If you've ever been a BM...

novella1186

sjf2715 said:

I've never had a to deal with a bridezilla - but I was in a wedding party where one of the other bridesmaids was total crap. I ended up taking the brunt of awful bridesmaid's crap while trying to shield the bride from all of her shit. So, my suggestion is to not only be an awesome bride, but also select your bridesmaids carefully, and don't force them to be best friends.

Yeah, the bride when I was a BM was super easy-going and nice. But her MOH was a total bitch and thought she needed to boss everyone around and make fun of the other BMs. She was a real peach. 

abl13

I haven't had to deal with a bridezilla but both brides I've been a BM for had read too much wedding industry BS on bridesmaids duties.

The first wedding I was in we had to have a get together for everything. Bridesmaid dinner to get to know eachother, (sorry, you're not going to force us to become friends), Mary Kay party so the bride can get free makeup for the wedding, getting together to plan the shower, getting together to make shower favors, getting together separately to make wedding favors. It was difficult for me bc I'm a tax accountant and all of these get togethers were during the week during my busy time at work. She also picked a dress for her outdoor August wedding that all the BM's agreed would show sweat but she didn't care. Luckily it ended up raining so we had the ceremony indoors but the BM's in all the reception pictures have major sweat stains on our dresses BC it was hot in there. Lastly, she did the "all bridesmaids in different dresses" thing. This was fine, but I made my selection (a cute strapless dress) and the MOG freaked out as her extremely well endowed daughter had picked that dress. There were no other selections so I had to pick an ugly dress with straps. Well lo and behold on the wedding day this girl shows up with straps sewn on to her dress. I love my friend and we are still close but by the time the wedding rolled around I was so sick of it.

The other wedding just involved paying $350 for an ugly designer dress. I was poor at the time and this was too much for me but I sucked it up bc I love my friend. We were given robes as our gifts with the expectation that we would wear them to get ready (for a gag-worthy pinterest picture). The robes were one size fits all so some of the girls look really uncomfortable in the photos which were plastered all over facebook.

NowIamMrsKlein

I've been a BM 4 times and have always lucked out on a normal bride. However in a friends wedding we had a BSC BM.

We all grew up together since elementary, in a catholic school system. BM was currently in the process of converting to Muslim. Bride asked her to be in the wedding party and said to her that she understood that there were 'new rules' because of her faith and that as long as the BM was open and upfront about them, then there was no reason why they couldn't be accommodated.

We go and buy strapless dresses. BM never once mentions during the shopping that she couldn't have her shoulders showing. After the dresses are purchased she mentions it.Fine. Bride asks her to purchase a cheap shawl or bolero that matches the plum dresses. She ended up showing up on the wedding day with this bolt of white satin fabric with frayed edges that not only covered her shoulders but basically was like having a blanket wrapped around her.

She couldnt attend the pre wedding parties because there would be alcohol and 'men' present at the club. Fine. When someone gently teased her about how much she had changed from her old party ways she acted like she had no idea what we were talking about. All the parties we had gone to in highschool apparently never happened. it was bizarre.

Day of wedding we are getting our hair done and our makeup and she flat out refuses to wear any makeup. Because its against her beliefs. This has NEVER been mentioned before the morning of the wedding. Bride calmly asks her if she'd be willing to just wear a bit of foundation,nothing else, merely so she doesn't look washed out in the photos. BM agrees.

We get to venue for the processional. BM refuses to walk beside GM. Saying that her BF would be deeply insulted and that its against her religion to be in that close of presence of a male who was not her BF. Fine. Bride tells her to walk alone. 

During the receiving line a guy we went to highschool with that we used to be really close to, comes up, excited to see her and gives her a hug. she freaks out. A male touched her! She disappears for about an hour where she apparently was on the phone 'apologizing to her bf'

bride and groom leave on their honeymoon immediately after the wedding. Bride gets a voicemail from BM saying that they can no longer be friends because the bride forced her to wear makeup on her wedding day, and that obviously the bride does not respect her or her faith.

it was BSC.

theycallmelinz

I was told I had to be my sister's MOH and I wore an ugly dress. But then my sister isn't even acknowledging my wedding, so there's that. fucking bitch.

One of my BMs is in another wedding as well, and here's a list of some of the things she's had to deal with:

-Must buy specific shoes based on what the Bride and MOH picked out.

-Must buy specific dress that is strapless, despite the fact that ALL the bridesmaids are what we call 'top heavy' and the girl who is my BM can never find a strapless bra to support her adequately. (I posted about this in SB a few months ago because I was ready to punch the bride on behalf of my friend)

-All BMs were required to pay for and participate in a weekend-long OOT bachelorette party.

-Must pay for their own hair to be done professionally, in a particular hairstyle.

-The bride called my friend recently and said, "I hope you're not being as shitty of a bridesmaid to Linz as you are to me! You bitches haven't helped me do anything!"

That's all I can think of off the top of my head. Bitches be crazy.

novella1186

theycallmelinz said:

I was told I had to be my sister's MOH and I wore an ugly dress. But then my sister isn't even acknowledging my wedding, so there's that. fucking bitch.

