Private JP marriage AND marriage celebration/wedding

GloriamGraham

My FH and I have been dating for 5 years and got engaged a few weeks ago. Dating so long has given me a lot of time to wedding plan. Unfortunately, finances and family conflicts (his older brother is getting married in Sept.) are keeping us from having our traditional wedding ceremony in August like we were hoping. Instead we have decided to get married in August JP style, as planned, with just our immediate families and have our wedding celebration (bridesmaids, dress, etc.) next April. I was hoping for opinions on what our April celebration should be like. I was originally planning on keeping it like a traditional wedding (all of our guests will know we are already married) because many people will want to see the vows etc. When we told our parents about this idea my mom brought up the fact that she didn't want it to feel like we were 'cheapening' our marriage (August) in our April celebration. So, any ideas on how to do this? Or just say screw it and have a traditional wedding with no mention of the August marriage or just a simple 'well this feels familiar' (or something that acknowledges August) from my pastor who is marrying us in August and will officiate in April?

aliwis000

You might try reading the PPD information on other various boards.

Short answer: Please do not lie or with hold information from your guests. If you marry in August then you are married. No reason for another "wedding" as marriage is a binary state, yes or no. If you want to do a JOP marriage that is your wedding day. There is nothing wrong with this at all. Many people do this and as many would point out, there are people in this country that are not legally allowed to do this and would give anything to be able to. So please do not down play your JOP choice.

If you want to host a party in April you can do so. But this would just be a celebration of marriage party. No wedding dress, no wedding party, no spot light dances. Just a party. Some people do try and make it a vow renewal but with less than a year since you got married this would be kind of odd.

So, your options are as follows:
1. Have the JOP wedding followed by a celebration of marriage party in April. Everyone knows you are married. You have no bridal showers or parties because everyone invited to those events have to be invited to the wedding (aka JOP). Anyone who does go to the JOP wedding should be hosted after that (aka dinner or something).

2. Wait the few months and get married in April. Have what you called a "traditional wedding". Read up on the forums for all the dos and donts associated with hosting a wedding and making sure guests are taken care of.

I think number 2 would be your best bet.

chibiyui

GloriamGraham said:

My FH and I have been dating for 5 years and got engaged a few weeks ago. Dating so long has given me a lot of time to wedding plan. Unfortunately, finances and family conflicts (his older brother is getting married in Sept.) are keeping us from having our traditional wedding ceremony in August like we were hoping. Instead we have decided to get married in August JP style, as planned, with just our immediate families and have our wedding celebration (bridesmaids, dress, etc.) next April. I was hoping for opinions on what our April celebration should be like. I was originally planning on keeping it like a traditional wedding (all of our guests will know we are already married) because many people will want to see the vows etc. When we told our parents about this idea my mom brought up the fact that she didn't want it to feel like we were 'cheapening' our marriage (August) in our April celebration. So, any ideas on how to do this? Or just say screw it and have a traditional wedding with no mention of the August marriage or just a simple 'well this feels familiar' (or something that acknowledges August) from my pastor who is marrying us in August and will officiate in April?

Just wait and do everything at once in April.

hellohkb

I agree with the other PPs. I was in a relationship for 6 years (we've now been together 8 years) and it was hard waiting. We chose to have a long engagement so we could plan and save up and have the wedding of our dreams. The wait will be so worth it, trust me.

BrinkyDink16

I agree that if you get legally married in August you shouldn't withhold that information from your guests for the April celebration.  So for the April celebration so you call it something slightly different.  Instead of inviting guests to a wedding invite them to a "public ceremony", "ceremonial celebration", "public vow exchange / renewal."  I'm usually more creative than this so forgive me cause those terms are a little, eh. 

Anyway, I see nothing wrong with getting legally married first and having your ceremonial celebration later.  A lot of people I know have done that for practical reasons like finances, insurance, etc.  Just be prepared for some people declining because they figure you're already married.  That happened to the son of one of my co-workers but they had a lovely public wedding anyway, just a smaller one than they anticipated.

GloriamGraham

My FH and I decided to just expand it to a family and close friends wedding in August. Planning has been a bitch, but it will all come together eventually. Waiting wasn't an option anymore when he got accepted to med school so we just went for it.