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Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

cold feet

i know alot of ppl have cold feet.,... but this anxiety is killing me...i think it came in effect when i had a dream about my ex (which i was engaged to but broke up 1 yr before wedding cuz he cheated) telling me that i didnt really love my matt   that i just wanted to get married!!!  now this dream has made me think  do i really love him??  which is crazy cause i love everything about him!  he treats me like a princess!!  never thought i could find someone this good to me :)  i think i might  be feeling uneasy because we started dating a year before our wedding date  so got engaged at 7 months dating  any thoughts?
june 7 2012 i marry my love

Re: cold feet

  • My FI proposed marriage 7 months after dating!  We just celebrated our 1 yr anniversary.  We will have been together 2 years once we get married. 
    At first, I was thinking this is going way to fast....what would family think....am I crazy LOL.  However, when you know.....you know! 
    I think it's normal to have these thoughts...it doesn't matter of you've been dating 7 months or 5 years. It's a life change....
  • ki10ki10 member
    100 Comments
    Perfectly normal, and a good reason to take a breath and think hard about your future. Your review of your SO is glowing, so I'm sure you love him deeply! If you aren't automatically getting couples counseling from your officiant, I'd highly recommend that, as it has been invaluable to my relationship, and I'd recommend it with or without cold feet. It's not about having doubts or needing help, just about firmly establishing how this relationship is different and why its strong foundations will help it flourish. I think you should be honest about your anxiety (read: as someone with almost crippling anxiety, don't forget that anxiety is a product of fears without a real cause) and ask him to counseling. If there's not enough time to really do much, I'd still recommend it after the wedding even on the premarital track, but if you can squeeze in any individual counseling for you to resolve the anxiety, that'd be great.
  • Oh, I totally understand. I had cold feet as well. We were engaged (with a ring) about 1y after dating, but we agreed we wanted to get married (so engaged w/o a ring) after about 4 months. We just knew. Unfortunately, we had to wait for our finances to catch up. I had cold feet and it was almost the end of me. 

    We had a long post about this on my month board where I shared my experience & my very wise father's words of wisdom. I think it might help calm your nerves. (LINK)
  • It's just a dream.  Like other people have said, counseling can help.  And you can always get counseling for your anxiety (I have anxiety too).  And when you know you know.  Sometimes time doesn't mean anything.  My FI and I got engaged after about 4 months of dating, and we'll be married after a year and 8 months of dating.  
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  • Lots of brides have dreams and nightmares before the wedding. I call them weddingmares.
    I drempt about every man I ever dated before I got married. Funny but true. Every night a different man. I only had one strong wedding nightmare in which I found my FI cheating on me the day of the wedding. You have to ignore the dreams. :)
  • edited April 2012
    Okay, I have been freaking out lately too...  My guy is awesome, I couldn't have asked for anyone more perfect for ME...  But, I swear, I have been over analyzing EVERYTHING, I mean anytime he does something that I am even slightly in disagreement with, I freak out and over think it and wonder how our marriage is going to be.;  His friends, I see how they are with their new wives and it breaks my heart, not good!!!  Lies and such, I just see theirs and am afraid he will do this to me, which I truly do not think he is anything likehis immature buddies..  I guess these things are normal, I mean, mariage is a huge step, your life changes forever, and my mom tells me things aren't always gonna be esy, but you love eachother, and things will work out...   Sorry, here I am, ranting about my thoughts..  Lol, Best wishes, If you two love eachother, the way I know he and I do, I think this is normal...  :) 
  • thanks!!  im glad to hear im not the only one with crazy wedding dreams...lol   yea as day gets closer i have more n more of them...not all bad :)  i cant believe only 7 wks left!!!!
    june 7 2012 i marry my love
  • It's definitely just a dream. I've had dreams with my ex and I know I made the right choice. We have been together almost 6 years (in July) and engaged 2 years (in June) and I think anxiety is normal. It's a huge step in life and there is so much pressure to have a "perfect" day which causes anxiety. Since we have been engaged we have seen 2 couples call off their weddings and it's hard to see but I think an engagement can show you if you may or may not make it in the future, obviously not 100% or anything. You'll be fine! Enjoy it, our goal is that we ony do this once lol.
  • I am having bad dreams too...lots of doubts and anxiety to go along with all the planning and such.  Last night, two people came up to me and asked me if we were still getting married!  (what have they been hearing?)

    I'm feeling trapped.  He called me four times last night because he did not know where I was and I was not where I could return his calls right away.  (twice on house phone, twice on cell within 30 mins.)  The one message he left me was:  "Where are you?"  I happened to be at church!

    Let me explain:  He is 62 years old and I'm 49......he lives near his mother (not with her but might as well be)  Both of us have been single for many years.  He is blind but is very independent.

    I'm venting.  I love him but I can really see me living my life without him.  We haven't had sex so that's not an issue.  We did purchase a rather expensive vehicle together after he "nagged" me into it.  I had my own vehicle and it was paid for.  I told him many times I did not want a car payment.  (he doesn't drive)  After we bought the truck, his grandson made the comment:  "now he doesn't have to ride around in a piece of junk".......my car was not junk!    So, where did that kid hear that comment from?????

    His mother is 82, still very active and drives her own vehicle.  She is also the most negative, critical woman I've ever met.  She stands to loose a significant amount of money each month if we get married.  (He is blind and she gets money from the state to help take care of him.  She cooks for him and drives him around when I'm not available.

    Each and every time we get together with anybody else in his family-they start making comments about their weight.  I am currently on Weight Watchers and they all know it. (thanks to his mother blabbing everything he tells her) 

    You know, just typing all this out has made me not only feel better but I see clarity here....do I really want to be married into a family of gossipy, critical, negative people? 

    Nope.

    thank you all for "listening"
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