One of my BMs is in another wedding as well, and here's a list of some of the things she's had to deal with:

-Must buy specific shoes based on what the Bride and MOH picked out.

-Must buy specific dress that is strapless, despite the fact that ALL the bridesmaids are what we call 'top heavy' and the girl who is my BM can never find a strapless bra to support her adequately. (I posted about this in SB a few months ago because I was ready to punch the bride on behalf of my friend)

-All BMs were required to pay for and participate in a weekend-long OOT bachelorette party.

-Must pay for their own hair to be done professionally, in a particular hairstyle.

-The bride called my friend recently and said, "I hope you're not being as shitty of a bridesmaid to Linz as you are to me! You bitches haven't helped me do anything!"

That's all I can think of off the top of my head. Bitches be crazy.

I don't get why so many BMs go along with all the crazy demands. I would just say no, especially to a huge multiple-day bach party, cuz I'm sure it wouldn't be cheap and I'd rather save my money. If the bride kicked me out for saying no, I'd think of that as a win. And a clear sign that she's not a friend I need to keep around. 

OwningAHome1981

hellohkb said:

Can you share some of the best/worst stories of being a bridesmaid (or flower girl, GM, whatever)? I've been reading some horror stories and I want some more. I've never been one and I want it engrained in my head how not to be shitty to my BMs.

Don't make them clean up after your wedding! (Brides actually do this)

labro

This isn't my story, it's my sister's. But I feel inclined to share on her behalf because it's so fucking awful.

She was asked to be a bridesmaid for a wedding in October earlier this winter. In January she found out she was pregnant (she and her H had been trying for a few months) and told the bride in February that she was expecting. Her due date is just over a month before the wedding so she reassured the bride that she felt she'd still be able to be a part of the wedding and that she'd find a babysitter for the baby, etc. etc. The bride told her that was totally fine, that she was there for her, supported her, blah blah blah.

Last month bride (who is my sister's sorority sister/bridesmaid in her wedding) calls my sister and tells her she can't be in the wedding anymore. The bride says she can't "risk" my sister having problems. The bride tells her she consulted with her mom and a friend who already has kids and neither of them think my sister will be able to perform her bridesmaids "duties" the day of the wedding. Of course, my sister is still INVITED to the wedding, but she is no longer a bridesmaid. My sister meanwhile is in total shock and only manages an "ok" before hanging up.

She waited a couple of days to try to cool down (after the initial shock wore off my sister was extremely upset and angry) and called the bride back to try and get her to understand her perspective. My sister felt it was her prerogative to remove herself from the wedding if for some reason she felt she couldn't be there, not the bride's. She also said it was her right to monitor her own health and condition and determine if she'd be able to stand up there on the day of or not. The bride continually kept repeating "I can't take the risk, I can't take the risk" (What risk?) before my sister just ended the conversation. My sister later told me the bride also told her "Oh, and FI was only able to ask 4 groomsmen, so now the sides will be even" as if that somehow made things better.

I'm still so pissed off at this woman and how she made my sister feel. You hear about people getting kicked out of weddings because they're pregnant, but the reality is sooooo much worse and awful than you imagined.

holyguacamole79

hellohkb said:

H O L Y   S H I T B A L L S some of these are pretty bad. @holyguacamole79 Do you sew? If you don't know how, that must have been an awkward conversation...

@hellohkb, nope. Luckily my mom does, so that was a huge help. The other BMs had to go find a seamstress.

minttobemrsb

labro said:

This isn't my story, it's my sister's. But I feel inclined to share on her behalf because it's so fucking awful.

She was asked to be a bridesmaid for a wedding in October earlier this winter. In January she found out she was pregnant (she and her H had been trying for a few months) and told the bride in February that she was expecting. Her due date is just over a month before the wedding so she reassured the bride that she felt she'd still be able to be a part of the wedding and that she'd find a babysitter for the baby, etc. etc. The bride told her that was totally fine, that she was there for her, supported her, blah blah blah.

Last month bride (who is my sister's sorority sister/bridesmaid in her wedding) calls my sister and tells her she can't be in the wedding anymore. The bride says she can't "risk" my sister having problems. The bride tells her she consulted with her mom and a friend who already has kids and neither of them think my sister will be able to perform her bridesmaids "duties" the day of the wedding. Of course, my sister is still INVITED to the wedding, but she is no longer a bridesmaid. My sister meanwhile is in total shock and only manages an "ok" before hanging up.

She waited a couple of days to try to cool down (after the initial shock wore off my sister was extremely upset and angry) and called the bride back to try and get her to understand her perspective. My sister felt it was her prerogative to remove herself from the wedding if for some reason she felt she couldn't be there, not the bride's. She also said it was her right to monitor her own health and condition and determine if she'd be able to stand up there on the day of or not. The bride continually kept repeating "I can't take the risk, I can't take the risk" (What risk?) before my sister just ended the conversation. My sister later told me the bride also told her "Oh, and FI was only able to ask 4 groomsmen, so now the sides will be even" as if that somehow made things better.

I'm still so pissed off at this woman and how she made my sister feel. You hear about people getting kicked out of weddings because they're pregnant, but the reality is sooooo much worse and awful than you imagined.

