I'm in my first two weddings this fall, and the brides (who are friends both with me and each other) are driving me crazy, because I hopefully have common sense and also cannot unsee these boards.
One of the brides is doing pretty well because she's got good taste and tends not to care about things that don't matter, and wants to show everyone a good time in NOLA, where she grew up. But she came down to go dress shopping this weekend, never asked for our dress budgets, and said at one point "we made hair appointments for all of you" - great, what does that mean? Are we supposed to pay for that? How much does that cost, if so? Can I say no?
The other girl is one who thinks she's being super laid back. Her mom found dresses on sale for $30-40, because she's realistic that most people may not choose to wear an entirely-sequined dress again, and they bought different styles, because she's realistic that the same dress might not look great on each of her 7 BMs. However, they bought the only sizes available in this clearance - meaning the one which I liked only came in a size 10, when I'm normally a size 2 (maybe a 4 post-baby). It'd be $150 probably to alter it down to fit, if that even worked with the sequin/pattern. Her mom was confident it could just be altered down, which is probably true, but I don't fucking want to pay for that. Defeats the whole purpose of what they did with buying sale dresses. I could actually buy the exact same dress on ModCloth in my size for $170 and we'd have the same outcome. So I went looking for my own sequiny dress, and found one for a great deal on eBay in my actual size, which I then sent to the bride. She was concerned that it might be "too shiny" because she was going for mainly "dull sequins." Okay. I talked her into it by explaining how it ws good for nursing and the unknowable size of my postpartum bump and she okayed it and I bought it, but now I'm the problem BM and she's just super accommodating and laid back.
Then this weekend the three of us were hanging out and Sequin Girl brought up that she wanted to dictate $100 shoes for everyone, but was of course (because she's very accommodating) taking into consideration that these were nude pumps which people could surely wear again, and that the heel height shouldn't be too high or the toes too pointy because that can get uncomfortable. I think this is also really her mom's idea ("There must be some continuity, because pictures"). I got her off the idea of the exact same shoe by showing her that it's not a guarantee that her size 6 and size 11 BMs will be able to find the same shoe in stock in their size, and that a nude patent pump is meant to disappear anyway so no one will notice if they're slightly different. I'm taking bets now on whether hair and makeup will be required.
I also don't think that either of them, with their engineer/lawyer salaries, realize that H and I are not able to throw money around or that having a kid this year will significantly affect our expenses and finances. I've also not been a BM before, whereas they have several times, and probably had to deal with all this stuff and thought it normal. (So they don't get why I am making a big deal over my "duties"?) I explained to H that I wish they'd just think things through - for example, requiring hair essentially says "The way you usually style yourself for events is inadequate for my precious pictures, so we're going to need someone else to step in here." H agrees, but doesn't think I should risk ruining friendships over this. But after a brunch yesterday where Sequin Girl's FI mentioned a scotch bar for just the WP, I just want to be able to tell them "UGH YOU CANNOT DO THAT. THINK." when they really think they're just being SO accommodating and clever.