Bridesmaids... Oh boy.

futurekeach

Hi! Getting married in 10 weeks. May 29th. Excited except... I'm having major issues with my bridesmaids. I have seven. To start off, they didn't even pick up their bridesmaid's dresses from the store. I had to go and get all of them before they were shipped back. Four of them are still sitting at my house. Only one bridesmaid has actually tried her dress on. Two of the girls refuse because they "feel too fat"... Oy. Trying on the dress will give you a realistic picture of what you need to do to fit back into it though! Not to mention, I'm sure they will fit just fine, and you're overreacting.

Then the bachelorette party. We all agreed to go to New Orleans. One girl told me up front that she couldn't go, and I was so glad she did. We were on the same page. Well, all of my other girls told me they could go. We were on a group chat the night I booked the hotel. We discussed prices, dates, vehicles, etc. Everyone was on board and enthusiastic. Well, after a nonrefundable $500 hotel was booked, three girls dropped out. Which meant the price went from $60 a girl to $80. So frustrating.

Then the hair. They were all eager to get their hair done at the same salon that is doing my hair the day of the wedding, and they were totally cool with the fact that it's going to cost them $45. Well, the salon requires a 15 minute consult before April 18th with each girl. They want to talk about expectations, so they can guarantee we'll be on time. They also require a deposit of half the cost of their hair that day. I told my girls about this, told them if they can't schedule that in, they need to let me know, so I cancel their appointments. No one told me to cancel. Here's the thing.. If they don't pay half of the deposit, we have to pay it for them in order for them to get their hair done that day. I can't get stuck paying this again if my girls flake. I've already spent too much money (hotel), and I had to suck it up.

What in the world am I supposed to do? Are my expectations unrealistic? Dress, hair, bachelorette party. Those things seem pretty basic, IMHO.

hmonkey

how have you communicated your concerns with these people?

dresses can be dumped on lawns, hair appts can be cancelled if you don't want to pay for them.

VarunaTT

It doesn't sound like you're being crazy; someone is walking all over you.

"Here's the salon information and rules re: getting hair done.  If you want to do this, call them".   Wash your hands of the matter.

I'm with HMo, stick the dress in a box, send to person, finished.  

 There's no need for you to be following these women around doing stuff for them.  At this point, most of it is finished.  I'm probably throw a day of schedule in the box and tell them where to be and when.  If they show up, yay!  If not, fuck 'em.

Heffalump

They can get their dresses, or not; they can try them on, or not; they'll do the hair consultation and pay the deposit, or they won't get their hair done there.  At the end of the day, you have no control over them, so don't stress about it.  As long as you, your FI, and your officiant show up, you'll be married.

FWIW, I think their flaky behavior is annoying.  It's fine if people can't make the bachelorette for whatever reason, but I agree that they should have said something before plans were finalized.  (Unless they all had last minute emergencies or something.)  And if they couldn't make it to the store to get a dress before it was returned to sender, I'd wonder if they actually wanted to be in the wedding.

futurekeach

I either talk to them personally, or send it through our Facebook group chat. It always shows me that everyone has seen the message. Around the second or third time I reminded them about the hair appointments, they all wanted me to go to their consults with them. I was super nice and told them how many appointments I already have in April for wedding stuff, and told them I didn't have much time available. There's no way possible I can go seven different times! But the hair salon keeps calling & telling me that no one has booked their consults. My wedding planner is going to give the an itinerary for the day of at the rehearsal dinner. At this point, I'm kind of done.

NOLABridesmaid

The ladies that can zip up their dresses on the wedding day walks down the aisle.

VarunaTT

Just tell your salon that if they don't meet the requirements, you will make sure the only appointment that day they have is you.  And to stop calling/holding time.  

As for the attending w/them, "Do your hair however you like.  I'm just happy you'll be in the wedding at my side".  Leave it at that.  I'd flip if someone wanted me to go to a hair appointment with them, even if they were the damn bride.  I mean, i think they might be thinking that you want it a certain way, but just make it clear that you don't.

futurekeach

Thanks! That's good advice. That's how I've tried to handle situations. Very calm and positive. Haha. My FI the other day said, "Man, I wish I would have only asked four guys. Seven is a lot." I could have strangled him! Haha! That's what I've been telling him since he asked all seven guys in the first place!

Dreamergirl8812

futurekeach said:

Thanks! That's good advice. That's how I've tried to handle situations. Very calm and positive. Haha. My FI the other day said, "Man, I wish I would have only asked four guys. Seven is a lot." I could have strangled him! Haha! That's what I've been telling him since he asked all seven guys in the first place!