This one might take the cake so far. Like fucking hell would I attend that wedding. I don't understand what weddings do to some people that makes them think the way they do. It's like all common decency goes out the window. So sorry for your sister, although clearly she is better without this crazy "friend" 

labro

@minttobemrsb My first thought was "What the fuck does she mean by "duties"? Are you going to run a fucking marathon before the wedding as one of your bridesmaids duties?" because that was seriously the only thing I thought my sister who'd be a month post partum would have an issue doing the day of.

I told my sister not to go to the wedding and I'm pretty sure they aren't planning to. The bride just couldn't see past her own thoughtless and selfish worries.

anjemon

labro said:

This isn't my story, it's my sister's. But I feel inclined to share on her behalf because it's so fucking awful.

She was asked to be a bridesmaid for a wedding in October earlier this winter. In January she found out she was pregnant (she and her H had been trying for a few months) and told the bride in February that she was expecting. Her due date is just over a month before the wedding so she reassured the bride that she felt she'd still be able to be a part of the wedding and that she'd find a babysitter for the baby, etc. etc. The bride told her that was totally fine, that she was there for her, supported her, blah blah blah.

Last month bride (who is my sister's sorority sister/bridesmaid in her wedding) calls my sister and tells her she can't be in the wedding anymore. The bride says she can't "risk" my sister having problems. The bride tells her she consulted with her mom and a friend who already has kids and neither of them think my sister will be able to perform her bridesmaids "duties" the day of the wedding. Of course, my sister is still INVITED to the wedding, but she is no longer a bridesmaid. My sister meanwhile is in total shock and only manages an "ok" before hanging up.

She waited a couple of days to try to cool down (after the initial shock wore off my sister was extremely upset and angry) and called the bride back to try and get her to understand her perspective. My sister felt it was her prerogative to remove herself from the wedding if for some reason she felt she couldn't be there, not the bride's. She also said it was her right to monitor her own health and condition and determine if she'd be able to stand up there on the day of or not. The bride continually kept repeating "I can't take the risk, I can't take the risk" (What risk?) before my sister just ended the conversation. My sister later told me the bride also told her "Oh, and FI was only able to ask 4 groomsmen, so now the sides will be even" as if that somehow made things better.

I'm still so pissed off at this woman and how she made my sister feel. You hear about people getting kicked out of weddings because they're pregnant, but the reality is sooooo much worse and awful than you imagined.

I honestly don't understand this. My sister is a BM in my wedding next month and she just had her baby last week (yay new nephew!!!!). Her not being able to do her "duties" is literally the last thing I'm worried about. Other than I want to make sure I've got accommodations for her and the baby, ie making sure there are family available to help hold him and stuff and that she has somewhere to go if she wants privacy. 

She will be most likely perfectly capable of walking down the aisle and standing where we want her too. And if she's not... then we deal with it and I love that she's still there and able to support me. I would be really sad if she can't be there for health reasons (which is unlikely, the birth went great) but that can be said for any number of people who are family and not pregnant/very new mothers.

TL;DR: I'm sorry your sister had to go through that. It's nonsensical and it sucks.

minttobemrsb

@labro Right?! Is she no longer capable of standing? Is she going to forget how to walk? Can she longer dress herself? Someone explain the "DUTIES" that this poor woman can no longer do. 

No but really...someone should ask this bride because now I'm really curious

labro

@anjemon Right??? I told her, regardless if my sister could actually be there or not (unable to stand, sick, whatever) she should STILL be a bridesmaid. It's about the honor, not about whether my sister can even walk down an aisle in a dress and hold a bouquet. What is this bride going to do if someone has a family member pass before the wedding? Or they get suddenly ill? Are they no longer a bridesmaid too because they have to attend a funeral or are too sick to stand? It's so frustrating.

ashley8918

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

I've been a BM 4 times and have always lucked out on a normal bride. However in a friends wedding we had a BSC BM.

We all grew up together since elementary, in a catholic school system. BM was currently in the process of converting to Muslim. Bride asked her to be in the wedding party and said to her that she understood that there were 'new rules' because of her faith and that as long as the BM was open and upfront about them, then there was no reason why they couldn't be accommodated.

We go and buy strapless dresses. BM never once mentions during the shopping that she couldn't have her shoulders showing. After the dresses are purchased she mentions it.Fine. Bride asks her to purchase a cheap shawl or bolero that matches the plum dresses. She ended up showing up on the wedding day with this bolt of white satin fabric with frayed edges that not only covered her shoulders but basically was like having a blanket wrapped around her.

She couldnt attend the pre wedding parties because there would be alcohol and 'men' present at the club. Fine. When someone gently teased her about how much she had changed from her old party ways she acted like she had no idea what we were talking about. All the parties we had gone to in highschool apparently never happened. it was bizarre.

Day of wedding we are getting our hair done and our makeup and she flat out refuses to wear any makeup. Because its against her beliefs. This has NEVER been mentioned before the morning of the wedding. Bride calmly asks her if she'd be willing to just wear a bit of foundation,nothing else, merely so she doesn't look washed out in the photos. BM agrees.

