July 2015 Weddings

Groom's Family Backed Out on Budget

Hi Knotties,

So I have a little dilemma here.  My FH and I will be having our wedding in July 2015 (4 months to go!) and will have an Indian ceremony and luncheon in the morning and an interfaith ceremony, CTH and reception in the evening all in one day.  

Originally my FH's family and my family had very kindly offered to help in the wedding and had given us a budget of what they would be able to provide.  With this budget in mind as well as our own budget, we put together a total budget and started planning the wedding.  We let our parents know of our plans and involved them in whichever way we can (his mom for selecting flowers, my mom for our Indian ceremony).  We got guest lists from both families and compiled our own, picked and booked venodrs and are able to afford the wedding we wanted.  Recently however, my FSIL said that she and her mom (my FMIL) felt that because most of the guest were on my side of the family, that they shouldn't have to pay anything.  

This is true that there is a greater presence on my side however about 30% of the wedding guests are their family.  This is out of a 300+ person wedding with a minimum of 275.  It also looks like most of their guests would come to the wedding.  The original budget they gave me would have just covered their guests, but now they are backing out of that.  They also felt that a rehearsal dinner is unnecessary because our families have already met and therefore will not make arrangements for a rehearsal dinner.

My FH is pretty furious at his family right now for 1) backing out 2) talking to me about it instead of him and 3) his stepmother suggesting that we also invite her son, DIL and granddaughter because they haven't seen them in a while (this answer is already "No").  I'm pretty miffed about this too but am trying to make the best of the situation and my mom is not happy about it.  My family suggested that they'll cover the rest of the cost but I really don't want them too because they have given so much already that I don't think it would be fair.

No invitations have been sent out yet (we are sending them out beginning of May) but Save the Dates already went out (not to everyone).  My FH suggested cutting some people on his family's end anyway but I feel like that would leave a bad taste in everyone's mouth for years to come.  So it's coming down to us taking a loan from FH's 401k to cover the rest of the cost we need.

Would it be bad to take the portion of friends and family from his family's list who did not receive Save the Dates?  I'm confused, angry, sad and stressed all at the same time.  Thanks.

Re: Groom's Family Backed Out on Budget

  • classicalandedgyclassicalandedgy Connecticut member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper

    This is a difficult situation.  I guess it depends on what kind of relationship you plan on having with your in-laws in the future.  You have to ask yourself how will they react if you cut people from your fiancé's family.  If this is going to be a big source of contention, is it worth it to you?  Ultimately you have to decide whether or not you and your fiancé can live with the repercussions of cutting them out. 

     If you don't care then, yes you are well within etiquette to cut out people that have not received save the dates or have not participated in any wedding related events. 




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