This is a vent/question. Warning Long Post!
So my friend and I talk almost every day. Sometimes twice a day. She lives far away but we talk to each other on our commutes. We tell each other almost everything. Recently her dating life has not been so hot. She thought she had found a decent guy but then he broke up with her (they were together for about 5 months) and she later found out he was cheating on her. She found him on a dating website and that is how a lot of her interactions have started. The most recent guy was actually one I posted about for an etiquette question (would it be rude to ask the bride if she can bring the guy to the wedding?) So that has been a bit of a roller coaster. It's been about 2 months and it's been up and down. He doesn't always text her, has very short responses, takes for ever for him to respond. They have only be on 3 dates. He has canceled many others and for legitimate reasons. I have listened to everyone of her vents, her happy moments, etc, but it has gotten exhausting. She's asked my opinion and advice and normally ignores it, makes an excuse for why it won't work, etc.
She also is having a hard time with her family. She is 14 hours away from them and things are not going well for her poor father or grandmother. She tries to talk to her mom almost every day but some days her mom says she's busy or won't pick up. She gets really upset about this.
She is having a hard time making/maintaining friends down where she lives. Like she's not as close to them as she is me. It's difficult to set up activities - she tries but it doesn't always work out. She also doesn't feel she can share info with them because she's afraid they will judge her (and with good reason. She has some friends that have made some rude remarks about a person's beliefs to their face when it wasn't necessary and she's afraid the same will happen to her.)
I am trying to be very attentive and listen to everything. Very rarely do I talk about my own day. I will start off the conversation with how my night was and she will then bowl it over with all of her feelings. She is mostly upset about this guy. I am getting sick of it.
Last week I decided I needed to find something else to do on my commute (hence the post about audio books and podcasts - which has been AMAZING!) because she basically said that she is so focused on my opinion that she isn't being herself. She says all I see is the negative of their relationship and it's not helping her. The problem is the whole relationship is negative. When they got together the last time, she called later and wasn't happy about the way it went. It's constant negativity. It's exhausting. So I stopped calling or answering the phone for a while. I just needed a break. I needed something positive. Well I felt like a terrible friend (and maybe I am) and I answered a couple of phone calls this week, still trying to space out the time we talk to each other though.
She also talks to me on AIM while we're at work. Her job is very slow so this helps. Well the guy apparently yesterday told her it wasn't going to work and they should just be friends. She is very upset (understandable) and has been talking to me about it on AIM. She finished with saying she didn't feel she would find anyone. Everyone was in a relationship and happy and she was alone. I told her that she shouldn't compare herself to other people. Everyone is on different timelines and she is still very young and has tons of time. Her response was that I had no idea what I was talking about because I have never been through it (given I haven't exactly that but I have felt very alone in my life when I felt my family had abandoned me and my ex was no support - it was a cold empty feeling I would not wish on anyone). She said that it's best to talk to someone who has been through it because no one else will understand. I didn't reply.
I really just don't want to talk to her anymore. I have listened to her about everything. A lot of it has been very negative. I've gotten quite snarky because it's affecting me but then I try to make up for it in later conversations. My question is, should I be more understanding? She is going through so much and I feel bad thinking I'm not being a good friend by not replying and getting all butt hurt. Should I be trying harder? Like listen to her but don't provide any advice. Just let her vent as much as possible? Or am I okay with just walking away for a bit? I feel like a terrible friend because I just stopped talked to her for a week. I just didn't answer or pick up the phone because I didn't want her to be angry at me. I don't know if I'm not being empathetic enough and should stop being so judgmental. Any advice will help especially if it's telling me I'm wrong. I don't want to screw up this friendship because I'm being selfish.