We get to venue for the processional. BM refuses to walk beside GM. Saying that her BF would be deeply insulted and that its against her religion to be in that close of presence of a male who was not her BF. Fine. Bride tells her to walk alone. 

During the receiving line a guy we went to highschool with that we used to be really close to, comes up, excited to see her and gives her a hug. she freaks out. A male touched her! She disappears for about an hour where she apparently was on the phone 'apologizing to her bf'

bride and groom leave on their honeymoon immediately after the wedding. Bride gets a voicemail from BM saying that they can no longer be friends because the bride forced her to wear makeup on her wedding day, and that obviously the bride does not respect her or her faith.

it was BSC.

Idk, this actually does sound like everyone was pretty disrespectful of her faith. Snarking on her covering up her shoulders, teasing her about her religious beleif that she should not be around other men or alcohol in that kind of setting, and essentially forcing her to wear makeup? Hell no.

Her reaction might have been a bit OTT, but I don't blame her at all for feeling disrespected. 

holyguacamole79

@ashley8918, your new sig pic makes me laugh!

sal2015

ashley8918 said:

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

I've been a BM 4 times and have always lucked out on a normal bride. However in a friends wedding we had a BSC BM.

We all grew up together since elementary, in a catholic school system. BM was currently in the process of converting to Muslim. Bride asked her to be in the wedding party and said to her that she understood that there were 'new rules' because of her faith and that as long as the BM was open and upfront about them, then there was no reason why they couldn't be accommodated.

We go and buy strapless dresses. BM never once mentions during the shopping that she couldn't have her shoulders showing. After the dresses are purchased she mentions it.Fine. Bride asks her to purchase a cheap shawl or bolero that matches the plum dresses. She ended up showing up on the wedding day with this bolt of white satin fabric with frayed edges that not only covered her shoulders but basically was like having a blanket wrapped around her.

She couldnt attend the pre wedding parties because there would be alcohol and 'men' present at the club. Fine. When someone gently teased her about how much she had changed from her old party ways she acted like she had no idea what we were talking about. All the parties we had gone to in highschool apparently never happened. it was bizarre.

Day of wedding we are getting our hair done and our makeup and she flat out refuses to wear any makeup. Because its against her beliefs. This has NEVER been mentioned before the morning of the wedding. Bride calmly asks her if she'd be willing to just wear a bit of foundation,nothing else, merely so she doesn't look washed out in the photos. BM agrees.

We get to venue for the processional. BM refuses to walk beside GM. Saying that her BF would be deeply insulted and that its against her religion to be in that close of presence of a male who was not her BF. Fine. Bride tells her to walk alone. 

During the receiving line a guy we went to highschool with that we used to be really close to, comes up, excited to see her and gives her a hug. she freaks out. A male touched her! She disappears for about an hour where she apparently was on the phone 'apologizing to her bf'

bride and groom leave on their honeymoon immediately after the wedding. Bride gets a voicemail from BM saying that they can no longer be friends because the bride forced her to wear makeup on her wedding day, and that obviously the bride does not respect her or her faith.

it was BSC.

Idk, this actually does sound like everyone was pretty disrespectful of her faith. Snarking on her covering up her shoulders, teasing her about her religious beleif that she should not be around other men or alcohol in that kind of setting, and essentially forcing her to wear makeup? Hell no.

Her reaction might have been a bit OTT, but I don't blame her at all for feeling disrespected. 

I agree with this. Imagine how she felt with everyone make fun of her because of important aspects of the new faith that she is following. Religious beliefs aside, I would be enraged if someone insisted I wear makeup. I wear makeup every day, but no one is allowed to force me to just because it's their "special day".

NowIamMrsKlein

ashley8918 said:

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

I've been a BM 4 times and have always lucked out on a normal bride. However in a friends wedding we had a BSC BM.

We all grew up together since elementary, in a catholic school system. BM was currently in the process of converting to Muslim. Bride asked her to be in the wedding party and said to her that she understood that there were 'new rules' because of her faith and that as long as the BM was open and upfront about them, then there was no reason why they couldn't be accommodated.

We go and buy strapless dresses. BM never once mentions during the shopping that she couldn't have her shoulders showing. After the dresses are purchased she mentions it.Fine. Bride asks her to purchase a cheap shawl or bolero that matches the plum dresses. She ended up showing up on the wedding day with this bolt of white satin fabric with frayed edges that not only covered her shoulders but basically was like having a blanket wrapped around her.

She couldnt attend the pre wedding parties because there would be alcohol and 'men' present at the club. Fine. When someone gently teased her about how much she had changed from her old party ways she acted like she had no idea what we were talking about. All the parties we had gone to in highschool apparently never happened. it was bizarre.

Day of wedding we are getting our hair done and our makeup and she flat out refuses to wear any makeup. Because its against her beliefs. This has NEVER been mentioned before the morning of the wedding. Bride calmly asks her if she'd be willing to just wear a bit of foundation,nothing else, merely so she doesn't look washed out in the photos. BM agrees.

We get to venue for the processional. BM refuses to walk beside GM. Saying that her BF would be deeply insulted and that its against her religion to be in that close of presence of a male who was not her BF. Fine. Bride tells her to walk alone. 

