RSVP problems

[Deleted User]

How solid were you on the RSVP deadline? My deadline is coming up (and for several important reasons, there is no changing it). However, VERY few guests have responded. It really ticks me off because I changed my entire reception (location and type) to accommodate "all of the guests" who were sooooo sure they would come. I feel like if I reach out to guests after the deadline they will turn around and RSVP "just because". But I have constantly stressed to invitees the importance of RSVP for a destination wedding.

FI just wants to keep the deadline and if you don't respond, we are making plans without you. He doesn't like the idea of "chasing guests" to attend. I agree with him to a certain extent. He feels like we gave everyone plenty of notice, we frequently stay in touch with everyone about the wedding, etc.


Budget is very important to me. I need to know exact numbers or I'm completely on edge. So if I'm having 17 guests or 70, it's a big deal to me. Especially because guest count makes a difference in our budget.

I guess I just need advice.

hmgiffor

We had to chase guest and you will too. It's the beauty of weddings lol. People SUCK at RSVPing (I now will NEVER not RSVP). We had LOTS of people say they were coming and in the end all those people who were so SURE they were coming..aren't. We contracted for 55 people and are now down to 44. Luckily, Platinum has been great in helping us find ways to spend the extra money  

What made it even more annoying to me...we had people drop out LAST WEEK! 

[Deleted User]

I read your post from December about your problems. O was wondering how that turned out for you. I think I could deal with being 10 guests off, but I'm about 30-40 off! That's what makes the whole thing so difficult. And I will say that I'm quite bitter about not having the reception I want when in actuality I could have kept my original plans. I may feel differently after the deadline in two weeks, but right now I'm so fed up I just want to take FI's approach.

DixeChik19

I had to chase people too... not many, but a few.  I just kindly asked if they were attending b/c I wanted them included, but assured them that if not, that was fine, I understood.  They all just really forgot to send in the card.  Some had already bought the plane tickets.  I never did get some of the RSVPs... I just know they are going b/c of conversations.  For example, one girl rooming with my sister... I know she's going even though I never got her RSVP.

I agree with hmgiffor... I will NEVER not RSVP again in the future.  So frustrating!

hmgiffor

The problem we had was that people RSVPd when they hadn't booked anything. So last week (and this!) a few said they couldn't make it because of cost...well no s**** tickets are expensive, we are weeks out! I think the thing that pisses me off the most is that we sent out save the dates 10 months out. Clearly that didn't help. I should have just saved my money and just called people. 

I wouldn't go with the FI idea as you may end up with more than you thought and then you'd be screwed. 

What are you plans again? 

missbruiser

Ha! I know it's like your everyone's mom, "Did you book your room? Prices are going up." They talk like they already booked their room even though they have not. I am only chasing after the ones I really really want to see. The less people that show up the better.

hmgiffor

Right @missbruiser! Clearly they don't know that I can SEE the list of people that have booked their rooms. Oh goodness....

lauradean89

I'm just having family come with us and we have put our RSPV onto our wedding website and also requested everyone to only respond once they have booked flights. Due to us being from the UK if they haven't booked flights by the time our deadline comes round then I will assume they aren't coming as it's a few months before the wedding you just won't get trans Atlantic flights at that short notice without it costing way too much.

I have also asked everyone to let each other know where they are staying when they are booked on our website and dates of stay (made it a bit of a joke about the hangover film and losing people on rooftops) ☺.
I think chase people for a week after the date you have set for rspv and then if no response yet just assume they can't come. It's so annoying though!

xoeden

It depends on where your guests are coming from. I would go, and am planning on going, the route of chasing people down. It's destination, and it's not like it's some all-inclusive on the beaches of Mexico where obviously you'd see them three days before and can let Juan and Martina know that there's going to be three more chairs that have to be there.

I get it. You can get some sweet deals travelling to Vegas. But you need a commitment for venue changes. Explain that to your guests that you need to know for headcount reasons otherwise there won't be a plate of food for them at the end of the night if you don't know now. 

Some people are just ignorant because they've never had their own wedding. Some people are forgetful. Some people might have RSVP'd but the mailman lost their return mail.

But get on your runners. There's no way around it.

[Deleted User]

Missbruiser, I like that idea! I'm all for chasing the ones I really want to come. My closest family and friends have already booked rooms/flights or at least shown their commitment. So I can't say I'd be devastated if others don't attend. We're only accepting online responses so I thought it would make it easier on everyone! I guess not lol.

hmgiffor

Our BEST MAN dropped out a few weeks ago due to money. You just never know until their flights and hotel are booked. 

KikiMira

We had people that booked rooms and didn't RSVP.... After contacting them they were like "oh I thought you would consider that our RSVP"... *sigh*

[Deleted User]

Yep, we had to chase people too! It's going to be one of your very fond memories of wedding planning. And now that it's happened to you, you are going to be the BEST wedding guest ever and respond immediately to any future invitations you receive  

As tempting as it sounds to just say the cut-off date is the cut-off date, sorry if you missed it....I would go ahead and send a gentle reminder and maybe even throw in, "If for some reason you can't make it, just having that information is very helpful for us as we finalize our bookings." If there are people you care less about than others, shoot them a message, but the people you care about being there, give them a phone call. 

There could be so many reasons people don't RSVP, from the famous "I'm so busy!" to the "I'm embarrassed to tell you I'm broke and can't make the financial commitment to attend."

irishvegas

We sent out invites with an online RSVP 8 months ago. Custom built website VERY easy to navigate. Our cut off is April 1st with wedding May 30th. 

We have people who have said they are coming (havn't rsvpd) People who have booked a room/flight and everything (havn't RSVPd) Both of our parents are coming (Havn't rsvpd) I wasn't sure if it was the online rsvp messing people up or the destination part messing people up but from reading all of your posts its looking like just a destination thing and people are just flaky. We decided we will be calling/texting people by May 1st to have them give us an answer. All of our friends/family know we won't be upset if they can't make it.. we just really need decisions made. 2 weeks out i need to confirm with the caterer. 

My dad said everyone who doesn't rsvp should get only toast at the reception.. haha i then reminded him he too hasn't rsvpd.. oops

I honestly think people who have told us in person that they are going are considering that an actual rsvp and just arn't even processing that they still need to actually rsvp... We're making jokes at people we see who havn't rsvpd who talk to us about vegas and they laugh and then never rsvp...so we will be calling quite a few people.. a bit aggravating!