Is that why you have 7 BMs? To keep the sides even?

As for the bach party, you really shouldn't be planning it yourself (booking the room and then invoicing your BMs). That may be turning some of them off.

futurekeach

No, it's not the only reason! I had a lot of girls I wanted to ask, but I wanted to keep it small. When Justin kept asking guys, I had the opportunity to ask a lot of girls I was close to. My MoH (my sister) and I both had a hand in planning the bachelorette party. I don't see why it would have turned them off. They were enthused during the planning.

tawillers

1.  Get out of all of this hair salon business now. Cancel those appointments and let your BMs figure this out.

2.  Send a group message asking your BMs to come get their dresses by DATE.  If you don't want the dresses in your house anymore, deliver them this weekend.

3.  Quit doing everything for everyone.  Let them figure this crap out.

Your problem isn't that you have too many bridesmaids.  It's that you have too many friends who suck.  Think about that.  If they're all THAT close that they're in your wedding, they should be way better than this.  None of them are obligated to do anything more than show up in the dress (that they couldn't be bothered to pick up from the store or your house) but they could learn a thing or two about consideration.

MesmrEwe

Before you drive yourself BSC over this all because like @tawillers said - they suck!  I've been deeper in your shoes (I was paying for a stylist to come in to do whatever hair they wanted, they all cancelled out...  Never had a bach party...  None wanted to help set up the reception site, etc., and as for dresses, I ended up delivering many of them).  It sucks that your friends aren't meeting your expectations that you previously thought was all a part of being a bridesmaid.  It's a hard day to realize that even though you'd be bending over backwards for any of these women, they don't reciprocate.  Weddings, funerals, anniversaries, and babies bring out the best/worst in people.  When it comes to their appointments, if they don't book, it's on them, just roll with it and don't book the appointments for them if they aren't going to do their part.  You don't want to be on the hook if they're going to flake.  Next, as long as everyone's close, deliver the dresses, just do it, don't make a fanfare about it.  Accept that they aren't a helpful crew and move on.  Roll with it because it'll drive you BSC otherwise!!!

futurekeach

Thanks, ladies! I appreciate your input. I'm delivering dresses this week. You're right!

KatWAG

Am I the only one who thinks its ridiculous to require a consultation for a hair appt? Make less a deposit for something that is a whooping $45.

VarunaTT

I do think it's ridiculous, but after hearing nighmare stories from hairdresser professional who are friends, I 100% know why they do it.

*Barbie*

KatWAG said:

Am I the only one who thinks its ridiculous to require a consultation for a hair appt? Make less a deposit for something that is a whooping $45.

the consultation is a little bit stupid - but i can see asking for a deposit to hold the appointment. if these people cancel at the last minute, then the stylist may not be able to make up the lost business. it's likely that the stylist or salon has been burned before by last minute cancellations on bigger jobs, and has missed out as a result. 

PMeg819

I'm glad I had a trial run for my hair. The style I wanted was a little tricky with my hair type and we ended up buying a hair piece to help out. It also gave the stylist some time to think about how it might be easier to do. In the end, the hair piece wasn't needed and the style was exactly what I wanted. I do wish I would have done a makeup trial.

Dreamergirl8812

I'm glad I had a trial hair run for my wedding. But I would never do it as a BM. That is just stupid.

futurekeach

Dreamergirl8812 said:

I'm glad I had a trial hair run for my wedding. But I would never do it as a BM. That is just stupid.

I don't disagree with y'all at all. The salon sprang this on me after I made my BM's appointments. I completely understand and am comforted by the fact that I, as the bride, have to do to get a consult and trial run. I think it's really strange that they have to do it too. I'm assuming as *Barbie* said, it's because of prior bad experience, I'm sure. After finding out about the consults, the girls still had the opportunity to choose a different salon if they wanted to do so.

KatWAG

PMeg819 said:

I'm glad I had a trial run for my hair. The style I wanted was a little tricky with my hair type and we ended up buying a hair piece to help out. It also gave the stylist some time to think about how it might be easier to do. In the end, the hair piece wasn't needed and the style was exactly what I wanted. I do wish I would have done a makeup trial.

To clarify, I think it is completely reasonable for a bride to have a trial. I don't think its reasonable to make that request of the BMs. And for $45, I am assuming its a blow out and not an updo.