During the receiving line a guy we went to highschool with that we used to be really close to, comes up, excited to see her and gives her a hug. she freaks out. A male touched her! She disappears for about an hour where she apparently was on the phone 'apologizing to her bf'

bride and groom leave on their honeymoon immediately after the wedding. Bride gets a voicemail from BM saying that they can no longer be friends because the bride forced her to wear makeup on her wedding day, and that obviously the bride does not respect her or her faith.

it was BSC.

Idk, this actually does sound like everyone was pretty disrespectful of her faith. Snarking on her covering up her shoulders, teasing her about her religious beleif that she should not be around other men or alcohol in that kind of setting, and essentially forcing her to wear makeup? Hell no.

Her reaction might have been a bit OTT, but I don't blame her at all for feeling disrespected. 

Our snark was the fact that she never mentioned anything until after she needed to do something about it. I'm fine with other religions and I would have been fine with the all the conditions she had. If she had brought them up when the bride asked her if there was anything that was going to cause trouble. To essentially have issue with every element of the wedding process and make no effort to find a compromise is the problem.

ETA: There was no snark on her covering her shoulders, the bride even sent her links to cheap adorable jackets that covered everything and matched the dresses. even offered to help pay for it. The BM showed up essentially with a blanket to cover her. 

And the teasing about alcohol was light hearted and more in a 'remember the highschool days sense' would you not be thrown off if your friend of 15 years pretended that those last 15 years of memories never happened?

ashley8918

holyguacamole79 said:

@ashley8918, your new sig pic makes me laugh!

You have no idea how pleased I was to find it. Bill Nye AND dick jokes? SOLD.

NowIamMrsKlein

I'll admit that perhaps it could have been handled better, but I think it was all so out of left field and unexpected and extreme that the Bride had absolutely no idea how to handle it, apart from making the exceptions that she did. 

ashley8918

ashley8918 said:

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

I've been a BM 4 times and have always lucked out on a normal bride. However in a friends wedding we had a BSC BM.

We all grew up together since elementary, in a catholic school system. BM was currently in the process of converting to Muslim. Bride asked her to be in the wedding party and said to her that she understood that there were 'new rules' because of her faith and that as long as the BM was open and upfront about them, then there was no reason why they couldn't be accommodated.

We go and buy strapless dresses. BM never once mentions during the shopping that she couldn't have her shoulders showing. After the dresses are purchased she mentions it.Fine. Bride asks her to purchase a cheap shawl or bolero that matches the plum dresses. She ended up showing up on the wedding day with this bolt of white satin fabric with frayed edges that not only covered her shoulders but basically was like having a blanket wrapped around her.

She couldnt attend the pre wedding parties because there would be alcohol and 'men' present at the club. Fine. When someone gently teased her about how much she had changed from her old party ways she acted like she had no idea what we were talking about. All the parties we had gone to in highschool apparently never happened. it was bizarre.

Day of wedding we are getting our hair done and our makeup and she flat out refuses to wear any makeup. Because its against her beliefs. This has NEVER been mentioned before the morning of the wedding. Bride calmly asks her if she'd be willing to just wear a bit of foundation,nothing else, merely so she doesn't look washed out in the photos. BM agrees.

We get to venue for the processional. BM refuses to walk beside GM. Saying that her BF would be deeply insulted and that its against her religion to be in that close of presence of a male who was not her BF. Fine. Bride tells her to walk alone. 

During the receiving line a guy we went to highschool with that we used to be really close to, comes up, excited to see her and gives her a hug. she freaks out. A male touched her! She disappears for about an hour where she apparently was on the phone 'apologizing to her bf'

bride and groom leave on their honeymoon immediately after the wedding. Bride gets a voicemail from BM saying that they can no longer be friends because the bride forced her to wear makeup on her wedding day, and that obviously the bride does not respect her or her faith.

it was BSC.

Idk, this actually does sound like everyone was pretty disrespectful of her faith. Snarking on her covering up her shoulders, teasing her about her religious beleif that she should not be around other men or alcohol in that kind of setting, and essentially forcing her to wear makeup? Hell no.

Her reaction might have been a bit OTT, but I don't blame her at all for feeling disrespected. 

Our snark was the fact that she never mentioned anything until after she needed to do something about it. I'm fine with other religions and I would have been fine with the all the conditions she had. If she had brought them up when the bride asked her if there was anything that was going to cause trouble. To essentially have issue with every element of the wedding process and make no effort to find a compromise is the problem.

ETA: There was no snark on her covering her shoulders, the bride even sent her links to cheap adorable jackets that covered everything and matched the dresses. even offered to help pay for it. The BM showed up essentially with a blanket to cover her. 

And the teasing about alcohol was light hearted and more in a 'remember the highschool days sense' would you not be thrown off if your friend of 15 years pretended that those last 15 years of memories never happened?

But I don't see any reason for her to have had to make any sort of "compromise".

Your religion requires your shoulders covered? Cover them how ever the fuck you see feel (regardless of perceived ugliness, FFS)

Your religion requires that you not be around alcohol or in close proximity to men that aren't your SO/family? Okay, don't. No compromising about it.

