Help me win an argument: registry info on invitation

whovianstark

A few months ago I got wedding invitation samples and ALL of them had registry info on them. I told FI we won't be doing this. But all of the wedding invitations we have received lately have the information about where the couple is registered on it. I stated that it is rude because even though a wedding invitation comes with a "social obligation" to give a gift I don't want that obligation to come from me, especially because our wedding is somewhat of a destination wedding (I was tempted to put your presence is the only present we need but thanks to these boards I am not). Now, my FI is not gift grabby AT ALL. His point is just that when he is invited to a wedding he always gives a gift and he wants the information to be as easy as possible to find. I did put my foot down that the information will not be on our invites (it is on our website) and he is completely fine with that... I was just hoping/curious for some better ways to explain why registry information does not belong on the invitation.

Thanks in advance!

flutteringinfl

You are correct. Registry information should only be included with a shower invite. On our STD's, we're directing guests to our website for "important hotel and travel information" because everyone will be coming in from out of town, but I also included our registry information on the website (which we're not mentioning on the STD's). I think this is kosher, but outright directing them to a registry is not.

I got into a similar disagreement with my mother who believes that not putting registry info on invites is rude because "you're trying to anticipate guests's needs." The way I see it, it's not hard for them to contact me, my FI, my mother, or my FMIL, or pretty much anyone and say, "Where are you/they registered? Oh, Bed Bath and Beyond? Fabulous, thanks!"

novella1186

It's rude to put it on an invite because 1. it's presumptuous and 2. it's like asking for a gift. Gifts should never be expected. 

I got a wedding invite that had registry info on it and I saw it as the couple saying, "Buy us a gift, and we want one from this store!" or "We invited you because we want you to bring us a gift!" (Maybe I'm judging this particular invite a little harshly because it also said right on it, "adults only," "no food will be served," "cash bar" and then "here's where we're registered." It was a real piece of work. 

southernbelle0915

Registry information should NEVER be on wedding invitations. Reason? It translates to: "I expect presents - here's where you can buy them."

Most people don't have the intention of actually saying that. However, whether they like it or not, that's how it comes off - hence, why its against etiquette.

These days, it's incredibly easy to figure out where people are registered (google: 'full name, registry'), so the "but it's convenient for people!" argument doesn't fly.

[Deleted User]

MyNameIsNot

Take it outside of the wedding context. Is there any other situation where you think it would be acceptable to approach someone and say "here are a list of acceptable gifts to get me"? 

I send my grandparents a Christmas card every year. I know Grandma is going to get me a gift, and she knows she's going to get me a gift. I even know she's going to ask me what I want. Enclosing registry information would be like including a list of gift ideas in Grandma's gift card instead of waiting for her to ask. 

levioosa

Nope, FI is wrong.  You never include registry information on an invitation.  It is telling your guests that you expect a gift and comes off very gift grabby. 

whovianstark

Thanks everyone! The other thing I was thinking is that I put a bunch of thought into my invitations to make them very unique... and then what... I'm going to slap a Bed Bath and Beyond advertisement on it? Gross.

levioosa

whovianstark said:

Thanks everyone! The other thing I was thinking is that I put a bunch of thought into my invitations to make them very unique... and then what... I'm going to slap a Bed Bath and Beyond advertisement on it? Gross.

But don't you want registry confetti to fall out of your invitation when people open it?!

littlepep

novella1186 said:

It's rude to put it on an invite because 1. it's presumptuous and 2. it's like asking for a gift. Gifts should never be expected. 

I got a wedding invite that had registry info on it and I saw it as the couple saying, "Buy us a gift, and we want one from this store!" or "We invited you because we want you to bring us a gift!" (Maybe I'm judging this particular invite a little harshly because it also said right on it, "adults only," "no food will be served," "cash bar" and then "here's where we're registered." It was a real piece of work. 

whovianstark

levioosa said:

whovianstark said:

Thanks everyone! The other thing I was thinking is that I put a bunch of thought into my invitations to make them very unique... and then what... I'm going to slap a Bed Bath and Beyond advertisement on it? Gross.

But don't you want registry confetti to fall out of your invitation when people open it?!

levioosa said:

whovianstark said:

Thanks everyone! The other thing I was thinking is that I put a bunch of thought into my invitations to make them very unique... and then what... I'm going to slap a Bed Bath and Beyond advertisement on it? Gross.

But don't you want registry confetti to fall out of your invitation when people open it?!

Oh! I could have an invitation that talks when you open it "purchase our gifts at Bed , Bath and Beyond or bring cash"

ShesSoCold

It's rude to put it on an invite because 1. it's presumptuous and 2. it's like asking for a gift. Gifts should never be expected. 

I got a wedding invite that had registry info on it and I saw it as the couple saying, "Buy us a gift, and we want one from this store!" or "We invited you because we want you to bring us a gift!" (Maybe I'm judging this particular invite a little harshly because it also said right on it, "adults only," "no food will be served," "cash bar" and then "here's where we're registered." It was a real piece of work. 

THIS. To me, it changes the "vibe" of the invitation from "hey I like you and I want you to be at our wedding" to "hey you should buy me some shit".