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Attire and Accessories

black tie optional :/

...so it says on an invitation we just received... I never know what that means. What do you guys normally wear if that's specifically stated? I guess I'll go with cocktail dress, knee length. FI does not own a tux. 
Also, RSVP date is a month before the wedding, so I guess we're A-listed? 
- The stars, like dust, encircle me in living mists of light. And all of space I seem to see in one vast burst of sight. 

Re: black tie optional :/

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'd go with what you would normally wear to a wedding (that is not super casual or something), which for me is a pretty dress that isn't overly casual.  So, maybe some flats and a dress like this:
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  • Cocktail dress and a suit are fine.

    I wouldn't give a 4-week RSVP deadline a second thought. It's not that long.

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  • Thanks! I like your taste @doeydo :) 
    I guess I'm over-sensitized to the whole B-listing issue after reading some of the stories on here... 
    - The stars, like dust, encircle me in living mists of light. And all of space I seem to see in one vast burst of sight. 
    doeydo
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I think 4 weeks is a bit much, but it's not like it's 6-8 weeks before the wedding.  My bet says they just didn't know any better.

    And I agree w/ PPs, cocktail dress and suit is perfect!
  • Ok, I totally thought blacktie optional meant, "we really want you in a gown or tux- but if don't own one, we understand"  I'm attending a black tie optional and was going to wear a long black gown, and my fiance a black suit.  The wedding is in October so I don't mind wearing a long dress for it.
  • NowIamMrsKleinNowIamMrsKlein Cold Canadian North (British Columbia) member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I think you are set with a nice cocktail dress and a suit. 

    As for the RSVP, my venue actually requires us to have the final numbers in 3 weeks ahead of time, so we are doing the RSVP date 4 weeks out so we have time to call stragglers. Might be just a venue requirement.
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  • I would check the venue and the time of day. And I'd consider how well you really know the couple. If it's at a swanky venue and the whole thing starts after 6pm, plus the couple is likely to throw an actual black tie affair, I'd consider wearing actual black tie. And then I'd judge them for being super annoying.

    But if you aren't absolutely sure it'll be a black tie affair, a suit/tie and a cocktail dress are appropriate. 

    Note to lurkers - Black tie optional isn't an actual thing...the event is either Black tie, or it's not. 
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    redoryx
  • I agree that you need to look at when and where the wedding is being held to decide what is appropriate to wear. I think black tie optional generally means that the whole event will be more of a fancy rather than laid back affair and so you should dress accordingly. If fancy for you means a nice cocktail dress, great, but if you want to wear a gown you are welcome to do that. The same goes for men. A dark suit or tuxedo are both appropriate.
  • JoanE2012 said:

    I think 4 weeks is a bit much, but it's not like it's 6-8 weeks before the wedding.  My bet says they just didn't know any better.


    And I agree w/ PPs, cocktail dress and suit is perfect!

    My rsvp by dates are for a month before the wedding and I have no B list it's because the venue requires them 3 weeks out and I wanted time to call anyone who is late in responding or if there are any mail delays. It's not that I don't "know better" it's that I'm being realistic in the fact that life happens and sometimes you meant to put a response in the mail or the post office messes up.

    I think people get a little too hung up on etiquette and start to look for cases of etiquette breach when there isn't any. Etiquette should be followed but unless it's something blatantly obvious like putting registry info on the actual invite then I think people should give people the benefit of the doubt. I mean a month before the wedding doesn't leave much time to order new B list invites and send them out and get a response to give to the venue.
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  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    A cocktail dress and a suit should be fine. Our caterer needed a head count and payment a month out...I don't think that's terribly unusual and wouldn't side eye it.


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    doeydo
  • atlastmrsgatlastmrsg member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2015
    When I see the word "optional," I eye roll a little.  I mean, you either want it black tie or not.  

    But since they couldn't commit, I see that as long dress optional.  If they wanted everyone in gowns and tuxes, it wouldn't be optional.

    I wouldn't wear flats, or something less casual than a LBD.  

    Personally, I like an excuse to wear a gown since they're few and far between.
  • I am no help of the black tie optional as I've never received an invite with more formal attire as black tie.

    However, our rsvp date was March 28th for an April 25th wedding and like a pp mentioned we do not have a "b list". It's just our venues policy that they require the final head count 3-4 weeks prior to the event and I wanted enough time to call/Facebook/text etc the stragglers that still haven't rsvp'd by now which I still have 3 local family members that still haven't sent theirs back yet and I've left a message with them.
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