Per your religion, you cannot wear makeup? Don't wear makeup. Any bride that tries to force you to after you've explained this can go eat a dick.

Nobody should have to compromise their own beliefs for someones super special day.

And I say this as a 1000% non-religious person, who thinks that a lot of religious beliefs are silly. 

NowIamMrsKlein

ashley8918 said:

ashley8918 said:

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

I've been a BM 4 times and have always lucked out on a normal bride. However in a friends wedding we had a BSC BM.

We all grew up together since elementary, in a catholic school system. BM was currently in the process of converting to Muslim. Bride asked her to be in the wedding party and said to her that she understood that there were 'new rules' because of her faith and that as long as the BM was open and upfront about them, then there was no reason why they couldn't be accommodated.

We go and buy strapless dresses. BM never once mentions during the shopping that she couldn't have her shoulders showing. After the dresses are purchased she mentions it.Fine. Bride asks her to purchase a cheap shawl or bolero that matches the plum dresses. She ended up showing up on the wedding day with this bolt of white satin fabric with frayed edges that not only covered her shoulders but basically was like having a blanket wrapped around her.

She couldnt attend the pre wedding parties because there would be alcohol and 'men' present at the club. Fine. When someone gently teased her about how much she had changed from her old party ways she acted like she had no idea what we were talking about. All the parties we had gone to in highschool apparently never happened. it was bizarre.

Day of wedding we are getting our hair done and our makeup and she flat out refuses to wear any makeup. Because its against her beliefs. This has NEVER been mentioned before the morning of the wedding. Bride calmly asks her if she'd be willing to just wear a bit of foundation,nothing else, merely so she doesn't look washed out in the photos. BM agrees.

We get to venue for the processional. BM refuses to walk beside GM. Saying that her BF would be deeply insulted and that its against her religion to be in that close of presence of a male who was not her BF. Fine. Bride tells her to walk alone. 

During the receiving line a guy we went to highschool with that we used to be really close to, comes up, excited to see her and gives her a hug. she freaks out. A male touched her! She disappears for about an hour where she apparently was on the phone 'apologizing to her bf'

bride and groom leave on their honeymoon immediately after the wedding. Bride gets a voicemail from BM saying that they can no longer be friends because the bride forced her to wear makeup on her wedding day, and that obviously the bride does not respect her or her faith.

it was BSC.

Idk, this actually does sound like everyone was pretty disrespectful of her faith. Snarking on her covering up her shoulders, teasing her about her religious beleif that she should not be around other men or alcohol in that kind of setting, and essentially forcing her to wear makeup? Hell no.

Her reaction might have been a bit OTT, but I don't blame her at all for feeling disrespected. 

Our snark was the fact that she never mentioned anything until after she needed to do something about it. I'm fine with other religions and I would have been fine with the all the conditions she had. If she had brought them up when the bride asked her if there was anything that was going to cause trouble. To essentially have issue with every element of the wedding process and make no effort to find a compromise is the problem.

ETA: There was no snark on her covering her shoulders, the bride even sent her links to cheap adorable jackets that covered everything and matched the dresses. even offered to help pay for it. The BM showed up essentially with a blanket to cover her. 

And the teasing about alcohol was light hearted and more in a 'remember the highschool days sense' would you not be thrown off if your friend of 15 years pretended that those last 15 years of memories never happened?

But I don't see any reason for her to have had to make any sort of "compromise".

Your religion requires your shoulders covered? Cover them how ever the fuck you see feel (regardless of perceived ugliness, FFS)

Your religion requires that you not be around alcohol or in close proximity to men that aren't your SO/family? Okay, don't. No compromising about it.

Per your religion, you cannot wear makeup? Don't wear makeup. Any bride that tries to force you to after you've explained this can go eat a dick.

Nobody should have to compromise their own beliefs for someones super special day.

And I say this as a 1000% non-religious person, who thinks that a lot of religious beliefs are silly. 

You are right. Absolutely. 

It all could have been handled way differently. 

theartistformerlyknownas

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

I'll admit that perhaps it could have been handled better, but I think it was all so out of left field and unexpected and extreme that the Bride had absolutely no idea how to handle it, apart from making the exceptions that she did. 

Eh I could see how if she was in the process of converting, these were new rules to her too and maybe she couldn't just lay everything out there at the beginning. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.

PS why do people capitalize bride? Since when is it a proper noun?

ShesSoCold

ashley8918 said:

ashley8918 said:

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

I've been a BM 4 times and have always lucked out on a normal bride. However in a friends wedding we had a BSC BM.

We all grew up together since elementary, in a catholic school system. BM was currently in the process of converting to Muslim. Bride asked her to be in the wedding party and said to her that she understood that there were 'new rules' because of her faith and that as long as the BM was open and upfront about them, then there was no reason why they couldn't be accommodated.

We go and buy strapless dresses. BM never once mentions during the shopping that she couldn't have her shoulders showing. After the dresses are purchased she mentions it.Fine. Bride asks her to purchase a cheap shawl or bolero that matches the plum dresses. She ended up showing up on the wedding day with this bolt of white satin fabric with frayed edges that not only covered her shoulders but basically was like having a blanket wrapped around her.

