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Wedding 911

The Assuming friend

Hi all, I have some serious drama with a friend and I am hoping anyone can help. This "friend" from the start has assumed she was a bridesmaid, and also quoted to me that she would belittle herself and wear pink for me. She's noticed via mutual friends that we have gone bridesmaid dress shopping and asked where she should get her dress. I have told her that we are having a small wedding with mostly family. I don't think that she has gotten the point. A mutual friend who is a bridesmaid and I have listened to her complain and wish for drama in the last two weddings she has been in, which in the end she was asked to not be a part of either. I do not wish to have this type of atmosphere around on my wedding day. Please help as she is not getting it, and keeps asking about a dress and the date!!! 

Re: The Assuming friend

  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2015

    Time to make things clear.  I had one BM who assumed she was the MOH and we had to clear that up which she didn't talk to me for a month.  That said, reply with "Wherever you feel comfortable shopping for clothes since it's relaxed attire for guests!"...  OTOH, if she's NOT on the guest list, let her know this too that you're restricting the guest list.  Fix the lines of communication, with some people you just need to be more direct and to the point instead of assuming.

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    [Deleted User]FutureMsNguyenAuroraRose41
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    nikki009 said:

    Hi all, I have some serious drama with a friend and I am hoping anyone can help. This "friend" from the start has assumed she was a bridesmaid, and also quoted to me that she would belittle herself and wear pink for me. She's noticed via mutual friends that we have gone bridesmaid dress shopping and asked where she should get her dress. I have told her that we are having a small wedding with mostly family. I don't think that she has gotten the point. A mutual friend who is a bridesmaid and I have listened to her complain and wish for drama in the last two weddings she has been in, which in the end she was asked to not be a part of either. I do not wish to have this type of atmosphere around on my wedding day. Please help as she is not getting it, and keeps asking about a dress and the date!!! 

    I don't understand why you didn't just tell her flat out "I'm sorry there was a misunderstanding, but we're keeping the wedding small and the bridal party has been selected." Instead, you just tip toed the subject. Just have the adult coversation and move on. Doesn't seem that you'll be losing a friend since you don't appear to consider her a friend anyway. And if you choose not to invite her to the wedding, which I probably wouldn't, "We're keeping our guest list at close friends and family only. Maybe we can get lunch or coffee afterwards." I wouldn't make that comment though unless you'd actually meet her. If you don't intend to, just omit it. Pretty simple stuff. And if she tries to bring it up again to you: rinse and repeat.

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    MesmrEwe
  • nikki009 said:

    Hi all, I have some serious drama with a friend and I am hoping anyone can help. This "friend" from the start has assumed she was a bridesmaid, and also quoted to me that she would belittle herself and wear pink for me. She's noticed via mutual friends that we have gone bridesmaid dress shopping and asked where she should get her dress. I have told her that we are having a small wedding with mostly family. I don't think that she has gotten the point. A mutual friend who is a bridesmaid and I have listened to her complain and wish for drama in the last two weddings she has been in, which in the end she was asked to not be a part of either. I do not wish to have this type of atmosphere around on my wedding day. Please help as she is not getting it, and keeps asking about a dress and the date!!! 

    She hasn't gotten it because when she talks about the bridal party you mention the guest list. One has nothing to do with the other. You need to just be frank and have an adult conversation and say there was a misunderstanding. 

    Do it sooner rather than later because there are plenty of posts on here from brides who spent months tip toeing around the subject and suddenly it's a couple weeks out from their wedding and they don't know how to tell their friend who has spent the past several months or even a year believing they are a member of the wedding party. 
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    MesmrEweShesSoColdAuroraRose41
  • nikki009 said:

    Hi all, I have some serious drama with a friend and I am hoping anyone can help. This "friend" from the start has assumed she was a bridesmaid, and also quoted to me that she would belittle herself and wear pink for me. She's noticed via mutual friends that we have gone bridesmaid dress shopping and asked where she should get her dress. I have told her that we are having a small wedding with mostly family. I don't think that she has gotten the point. A mutual friend who is a bridesmaid and I have listened to her complain and wish for drama in the last two weddings she has been in, which in the end she was asked to not be a part of either. I do not wish to have this type of atmosphere around on my wedding day. Please help as she is not getting it, and keeps asking about a dress and the date!!! 

    Well that's cuz you're not answering her question. You might as well have said "I'm really excited to eat this wedding cake!" True statement, but not related to the question.

    "Oh crap I'm sorry if you got the wrong idea, but the wedding party is already set - it's Beyonce, Kelly and Michelle. We wanted to keep it small." Then if she's invited "but I can't wait to see you at the wedding! Have you seen the new dresses at ModCloth? They'd be really pretty on you."

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    MesmrEwehashtag43016
  • Is she even invited to the wedding? You made it seem towards the end of her previously wanting to start drama in other weddings and don't need her in yours. Because that is one BALLSY lady thinking shes a bridesmaid and she's not even invited to the wedding!! -- Be honest with her, def sooner rather than later!
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