The Odd Couple

[Deleted User]

I am having some confidence issues, which haven't been helped by trying on various dresses.

I'm a 22 at the moment, the heaviest I've ever been despite how much I exercise and how healthy I eat, and I have to admit that it's downright discouraging. The main reason? My fiancée, who is a flawless, blonde, tall, size 4 model. She's the nicest, sweetest person on the planet, and she's told me many times how much she loves me the way I am, but I think just about anyone would find that a little daunting, especially when I really want to do my best to look amazing for her.

I'm a very confident person, but I have to admit that I'm kind of dreading wedding photos and am also afraid that whatever dress I get, it'll still look like she's marrying the blob. I'm losing weight, but I could really use some encouragement, and maybe some information on inexpensive wedding gowns for big girls. Most everything I've tried on, even at the recommendation of the sales people and friends, tends to look like a circus tent because I am quite short and very curvy all around.

Any advice you could give me?  

doeydo

What is your budget for your dress?  Any particular styles or things you want in a dress (ie. lace, sleeve, silhouette. etc.)?

Also, if anyone is judging you two on your wedding day based on your sizes in comparison to each other, fuck those people.  I bet all of your guests will just be happy for the both of you and are there to celebrate your love and union, and not even think to snark on your bodies.  And here are some pictures of brides who are different body types and sizes but who cares?  IDK about you, but when I see these pictures I just see two happy people in love:

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4020/4695171081_fb701005e2.jpg

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8094/8544807369_f7e921b18a.jpg

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7110/8164458697_4afafdd9f2.jpg

http://media.offbeatbride.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/6/files/2012/12/19-hgre.jpg

http://media.offbeatbride.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/6/files/2012/05/memorial-union-wedding-photos-madison-wi-500x332.jpg

MeilsandJay

I completely understand how you feel. I'm going dress shopping for the first time tomorrow, mostly just to see how certain silhouettes look on me, and I'm terrified. My fiancee is 4ft11, a size 00-2, and  I'm a 10-12. She tells me how much she loves me, and constantly is reassuring me that she fell in love with this me, not some image she had of a smaller me, but it does help when I remember how much time I have before the wedding (7/17/16).

I wish I had advice for you, but I just wanted to let you know I totally get what you're going through.

Dignity100

@MeilsandJay - With having over a year before your wedding, try not to get caught up in the moment and make a purchase.  It is very soon to be looking at dresses and many girls (plus and non-plus) end up with dress regret.  New 'dress' seasons tend to be Spring and Fall, so you'll have 2-3 dress seasons to choose before your wedding.

@secondperfection - I too was afraid of my wedding photos.  In spite of my fear, I added and extra 2 hours to the package I purchased.  There are some I don't like, but the majority I do like.  Be honest with your photographer, tell him/her parts of your body that you're not confident about and they should be able to work with you.  Your fiancee loves you for you - I'm sure she sees you as flawless just as you see her that way!  As far as dresses go - I felt more comfortable in dresses with a lower waist and a corset back.  Dresses that started at a higher waist tended to make me look bigger/wider.  I did like the fit and flare style quite a bit but I really wanted a princess-ballgown.

[Deleted User]

Thank you for the support and advice!

I'm working hard on losing weight (already down 14lbs!) and am hopeful that I can at least get down to a size that I can fit in. I really want a dress that has a lot of detail in it, but that's hard to do on a budget. And since I'm getting married outdoors in August, I'm afraid of looking a little ridiculous.

I will admit that fit and flare dresses do seem to look better, though I tend to lean towards ballgowns myself.

MesmrEwe

Light in the Box is a wonderful website for shopping for plus size dresses on a budget.  At a size 22, you're at this point likely used to ordering online and what looks good on your body.  They're also great in that for a little more you can send your measurements in and they can make the dress to close to your body. 

Above all else, fall in love with yourself and your curves!  You're trying to compare yourself to a model body, stop that!  Compare yourself to the body you have and not what a scale says.  The scale doesn't tell you that you put on 10 pounds of muscle tone, only your relationship with gravity.  Stop using the scale, instead look in the mirror, focus on how your clothes feel on you.  Tone, not pounds is what to focus on.  It's entirely possible to change multiple sizes without the scale ever moving a notch but you look/feel a million times better.  When you put a particular style of dress on, what style makes YOU feel the best, if that's ball gown, stick with that.  If you feel confident in yourself in your dress regardless of the style, that will set the mood for the day.  Even if the first time you ever put it on is your wedding day, your confidence and energy is what others will feed off of.

SepiaTone

@second perfection - Whatever dress you choose, make sure that you feel pretty and comfortable in it. Even indoors, August will mean some hot weather. As long as you feel good in the dress and your sweetie is with you, you will be beautiful.

Having said that, there's no reason why your size differences have to be mocked, or can't even be played off of in wedding pictures if you want. I'm a 5'9" and a size 16 on top (small bust), and 20 on bottom (really wide hips). My FI is 5'10" 31 inch waist, and has actually gained weight since we started dating and is still that tiny. We play off the fact by posing in traditionally size/gender swapped roles - me giving him a piggy back ride or holding him fireman style, him in front for hugging pictures - and it's actually a way for both of us to be less hemmed in by the expectation of how we should be.

Do a "traditional" threshold carrying picture holding your sweetie (show off the outcomes of your recent workouts, right?) Plus, realize that everyone at your wedding is there to support you. These are people that have cared about you, and will continue to care, no matter what you look like.