She couldnt attend the pre wedding parties because there would be alcohol and 'men' present at the club. Fine. When someone gently teased her about how much she had changed from her old party ways she acted like she had no idea what we were talking about. All the parties we had gone to in highschool apparently never happened. it was bizarre.

Day of wedding we are getting our hair done and our makeup and she flat out refuses to wear any makeup. Because its against her beliefs. This has NEVER been mentioned before the morning of the wedding. Bride calmly asks her if she'd be willing to just wear a bit of foundation,nothing else, merely so she doesn't look washed out in the photos. BM agrees.

We get to venue for the processional. BM refuses to walk beside GM. Saying that her BF would be deeply insulted and that its against her religion to be in that close of presence of a male who was not her BF. Fine. Bride tells her to walk alone. 

During the receiving line a guy we went to highschool with that we used to be really close to, comes up, excited to see her and gives her a hug. she freaks out. A male touched her! She disappears for about an hour where she apparently was on the phone 'apologizing to her bf'

bride and groom leave on their honeymoon immediately after the wedding. Bride gets a voicemail from BM saying that they can no longer be friends because the bride forced her to wear makeup on her wedding day, and that obviously the bride does not respect her or her faith.

it was BSC.

Idk, this actually does sound like everyone was pretty disrespectful of her faith. Snarking on her covering up her shoulders, teasing her about her religious beleif that she should not be around other men or alcohol in that kind of setting, and essentially forcing her to wear makeup? Hell no.

Her reaction might have been a bit OTT, but I don't blame her at all for feeling disrespected. 

Our snark was the fact that she never mentioned anything until after she needed to do something about it. I'm fine with other religions and I would have been fine with the all the conditions she had. If she had brought them up when the bride asked her if there was anything that was going to cause trouble. To essentially have issue with every element of the wedding process and make no effort to find a compromise is the problem.

ETA: There was no snark on her covering her shoulders, the bride even sent her links to cheap adorable jackets that covered everything and matched the dresses. even offered to help pay for it. The BM showed up essentially with a blanket to cover her. 

And the teasing about alcohol was light hearted and more in a 'remember the highschool days sense' would you not be thrown off if your friend of 15 years pretended that those last 15 years of memories never happened?

But I don't see any reason for her to have had to make any sort of "compromise".

Your religion requires your shoulders covered? Cover them how ever the fuck you see feel (regardless of perceived ugliness, FFS)

Your religion requires that you not be around alcohol or in close proximity to men that aren't your SO/family? Okay, don't. No compromising about it.

Per your religion, you cannot wear makeup? Don't wear makeup. Any bride that tries to force you to after you've explained this can go eat a dick.

Nobody should have to compromise their own beliefs for someones super special day.

And I say this as a 1000% non-religious person, who thinks that a lot of religious beliefs are silly. 

I agree 100%, also as a nonreligious person with no beliefs. 

This friend isn't faking a gluten allergy just to be a PITA, this is her religion. Something most people (sounds like her included) take mega seriously.

NowIamMrsKlein

lolo883 said:

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

I'll admit that perhaps it could have been handled better, but I think it was all so out of left field and unexpected and extreme that the Bride had absolutely no idea how to handle it, apart from making the exceptions that she did. 

Eh I could see how if she was in the process of converting, these were new rules to her too and maybe she couldn't just lay everything out there at the beginning. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.

PS why do people capitalize bride? Since when is it a proper noun?

I think that is where a lot of the confusion came from. The fact that it was a new process and that the girl everyone had known for 15 years and was one way 1 month, was a completely different person the next month. No one really knew how to behave.

As to 'Bride'. I am terrible at going back and editing my typing and like to randomly capitalize words.

theartistformerlyknownas

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

I'll admit that perhaps it could have been handled better, but I think it was all so out of left field and unexpected and extreme that the Bride had absolutely no idea how to handle it, apart from making the exceptions that she did. 

Eh I could see how if she was in the process of converting, these were new rules to her too and maybe she couldn't just lay everything out there at the beginning. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.

PS why do people capitalize bride? Since when is it a proper noun?

I think that is where a lot of the confusion came from. The fact that it was a new process and that the girl everyone had known for 15 years and was one way 1 month, was a completely different person the next month. No one really knew how to behave.

As to 'Bride'. I am terrible at going back and editing my typing and like to randomly capitalize words.

Oh you're far from the only person who does it. I see it a lot.

FiancB

I've only been a bridesmaid once, and that was for my sister when I was really young, so it was no big deal. I suspect my sister was not an etiquette queen, but my mom paid for my dress and I was not attending the bachelorette or anything like that, so I was oblivious. I just showed up. 

Also I just gotta say I often browse here and on a nurse's forum and BM means two very, very different things on the two forums. 

ShesSoCold

FiancB said:

I've only been a bridesmaid once, and that was for my sister when I was really young, so it was no big deal. I suspect my sister was not an etiquette queen, but my mom paid for my dress and I was not attending the bachelorette or anything like that, so I was oblivious. I just showed up. 

Also I just gotta say I often browse here and on a nurse's forum and BM means two very, very different things on the two forums. 

