, and just what I asked for, but I think they'd look so much better in gold shoes!" we'd all probably say that it can't hurt to ask, and they can always say no. 

I would never say that to a bride if she came on here asking such a question. I would tell her "you're putting too much mental effort into what is a very minor detail, and it would be inappropriate to go back and ask people to re-purchase something you already told them to buy just because you changed your mind on the aesthetics."

augsum15

I'd say no, you already bought the shoes. If she wants them to wear gold sandals, she can buy them herself. You did what she originally asked.

slothiegal

MandyMost said:

People always have a right to ask, and you always have a right to say no. I don't think she did anything wrong by asking if you could get gold instead, and I don't think it's at all wrong of you to say no. 

Honestly, if the bride came on these boards and said "The flower girls look great, and just what I asked for, but I think they'd look so much better in gold shoes!" we'd all probably say that it can't hurt to ask, and they can always say no. 

Of COURSE people can ask whatever they want.  People have the "right" to ask their bridesmaids not to have pink hair.  And those people are rude and focused on the wrong thing and should have never even made that request in the first place.  Just because you are physically capable of asking something, doesn't mean you shouldn't use some common sense.

If your hypothetical bride came here, I can guarantee you I would tell her the same thing that I've told brides in the above situation: "chill the fuck out, this is a non-issue." 

ETA clarity after a loooong Monday.

StarHex

Thanks for all the replies, y'all! I feel much better about the whole thing. I'm going with just not saying anything else about it unless she brings it up again. If she does mention anything about it, I have no problem telling her that the girls will be in the white shoes unless she wants to buy gold ones. If she throws a fit, I also have no problem telling her that she's being crazy-pants.

About the whole "It doesn't hurt to ask" thing, I'm glad most here agree that it DOES hurt to ask. It put me in the position of having to either spend more time and money to comply with the request or potentially hurt the feelings of someone I care about.

For what it's worth, I was out shopping with my mom yesterday and we
browsed little girls' shoes in several places, just because we like
looking at shoes. We did not see one pair of gold sandals that would be
at all appropriate to wear to a wedding. We saw one pair of sparkly gold
flip flops that would look ridiculous, but that was it. So even if I
wanted to just buy some to placate her (which I don't), it wouldn't be super easy to do anyway.

[Deleted User]

StarHex said:

Thanks for all the replies, y'all! I feel much better about the whole thing. I'm going with just not saying anything else about it unless she brings it up again. If she does mention anything about it, I have no problem telling her that the girls will be in the white shoes unless she wants to buy gold ones. If she throws a fit, I also have no problem telling her that she's being crazy-pants.

About the whole "It doesn't hurt to ask" thing, I'm glad most here agree that it DOES hurt to ask. It put me in the position of having to either spend more time and money to comply with the request or potentially hurt the feelings of someone I care about.

For what it's worth, I was out shopping with my mom yesterday and we
browsed little girls' shoes in several places, just because we like
looking at shoes. We did not see one pair of gold sandals that would be
at all appropriate to wear to a wedding. We saw one pair of sparkly gold
flip flops that would look ridiculous, but that was it. So even if I
wanted to just buy some to placate her (which I don't), it wouldn't be super easy to do anyway.

In that case, before you tell her she's crazy-pants, I'd tell her you can't find any gold shoes, that they don't exist for children, and the the girls will be wearing the white shoes she originally requested.

lovegood90

adk19 said:

StarHex said:

Thanks for all the replies, y'all! I feel much better about the whole thing. I'm going with just not saying anything else about it unless she brings it up again. If she does mention anything about it, I have no problem telling her that the girls will be in the white shoes unless she wants to buy gold ones. If she throws a fit, I also have no problem telling her that she's being crazy-pants.

About the whole "It doesn't hurt to ask" thing, I'm glad most here agree that it DOES hurt to ask. It put me in the position of having to either spend more time and money to comply with the request or potentially hurt the feelings of someone I care about.

For what it's worth, I was out shopping with my mom yesterday and we
browsed little girls' shoes in several places, just because we like
looking at shoes. We did not see one pair of gold sandals that would be
at all appropriate to wear to a wedding. We saw one pair of sparkly gold
flip flops that would look ridiculous, but that was it. So even if I
wanted to just buy some to placate her (which I don't), it wouldn't be super easy to do anyway.

In that case, before you tell her she's crazy-pants, I'd tell her you can't find any gold shoes, that they don't exist for children, and the the girls will be wearing the white shoes she originally requested.

I personally wouldn't do this because it just opens up the window for her to demand you look somewhere else, you know? Because it implies that you had no problems giving in to yet another demand. 

PrettyGirlLost

lovegood90 said:

adk19 said:

StarHex said:

Thanks for all the replies, y'all! I feel much better about the whole thing. I'm going with just not saying anything else about it unless she brings it up again. If she does mention anything about it, I have no problem telling her that the girls will be in the white shoes unless she wants to buy gold ones. If she throws a fit, I also have no problem telling her that she's being crazy-pants.

About the whole "It doesn't hurt to ask" thing, I'm glad most here agree that it DOES hurt to ask. It put me in the position of having to either spend more time and money to comply with the request or potentially hurt the feelings of someone I care about.

For what it's worth, I was out shopping with my mom yesterday and we
browsed little girls' shoes in several places, just because we like
looking at shoes. We did not see one pair of gold sandals that would be
at all appropriate to wear to a wedding. We saw one pair of sparkly gold
flip flops that would look ridiculous, but that was it. So even if I
wanted to just buy some to placate her (which I don't), it wouldn't be super easy to do anyway.

In that case, before you tell her she's crazy-pants, I'd tell her you can't find any gold shoes, that they don't exist for children, and the the girls will be wearing the white shoes she originally requested.

I personally wouldn't do this because it just opens up the window for her to demand you look somewhere else, you know? Because it implies that you had no problems giving in to yet another demand. 

Yep.  Just ignore the comment.  If she brings it up again, just say "Oh, ok" and then DON'T buy new shoes.

On the day of the wedding, if she freaks because your girls are wearing white shoes, then say, "I tried to get them gold sandals but none of the stores had any- OH Look!  Time to walk down the aisle!"  And ten walk away ;-)