The having kids over 35 discussion

futuremrshp

I'm getting married in a month and am actually looking forward to having kids (although the earliest I will actually give birth is at age 35.) But it's a little weird because I feel like there's this huge wave of folks who are defensive about the age and giving birth thing.  I get it, though -- people shouldn't be commenting on your age and when you make the decision to have children.  That's your business and it's very, very private.

Have any of you had to have this discussion b/c of having kids "late" in life?  I honestly never thought about it until I read some article.  I feel like I'm 28 a lot so sometimes I just forget about how old I actually am.  hahaha!   I still don't think I'm 'old' but biologically I guess I am.  I've talked to my OBGYN about it and she was like "let's get moving".  I'm ready to have kids, no doubt, but I'm just like --- where did all of the hubbub come from all of a sudden?  LOL! 

Sorry --- just a random thought on a Saturday morning ....

WinstonsGirl

We have, since we got married older.  I'm 35, DH will be 45 this month.  But we both don't want kids, so it was a non issue.  I was a little concerned of the increase in potential problems, but I also know of lots of people who have had kids after 35 with no issues.  

My SIL is 29.  She late terminated in Sept at almost 22 weeks due to the high number of health problems her baby was having.  She just miscarried again last week at 14 weeks, so being younger doesn't necessarily mean everything will go well.  (They already have 2 healthy kids too though).  

For us, DH didn't want to be having kids at 50, so his clock is ticking a bit more than mine.  But for me, I'm planning on retiring at 55, so having kids now means they'll likely still be at home when we retire and that's what does it more for me.  When I retire, I'm gone around the world

ETA - clarified 

flyingfoxes

I talked to my OB about this, and she said that the only concern (I'm going to be 39 this year) would be if my eggs are viable.  I went off the Pill back in October, and my periods have been like clockwork since then (match to the day what my period tracker app says they should), and I can feel the "twinge" around ovulation time so I think my systems are go.  She didn't have any age concerns at all when I talked to her.  I think later in life is more common that we're led to believe.

larrygaga

My mom had me when she was 41 and she smoked. I turned out perfectly fine. 

As long as you have your doctor watching you and you pay attention to your health, I don't think having kids later is a problem.

charlottesmom0626

I think if your doctor says it's okay go for it...I mean, ideally based on biology, our best chances of having healthy kids are as teenagers, but no one's a fan of that either.

AddieCake

I have to have it all the time because I'm almost 42. I've simply stopped discussing it with most people. It's between my husband, our doctor, and I now.

SmileDamnit

This has been a topic of discussion a couple of times on CC in the last month.

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1053881/nwr-is-42-too-old-to-start-ttc-for-the-first-time/p1

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1053890/best-age-and-time-for-ttc/p1

One of those threads has an article or two referenced that talks about the risks (or perceived risks) of TTC when of AMA.

chloe97

Yes definitely read the thread from a few weeks back!

Can I just add to this discussion that I think geography (urban vs suburban vs rural) plays into what people think about having kids later in life. where I live, it's weird to be a mom in your 20s. Like literally every mom pushing a stroller is late 30s or 40s. When we come across moms in their 20s living in the city, we are like "wooooah weird." And we have to remember that our friends who live other places have different social norms about the age of parenthood.

julieanne912

chloe97 said:

Yes definitely read the thread from a few weeks back!

Can I just add to this discussion that I think geography (urban vs suburban vs rural) plays into what people think about having kids later in life. where I live, it's weird to be a mom in your 20s. Like literally every mom pushing a stroller is late 30s or 40s. When we come across moms in their 20s living in the city, we are like "wooooah weird." And we have to remember that our friends who live other places have different social norms about the age of parenthood.

This is very true.  I lived in Chicago for most of my 20s and I didn't know anybody my age with kids.  Everyone I knew with kids was mid-late 30s.  However, back home (central California), pretty much all of my high school friends had kids by 30.  One had her tubes tied at 31 after having 3.  

I just had my annual with my NP, and we talked about conceiving.  I'll be 33 in May, we're getting married in September.  She told me it's better to start trying sooner rather than later as risks DO go up the older you get.  My MOH, she's 42 and didn't start trying til she was 40 (got married at 37), she had multiple miscarriages and 2 IVFs that resulted in miscarriages, and they're now adopting.  Was it her age?  Other issues?  Combo of both?  Who really knows.  But really, it's nobody's business about your reproductive plans... should be among you, your partner, and your Dr if you so choose.  Everyone else's questions, comments, and opinions, do not matter.

futuremrshp

chloe97 said:

Yes definitely read the thread from a few weeks back!

Can I just add to this discussion that I think geography (urban vs suburban vs rural) plays into what people think about having kids later in life. where I live, it's weird to be a mom in your 20s. Like literally every mom pushing a stroller is late 30s or 40s. When we come across moms in their 20s living in the city, we are like "wooooah weird." And we have to remember that our friends who live other places have different social norms about the age of parenthood.

I agree with you. I'm from the DC area and people here are like "what?  35's old?  You can wait-- your career is going great!" but then when I speak to my family from other places, it's a bit of a difference.  Also, I think my own social circle is very career-oriented so we're all finally getting married and stuff like that.  It's just when I'm met smack dab with "Hey!  You're getting up there in age!" I'm like "wha?" 

Separately, I will definitely check out the other threads.  Sorry for the duplications.  I was just a little frustrated after a conversation I just had with a friend. 

Jells2dot0

DH and I are not having kids,  but we get asked all of the time when we're starting a family. I'm 35, but he will be 53 this summer. Personally, I think it's cray-cray that people think he will want to be a dad (again- his kids are adults) at 53. Oh, and he had a vasectomy 20 years ago, yet people think he'd want to get it reversed. Yeah...right....

Maybe people are more accepting of children later in life because our circle is really career oriented, or maybe it's because I'm younger. Frankly, I'm was tired of having to explain it, but now I really can't have kids because of my recent cancer treatments. 

MadHops21

My mom had me at 42 and I'm 23 now. To be honest, I wish she had me sooner because it's tough seeing her be considered old at 65 and she hates looking like her age. I wish my parents had me sooner so my brothers didn't have to take care of me as much, but I'm an accident baby. My brothers are 35 and 33, sister is 32.