I am not a nurse at all and I still think bowel movement. I giggle sometimes. 

plainjane0415

ShesSoCold said:

FiancB said:

I've only been a bridesmaid once, and that was for my sister when I was really young, so it was no big deal. I suspect my sister was not an etiquette queen, but my mom paid for my dress and I was not attending the bachelorette or anything like that, so I was oblivious. I just showed up. 

Also I just gotta say I often browse here and on a nurse's forum and BM means two very, very different things on the two forums. 

I am not a nurse at all and I still think bowel movement. I giggle sometimes. 

Between that and STD, if you didn't know that's what they meant, you would think very bad things.

levioosa

I think all the regs here already know my story from the last wedding I was in, but I'll try to condense it.

Friend gets engaged in January.  She asks me to be a BM in March.  I let her know that I'll be really busy with school soon, but if she needs anything from March-June (she left in June for a missions trip) to let me know.  She plans nothing in between those months.  The wedding is in September.  She is gone from June-August.  She has her MOH (bitch motherfucker MOHzilla) plan her wedding.

MOH is a total bitch.  She asks my input on a bridal shower for the "old ladies" that is supposed to be Beyonce themed. (Bride wants two different showers--one for her mom's friends and older family members for gifts, and one that will be "fun" and "for young people").  I say that it's probably not a theme that the "old ladies" will understand (conservative mostly Christian crowd--not being ageist). MOH gets upset and tells me that that I'm always questioning her ideas.  Um, okay.  No skin off my back, do the Beyonce shower if it means that much to you.  Eventually we decide on a picnic themed shower.  I volunteer to make the invites.  My Mom and I make the amount specified (plus ten extra, JIC), and give them to her to pass out.  No "thanks for making these", just "you didn't make enough."   Not our fault you fucked up the guest list numbers.  MOH is also a total bitch to me at both showers.  At one point she yells at me in front of a guest (a friend I hadn't seen in ten years) for not doing my "job."  I had no idea I had any jobs once the party began.  MOH also tells me that me and my BFF aren't actually part of the WP because she doesn't know us. 

MOH says she is overwhelmed and asks me to plan the B party (after trying to plan it first, telling us we all needed to fork over $300, but then refusing to tell us what that covered).  So I do, and I pay for it completely.  I did mess up by not asking for people's budgets (I hadn't lurked enough), but I was able to get a whole weekend in Vegas for $175 pp, which I thought was pretty good. Then, a week later, she cancels it in a group text without letting me know first.  When I question what happened, she told me she doesn't like me going behind her back and questioning everything she does.  She replans a party in a city nearby and tells us four days before that we "HAVE TO COME."  I come down with strep the day of the party and have to cancel, but I let her know I will still pay my share since backing out would have affected the pp cost of the strip tease class.  She texts me that it is unacceptable, and I need to drive to her house that night to put the money in her mailbox before morning. Nope.

Week of the wedding comes.  I am super stressed with school and I am taking very important classes that I can't fuck around on.  I am also still sick at this point and the last thing I want to do is give the bride strep the week before her wedding. I let her know that I can't help out with any "tasks."  Bride has also not told us if there is a rehearsal/time/place, so I make arrangements to stay for free at a relatives cabin with my BFF (who is also flying out to be in the wedding).  I get a text from the bride about how stressed out she is, how I'm purposefully seperating the group, and how I'm not helping enough.  Apparently bride has made arrangements for us to stay at a cabin, which we are expected to pay $70 towards (we were never informed of this).  I tell her it is not in my budget, and that she can't expect me to stay and pay for something I didn't agree to, especially when funds are tight and I have somewhere to stay for free.  She comes back at me upset and tells me I am ruining the special experience of having all of the girls together the night before the wedding.  To try and salvage the relationship I end up staying in the cabin--on the floor because there aren't enough rooms and the sofa bed was broken that BFF and I were expected to share.  There goes her wedding gift (I had a budget, and she used it up on five hours of shitty sleep in a cabin). 

We are given mandatory shoes to wear.  They are half a size too small.  We all have blisters at the end of the night.  SO was not invited (nor was any SO of the BP), but other guest's SOs were invited.  We are expected to stay and clean up after the B & G leave. Bride says that she only allowed up to six people per family, and if there were "leftovers" in the family, they didn't get invited (found this out the other day when she was trying to get BFF to do several etiquette faux pas for her wedding).  She also tried to get my BFF to do a Honeyfund.  The wedding itself was an etiquette clusterfuck. 

Our relationship hasn't recovered, and I honestly think it's over.  A stupid wedding ruined sixteen years of friendship. 

Alright, I still typed a novel.  That wedding was a complete shit show. 

Dreamergirl8812

ShesSoCold said:

FiancB said:

I've only been a bridesmaid once, and that was for my sister when I was really young, so it was no big deal. I suspect my sister was not an etiquette queen, but my mom paid for my dress and I was not attending the bachelorette or anything like that, so I was oblivious. I just showed up. 

Also I just gotta say I often browse here and on a nurse's forum and BM means two very, very different things on the two forums. 

I am not a nurse at all and I still think bowel movement. I giggle sometimes. 

I cringe a little every time I pass a Boston Market.

Drive. I should have said "drive past" a Boston Market.